Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Pig Cups]

I love jack scalfani

My favorite part of this is at 1:44, when mind-of-a-2-year-old gurgles with excitement at the sign advertising beef and pork meatballs. “Wow, that’s very cool. My mom used to make meatballs with beef and pork.”

It’s so maddeningly wide-eyed childlike. And he says it as if the meatballs resemble from-scratch quality, and aren’t the driest, chalkiest, most tasteless frozen processed turd balls imaginable.

Not only is that a horrible fucking shot of the food, but it also is something I'd never want from Subways.

Also their bread is so full of sugar it's actually classified as a dessert Jack. Great choice to do cuck food porn with your wife while pretending to diet fatboy.

The thought of some wagie opening a Doritos bag and putting those anemic toppings on, along with Subway determining that it was a worthy idea to brand with signage and sell to their customers, makes me want to weep.

But then, it’s not like they have much else going for them. And with their target customer, it’s perfectly serviceable goyslop in a pinch. I will say that I somewhat agree with Jack’s balking at the $5 price point, considering how dismal the “nachos” looked. What the fuck did he expect, though? Just go the grocery store and get the same ingredients. Sure, it’ll cost more than $5, but you’ll be able to make so much more volume in the end, and it’ll be better anyway.

Everything in subway is either too sugary or too bland. No matter how you make the sandwich it will taste the same. Taste like the sauces you choose, that is. The bread is really bad too. Anyone here could do better

When I was in college, there was a Subway within walking distance from campus. I went there quite a few times because there were no other nearby options, the better alternatives could only be reached by car (which I didn’t have at the time), and the dining contractor at the school was fucking horrible (no joke, their most common customers were PRISONS). I would only get the Veggie Delite sandwich and nothing else. In light of my other options at the time, it wasn’t the worst.

I never went back after I moved into housing that had a kitchen, and got a car. The last time I was in a Subway was during a road trip a few years ago, and all I did was shit in their bathroom and buy a bag of chips. Fuck Subway- I’m amazed they’re still in existence. Everyone knows the best place to get a sub is the local deli or Italian market. If you don’t have access to a decent one of those? Jersey Mike’s, for the sake of consistency.

 

[AnOminous]

I went there quite a few times because there were no other nearby options, the better alternatives could only be reached by car (which I didn’t have at the time), and the dining contractor at the school was fucking horrible (no joke, their most common customers were PRISONS).

Let me guess. Aramark?

 

[Pig Cups]

I don't like how he starts it out with boasting about how he abuses and torments his dog.

I just skipped to the end, so I had to go back and see. Ugh, Jack talking about hitting/asserting his dominance/“she’s gonna lose.” Detestable.

Newsflash, Fatso, she is the alpha male in that situation.

Let me guess. Aramark?

 

[souschef]

I never went back after I moved into housing that had a kitchen, and got a car. The last time I was in a Subway was during a road trip a few years ago, and all I did was shit in their bathroom and buy a bag of chips. Fuck Subway- I’m amazed they’re still in existence. Everyone knows the best place to get a sub is the local deli or Italian market. If you don’t have access to a decent one of those? Jersey Mike’s, for the sake of consistency.

I used to eat at subway many many years ago when they had promotion sandwiches that were really really cheap. That's the only motive you had to actually eat there. Nowadays it's way more expensive. Why would you eat there when you could eat a sub at a deli or bakery for less which greater quality? Take out the "meat" from a subway sub and it will taste like cardboard.

Not to mention that this company employs the worst kind of people you could possibly employ (ie: niggers) that will stomp their boots into the produce basket, rub their dick on the tomatoes, spit on the sauces etc... I avoid fast food like the plague

 

[Marc]

Oh god…who is this?? I would like to give them a look out of pure morbid curiosity

Being as it's off-topic, I'll spoiler the details.

Spoiler

Unfortunately, I'm waiting to see if this cow dies or gets accepted as a contestant on Jeopardy! before I dump the info and media I have; as he has always proven a dependable source of laughter for me, and I don't trust anyone here to resist interfering with the milking. As a compromise, I've made a half-hearted attempt to preserve his anonymity by presenting a censored, tip-of-the-iceberg sampler including the "comedy skit", followed by audio from one of the earliest of his vlog lectures he fancies a form of public service:

Background: Around fifteen years ago, I had the fortune to scroll past one of this guy's schizopost Facebook comments, and found that his only FB friends were his extended family. He would regularly post extremely retarded, sexually explicit, and profoundly embarrassing diatribes with a condescending smugness, then tag his family members to FORCE them to acknowledge what he had overshared. Despite all his posts having been public, the intended audience for his "racial diversity in the porn industry" vlog was his family (who I doubt appreciated this practice in any way; as the only interactions from them I observed were posts on his timeline asking if he was okay). He was eventually banned from Facebook after declaring himself the leader of an abandoned fedora-tipping atheism group page and trying to police it through verbal abuse while having no admin privileges. Due to narc injury, he insisted that he had, in fact, deleted his FB account in protest of "Mark Zuckerberg and A.I." Since then, Youtube has been his primary narc outlet. He periodically DFEs, then resurfaces with more big brain sermons to congratulate himself for.

TL;DR: As a specimen, Jack is an extreme example of a common (and perhaps, to some, surprisingly diverse) species of chump compelled to reward and heap praise upon themselves for the most pedestrian of achievements, real or imagined. And there exists no shortage of other extreme examples of cows cut from the same cloth as Jack; who utilize the internet as the laziest means of pretending to have authority and an audience, when the only thing they could possibly be famous for is being retarded.

 

[AltisticRight]

What does this fat freak even create? More carbon dioxide and more food waste? He's better off dead, to be honest.
There's the obj# again. Useless. He can't even create a coherent post.

This is the most recent example I’m aware of, and it’s 3 years old. He’s more than comfortable to admit that this one bombed.

I thought this was one of those primitive technology channels showing how to make mud bricks.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

As a compromise, I've made a half-hearted attempt to preserve his anonymity by presenting a censored, tip-of-the-iceberg sampler including the "comedy skit", followed by audio from one of the earliest of his vlog lectures he fancies a form of public service

Thank you for your service; I listened to the whole clip. He sounds like someone who might have the potential to contribute to society normally if he took some meds? That alone, I think, puts him a tier above Jack, who never did and never will have that ability.

Anonymous Lolcow: My view on race [in porn] and how it impacts beauty [in porn] is that women of all races are capable of looking beautiful [in porn]. I don't try to look at people [as they're getting bent over] based on their skin color. I try to look at people [especially fictional secretaries and babysitters] based on their character.

MLK would be so proud.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Here is the video where he uses cheese balls, says the recipe looks horrible, and then tries to pretend it's good simply because this stupid motherfucker cooked it.

Isn't lazy man's mac and cheese just buying like kraft mac and cheese in a box that comes with everything you need? You already need to go to the store to buy the damn cheese balls and the kraft kit is probably way cheaper anyway

As crappy as kraft mac and cheese is, it's going to taste better than that shit

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Isn't lazy man's mac and cheese just buying like kraft mac and cheese in a box that comes with everything you need? You already need to go to the store to buy the damn cheese balls and the kraft kit is probably way cheaper anyway

As crappy as kraft mac and cheese is, it's going to taste better than that shit

The whole, "lazy man" thing doesn't even work as a topic because half the time it's not even a lazy man recipe.

The whole point would be to cut corners which is what he already does by buying shreddy cheese, Cool Whip and jarred garlick. Those are shortcuts. His "lazy man" recipes ranged from calling pasta and sauce with cheese as "lasagna" to my favorite namely this one:

How is this a "lazy man" recipe? It's not. It's a cheap recipe. It's a, "we have guests coming over and nothing to serve them with coffee" recipe. It's something that if you truly went the lazy route you'd slice off a piece of cake, add the nasty Cool Whip and spoon some strawberries over top before serving.

He's doing extra work for something that doesn't need it.

Lazy man describes him. Not his recipes.

 

[Marc]

It gets pointed out every time that Jack's "lazy man recipes" are always more complicated than buying the most commonly available version of of a staple everyone is already so familiar enough with as to render his videos unnecessary in the first place (which Jack may have since lost the ability to comprehend), in addition to often being plagiarized and incompetently-executed versions of some other clickbait he's seen (the entire reason his Lazy Man's Recipes pdf was shared here and on /ck/ was because Jack responded to criticism of his blatantly stealing recipes by rationalizing that "recipes can't be copyrighted, guiiiiize"). The only function Jack could plausibly serve in civilization is in a pillory - He and his recipes are unfit even for soylent green.

He sounds like someone who might have the potential to contribute to society normally if he took some meds? That alone, I think, puts him a tier above Jack, who never did and never will have that ability.

You're kind to give the guy the benefit of the doubt that meds have the power to improve him to the point of contributing to society - He actually manages to be lower-functioning than Jack (who is motivated by shame to attempt and fail to appear relatably normal and able-bodied in his videos, while ostensibly feeding himself): The other cow is constantly rationalizing his refusal to perform basic tasks for himself (including basic meal preparation), has never had a job (he would have bragged about it if he had), and copes that the working class exists to afford "disabled artists" such as himself the free time to spend all day straining to come up with copes in which he's superior to everyone else in ways beyond the layperson's grasp - all while obviously being highly medicated, to the point of exhibiting tardive dyskinesia, dystonia, akathesia, and Parkinsonism. That said, Jack would be rendered entirely helpless without Tammy as his primary crutch and ass-scratcher - So it's kind of a race to the bottom.

 

[Whaler]

I don't like how he starts it out with boasting about how he abuses and torments his dog.

"Everytime I hit my dog she tries harder and harder to attack me." Wow, it's like there's some kind of connection between the action he's doing and the reaction his dog is having.

 

[Brenda Holiday]

The lazy man shit pisses me off because its not a bad concept for a series. A show centered around every day cooking, bachelor meals, etc, for people that usually open a box or microwave a meal that want to start cooking from scratch more, without the pretentiousness. But that takes some level of intelligence and talent, which Jack does not have. I forget what slop he was throwing together but he was making a crockpot meal, and instead of just tossing everything into the crockpot like a real lazy man recipe, he mixed shit into two separate bowls then combined it into the crockpot. Can't get any easier than that, and he fucked it up.

 

[souschef]

There's that "lazy man taco" that was basically some fucked up desconstructed taco that was way messier than making a regular one

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

It gets pointed out every time that Jack's "lazy man recipes" are always more complicated than buying the most commonly available version of of a staple everyone is already so familiar enough with as to render his videos unnecessary in the first place (which Jack may have since lost the ability to comprehend), in addition to often being plagiarized and incompetently-executed versions of some other clickbait he's seen (the entire reason his Lazy Man's Recipes pdf was shared here and on /ck/ was because Jack responded to criticism of his blatantly stealing recipes by rationalizing that "recipes can't be copyrighted, guiiiiize"). The only function Jack could plausibly serve in civilization is in a pillory - He and his recipes are unfit even for soylent green.

Yeah, a real lazy man's series where it was an actual way to make a good recipe, from scratch, without too much work would be pretty nice. But like you said, Jack is a retard who can't cook for shit.

An example would be something like lazy man's chili where you just get canned tomatoes, beans and ground beef. Or split pea soup or something like that. There's a lot of good things you can make that are easy as hell and lazy

 

[densedance]

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

Yeah, a real lazy man's series where it was an actual way to make a good recipe, from scratch, without too much work would be pretty nice. But like you said, Jack is a retard who can't cook for shit.

An example would be something like lazy man's chili where you just get canned tomatoes, beans and ground beef. Or split pea soup or something like that. There's a lot of good things you can make that are easy as hell and lazy

Adding ham to split pea soup is an easy one.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Adding ham to split pea soup is an easy one.

Yep and you can even just save the leftover ham and hambone from when you have it in another meal. Just throw it in the freezer and toss the bone in there, then remove the bone and cut up the meat and toss it back in there. Split pea soup with ham is amazing. Now I am craving some

 

[WhoBusTank69]

The lazy man shit pisses me off because its not a bad concept for a series. A show centered around every day cooking, bachelor meals, etc, for people that usually open a box or microwave a meal that want to start cooking from scratch more, without the pretentiousness. But that takes some level of intelligence and talent, which Jack does not have. I forget what slop he was throwing together but he was making a crockpot meal, and instead of just tossing everything into the crockpot like a real lazy man recipe, he mixed shit into two separate bowls then combined it into the crockpot. Can't get any easier than that, and he fucked it up.

Weber Cooks nailed that years ago in coaching college student how to cook using a microwave, including this tutorial on how to replicate exquisite Italian cuisine.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Weber Cooks nailed that years ago in coaching college student how to cook using a microwave, including this tutorial on how to replicate exquisite Italian cuisine.

Looks way better than anything Jack has ever made

 

[Marc]

He goes straight from the introduction to telling us he's confused.

Between the Darth Vader downsampling voice and formatting squishing the video so that the indispensable little cartoon midget Jack zooming in a car, 90s comic book font, and unnecessary QR code can be accommodated, Jack is a living Tim and Eric commercial. There's got to be a Sunny D jug of brown piss with a lily pad of sugar under that desk, and a bunch of sticky spatters all over the floor in a silhouette of elephant feet.