Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta - Polysubstance enthusiast, "Lawtuber" turned Dabbleverse streamer, swinger, "whitebread ass nigga", snuffs animals for fun, visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold who lost his license to practice law. Wife's bod worth $50. The normies even know.

[Atomic Ant]

You may think "oohhh, its justautism fried rice, what is the issue?

I didnt say anything like that. What I think is, "I've met fried rice before, I have a cordial relationship with fried rice, that looks fine, have you never seen basil before?"

That you do not see straight away that the dish is a poor effort is more indicative of yourself not knowing how to cook than anything else. If you did you would also see the issue with the dish.

 

[ChromaQuack]

Kiwis ITT outing themselves as shit cooks out of sheer insecurity is almost as funny as Rickety Rackets oil rice. Truly this man's cooking can be a gift sometimes.

have you never seen basil before?"

One might even call you a scholar on all things dark brown, overcooked basil. This is what a lifetime of experience on a topic looks like folks.

"I've met fried rice before, I have a cordial relationship with fried rice,

"Fried rice could be here" he thought, "I've never been in this thread before. There could be Fried rice anywhere." The cool wind felt good against his bare chest. "I LOVE Fried rice" he thought. Sweet Dreams are Made of These reverberated his entire car, making it pulsate even as the $1 MSG circulated through his powerful thick veins and washed away his (merited) fear of using excessive amounts of oil. "With a wok, you can stir fry anything you want" he said to himself, out loud

 

[TrainWreckWatcher]

That rice does look like cat food. People not knowing what spinach / kale / basil is aside.

 

[Oxyjen]

1) it looked like cold sick
2) Nick showed it off it as if it was a culinary masterpiece

Why???

Honestly if he’d shown a well plated and reheated and photographed meal of chicken tendies and fries it would have garnered a better reaction.

 

[Folgers Can]

I guess this is another technicality?


More

Here's the remainder for anyone bored enough to go through his usual rambling, which stood out somewhat for a tone and slightly increased typo rate that make one wonder whether he's savoring every last second of the opportunity to partake in substances which, albeit discouraged, technically can't be tested for over the next 38 days. Also Wil Heelren again shows his true colors (as if there still was any doubt), plus it would be interesting if anyone more well-versed in the Locals wine aunt heyday could figure out WTF was going on with this Maria sock account that at times sounded kinda like it could have been April's but was more likely a jilted ex-fan:

 

[Gobermental Supervisor]

technically can't be tested for over the next 38 days

Did the court not order a pre-sentencing evaluation?
Does this not include drug testing?

I would be surprised if, in a drug case, testing if the accused took more drugs, was not a mandatory part of that.

 

[Vibralldo]

Did the court not order a pre-sentencing evaluation?
Does this not include drug testing?

I would be surprised if, in a drug case, testing if the accused took more drugs, was not a mandatory part of that.

It'd be funny and weird if Nick immediately failed the first drug test because he started doing coke again "one last time" and couldn't stop

 

[Melty Butter]

Out of curiosity, I checked his Locals numbers. The sixteen posts since November 16 ("Dear Diary") had on average 75 (min:37, max:149, median:67) likes and 37 (min:4, max:87, median:37) comments. Current userbase is 47.6k. Non-subscribers can like, but only subscribers can comment. On the average post, 0.15% of the userbase leave a like, 0.07% leave a comment (assuming that every comment is from a unique user, which is unlikely). On a platform made for superfans, that's pretty shit.

Making the not obviously crazy assumption that those 37 comments on average mostly come from the same ~30 or so balldo enthusiasts, one can guess how many subscribers he has left. If the regular commenters are 1% of subscribers, then that's 3000 subs = $15000; 5% -> 600 subs = $3000; 10% -> 300 subs = $1500; etc. Given how little Nick cares about the platform despite being broke, it's probably well below 600 subs now.

At least the 5k gift will be cheap.

--

View attachment 7118382
Why can't you get a nanny, Nick? Is there something you don't want outsiders to see?

--
Seen while browsing old Locals posts, funny in hindsight.

Spoiler

View attachment 7118412

Autistically... I find this pic interesting for a few reasons.

- How is it dated 2021? Didn't Locals start in 2022 or even later?
- She's eating (probably a good thing). An egg sandwich? We have a food thing going on ITT. But it appears to be on a paper sack, I assume it was brought in.

- It does show that she keeps the family schedule; at some point they moved to an online scheduling platform. Nick once held up the family schedule on his show. She's clearly transcribing to a smaller dayplanner, probably for portability.
- Her boys appear to be on her screensaver.

- Pencil grip, Kayla!!!

 

[Himedall All-seeing Waifu]

For someone who presented himself as a "trad dad" it is just shameful how bad he actually is at typical household things, which puts the leaving of the Nanny into harsh perspective.
It also supports what Aaron said about the kids eating Spaghetti Os, because nobody was preparing food for them properly.

You may think "oohhh, its just fried rice, what is the issue?" but it is actually another symptom of Nick being a fucking liar. He can't even cook fried rice properly.
That you do not see straight away that the dish is a poor effort is more indicative of yourself not knowing how to cook than anything else. If you did you would also see the issue with the dish.

[EDIT] Also thanks to Uncle Roger fried rice is a fucking meme, maybe google it.

He conflated 'trad' with 'misogynistic'. He is one who truly believes that women have a 'place' subservient to mens' desires.

Yes, I know that word is over-used and has lost much meaning like 'abuse' and 'harassment', but I stand by it.

 

[AltisticRight]

It's all about plating, any disgusting food can be made to look good and any delicious food can be made to look disgusting. I personally like to see people make a simple meal look good or enhance it in a creative way. It's incredible how shit all of Nick's food looks though. It's some real Dunning-Kruger going on.

Nice try Elliot, I know you can find the exact species of prawns and spring onions I use to dox me, that's not happening.
Seriously though, it's fried rice. Michelin starred Chinese restaurants dump that on a plate. Chinese food is entirely different to the more artistic and fine-tuned western cuisines. That's why even the most expensive Chinese restaurants allow people to show up in a polo shirt and a pair of thongs. I've been to some pretentious Chinese restaurants trying to mimic the western style, it honestly sucks. It lacks atmosphere and the food is bizarre. The $500 receipt was less than pleasing.
If I see a plate of fried rice and I cannot immediately turn that into a shopping list to recreate it by ingredient, it sucks. There's steps to adding in veggies, seafood, protein and so on. It's not "dump it all into a pan and heat it" -- which was what skelly did.

You can identify all the ingredients used with 90%+ accuracy.
And yeah, it's true that if you don't follow the CPC's yangzhou fried rice guidelines, you will get the death penalty. Skelly needs to think hard if he wants to post his atrocious war crimes next time before Xi blows his brains out.

It looks like completely regular fried rice? The way people talk about food on this site really baffles me. There are plenty of lolcows doing abominable things in the kitchen, but Jack Scalfani this is not. I think some of yall must have the Ralphamale palate where the only food that doesn't induce a complete bodily rejection is plain beef on a plate with nothing.

It doesn't help that some of the frequent posters here also frequent the Jack Scalfani thread.

Here's scalfatty's "vegetarian" fried rice on the right.

His was not any better, was it?

 

[Desktop User2]

Then you can see the small greens that have dehydrated and are now stuck as stringy mush between the rice

It´s completely fine to wilt spring onions if you are using it in a soffritto. You would usually use the base just because the top is better for garnish but it doesn´t make much of a difference besides the white base being way stronger and better to pickle or use it in a stock.

There is nothing wrong with it, it´s just another misconception passed along this dumb fad by that Malay retard.

 

[Gobermental Supervisor]

It´s completely fine to wilt spring onions if you are using it in a soffritto. You would usually use the base just because the top is better for garnish but it doesn´t make much of a difference besides the white base being way stronger and better to pickle or use it in a stock.

There is nothing wrong with it, it´s just another misconception passed along this dumb fad by that Malay retard.

"wilted" and "mushed" are a different level of cooked.
If you make fried rice right you will have the green in the pan only for a very limited amount of time and what Nick has here is a "everything in the pan together at the same time" mush that is leaking oil.

I understand there are different ways of making very similar dishes, but none of them include overcooking vegetables so they turn into mush. (Unless you are making a mushed-pea risotto (for the green color), which this is clearly not)

I expect that A LOT of people in his church and family (living locally) would be happy to spend some time helping Nick and Kayla learn to actually cook some proper food, using easy to replicate and prepare receipts, so that the kids get some healthy food on the regular. But Nick is an arrogant retard who is above asking family for legit help or accepting it if offered and good faith. All food he has presented in the past 12 months he cooked himself has been visually unappealing and would have likely been similarly distasteful.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

It does show that she keeps the family schedule;

It shows that she buys planners and recopies shit from one to the other (which can be fun…and can also simply be a way to avoid actually doing anything).

As a paper, notebook, pen, etc., junkie aficionado, & an old and dab hand at planning & organizational schemes (with a lot of trial & error experience), and with awareness of her anxiety and overall ineptitude, I would lay money on her having bursts of organizational aspiration, leading to large money and time spent on getting everything just so, and then quickly falling off or carrying the thing around but never really using it as a good working tool.

And I think my theory is borne out by the fact that the two big planners (why two? They’re virtually the same format.) frankly don’t have much in them [= her schedule is not that bad] and also appear barely used (pages completely flat, no extra notes or papers, not much variation in size or color of writing…). And as you can see, she’s on basically the first page of the one she’s writing in - a brand-new expensive system that will definitely make it easier for her to stick to it and use it regularly, unlike the last 47 she bought. Because this one is leather, and orange is awesome, and it has a clasp and a place for a pen. Plus it’s so much sleeker than those mumsy spiral-bounds that doubtlessly have Jesus quotes (or “you are beautiful, even if you married a delusional NERD who will degrade and ruin you” quotes) scattered around.

I will never snoot a love of paper or of organization, and I have spent untold time and effort researching, preparing, designing, setting up, and over-engineering systems, including time & task-related systems…and I recognize someone busy doing a lot of nothing and thinking it means they’re doing something.

And @Melty Butter, that grip is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen two fingers, but never three. Does she have motor issues? Maybe she never needs to write fast, idk. (Boomer reaction wants to be, “don’t schools teach anything anymore???”…but Kayla was in grammar school in the 80s, when I think kids were still being told the best way to hold a pencil instead of letting little clumsy hands do whatever felt good to a four-year-old holding a fat crayon.)

 

[Dimension Sniper]

It looks like completely regular fried rice? The way people talk about food on this site really baffles me.

When I make fried rice at home it still has color in it - orange carrots, yellow egg, green onion, green peas, sometimes red pepper. Nick presented a bowl of brown mush the uniform color and indistinct composition of which makes it look like it’s already been partially digested. I stand by my initial comment.

 

[AnOminous]

He said he had gotten a laser cutter/engraver some weeks past, and was starting to make the 5k gift (with his wife) as part of getting back to streaming and 'keeping promises' and a scehdule.

It's fucking sad. That's a promise he can't even keep. The time has passed. Probably 90% of the people who at one point were looking forward to something from Nick Rekieta just because he was Nick Rekieta would now rather have colon cancer than anything to do with current year Nick Rekieta, the disgusting thieving child abusing piece of shit.

Hyperbolically nitpicking lolcow food is a longstanding tradition of the farms.

The day we quit autistically making every thread the Scalfani thread is the day I die.

Posting this picture with the pretentious ceramic chopsticks, which are the wrong utensil for fried rice, ist just another case of Nick showing off a sub-standard effort.

Like that skelly was going to eat it anyway. He probably smugly ate a single grain of rice and then threw it on the GROUND. You can't buy me fried rice man!

One might even call you a scholar on all things dark brown, overcooked basil.

Imagine boasting about being able to identify charred basil. Maybe most people have never even seen charred basil because they aren't fucking retarded.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

And @Melty Butter, that grip is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen two fingers, but never three. Does she have motor issues? Maybe she never needs to write fast, idk. (Boomer reaction wants to be, “don’t schools teach anything anymore???”…but Kayla was in grammar school in the 80s, when I think kids were still being told the best way to hold a pencil instead of letting little clumsy hands do whatever felt good to a four-year-old holding a fat crayon.)

Spoiler: OT I’m not ashamed

On planners bc I got nostalgic: Way back when, there was only one game in town for those with a desire to have a Master Plan but didn’t like Filofax: Daytimers.

I (yes, in high school & college, as far back as the 80s) spent my hard-earned money on a gorgeous padded leather loose-leaf binder in the GIANT size (8-1/2 x 11, so the portfolio was about 10 x 12) in coach leather, with the TWO page per day layout, and of course extensive add-ins. Probably had 4 other versions of their systems in those years as well, different sizes, went to one page/day, this and that. But I definitely started from a maximalist perspective.

(I also had a Psion PDA back in 1991 or 1992- really early - Series 3, iirc, then 3a, and another, for any fellow travelers.)

 

[Vibralldo]

He conflated 'trad' with 'misogynistic'. He is one who truly believes that women have a 'place' subservient to mens' desires.

Yes, I know that word is over-used and has lost much meaning like 'abuse' and 'harassment', but I stand by it.

Doesn't help that his hero is Juju "Men are Better than Women" the Cow.

Nick seems to adopt the worst traits of whoever he's skinwalking.

 

[AnOminous]

All food he has presented in the past 12 months he cooked himself has been visually unappealing and would have likely been similarly distasteful.

Nick's cooking isn't even just wrong, it's repulsive. It's a fucking crime. Even with DSP's pasta sauce, if you just told him "don't add that much sugar" it would be entirely edible. There's nothing you can even say about Nickshit other than how the fuck did you turn $100 of top notch ingredients into this?

The stroganoff is a top example. This is a dish that usually does in fact look like slop. It IS slop. It's usually delicious slop, though. You could look at a bowl of stroganoff, realize it looks like slop, and yet recognize that's probably a delicious, hearty meal. Nick's version looked like something you'd use to torture POWs.

I guess my point is that DSP is fucking awesome, rules the haters, and is the best lolcow cook on top of that.

When I make fried rice at home it still has color in it - orange carrots, yellow egg, green onion, green peas, sometimes red pepper.

Sugar snap peas. As lightly done as possible.

(I also had a Psion PDA back in 1991 or 1992- really early - Series 3, iirc, then 3a, and another, for any fellow travelers.)

I was counting the minutes until someone would bring up Daytimers.

You seem like the kind of person who would have held on to a Blackberry long after they stopped being made.

 

[Fletch_still_lives]

He’s in the chat of Bedabbler’s show

 

[Maraschino]

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He’s in the chat of Bedabbler’s show

This cocksucker is the guy whose coked out ramblings gave a judge the nickname "Judge Pussy Liquor"...but WE'RE the embarrassing ones?

Lol. Lmao, even.