I'm probably an idiot for responding to this... likely no answers here that won't make me look foolish. Here goes.
Your FIL is also involved because this is SINGLE SON's child. Even if he himself is useless at home or was useless with raising your husband, he will be involved with your grandchild because that's how it is. If Tilly has kids, you'll likely witness a 180 with Alex.
Yeah my parents in law got screwed over on the kids thing. One child policy meant having a 2nd kid would cost both of them their gov't jobs. I know that Chinese grandparents in general are more hands on with their grandchildren, but they are really invested with her.
You basically cannot be mad at a Chinese Male Only-Child(tm) for acting the way his culture tells him men should be. If he earns you plenty of money /has a good company position, then he's basically doing what he's supposed to do as a husband according to his culture.
You know you're right. I've been too harsh on him. Some of it's a resentment for something related to his work that he couldn't help. He's not half as bad as I've made him out to be, and the Canadian acculturation has done some good for his character in this regard.
He does all of the following:
> walks dog 5x per week (not easy if you've seen our dog)
> puts Tilly to sleep every night
> cooks dinner ~2-3 times per week
> about 50% of pickup and dropoff to daycare
> (seasonally) run snowblower as needed
> pays for biweekly maid service to mop floors and clean bathrooms
> his job which I can't get into here in detail.
So your son left the comfy pampering of mom for his wife, you were likely highly financially supported by his family from your wedding money and likely even had them contribute to your first place. He is used to this. He is accustomed to this. He is, and always will, be babied hardcore by his mom. Your MIL might even get on your case for not babying a grown man enough or making him do "too much housework". She also probably will fuss you over your weight, Tilly's education, your house etc......... this is just how Chinese people are though.
I actually embrace it compared to the relationships in my blood family. I like the closeness and truthfulness and up to date ness. My parents by comparison are distant and it upsets me when I realize they don't really know me that well any more.
Since you won't divorce, you need to get used to it.
I am used to it. I haven't complained about him for months, I don't believe.
@Stan what part of China is your mans from? I can provide further racism insight by knowing his region.
My husband was born in Yingkou City, that's where his mom's side is from.
His dad is from Yangzhong in Jiangsu Province, originally. They met while university students in Beijing.
My husband himself has a kind of complex life tour up to this point. He lived in Yingkou til age two, then moved to Beijing, lived there to age seven or eight, and then he and his mom emigrated to Canada. They got Leafland passports, she got an MBA, and they lived around Toronto with some visits back to China until Alex was like fourteen. Then they returned to Beijing and he completed high school at an English-speaking international school.
Sometimes I joke that his English given name 'Alex' is an acronym for "Anglo Language EXperiment". Because if you were intending to make your child become bilingual with a high degree of literacy, I could see following a protocol like this one where you cross-establish them, return to home for secondary school, and then back to your target nation for college.
I just hope they let you shower (in the olden days they wouldn't let you because of chance of illness).
I was permitted to shower. Mostly my MIL was willing to heed Western advice like permitting me to leave the bed and walk around if I wanted to. The most traditional thing I remember is that my MIL made me a lot of homemade granola bars she prepared in Beijing prepared with black donkey skin gelatin, black sesame seeds, walnut, maltose sugar, and jujube to recover from labor and blood loss.
@Stan
More questions:
1) Who are your favourite users on the forum?
Oh, how could I pick just a few favorites?
Let 100 flowers bloom. Let 100 viewpoints be expressed.
2) Why did you call your daughter Tilly?
Waltzing Matilda lol
3) Are you still going to the gym?
A little bit. Not as much as I should; maybe once a week or so, I should go twice a week. I try to stay active walking the dog with my husband and gardening. But I have hit a bit of a plateau. I am still weighing in at 216 after a few weeks, so I stopped losing weight. I need to tune up what I'm doing a little bit, clearly.
4) Do you have any regrets about joining this website?
I do not. The kiwi autists always have the goods in a major way.
I'm majorly grateful to the Supreme Feeder for not kicking me out once unmasked.
I was permitted to shower. Mostly my MIL was willing to heed Western advice like permitting me to leave the bed and walk around if I wanted to. The most traditional thing I remember is that my MIL made me a lot of homemade granola bars she prepared in Beijing prepared with black donkey skin gelatin, black sesame seeds, walnut, maltose sugar, and jujube to recover from labor and blood loss.
P.S. Oh I do remember her pursing her lips and choosing not to say anything when I drank loads of ice water provided by the hospital staff. Because in trad Chinese postpartum care I think that would have been a no-no and borrowing trouble. Chinese people aren't much for cold drinks or iced drinks... they say it's because of like, Chinese medicine dietetics but I think it's more to do with waterborne pathogens getting killed off if you boil all your water into tea before drinking it.