Fanfiction Horrors

I can't believe this author wrote for a few popular games. Their writing is just... I don't know how to describe it, it's all tell and no show. Their romance scenes are painfully cringe, as if written by a teenage boy just discovering the word "cunt". They constantly use the phrase "[insert character] pops their p" (like if they're saying "yup"), nine times out of ten if a character emphasizes a 'p' noise you bet your ass the author is going to include redundant descriptor. It's like they're trying their hardest for their writing to be super flashy, but it just comes across as bad. It's too stream of consciousness, too in your face. There's no thought or depth behind any of the plot, there's no setting of the stage, it's just "lol these characters should be lesbians and here's why!" I get it, people ship characters, it just seems so forced. Yellowjackets in itself is a horribly written show so I guess props to the author for trying? Their Tumblr is plastered with that show so I guess they're a super fan.


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“What is it you think you’re protecting in that brain of yours? The war is over. Holdfast is dead. The Eternal Flame extinguished. There’s no one left for you to save.”
To not be entirely off topic: generic names are generic. This is supposed to be done by the author of the best quality fanfiction ever written?
I'm reading Eragon atm and it's not as bad as everyone says, but it's not exactly good either.
That's why I use it as a benchmark.
But the sentence by sentence writing is worse in Manacled imo.
The copy of Eragon I have always seemed like it had some professional editing done. Maybe the original printing that didn't go through traditional publishing was worse.
 
To not be entirely off topic: generic names are generic. This is supposed to be done by the author of the best quality fanfiction ever written?
They did a very slapdash job of adjusting the names of the characters that's for sure. Very lazy.

Hermione - Helena Marino
Harry - Holdfast (gag)
Order of the Phoenix - Eternal Flame/Resistance

I'm sure Draco's name will still be very similar as well

The copy of Eragon I have always seemed like it had some professional editing done. Maybe the original printing that didn't go through traditional publishing was worse.
Eragon has had professional editing done for sure. It's still not very good prose. Then again, not BAD. A professional editor can't make your prose good. But they will catch things such as you using the same words over and over or having lots of redundant scenes. Something Manacled would benefit from.
 
That Mo Meat, Mo Problems ABO fic has finally been completed. If you want a refresher, the first post can be found here. It has, as of this writing, almost 300 bookmarks, as ABO fics tend to be very popular in this fandom, regardless of how poorly they are written.
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So, for a recap: Viktor started this by agreeing to be Jayce's cocksleeve for his 'rut', and dutifully took that Coke can dick and allowed himself to be abused every which way before dismissing it under the It's Just Biology card. When the rut was all said and done, Jayce proceeded to act like a human shitbull, preventing Viktor from eating, drinking or bathing and keeping him trapped in their 'nest' AKA their bed. This is the aftermath of that, where the reader is supposed to feel bad for Jayce and his behaviour, because it wasn't REALLY his fault, see. It's Just Biology, and alphas can be forgiven for all they do when they get 'in the mood'.

> He is not a stupid man
I beg to disagree. He is very stupid, and cannot read the room.
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Not only is this pooner Viktor, it's an omega, too. So it's a double whammy of womanhood and as it turns out, Viktor is all moody and shy because they forged and emotional bond. Now Viktor is completely chained to Jayce's life and cannot escape. There is no such thing as divorce in the ABO universe.

> He needs to care for him, clean him and feed him and keep him happy
He's a grown adult, not a child. Funny how infantilizing the 'omega', the 'womanly' character or the effeminate one, is acceptable.
> He wants to cry
Cry, then. I don't give a shit.
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> Hates being picked up and thrown around because it reminds him of his disability
> Likes it anyways because it was arousing
Pick one.
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> In no world would Viktor want to mate with Jayce
He couldn't exactly say no. Even though he did, he was lucky Jayce was coherent enough to abide by his wishes. Otherwise, alphas can just rape their way through and not suffer any consequences because It's Just Biology, bro.
> Viktor would feel the need to appease Jayce, dote on him and keep him happy and -
So act like a tradwife. Funny how it's always transmen who need to do this.
> All Jayce did was scare him and hurt him and fuck him
Weird how that works - he's the 'cis man', the alpha, has attributes that these women will rant against on Reddit or Twitter, and yet here we are.
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This has been mentioned before, but the more the author expands upon it, the more Jayce appears like a pitbull/Caillou crossbreed who breaks everything, throws tantrums, and will literally eat your face off if he gets spooked. All he has going for him is his 12 inch dick.
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I mean, he does - that's his role as an omega. They literally cannot say no or refuse an alpha's advances. Hell, no one has ever explored what happens if an omega kills a rampaging alpha. All they're good for is breeding 'pups' and getting fucked into the mattress. Forgive me if I find Jayce's would-be regret to be shallow.
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> He needs to be a better alpha, he needs to take care of him -
You didn't. You won't, because that's not your job and it isn't in your nature. He warned Viktor, to be fair, and Viktor went along with it, but even he was shocked at how utterly possessive this human shitbull is. Naturally, all those quips about how he needs to 'be better' is buttressed by how horny he is. Wow, I totally emphasize with this character! Nice joke on the 'fuck me easy' clothes, btw!
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> His omega shouldn't hide from him
Yet he is, because he's both scared and isn't aware of what is happening. This emotional bond apparently yoinks away someone's agency so that's fun that it only ever happens to transmen (and omegas). What are you trying to say here, dear author?
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They whimper a lot. I find myself not giving a shit because their moods are all over the place: do you feel guilt, or do you want to fuck? Pick one.
> When all he wants is to be all over Viktor
Case in point. He doesn't know why his pet omega is scared of him, and all he thinks about is having sex again. Viktor is being emotionally vulnerable because he HAS to and that is his reaction.
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Buddy. If he told you you were awful, what do you think would happen? You'd beat the shit out of him, or worse, tear his vagina in two. Your penis is big enough to do both. 'Obsession' isn't the only word I'd use here; this is a man with behavioural issues who is forgiven because It's Just His Biology and that's 'just how alphas act'. It's really something how these authors always make this universe seem like an absolute nightmare to live in.

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> Says he is a man of science
> Cannot figure out that the mood swings he's having are a result of his 'emotional bond'
> Blames himself anyway
What a very...female-brained thing to do. If that sounds offensive, it isn't - it is something I've noticed that, in their attempt to write men, these authors always make the trans man do the emotional labour. Viktor keeps wondering if HE did something wrong, if it is something HE can fix, etc. Right here he openly says that if he was ALLOWED to choose, he would have mated with Jayce when they were both of sound mind. The fact he does NOT have a choice is never addressed - because it's Just Biology, bro, alphas can do what they want.
> Perhaps Viktor saying no was the entire problem
This is in itself a problem. Saying no should NEVER be a problem, yet it is, because it's the omega's - read: woman - duty to manage and make sure the man is not angry and doesn't fly into a rape rage.
> Tears will not fix things
Normally they don't, but they actually do here.
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Mel isn't even in this and I can already here the FUCKING NIGGER BITCH, GET OFF OF MY LOBBY emanating from the author's fingertips. Never change.
> Everything is so wrong, and all he wants is to feel Jayce's arms around him
So, first you blame yourself and think it's something wrong with YOU that explains why your human shitbull isn't being receptive, and now you want said human shitbull's love back. Is this how Bella reacted when Edward left?
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> He wasn't expected Viktor to be bawling like a baby
Neither did I. The characterizations are all over the place; these people are moodier than a druggie without their fix.
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*Insert Joe Biden meme*
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> What does that mean
It's pretty obvious what he means and he has made it clear: he doesn't ant to hurt you. This is the one time I'll give credit to him for taking responsibility for his shitty actions, and for admitting him acting like a monster, preventing Viktor from even eating at all, was wrong. Of course, Viktor STILL THINKS it's his fault because, again, that is something women do because men seldom take the blame on themselves. More so since he's an 'alpha male'.
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> Trauma bonded
> Omega is also a pooner
> Feels the need to make the alpha happy
What did the author mean by this?
> Viktor flinches at the name, insecurity leaching through his veins
Oh, so it IS a trauma bond. FTMs and trauma, name a better duo. And at the hands of a 'cis male' no less.
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> Is frustrated that Jayce assumes he cannot speak up for himself
> Doesn't speak up for himself because Jayce would lose it and knock out his teeth
> Didn't speak up because he was afraid of hurting the other's feelings
Top kek. The fact Jayce even says this is the cherry on top.
> That is not something that very many alpha(s) can say for themselves
AKA the rest of them are roid rapists and cannot be stopped once they get their dicks out. Nice.
> It has scared my partners in the past, it's stupidly big
This was already addressed in the first chapter. Viktor takes it just fine. Jayce's Coke can dick can fit with a little foreplay, who knew? 12 inches long, 4 inches wide, that man is a true breeding bull.
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That's not what you thought or said SECONDS EARLIER, YOU FUCK. You were worried about upsetting him and literally thought you were going to die in that kitchen. When I said the characterization was not consistent, this was the main proof. You cannot write an entire scene of a character fearing for their life at the actions of another and then retcon it and said they were turned on the entire time - when they clearly were not that first time.
> It did not feel good, Jayce, I gave you every part of me and you ran off with Ms Medarda
"I gave you MY LIFE and my VIRGINITY and you FUCKED THAT FUCKING NIGGER HOW DARE YOU" Viktor, probably

In any case, Viktor honestly did not feel good. Now he doesn't because uh, love I guess? And he doesn't want to come second to black pussy.
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> Why did not want to mate with me?
Because you said no? You were the one who said Jayce wasn't in the right mind? It was literally you the entire time? What the fuck. Do these authors not remember what they wrote?
> I want you to want me, not jut a warm body
Jayce says he would never treat Viktor like that, despite treating him like that in the first chapter, lmao.
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That's his clit he's talking about, btw. I also wonder how he's going to breastfeed those 'pups' when he can't produce 'human milk'. If that's even a thing in this AU.
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Huh, the author is going back to AFAB language faster than these characters' mood swings.
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And yes, there was the 'his hands were so large they met in the middle' thing.
> My love my Viktor mine
Sounds like a Fatboy Slim verse.
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> He swears he can feel him in his throat
So, not only is this a cliché, this was also used in the first chapter when they first had sex. We get it: he's just so large you could probably used it as a human shovel. And look, there's that belly bulge! Isn't it so sweet now that they aren't in the fuck-or-die mood?
> Imagine you with a pup.
Funny how you know exactly which sex has them. How's he gonna breastfeed them? With Purina formula?
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Huh. You can remove a mating bite, but you can't transition out of being an omega. In the first chapter, Viktor makes a note on his own transition, but he will always remain an omega because that is a sex you cannot change. A woman can become a man, but don't you dare try to identify as an alpha if you were not born one. That's Not Biology!
> His overly sensitive cock
He's talking about Viktor's clitoris here, not his penis. It can be confusing, I know.
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Aww, what a happy (read: fucking cliched and predictable) ending. So glad they all worked things out and their moods got fixed and all their tears for fears were washed away. Now, Jayce can stop the Glorious Evolution with that monster cock, and set about perfecting humanity with their Cluster B pups. Which also reminds me: can Viktor change his omega status while being Hexcorized, or is that just another aspect of It's Just Biology that cannot be changed? Biological essentialism for me but not for thee.

Now this one really grabbed my attention. It is based on IVG - in-vitro gametogenesis - and the author had her med student friend beta-read it for 'fact checking'. The author also added a few studies for authenticity. This time around, both characters are male -and one gets a uterus implanted inside him because female body parts are like LEGOs.

The tweet this was based on:
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Black pussy ain't nothing compared to white dick. This is the most normal this fic is ever going to get, btw.
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Yes, the author actually cited some legit papers from this, in which scientists harvest stem cells and make them produce oocytes or sperm cells. This is how you can get a child from two same-sex partners, for example. What the author doesn't say, and the paper does, is that they get the sperm cells from male neonates. The oocytes from female rats. They still had to find original material to harvest new material.
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How will they make this artificial womb? With the Hexcore, a proper sci-fi element, and then plant the uterus into Viktor. 'But he doesn't have the anatomy for it'! Pish posh, dear reader - he's gonna make room.
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It's more than just moving the bladder. Women have different shaped spines JUST to curve and adapt for the load of a growing fetus. Males do not. And women undergo neurological and immunological changes as well, just to name a few. Males do not have this. This boy would need to be on heavy anti-rejection drugs, magic uterus or not.
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What is it with these authors and making the male characters were soyjack tradwife dresses? Talk about a pregnancy kink. If you like it so much, go get knocked up.
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Cool, but you still do not have the hip bones or the placental hormones to help develop that fetus in the first place. The woman's entire body changes; once again, this is not something you can just plug n play. Of course the one thing they are most concerned about is whether same-sex couples can have their own children.
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The fetus grows in the uterus, not the stomach. That boy is going to bleed to death.
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> Like a crude rock
I read this as 'crude cock' and wouldn't you know it, it's still accurate.
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> Not like the cocks he had to take in his mouth before their partnership
Oh wow, Jayce is the slut this time? Colour me surprised. The taste of cum is also very specific. Is the author an accomplished dick sucker herself?
> Where did you learn to suck cock this good?
I could ask you the same thing, Viktor. You're usually the slut.
> It fills more than half the bottle
My man is potent, golly. Who said Jayce was the only breeding bull around here?
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> Maybe he has, and a string of jealousy constricts around Jayce's throat
My man is sacrificing his body for science and all Jayce can think about is slut-era Academy days. Priorities.
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Yes, the smut is actually not too bad in this. It actually manages to be the least fucked up thing.
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Those are a lot of smiles. You should consider working for Smiling Friends.
> (Hemp oil) is a natural lubricant
As it turns out, it is. Author did do her homework for this one. Least it's not machine oil.
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Fucking hell, THIS cliché again? How many times do I have to read that specific line?
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Quite often, I assume. But like I said earlier, the smut actually is pretty solid. It would be a perfectly fine fic without the weird sci-fi LEGO pregnancy aspect.
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Eh, the dialogue is good, at least. Sounds like something either one would say.
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If this was just them fucking in a lab, I wouldn't have posted it here. It's always unusual or misleading contents that get you put up on my trophy wall.
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Singed manages to plop the magical uterus inside Viktor, with the Hexcore liquid, and all is fine and dandy because things totally work that way. No mention of physiological or neurological changes, nope. Even women's hearts change just to prepare for a pregnancy. It is not a simple one and done thing.
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> You're getting annoying
I'll say.
> Consumes the ridiculous platter of fruits and vegetables
Boy is gonna lose his teeth if he's not careful. Pregnancy cravings are specific. Give that boy some steak and some butter.
> Must I also remind you that females work until they go into labour
These are the same people who call you a TERF if you use that word. But they can use it no problem.
> Your uterus is artificial
Yes, and he hasn't gotten TRALI yet. What a miracle.
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When hasn't Jayce NOT treated Viktor as fragile? He does have a point, though: it's pure luck nothing bad has happened. Sci fi logic and all that. While using the Hexcore can be an interesting concept, implanting a uterus into a male body is just more work and would produce disastrous results.

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1. You're not a woman/female and 2. I thought assigning sex to a fetus was bad? I thought we just couldn't tell?
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What mood swings? He doesn't have the same hormonal profile as a woman. His body would be doing everything in its power to attack the fetus, if he didn't just straight up die. Maybe it really WOULD have been easier to make Viktor a pooner - least he actually has the female parts for it!
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Shucks when your white man DNA gets swamped by mutt DNA. All that work and you still can't get a kid that looks like you, lmao. Also, having Viktor not like engineering/mechanics when that is literally his major is stupid. He knows all of them.
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Oh, nice. Let's see THIS boy get his spine broken from trying to play God with female body parts. Can't wait until you get TRALI too, lad.
Eragon has had professional editing done for sure. It's still not very good prose. Then again, not BAD. A professional editor can't make your prose good. But they will catch things such as you using the same words over and over or having lots of redundant scenes. Something Manacled would benefit from.
I saw the review for Eragon on Encyclopedia Dramatica back in the day. It wasn't good, but a teenager wrote it, and it does have some interesting concepts. As for Manacled, yeah, seeing the 'original' book you can tell that that is fanfiction and not very creative.

Now, someone has to read All The Young Dudes, the most popular M/M fic in the Harry Potter section, to compare.

Eat the bugs? Nah. Shut up and love your bug man, instead!
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Ixtal is a jungle that amplifies all magic. Why are you fucking wear FUR IN A HUMID JUNGLE?! And it's not a cool jaguar pelt, either.
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> It's rare that he gets to be the one who's thrown around
Yeah, pooner Jayce throwing Viktor around is only possible because Viktor is ill. In any other case, he'd struggle just to lift a tire.
> Sensitive cock, already thickened and jutting out from his hood
1-2 inches. That's as much growth as you're going to get - and that implies you can even see it past the Tarzan pubes.
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You are going to notice a few things with this: Jayce whimpers a lot (8 times) and he whines a lot (9 times). His thighs get slickened a lot, and he gets full a lot. It gets repetitive real quick.
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> Engorged cock, thick and red and wet with slick
Again, 1-2 inches. Viktor's fingernail is larger than it.
> Trace the scars under his pecs
Trans Jayce is not as popular as trans Viktor, but he's even more obvious when he is one. All I can see him is a pudgy lil dood with tiny wrists who still can't out-wrestle a methhead. Hard labour and all that testosterone and he still can't beat your local farm boy. Sad!
> His thigh up against Jayce's cock
He does this a lot. Eventually, you roll your eyes and mutter, 'Get to the fucking point'.
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> His palm is still broader
Pooners have smaller hands than men, so no.
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How many times is 'slick' used, you might ask? Nine times. Nine times of slick thighs and the author wants a full blown multi-chapter fic. Good Lord.
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> He can't deny it, can't deny it
Hey, who invited Jimmy Two-Times?
> Finally stroke Jayce's cock
> Fucks that monstrous cock of his inside him
And you want to compare that 't dick' to that? Homie, that's like comparing a Cheez-it to a cheese steak. It's nowhere close!
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> Luminescent precome
You already wrote that.
> Has never felt so full in his life
> So full there's no place inside him that isn't being touched
Redundant. And repetitive.
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> Your body was made to take mine, molded to my will to be the perfect vessel for me
Almost as if that's a FEMALE body that's meant to be complementary, eh?
> He can feel it in the back of his throat
This cliché again?
> Pressed so deep inside of him that Jayce can almost taste him
Almost as if he's in the back of your throat, get it?
>Feeling like a toy used for his pleasure
Funny how that's always the way it goes for FTMs.
> Thick and full
This is the third time this is used.
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We know. You've written that around ten times by now. One is fine, twice is okay, but ten? Fucking hell, CTRL + F is your friend!
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> Belly so full it hurts
I bet if you pressed down on his stomach all that cum will spill out like what you see in those whacky hentai comics.

Whimpers, keening, pain over pleasure...all the clichés are there. And look at that, the fear over getting pregnant happens to be dead last! In Jayce's defense, that was a monster cock he was distracted by...give the lil pooner a break, would ya?
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Oh, nice. A full fic of this. All those whimpers and keens and slicks turned up to 11. I might need to start a drinking game.
 
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People complain about the commercialization of fandom, which is irritating (constant ebegging/commission advertising + IP owners actually pandering to fandom memes and ships), but very very harmless compared to the policitization of fandom. I can tolerate constant commission pricesheet posting. I do not like people thinking that their fanfiction is "revolutionary" because it "represents underrepresented minorities" or whatever. I do not read fanfiction because it's written by women and queers! I read it because I want to see my favorite characters smooch! It's not that deep :'(
I've given up on the entire "read fanfiction"-idea. There's simply too much shit to sort through to find that one Trek-fic that features a different vessel than the Big E or is focused on the time between 2293-2364. People used to be so much more creative about these things. I wish I was good enough of a writer to give it a shot, maybe something set in the Dominion War, doing space submarine stuff. But I'm not, and if I were, I'd do something else entirely with that skill.
>this entire thread
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But I salut the brave guys and girls in this thread who really go deep into the pits of fucking hell to uncover horrors beyond my comprehension. You're comparable to the people who clean up battlefields.
 
I've given up on the entire "read fanfiction"-idea. There's simply too much shit to sort through to find that one Trek-fic that features a different vessel than the Big E or is focused on the time between 2293-2364. People used to be so much more creative about these things. I wish I was good enough of a writer to give it a shot, maybe something set in the Dominion War, doing space submarine stuff. But I'm not, and if I were, I'd do something else entirely with that skill.
Yeah, to be honest, after all these years, I rarely seek out new fanfiction to read either. I just stick to whatever gets put out by the handful of specific authors I follow.
"Missing episode"/"Missing era" fics have really died out, and I think a large part of it is that that genre of fic tends to rely heavily on OCs, and frankly most people don't care about other people's OCs. I can't even blame them, considering the average competence of the median fanfiction writer. I'll definitely defend the idea that the median fanfiction writer is more skilled than they're given credit for, but in order to make people give a shit about your OCs, you have to be actively talented, not just decent. While there are many, many fanfiction writers capable of crafting a compelling and enjoyable story, most of them don't quite reach that last level of skill that would allow them to divest themselves from characters the audience comes into the story already attached to. Fanfiction is a crutch, OC-heavy fanfiction is more like an ankle brace.
Back in the day, when fanfiction was more of a novelty, even OC-centric fics were accepted just for a lack of other content, and maybe there was something fresh and new in there that hadn't been done with the canon characters. But today, especially in a fandom like Star Trek that has been churning along for literally half a century, we're not exactly starved for choice and the more overtly masturbatory (in a narrative sense) fics get ignored.

One of the authors I actively follow actually has a planned fic(?) about basically an OC planet (non-Federation, but kind of allied) during the Dominion War (I believe the plot follows a group of people from this planet joining Starfleet and being posted on DS9, but it's quite clear that the actual characters from DS9 are side characters in this narrative at most). Despite the fact that this author is pretty well-known for "I write for an audience of one (myself)", she still hasn't actively started work on this fic, despite my encouragement (because I do think that this particular writer is in fact skilled enough to pull it off). So even an author who otherwise writes some pretty batshit insane and occasionally controversial stuff because she doesn't care what anyone else thinks is still reluctant to put out a fic that focuses almost entirely on OCs...
 
I saw the review for Eragon on Encyclopedia Dramatica back in the day. It wasn't good, but a teenager wrote it, and it does have some interesting concepts. As for Manacled, yeah, seeing the 'original' book you can tell that that is fanfiction and not very creative.
A lot of the big concepts are borrowed from other works, but yes miles more creative than Manacled.

Now, someone has to read All The Young Dudes, the most popular M/M fic in the Harry Potter section, to compare.
I may take a look. My interest in the "best" of the HP fandom is piqued. I did start compiling a list of the "best" Dramoine fics.

Oh shit, you guys be careful on that website. I remember stumbling across actual underage NSFW fanfics there. They have tags for Toddlers, babies, if I'm not mistaken. I don't think I can bring myself to look for it. :cryblood::c
Dude at least skim the thread before posting
 
One of the authors I actively follow actually has a planned fic(?) about basically an OC planet (non-Federation, but kind of allied) during the Dominion War (I believe the plot follows a group of people from this planet joining Starfleet and being posted on DS9, but it's quite clear that the actual characters from DS9 are side characters in this narrative at most). Despite the fact that this author is pretty well-known for "I write for an audience of one (myself)", she still hasn't actively started work on this fic, despite my encouragement (because I do think that this particular writer is in fact skilled enough to pull it off). So even an author who otherwise writes some pretty batshit insane and occasionally controversial stuff because she doesn't care what anyone else thinks is still reluctant to put out a fic that focuses almost entirely on OCs...
I'd read it, simply because it's something that hasn't been done in a very, very long time. Some Lt. (jg) doing the "adjutant paperwork" for The Sisko? Someone else cleaning up after Dax's science™ antics? That'll add things that do exist in real military hierachies. Three quarters of a navy is paperwork and cleanup of fuckups. I can imagine it to be worse in space. I take a story about some no-name handling a massive pile of PADDs full of TPS reports on DS9 over whatever smutfic involves the main cast, any time of the day. In particular if the TPS reports come with tons of technobabble. There's tons and tons of weird shit you could do with Starfleet's bureaucracy and admin alone; things that could become really frustrating on the local level of a space station. It doesn't involve sex though, therefore...

But today, especially in a fandom like Star Trek that has been churning along for literally half a century, we're not exactly starved for choice and the more overtly masturbatory (in a narrative sense) fics get ignored.
I'd pay a lot of money to go back 25 years. I really, really would.
 
We love a spicy fic based on fanart. And what could this delectable fanart be, you ask? Wait no more. On March 15th, this artist drew this piece. Three days later, she put it to words.
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Just noticed that Viktor here has no pupils.
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> Hulking form
This is the only thing that is described as 'hulking'. Jayce's dick size actually isn't described in this, for once.
> Stomach swoop
You mean swoon? Is his stomach doing a little pirouette in there?
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> He loved the softness of Viktor's sex
Mm yes, the labia is like that. But it's also thicker than testicular skin, it can take a tug or two.
> The musky scent of it that had filled his nose every time he went down on him
Hopefully it's not like those ABO fics where you can make a Yankee candle out of it.
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These pooners sure do get wet a lot; it's like a broken NYC main up there. A little pinch and pull here and you'll flood your basement.
> Pussy drunk
White pussy do be like that, though.
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> Hiccup of pleasure
Literally or figuratively? Because hiccupping randomly makes it funnier than it should be.
> Teasing up and down Viktor's cock
That isn't even bigger than the gears they notch. 1-2 inches is the golden rule.
> I'm gonna fuck you so good, bend you over the desk and give you everything
In case you haven't noticed, and you will as this fic goes on, this author is not good at writing sex dialogue. It sounds like your basic shit you'd find on PornHub or any porn written or produced by men - so if the author is really trying to lean into her 'masculine side', she sure has done it.
> I'm so close, so close please please
Sounds like a rap you'd hear on Adult Swim.
> His thin wrist
His wrist ain't that thin in that fanart.
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> During the wonderful oral
It wasn't even long enough to be that wonderful, ffs. Some trans authors really get detailed when it comes to the pussy-eating, and that's how you know they aren't men.
> Show me how badly you want to satisfy me with that third leg you call a cock
Viktor would be way more sarcastic with this delivery because he loves rubbing that shit in. It's funny how in these fics, terrible as they are, Viktor's lines will either save the day or just make it worse. This one is the latter; it's just so cheesy.
> Accented by the addition of determination
"Accented by determination' works just fine, or just change it entirely.
> Mused
She means 'mussed'.
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And we don't even get a description on HOW big he is. Do we reckon it's the classic 10-12 inches?
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> Sweet, tight heat Viktor deemed a pussy
'Deemed'? It IS one. It's not a sentient flesh puppet.
> 'You feel so good, so tight, so warm, fuck'
You already said that. This author tends to repeat herself towards redundancy.
> How was it that his cunt made such a beautiful man lose all control?
White pussy can do that.
> The prize being the most intelligent and handsome man he had ever met
You already said that.
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Large indeed. In one of the author's fanarts, he has full DK mode hands.
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> You feel so good
You already said this.
> I can do a good job, I can do a good job for you
You don't need to repeat yourself.
> He sped up even more as he curled around Viktor, focusing on going harder too
You already wrote that he was going faster, so we assume he's going harder.
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> Driving him harder and deeper into Viktor
He was already doing that.
> I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum
*Insert Trump meme here*
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> Harshly dropped jaw
It makes me think he unhinged it like an anaconda. What a mental image.
> Hips slowing down but pounding
Contradictory statement. How is he still pounding into him if he's 'slowing down'? Then you write that the new pace is rough, so that means he never slowed down at all!
> Yes yes, thank me, thank me please
I'm not thanking you for this shitty dialogue.
> He continued to cum
Someone should time it and see if he broke a world record.
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> Thank you so much holy shit. You made me feel so good, so fucking good
Me when the merry-go-round goes for another lab
> His partner's harsh thrusts
What happened to him slowing down?
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You know he can literally smell the cum on you, right? He's going to know what's up - and it's not like you cleaned up. Poor man. He's gonna need to huff some bleach.

Well, lads, the impossible has happened. There's a fic on the perils of having a micropenis. It's a lot funnier than the tags give away.
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So he smells like charcoal and holds grudges against people like he's Jayce Giopara and not Jayce Talis. Were it the former, he'd be a lot more pissed over having a micropenis. And how big is this micropenis, you might ask? 3 inches. And how big is Viktor's roid clit? 1 inch. You're literally having a dick fight with drumsticks.
> Just enough fat and water weight to grab
He is a blacksmith. If he has any fat, that shit is rock-solid. You will not be able to pinch it. Those men don't play around.
> He's burned through a frankly embarrassing number of bodice rippers in his time
Haha, get it? This fic isn't totally like one of those at all! And truthfully, it isn't. Jayce is incredibly nerfed in the dick department so this comes off as way funnier than it has any right to be.
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> So let's say, hypothetically, you owe you life to a man
Who the fuck invited Ben Shapiro here? The author realizes that's one of his gimmicks, right? Oh God now I am going to read the rest of this in his voice.
> Also a great, big centerpiece in just about all of your sexual fantasies since you first laid eyes on him
> You have noticed that he's packing
Spoiler: it's not his roid clit, it's a literal STP (stand-to-pee) packer with a hollowed tip where he can stick a rod inside and use it for penetration. A shame that he actually doesn't have a massive cock. That's for certain men only.
> You don't tell the love of your live that your dick is proportionally tiny
And your partner doesn't have one, so what's the big deal?
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Jayce never has a problem with Viktor being trans in these fics, because it wouldn't do to have a gay or bisexual man actually flip out over being lied to (which is what happens in real life). He casually doesn't notice the testosterone injections or the mastectomy scars, or other attributes that are markedly different from his own (such as shorter legs and wingspan, no orbital brow ridge, etc). Then Jayce asks if Viktor got phalloplasty, and Viktor says (for once) that no, he doesn't have it, because he doesn't think his body would react kindly to such a surgery, and says truthfully that he doesn't have the musculature for it. He just uses a silicone packer.
> I questioned by gender a bit
Oh God. Imagine Jayce as a troon. He'd be a gigahon trying to stuff himself into sparkly dresses and pumps. He wouldn't even have the material for a stinkditch.
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> if you ever are questioning again or wanting to, explore more atypical gender presentations, I'd be more than happy to help
All this talk about gender presentations and we still go back to dick = male. They know what males are when it counts.
> He can't think straight
Literally, in this case.
> It comes out all watery and sad
I laughed. I really did. It just sounds like something you'd watch in an Adult Swim skit. There's no way this isn't serious.
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> I understand your fear. I am trans, I am disabled
Having a small penis only torches your love life, not your privilege. Viktor still has to compete and fight for his position. Jayce can get a modified dick if he so chooses. There is no comparison.
> His brain was melting out of his ears
Indeed it is.

We find out that, of course, Viktor made the packer himself because having the perfect mold of a penis makes him male, and this 'porcelain white' pseudo-penis is 7''. Above average, but not monstrous. They missed the 12'' Jayce memo.
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> I couldn't stop thinking about sucking your cock
There isn't much there to suck, to be fair. For both of them.
> Sweet milk, constellation skin
Weird metaphor but OK.
> Jayce sees brown fuzz along the inner side of his thigh, growing darker toward the pant leg of his boxers
He doesn't get hair on his face, because all of it goes to his downstairs. Hair so thick you'd never have to worry about your basement flooding because it's a handy mop.
> He thought Viktor's dick was big
7'', as said earlier, is above average. Not too big, but workable. 8'' and above are considered big.
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> I'd give anything to split him open on a cock made just for him
Guess we might really see a sex toy sequel.
> Incredibly convenient for passing in public
For people who insist that penises aren't male organs, they so do insist that it is, in fact, a male organ and essential for their passing. They just don't want you saying it.
> He's giving a dissertation on trans affirmation
Which is what this is, when we're getting down to the nitty gritty. These authors cannot stop mentioning that they're trans, because who else is going to give a shit?
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Huh, no Rapunzel pubes this time, but we still have a carpet. His roid clit is 1 inch compared to Jayces 3 inches, so we're really looking at a fencing match between two match sticks.
> Where Jayce lay
I thought he was initially standing; turns out they're both on the couch.
> You will not be sucking my cock, and I returning you the favour
> You will give me the gift of sucking your cock, and I will let you return the favour
...Which is it? These are contradictory terms!
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> Popping the tip into his mouth
It'd be like sucking on a lollipop - but a lollipop would be bigger.
> Sucking him down to hilt back into his mouth
What?
> It takes no effort
Three inches, no shit.
> This is insane, Viktor's insane
You don't need to repeat that.
> He really, really needs to get a journal for this
You already wrote that.
> Fffuck
Sounds like a deflating balloon.
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> Pinning it under his forearm while the other leg still drapes over his shoulder
Not bad for a transman suffering from muscle atrophy. He's lifting those legs like a pro.
> It looks like Viktor's eating him right now
To be fair, he can. Though he'll be left wanting more at the dinner table.
> Going as deep as possible
Which isn't much, mind you.
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> I was told I'd be allowed to return the favour
You were, and then you weren't, because I don't think the author knew what the fuck she wrote just then.
> Help me up onto the couch
Ah, so Viktor was on the floor and Jayce was on the couch. OK.
> His little cock peaking through
*Peeking. And little, indeed. An inch of growth, despite all that T.
> He gently lays his hands on Viktor's thighs, only now noticing that they entirely engulf them
Thank God there is no 'his hands engulfed his waist' thing. Tired of reading that shit.
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> I thought you were going to suck my dick
You don't have one.
> Sometime when we have oil that isn't mechanical lubricant
Ask capyshota, you can use machine oil just fine 🙄
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> You want me to fuck you over the table with it?
With what? Your roid clit or the packer? Might as grab your dildo collection because that boy won't feel a thing.
> We can find a way to power it
As weird as this sounds, there are fics that have used the Hex gems to power sex toys, be they strap-ons or fleshlights. This is not new to me.
> Pitiful whine vibrating Viktor's cock in his mouth
Which is probably more pleasure than he's ever gonna give you. What can you do with an inch with there are Jolly Rancher bigger than that?
> I've never done that before. Didn't know I could
Aww, look at that. The man with a micropenis made a trans man squirt! What a hero!
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Guess it's something that they're both concerned about STDs and pregnancy. This is also the first one where Viktor has an IUD.
> Their cocks rubbing together
One is a micropenis and another is a roid clit. Sad!
> Viktor's hole and snapping in
Snapping in with what? Those 3 inches that would make an Indian man look big? There's a reason why dildos exist and why they're the size they are. There would be nothing that could fill that 'hole' adequately, especially since so much of this fandom is based around Jayce packing a 12 incher and shoving it in a tight pussy. That's the draw and what people come for.
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> Pushing him as deep as he can
Three inches ain't deep. You could get farther with your fingers.
> I don't know how we're going to walk home after this
You got fucked by a micropenis, not the Hispanic Hog. You'll be fine.
> I don't come into work with a UTI tomorrow
Yes, you are supposed to pee after vaginal sex, but hygiene helps a lot. When was the last time either of them showered? What's the smegma in a three inch penis taste like?

This author has posted her first smut and hopes it doesn't suck.
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> Before he died for the third time
Make that fourth, as he died posthumously, with all his accomplishments erased from living memory.
> The grass below him scratched at his exposed skin. There was so much exposed
You already wrote that.
> Was scared
She meant, 'was scarred'. But both work in this context.
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*Stannis voice* Thousands. There were thousands of souls in the Hexzone.
> He'd ruined the lines of entire nations
Just Piltover. He didn't even corrupt all of Valoran.
> Their heartbeats mixed until they were singing the same song
'Beating the same song' would be better. It has a nice tune to it.
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I'd be worried if that water had nasty calcium deposits in it, based on how long it's been sitting there. I assume Jayce finagled with it?
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> Though he knew deep down he'd never be able to walk unaided again
Jayce's leg is actually fixable. With proper surgery and physio, he can walk. Viktor's condition is genetic and he has a warped spine, and that requires more work. Besides, Jayce was able to re-set his leg, and can still run.
> Looking like a man in prayer
Second time this has been used.
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> It was more intimate than Viktor had ever been with a man
> This was different from a one-night stand or a clumsy hook-up in a bar bathroom
Ah, Slut Era Viktor. Usually, women don't fuck in disgusting bathroom stalls, but I guess anything is possible with pooners.
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> The man was scarred more than the last time Viktor had seen him shirtless
Six months in a pit will do that to you.
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> Felt like a blushing virgin all over again
It's sexy man with a big dick and nice muscles. Why wouldn't you feel like a virgin?
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> I want you to crush me
Literally, in this case. My man is about to become an Oreo cookie lite.
> He hissed as Jayce thumbed over his top-surgery scars
Ah, the dog ears. Those are your fried nerves talking.
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> He sucked along the scars, toying with the tissue
Half of those nerves would be dead, the rest would be overactive. It's not an erogenous zone any more than it is a 'high voltage' zone. They always draw (and write) the nipples as being normal when they look like pepperoni bits.
> No 'm not
D'aww, he's shy and an in denial? So cute!
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> Viktor fisted his hand into the man's hair
While standing up? He must have spawned Slenderman arms.
> Jayce's hands wrapped around his waist; this thumbs almost touched
Yes, we have THIS fucking cliché again. I swear, these authors cannot come up with anything else. It's everywhere like fucking bedbugs in a Parisian mattress. Use something else!
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> It had been too long since he'd done anything remotely similar
You mean give oral, or have it done on you?
> When Jayce sucked on his clit he swore he saw star
> Seeing stars
Nice, he saw the Milky Way twice.
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> lapped it up like a starved man
Another cliché.
> He wondered how long it would take before the hair became bleached
Hey, if vaginal mucosa could do that, our pubic hair would be lighter than the hairs on our head. It's not enough to bleach pigment out of hair. What an odd thing to say.
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> Dripped down on his rapidly hardening cock
His refractory period sure is something. He came already and he's getting hard again.
> Pleasure to pain
Ah, this cliché too.
> The taste wasn't his favourite
You had no problem sucking it off your fingers the first time. What changed?
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> Jayce was bigger than anyone Viktor had every taken
How big? 10''? 12''? C'mon, throw me some numbers.
> He ran a hand across his stomach and moaned as he felt a bulge
OK, I'm settling on 11''.
> Wanna cum with you, feel you fill me up
"Yeah, baby, fill me up like you're a gas pump"
> I'm gonna drip out of you
> Fuck it back in
OK, this was funny. Didn't expect that for a trans author's first smut fic - could you tell she was trans?
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I have no doubt we'll be seeing more from her. It's never just one and done with these folks.

I may take a look. My interest in the "best" of the HP fandom is piqued. I did start compiling a list of the "best" Dramoine fics.
All the Young Dudes got popular as the author bravely wrote that she 'did not support' JKR's 'disgusting transphobic comments' in 2018. Her fic got tons of TikTok edits, printed copies, and jumpstarted the Marauders fandom, a fandom without a fandom so people can write for HP without having the taint of Queen TERF. M/M fics tend to be more popular than M/F ones and tend to get away with more 'problematic' content. I would take a gander at it, but HP is not my fandom so anyone can take the dive.
 
This time around, both characters are male -and one gets a uterus implanted inside him because female body parts are like LEGOs.
Let's preface for the record, Trannies often cite that Females can get womb transplants. But like, YEAH that's how women are, they have the body to withstand it. Men on the other hand, do not. They do NOT have the proper body because Women are more... Coded with a pelvis, if you've seen the body parts of men and women you see the difference. Then the same trannies say "Trans Men can get PREGNANT!" yeah because Pooners don't pass as real men sometimes and most of, if not don't want to have kids. They are biological women. Cut your tits and dick off all you want Trooners, you won't be able to cum from a real dick or experience the HORRID idea of PREGANANCY. I am convinced that Trannies write Mpreg because they want to experience being pregnant as some form of Autogynephilia or some fucking shit.
 
Now, someone has to read All The Young Dudes, the most popular M/M fic in the Harry Potter section, to compare.

Ugh, don't care about these side characters remotely tbqh
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UGH
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No horrific tags, tbf
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I'll take a look to compare the writing quality to Manacled but I can't make myself read 500,000+ words of gay fanfic, starring characters I do not give a fuck about.
 
And we don't even get a description on HOW big he is. Do we reckon it's the classic 10-12 inches?
I'm not a burger, but those estimates remind me of something. Yes, the armament of heavy cruisers. You know, 11 inch was pretty much the calibre of the Deutschland-class pocket battleships. But I digress: Do women trannies really think men carry around 25 to 30 cm dicks in their pants? I mean, that are statistical outliers. Not impossible, but unlikely AND painful as hell for whoever is getting fucked by that. Jesus Christ, I wanna die...
 
I read All The Young Dudes in its entirety. As a disclaimer, if anyone actually takes the time to read it, I'm willing to stand corrected on what I say here. I read ATYD during a finals week so I mostly dissociated through it.

I can't remember much of it by now, but after this thread introduced me to Manacled, I don't think it's out there enough to merit laughing at it for 188 chapters. It's canon-compliant (technically), there's a few cringy scenes (remember songfics? There's a scene where Lupin sings a Bowie song while he escapes from a cell. It's a musical number lol) and ow-the-edge characterization, including a rape revenge arc for one of the girls and Sirius Black being hit with the illegal torture spell by his parents since he was a child. However, most of the fic is either a bore or standard fanfic. Other popular fics like The Cadence of Part Time Poets (which I abandoned) have the same problem (although at least ATYD had the guts to actually let class influence the characters instead of making Lupin pretend to be poor like Cadence does).

ATYD has also fallen out of favour in recent times. I've seen it accused of racism because of Greyback's subplot (I think a comparison between werewolves and gypsies was made), of ruining the fandom and of writing Sirius Black and Remus Lupin as toxic and abusive. Mostly, I think people don't want to read 188 chapters to feel like they're a part of the fandom. Isn't it enough with Conan Gray and Andrew Garfield TikToks?

If anyone's interested in Marauders era cringe, there's way funnier stuff in shorter fanfics. May I suggest the Jegulus tag? (There's also Tumblr posts to get an idea of what to expect, and there's a parody blog that reblogs some of the cringiest).
 
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I'm not a burger, but those estimates remind me of something. Yes, the armament of heavy cruisers. You know, 11 inch was pretty much the calibre of the Deutschland-class pocket battleships. But I digress: Do women trannies really think men carry around 25 to 30 cm dicks in their pants? I mean, that are statistical outliers. Not impossible, but unlikely AND painful as hell for whoever is getting fucked by that. Jesus Christ, I wanna die...
The man with the largest recorded penis, currently, is white Briton Matt Barr, and he stands at 13.5 inches. He says he feels faint when getting erect due to circulatory problems. The average erect penis is 5-5.5 inches.

Smut fic written by women usually focus on the classic "big dick in small vagina" trope, hence the draw, but ftms really seem to be size queens. The comparison between them and the roid clits is divine comedy. I don't think pooners know just how funny the juxtaposition is.
can't remember much of it by now, but after this thread introduced me to Manacled, I don't think it's out there enough to merit laughing at it for 188 chapters. It's canon-compliant (technically), there's a few cringy scenes (remember songfics? There's a scene where Lupin sings a Bowie song while he escapes from a cell. It's a musical number lol) and ow-the-edge characterization, including a rape revenge arc for one of the girls and Sirius Black being hit with the illegal torture spell by his parents since he was a child. However, most of the fic is either a bore or standard fanfic. Other popular fics like The Cadence of Part Time Poets (which I abandoned) have the same problem (although at least ATYD had the guts to actually let class influence the characters instead of making Lupin pretend to be poor like Cadence does).
Musical numbers? In a Harry Potter fic? You don't say. Also, the author being accused of racism is also hilarious. Hoisted by their own petard. I might give it a go in the future, but there's already a 400k Arcane fic - the longest in the fandom - I've got my eye on.

Usually for fics that long, I'll do a chapter summary vs a screenshot commentary. I only did Coming Home on a per chapter basis as it was updated in real time. Other fics I'm eyeing at your teeth in my neck and HAMMER TO FALL, a leftist superhero AU because the author says "we need more Leftist superheroes.
 
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I am convinced that Trannies write Mpreg because they want to experience being pregnant as some form of Autogynephilia or some fucking shit.
Nope, it's the pooners (ftm) who write mpreg. Back in the day, regular ("regular") women wrote mpreg because they wanted their favorite slash couple to have babies but adoption wasn't good enough (they needed the pregnancy - also a TON of mpreg fics finish right when/before the baby is born) and they didn't want to genderbend. Nowadays pooners write mpreg to validate how they can do something as fundamentally female as get pregnant while still being a hecking valid manly dood. This is why mpreg fics shifted massively from "He's a man but he grew a magical ass-uterus or something, don't think about it too hard, you do NOT want to know where the baby comes out" to "He's trans :) he was born with a uterus and vagina :) it's manly :)"
The former, while obviously weirder, was preferable because the reader wasn't expected to act like this was how things worked in real life.
Trannies (mtf) don't write mpreg because that would require acknowling that they are the m. Tranny pregnancy fetish fic uses actual female characters, or male characters who have been explicitly transformed via magic or some shit into an actual female (usually against their will).
Ugh, don't care about these side characters remotely tbqh
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UGH
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No horrific tags, tbf
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I'll take a look to compare the writing quality to Manacled but I can't make myself read 500,000+ words of gay fanfic, starring characters I do not give a fuck about.
It always bothers me when people put the twee fanon ship name (wolfstar here) in the additional tags. It tells me that they don't know how to work AO3 and they don't care to learn. :/
 
I'd pay a lot of money to go back 25 years. I really, really would.
You'd have to go back even further than that, Enterprise was being filmed at the time. To restore the timeline, you'll have to stop it's very conception.
In all seriousness though, the only good star trek that's been made recently is lower decks and prodigy. I love both shows, they're very well written, but man trek has had a rough time. it really needs a big blockbuster that's well written, one that can pull people into watching it.
sigh, a man can dream (:_(
 
You'd have to go back even further than that, Enterprise was being filmed at the time. To restore the timeline, you'll have to stop it's very conception.
In all seriousness though, the only good star trek that's been made recently is lower decks and prodigy. I love both shows, they're very well written, but man trek has had a rough time. it really needs a big blockbuster that's well written, one that can pull people into watching it.
sigh, a man can dream (:_(
I love Enterprise, it's like Star Trek's retarded youngest sibling. It may have been dumb as hell, but it had heart. Faith of the heart, if you will.
But for real, Enterprise was written in such a way that its dumb retcons went PAINFULLY out of their way to not actually be retcons. It answered questions that didn't need to be answered and connected things that didn't need to be connected, but at no point did it ever feel like it was trying to overwrite canon with a "better" version like Discovery/Picard/SNW did/do. Enterprise was made by people who gave a shit about Star Trek, not people who saw it as a vehicle do their own cool woke new thing.

Agree that Prodigy and Lower Decks are great, though. So of course Paramount cancelled them...

What does this mean?
Putting the fanon ship name in the additional tags is redundant because there's already a ship tag field. No one on AO3 actually uses the fanon ship names on AO3. If you click the "wolfstar" tag you're going to get basically fuck all, you need to scroll up slightly and click the Remus Lupin/Sirius Black tag. There's literally no reason to tag a ship twice unless you're brainrotted from other social media and think you need to include as many slightly-differently-worded tags as possible for maximum reach in the algorithm. AO3 doesn't have an algorithm...



As penance for the above off-topic posting, here is a fic that is actually 27 years old (it was posted on alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated in 1998 ). It's called "Blended Not Stirred" and it's been described as "that fic where Julian buys Odo a blender and then Odo dubcons him as thanks".
 
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