🍗 Deathfat Jude Valentin / Jude Torres / Judy Valentin / DivineBrujeria / MermaidRoyal / MermaidQueenJude / MerQueenJude - Cancelled Twitch Streaming Clout Chaser, Wannabe Photographer. Cancellation event starting on page 838

[PurpleEater]

Indirect e begging for a MacBook

View attachment 8771903

Also wants a sternum tattoo (but top surgery first)

View attachment 8771906

She’s penciling in pooner staches now. The chance of her actually pursuing a teet yeet in the next year is non zero

View attachment 8771897

No doubt she wants the most expensive one with 1-2 TB of storage. She could get one cheaper if she wanted to but never anything less than for our Jude!

 

[PurpleEater]

I mean, who WOULDN'T recommend a photographer who takes and posts pictures like this??


Jude shilled her services yet again with a full body sneak peek of just how massive she's gotten:

She also updated her prices yet again, for whatever reason. She seems to do this monthly. Each has a retainer fee of $250 which includes a styling consultation (what if you don't want that?). Generous and creatively named offers include:

- Sun Collection ($400) for one hour and 5 retouched images
- Moon Collection ($600) for two hours and 10 retouched images
- Star Collection ($800) for three hours and 15 retouched images

Looks like no RAW files are offered. There's also:

- Lovers Collection ($600) for a couple (or throuple!) session for 2 hours and 10 retouched images
- Coven Collection (850) for a group of up to four people for a 3 hour session with 20 retouched images (more people can be added with a fee)

You can also get upgrades like content creation sessions (help filming content for socials, lol) and extra retouched images (again, no RAW). can't imagine why Jude wouldn't want anyone to see her unretouched images!!! /sneed

bonus footage of Michaela rambling about her tarot reading and how it told her that being a DJ is "revolutionary" or something in the same word salad style of speech that Jude uses:

girl, shut up.

 

[SwiftBucks]

I'm always floored when I realize these gorls are in their 30s. This kind of artsy floundering is fine in your 20s but you're supposed to grow out of it.

 

[PurpleEater]

pooner arc coming soon?

"happy trans day of visibility from your local nonbinary brujx

tapping into my masculine side this year has been so affirming, and something i never predicted. truly just, very full circles in ways i can't describe or encapsulate in this caption.

thank you to @perrydrawstoo and @mhic.live for holding me down and giving me permission during the big gender crash out of 2025

i look forward to seeing who i become by the time this rolls around next year. what a blessing and an honor to be the queer and trans person i've always yearned to become."

 

[The Queen of Autists]

Some stills from that video in case you wanted a closer look at the photos.

 

[Narwhal]

Michaela is really leaning into the sped look, isn't she? Also, every single woman I've ever met who is really into tarot cards and actually believes it is a complete BPD nutcase, should you ever meet one run away as fast as you can, it's really not worth it.

 

[P. Barnes’ THOT 2.0]

Some stills from that video in case you wanted a closer look at the photos.

all these people look like they stink

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Some stills from that video in case you wanted a closer look at the photos.

Behold, stretched out before us is a field. A field of wasted time, of lacking talent, of utter and complete shit.

Woof. My goblin's iphone photo gallery is more visually appeasing, and most of it is retarded closeups of the household cat and parrot at the most unflattering angles imaginable.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Threads version of her TDOV post (or some of them; she made a few). Ends with generic begging




Additional begging for money so she can buy more boy clothes on Depop




Her pooner arc should be happening very soon (likely by June). Shes been consuming a lot of media particularly popular with people of gender, such as I Saw the TV Glow and Dead by Daylight




Along with begging for clothes money, she’s begging for clients. Not just for her photography business, but for something called Dyke Camp








Most importantly, Orion is doing well

 

[thejackal2]

Is this the thing she's promoting? Tickets start at 71 dollars.

Dyke Camp is a fully-catered weekend getaway retreat experience by and for dykes and trans folk.

It’s the event all of you have been waiting for! Dyke Camp is BACK and better than ever. A retreat by and for dykes/trans folks who need to escape for a weekend! Dyke Camp will be held at Camp Ramblewood in Darlington, MD - only a 2 ½ hour drive/train ride from NYC!​

We’ve got it all - art classes ranging from linocut to cyanotype printing, shibari, yoga, a pool, lube wrestling, volleyball, pickle ball, basketball, fishing, canoeing, a house party, drag, speed dating & MORE!



This year everyone will receive a comfortable bed to themselves in cabins supplied with electricity for your comfort! There are 8-10 people to a cabin but you are allowed to bring your tents if you want some more privacy - the ticket price does not change! Cabin selection will come later



Meals are INCLUDED and will be prepared by chefs with your taste in mind; vegetarian, vegan and gluten free options available for no extra cost! BYOB ( & ), but our friends at Eaton Botanicals will be providing some welcome goodies for our attendees...

8 fat hairy smelly dykes in a cabin in summer in the DMV, sounds lovely.

 

[JuniperFalls]

Is this the thing she's promoting? Tickets start at 71 dollars.

"This year everyone will receive a comfortable bed to themselves in cabins supplied with electricity for your comfort!"

WTF? Last year, did people have to share beds? Did they not have electricity?

Setting aside the other issues, this is just terrible writing.

 

[meemaidqueenjudefan]

For her to pretend she was ever "hyper femme"

 

[SwiftBucks]

Some stills from that video in case you wanted a closer look at the photos.

Two of those photos are actually not as bad as her usual stuff, 3103 and 3104. One day she might finally understand depth of field and lenses in general. 3108 finally gives us a photo that uses color and shadow in a way that doesnt assault the eyes.

I wonder if this is mhic's doing or a monkeys and typewriters thing

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Two of those photos are actually not as bad as her usual stuff, 3103 and 3104. One day she might finally understand depth of field and lenses in general. 3108 finally gives us a photo that uses color and shadow in a way that doesnt assault the eyes.

I will state that 3103 and 3104 aren't as terrible as her normal shit, but they still look about as high quality as what I can obtain with my phone that can double as a potato. This is nowhere near amateur quality, much less 'professional enough to warrant being paid more than $50 for the effort'.

3108 is the only one that I actually like. It's the only one that's marginally creative. And it's an idea that's been done to fucking death against much more dynamic and intriguing backgrounds with much more dynamic and emotive subjects.

 

[HamFan]

Depop

My first thought was, what a loser for not thrifting in NYC, then I remembered how fat she is. That does make it a bit harder, I imagine, but she'd find some stuff, especially looking for men's clothes. What else does she have to do? (Rhetorical, I know the answer is lie around stuffing her face, which she can do while shopping depop.)

I think it's funny that she announces a price hike, several months in advance, like it's a special thing clients should look forward to. I know in her pea brain, she thinks it's promoting the current prices, but I don't think it works that way. Also the reason for the price hike? Feeling it in her spirit! Seems justified.

TIL hyper femme nonbinary to masc pipeline is a thing. I'll watch out for that.

Whatever happened to their urgent need to leave their UnSAfe section 8 apartment?

 

[Angry New Ager]

Whatever happened to their urgent need to leave their UnSAfe section 8 apartment?

Nobody rushed in to fund the move (Jude has already played that token, played it badly, and all it got her was a Kiwi Farms thread).

Also, if they went apartment-hunting, they quickly discovered that nobody wants to rent to a pair of marginally-employed "creatives" without the Bank of Michaela's Mom and Dad co-signing the lease (which they would be justifiably unwilling to do), and that staying in the Section 8 apartment is the best deal they're ever going to get.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Still manifesting camera equipment (and customers)






Forget birthday month, prices are actually changing on the summer solstice (jk, they’ll change fifty times before then)



Don’t need no smart talk or lobotomy



She’s a proud born New Yorker that took public transit in New York in her 30s, please clap




Actually, no, she got lost faster than Kevin McAllister. Am baby, stuff happens



Bear with her, she’s chronically ill and can’t use her flash half the time anyway due to fibro. Send pet pics

 

[stupid frog]

This bitch is so insufferable, lol

 

[PurpleEater]

Lube wrestling...? A bed to yourself and electricity "for comfort?" The description for Camp Dyke sounds like a bad parody someone wrote while high and making fun of the Alphabet People.

I can't imagine the manic, insanely insufferable Cluster B conversations/spergouts Jude and Michaela have about ideas for shit like this, all ending in them frantically groping and sweating and pawing at each other while telling the other "NO YOU'RE A GEINUS!!!". Horrifying thought.

Considering her pooner brother and general sped-ness, I'm curious to know more about Michaela's parents. She's definitely a trust fund baby/"creative" who is surely putting her parent's hard-earned cash to good use with projects like Camp Dyke, DJing coffee shops at 7 pm while sitting down on a laptop, and whatever this supposed to be:

 

[OttoWest]

Considering her pooner brother and general sped-ness, I'm curious to know more about Michaela's parents. She's definitely a trust fund baby/"creative" who is surely putting her parent's hard-earned cash to good use with projects like Camp Dyke, DJing coffee shops at 7 pm while sitting down on a laptop, and whatever this supposed to be:

I did a puddle dive here. Mom is a marketing executive, Dad was a graphic designer who passed away a few years ago.

A coaster with an uneven surface. Seems about right.