Can he hurry up and donate his organs before he ruins them all? He has nothing else to offer humanity at this point and I really, really, REALLY hate his guts.
Doc: (Enters, beaming, clipboard held triumphantly) John! John, my friend! Just the man I wanted to see. Sit tight, don't move a muscle! Well, figuratively speaking, of course. You can breathe.
John: (Eyes wide, hope flickering) Doc? You look... chipper. Did my cholesterol test come back as 'surprisingly festive'?
Doc: (Chuckles, waves a dismissive hand) Better than festive, John! Better than winning the lottery at a Dennys! We have BIG news. Monumental news!
John: Don't toy with me, Doc. Is it...? The triple bypass? The new medication? Did they finally invent low-fat bacon that doesn't taste like sadness?
Doc: (Leans in conspiratorially, his smile practically blinding) John... we have a heart.
John: (Stares, mouth agape) A... a heart? You mean... the heart? My heart?
Doc: The very one! A perfect match! Healthy, strong, ideal size. The transplant coordinator just called. It's available, John. It's happening!
John: (Tears welling up, a choked sob escaping) Oh... oh my god. Doc! I... I don't know what to say! Thank you! Thank you! This is... it's a miracle! (He tries to stand, wobbles, sits back heavily). Who... who do I thank? Who gave me this... this incredible gift? I need to know their name. To honour them. To tell their family...
Doc: (Nodding solemnly, placing a comforting hand on John's shoulder) Of course, John. Of course. It's only right. Dignity, respect, gratitude. Absolutely. (He consults his clipboard, clears his throat). The donor... the selfless individual whose final, magnificent act is granting you decades more life... (He pauses for dramatic effect).
John: (Leaning forward, breathless with reverence) Yes? Who is this angel?
Doc: (Beaming proudly) His name was
Nicholas Robert Rekieta.