DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell: General Discussion #2

[Do Not Touch Me Pls]

Doordash or Uber for the rest of his life and never retire is his only viable option

Doordash and Uber Eats are ridiculously easy to stuff up with all the logistic stuff. He'll just stuff up his orders and get trouble by arguing with customers and management. Sooner or later it goes out of control and he will end up arguing with Washington police and they will murder him without question.

 

[Free Jasper]

I think for Phil holding a job would be a lot harder than getting a job.

I could see someone, somewhere eventually falling for the ‘nice guy’ act in the interview, thinking he’s just an eccentric genius and his YouTube career shows a ‘self starter’ or ‘entrepreneur’.

But as someone wisely said a few pages ago; it’s like the scorpion and the frog. It’s just Phils nature to be a cunt to others, even if it’s against his interests. He’d be shitcanned before probation ends. It’s would be the helicopter company all over again where even daddy couldn’t save him.

 

[Lei Wulong's Left Leg]

Phil would be a fantastic customer service rep for Comcast. Can you imagine trying to cancel your service and the guy on the other end of the line talked like Phil?

 

[Iron Hamster]

I could see someone, somewhere eventually falling for the ‘nice guy’ act in the interview, thinking he’s just an eccentric genius and his YouTube career shows a ‘self starter’ or ‘entrepreneur’.

Yeah. He could never live up to his lies.

 

[woc_krava]

Doordash and Uber Eats are ridiculously easy to stuff up with all the logistic stuff. He'll just stuff up his orders and get trouble by arguing with customers and management. Sooner or later it goes out of control and he will end up arguing with Washington police and they will murder him without question.

I think there would be some sort of karmic justice if he ends up working that sort of job. You can see the kind of disdain he feels towards the delivery drivers and how superior he feels towards them.

I really wish I could find the clip. A few years ago he was talking about some delivery driver and he unironically said "As I've gotten older I've figured out that people just do the bare minimum" without a hint of self-awareness.

 

[DiabeticSydePhil]

I fucking knew it. I KNEW Khet wasn't gonna make snacks. I said that Khet making food is the best glimpse we get into her status and lo and behold! She's not making food anymore he's just gonna order it! What a shock!

I miss the start of the Iat arc when he'd randomly post cooking slop she made (usually cookies or brownies) and the only footage we had of her was her hands in a pic or two of dinner at the table.


We assumed at the time she made him stop because her cooking kept getting bullied, but now I wonder if its because she was ballooning up even back then.

I wonder if she's gotten fatter.

 

[Tsoliassssssssssssss]

Phil earns more than me

this fucker makes damn near 3 times

it matters how much you make and how much you have to spend to keep making money.
if phil makes $90k one year, he'd be a couple of payments behind his mortgage and he'd start to credit-card-maxxing again.
he could fuck off to dumb-fuck nowhere, such as west virginia and cut all his expenses down to 1/3 of what they are now and put that other 2/3 towards a 401k or something like that... but because he is retarded he is always going to be a poorfag making a good amount of money.
Do you remember when he had covid for 1 week and begged like a motherfucker trying to recover from 5 days without tips? I believe him.

God damn the back of his head really is flat as fuck

here we call them panheads.

 

[Ivan Daniloff]

I’m tempted to describe this marathon as essential viewing for philologists (no, the other kind) but the gold dust settled among piles of dead air and tedium. A robust cutdown to the best 90 minutes or so is a must-see, however, and I hope we get one or two soon.

This underperforming marathon led me to a realisation: I always had in my mind that Phil earns more than me, but is an idiot and wastes all his money and that's why he has a khando to show for and that's that (besides tech that depreciates with 1% per month according to accounting standards). But this year I calculated it again out of interest, and Phil earns now roughly the same amount as I do per year while being almost ten years older, "working" a day more per week and has to be a begging clown on the Internet for it. As far as I understand the American retirement system, Phil hasn't got anything more than social security (I guess nobody believes that he is able to save via 401k, he also never said that afaik). He has no benefits like being able to purchase the product / services of the company you work at cheaper, or discounts for partner companies or reimbursements for public transport, gyms, employee stocks etc. This guy is living on borrowed time, fully depending on dents and dentractors for the rest of his life. I am not American, but at this point, wouldn't it make more sense to reduce streaming hours and work a part time job and have at least some security/ benefits / career & retirement options? Dents might even increase the tips / h amount. As far as I get it right now, he earns above US average, but he's not strictly well-off unlike 5 years ago when only tips counted and the rest was bonus. Especially if we think about a bum with a college degree who should by now have made a career himself, became a specialist in his field or some sort of team leader. But I talk about Phil, I don't think he is able to find work or hold on to a job for more than a week. Of course, there is also fat Khat who might or might not work part-time.

I would like to read the thoughts of US citizens (not resiDents, ackackack) about this topic.

There’s an old stereotype of poor elders eating cat food. It was this type of image that motivated the creation of Social Security. Phil is on the cat food track considering the likely fate of SS by the time he’s in his mid-70s. I believe he has confirmed he has zero elective retirement savings. I know he cashed out his Sikorsky 401k ages ago, not that that was a significant amount considering he only worked there a few years.

Phil MAKES plenty of money, he just SPENDS all of it the minute he gets it rather than saving. That and the sheer begging desperation in so many streams are why he comes off as such a failure.

If Phil had a sentient spouse, she’d take control of his accounts and place controls on them to shunt a % to savings (that he can’t touch), retirement (ditto), household expenses (ditto), mortgage paydown, tax paydown, and leave him a small amount of petty cash for junk. He’s a bitch and could be bullied into acceding to this, at least in the short term. Whether he’d appreciate a life not consumed with financial stress or murder-suicide because he couldn’t buy junk/gamble every penny away is a question we’ll never answer, because fat Khet is retarded.

 

[Just Some Other Guy]

how many vacation days

You know, that really is a good point that people don't necessarily think about when assigning monetary value to things. For instance I get 18 hours of paid time off a month. If you had nothing else to really do with it for the rest of the year that means you can fuck off for an entire month of work and then some, all paid.

Even if you're all about the "grind" mindset you can sellback your hours at the very least, or idk do some side job shit during all that time off. That's on top of the usual 2 days off, or if you work 10 hour shifts, 3 days off a week you already get at most jobs.

This fucking nigger can hardly take a 2nd day off in a week without it being some big event, let alone a week+ vacation. I sure hope if I was working 6 days a week, every week, every YEAR or my LIFE, that I would be earning 100+k. He says "Oh but I'm working by doing what I love" LIE. This guy always looks like he wants to die. I get it. I would too. I would probably shoot myself except for the fact that I have real family obligations and not a mom-wife and catson to provide for.

That's really the only time I get mad at Phil. When he pulls the wholesome family man just trying to grind away for his family LARP. It's some twisted skinwalking routine of something that millions of normal people do every day because he's some sort of alien trying to blend in.

 

[PigSeed]

LiveStreamFail recently banned political content (Hasan chimping out etc), which has made room for DSP to show up on the main feed more. And deal with more tourists than usual.

Its fantastic timing with the ban tracker, and Phil announcing that hes going to become more autistic about reacting to the trolls.

If Phil had anything resembling a halfwit's impaired sense of smell, he'd catch the stinking whiff of opportunity on this confluence of events and react accordingly. The biggest "pozload my neghole" community in modern history is officially launching you as their new Trigger-Me-Elmo, and an independent resource is providing immediate, reinforcing feedback for the instinctive activity that spurns the interactions to begin with. Money printing, as long as you can manage to animate more than a handful of blinks and snorts every 90 minutes. Tall order for him, sure.

Dave never even bothered to check out the betting site with all the offbeat Super Bowl bets (Gatorade color, National Anthem length, etc,). That was genuinely a good idea for some chill, interactive fun. Phil is a retard and gay.

Again, an issue of Da Business Major and Professional Content Creator leaving obscene riches on the table. His entire brand to detractors (the most engaged and active subset of his audience) is that of a degenerate gambler. LEAN INTO IT. Look at the wildest wagers! Hinge stream rewards on those outcomes! You're a fat, shameless pig that gameifies every aspect of your stream; why not make it somewhat metatextual and fun?

he is spiritually a nigger. like niggers, he cannot understand something as abstract as the future and lives entirely in the now. I'd estimate his foresight extends about a week into the future, and it's gotten shorter over the years.

Hilarious claim to make while he shamelessly slobbers over BBC, assumes the current status quo will exist until the heat death of the universe, transparently condescends to the genuinely-productive members of society, and responds to fact-based inquiry regarding his conduct as existential attacks on his identity. Phil is a mirror, just not one the one you want him to be.

I think there would be some sort of karmic justice if he ends up working that sort of job. You can see the kind of disdain he feels towards the delivery drivers and how superior he feels towards them.

I really wish I could find the clip. A few years ago he was talking about some delivery driver and he unironically said "As I've gotten older I've figured out that people just do the bare minimum" without a hint of self-awareness.

There's a sad irony in the most poetic DSP end. If his overall arc was scripted for an A24 character piece, he would die at the hands of a deranged psychopath who stabs him to death for no reason. It would be the ultimate "nothing I could do, dood" end that technically capstones his life as an uncontrolled tragedy, after decades of unjustly making that kind of claim.



Anyway, here's Dave responding to a long-time supporter asking for even-handed nuance

 

[DerichLovesSSI]

Even crazier is that he really does do what he thinks is best for views, talks about views often enough and even does on stream view count audits and does probably 1-2 hours of extra "work" a day trying to increase those views.

He could just leave stream vods up and pay Darziak whatever percentage of the video $ to cut together gameplay from the vods and make as much or more money because he wouldn't fuck up his metrics or watch time that way.

He legit is killing his channel with what he is doing and is quickly shifting his entire income to donations. He is so far behind the YouTube meta it is actually insane almost every single action he takes is a negative for his channel currently.

Shut up you dunce, tips are the liquidity of his business, ya get it?

 

[TheGreatWhiteNorth]

Even crazier is that he really does do what he thinks is best for views, talks about views often enough and even does on stream view count audits and does probably 1-2 hours of extra "work" a day trying to increase those views.

Using clickbait titles and delving into drama (all the while claiming he’s not into drama) will get old real fast. As with everything he does, it’ll be too late, yet he’ll shoehorn his entire content into it and kill off every remaining fan for quickly diminishing returns.

 

[Choom]

Since I started logging Phil's marathon totals since the middle of last year, I guess I'll do it again this year, if I can stomach it. I'm late on this one since I couldn't stay awake for this painfully boring (even by Phil's standards) marathon, but I wanted to make a post basically just to have it archived and easy to find for myself.
$455 (his count) for the unnamed February marathon.
As I said I only starting logging since mid 2025, but this was the lowest total since I've started keeping track.
I'm just now getting caught up on things, and it seems it was pretty uneventful. No big whalin' (top tip was $20). Big copin' by Phil, stating that this marathon didn't bring in big bucks because it wasn't a "themed" marathon.

 

[Jang Joo]

I haven't been in the thread in a minute but I'm still orbiting the vortex. I was watching the latest memeology and something struck me. It might be the new camera but Phil now has a permanent sad light in his eyes that I don't think was there before. His absolute psychosis has been accelerating the last few months but the pace is going to keep picking up. Stay tuned for the birthday stream in April, I feel it's gonna be one for the anals (ACKACKACKACK) of history.

 

[W@rui]

DSP has the ugliest looking jerseys.

 

[sarenghetto]

DSP has the ugliest looking jerseys.

I'd guess all of his jerseys are at a minimum 1 decade old. Probably hardly ever washed, accumulated with alcohol induced pig sweat and gunk.

 

[Choom]

I'd guess all of his jerseys are at a minimum 1 decade old. Probably hardly ever washed, accumulated with alcohol induced pig sweat and gunk.

They're over 20 years old. He bought custom jerseys with his name/handle printed on them to wear to fighting game tournaments way back when he was competing in them.
Yes, even a young DSP couldn't wait to spend every red cent he earned as quickly as possible on the absolute dumbest shit that he thought made him look cool to other people. And I think that was at a time when he was working a near minimum wage job at Best Buy.

 

[SCV]

At the very end of the stream Phil finally can't take it anymore and CRASHES OUT over Asmon King Snaking him (swallowing him from behind!)


View attachment 8518640

He has sounded multiple times like he was going to cry today, ever since he saw the Asmon reaction.

"You little insignificant bugs"
"The more you bother me the less I'll react to it"
I'm not owned! I'm not owned! I continue to insist as a I transform into a corncob.

Also here's a version 1/8th the size that my tor peeps should be able to stream

 

[sarenghetto]

They're over 20 years old. He bought custom jerseys with his name/handle printed on them to wear to fighting game tournaments way back when he was competing in them.
Yes, even a young DSP couldn't wait to spend every red cent he earned as quickly as possible on the absolute dumbest shit that he thought made him look cool to other people. And I think that was at a time when he was working a near minimum wage job at Best Buy.

I knew the blue Panthers colored jersey is from the FGC days.

You’re telling me he has MULTIPLE custom made jerseys?

 

[Gee Willows Wilson!]

it wasn't a "themed" marathon.

I thought it was his Superbowl Valentines themed marathon.

He can't even keep that fucking straight.