Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[His Dewliness]

So here's a question for the Bob experts out there. (I'm no expert ... more of a failed gadfly.) What exactly is motivating this ridiculous Batman v. Superman review? As noted, it's going to be longer than all three of the Plinkett Star Wars reviews combined. Monetization is likely off the table. So why bother? This isn't Dobson coming up with bullshit reasons he can't do a strip, or Brianna Wu faking a Congressional campaign. This is real, honest work being put into something for hours and hours (ok, no, it's not building a house or driving an ambulance, but by lolcow standards this is pretty extreme). Why all this effort?

I know the glib answer -- when in doubt, the answer is :autism: -- but do our masters of Boblore think there's something more calculated going on here? Is this actually an effort to make something on the level of the Plinkett reviews and finally hit the big time? There are dozens of reasons that won't happen -- number one being this is Bob we're talking about, and number two being no one gives a shit about about this movie -- but I really wonder if he's delusional enough to think this is going be his magnum opus and the thing that finally puts him on the map.

I'm no Boblore pro either but I can see him doing this for a couple of reasons. First and foremost is probably his Marvel good, DC bad obsession - he wants to rip BvS to shreds and make super cool and great suggestions on how to make it better BUT he's so out of touch he doesn't realise that everyone's already done that before and that nobody really cares about BvS.

I reckon this is just a pet project of his that's gotten waaay out of hand. I can see it being something that's taken up too much of his time and distracted him from his usual staple uploads so he's sunk even more time and effort into the BvS video in an attempt to justify how much time it's taken up (I think we've all been guilty of this in the past, it can be hard to let a project you enjoy fall by the wayside).

Bob attempting to go the Plinkett route doesn't seem quite right to me since his stuff is usually very different in terms of tone and dynamic, also hopefully he's realised that RLM are generally just better than him at creating content. Having said that it wouldn't surprise me if his ulterior motive for creating this is the vague hope it'll help him take off a bit.

The key to looking at Bob is to remember that all he does all day is make his videos, post on twitter and play video games - as such his scope of what people care about is way out of sync with reality to the point where he believes an epic review/analysis/whatever of a film nobody cares about will garner interest from onlookers. His primary aim is still probably to make people hear his opinions about an irrelevant movie rather than any career motivation.

Tl:dr - I think it's a passion project he sunk too much time into then said fuck it and sunk ALL his time into it. He might also be dumb enough to think anyone will care because he's so insular that he has almost no understanding of what is popular or good in this world but I don't think that's his primary goal.

 

[RockVolnutt]

So here's a question for the Bob experts out there. (I'm no expert ... more of a failed gadfly.) What exactly is motivating this ridiculous Batman v. Superman review? As noted, it's going to be longer than all three of the Plinkett Star Wars reviews combined. Monetization is likely off the table. So why bother? This isn't Dobson coming up with bullshit reasons he can't do a strip, or Brianna Wu faking a Congressional campaign. This is real, honest work being put into something for hours and hours (ok, no, it's not building a house or driving an ambulance, but by lolcow standards this is pretty extreme). Why all this effort?

I know the glib answer -- when in doubt, the answer is :autism: -- but do our masters of Boblore think there's something more calculated going on here? Is this actually an effort to make something on the level of the Plinkett reviews and finally hit the big time? There are dozens of reasons that won't happen -- number one being this is Bob we're talking about, and number two being no one gives a shit about about this movie -- but I really wonder if he's delusional enough to think this is going be his magnum opus and the thing that finally puts him on the map.

My guess is still this being the sequel to his "Vietnam" he had when Sega became Nintendo's competitor. He wants to destroy his rivals and write them out of the history books.

^ At this point it doesn't matter what Warner and Marvel Studios do or do not do. In 5 years at the most the capeshit bubble will if not crash at least suffer a notable decline and that will most certainly include Bob's beloved MCU. Same things gonna happen with Disney Star Wars too. No matter good you get at making all you films at the very least watchable like Marvel and Disney Star Wars have people will always just get tired of it after enough time. Not that any of that is on Bob's radar. As far as he is concerned the MCU is God's/Mario's/Hillary's gift to the film making industry and should continue on for all time. Any setbacks or failures are purely the fault of Obsolete Americans not appreciating the efforts of the Hollywood Superior Elite.

Probably. Star Wars is going to be dead once the current trilogy ends but I could see the MCU/DCEU surviving for a bit longer if they bothered to diversify their movies. Not everything Marvel or DC owns is capeshit and I think it'd be smart to move beyond it rather than trying to make a Speedball film a billion dollar franchise. Doubt Disney would bother laying low like that as it's not as profitable in the short term.

idk, it's interesting to theorize what would happen to Studios in that scenario since capeshit films and being the Mouse's current favorite son is all they have. Maybe that's how Marvel Entertainment gets unfucked, Studios turns around to take over when they have nothing else to do.

 

[Gordon Cole]

So here's a question for the Bob experts out there. (I'm no expert ... more of a failed gadfly.) What exactly is motivating this ridiculous Batman v. Superman review? As noted, it's going to be longer than all three of the Plinkett Star Wars reviews combined. Monetization is likely off the table. So why bother? This isn't Dobson coming up with bullshit reasons he can't do a strip, or Brianna Wu faking a Congressional campaign. This is real, honest work being put into something for hours and hours (ok, no, it's not building a house or driving an ambulance, but by lolcow standards this is pretty extreme). Why all this effort?

I know the glib answer -- when in doubt, the answer is :autism: -- but do our masters of Boblore think there's something more calculated going on here? Is this actually an effort to make something on the level of the Plinkett reviews and finally hit the big time? There are dozens of reasons that won't happen -- number one being this is Bob we're talking about, and number two being no one gives a shit about about this movie -- but I really wonder if he's delusional enough to think this is going be his magnum opus and the thing that finally puts him on the map.

Let's run down the rationales of why:
1. Unwarranted self-importance.
2. A misguided stab at another fifteen minutes of fame a la his reviews post-Pixels.
3. Trying way too hard to look smart, but is too lazy to pick a movie/director/studio worth the effort.
4. "Make Mine Marvel" is his "Allahu Akbar" :islamic:
5. It's all an elaborate ploy to try and get Lindsay Ellis to fuck him.
6. All of the above (My theory.)

 

[Oh Long Johnson]

I think it is simple. A youtube wanker who usually gets 30k views per video got 200k views in a week for posting long form autism. He thinks he's blowing up and has decided to ride the wave.

Why anyone would subject themselves to this near endless tripe is beyond me, but it apparently has an audience.

 

[A Random]

...okay, someone please confirm for me, because I'm confused.

How much of video 1 was spent talking about the movie?

 

[Gordon Cole]

...okay, someone please confirm for me, because I'm confused.

How much of video 1 was spent talking about the movie?

Seeing how it's an hour-and-a-half long, and has random digressions about Westerns and Spider-Man: Homecoming that just barely tie into BvS, I'm gonna guess about 45 minutes.

What a pathetic magnum opus.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

Did his latest review get posted here yet?

 

[Brother Wind]

So, first thing that really sticks out is that his audio editing has gotten really bad. Like when he switches from camera to voice over, it like cuts out a beat and it sounds so bad.

But otherwise, Christ this was word soup. Like, I knew all of the words he said. Because I'm a well read scholarly type. But, so much of it seemed the equivalent of replacing ummm with whatever his thesaurus recommended to this portly illegitimate charlatan who has stricken me with the doubt of his capabilities of elucidating a window, much less his thoughts.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Did his latest review get posted here yet?

I'm not clicking it, because I saw that movie yesterday and here's my take:

About Poirot himself, I know little of the character of Poirot, but I understood his character by the end of the film, he's obsessive compulsive and has a very logical mind. He's highly Catholic in the books,which ends up being important in Orient Express, but that's dropped for this film, and even then the plot point that his Catholicism provided still happens and still works.

Aside from changes to Poirot himself, the biggest change is there's a doctor in the cast who's black, because that's Kenneth's thing (the director of this is the same guy who directed Thor and is the reason we have Idris Elba as Heimdall). Does Bob mention that? Kenneth is also the guy playing Poirot, and most would groan at that but I've seen Kenneth in other things, the dude is a highly trained Shakespearean actor and he knows how to Poirot.

The plot of Orient Express, for people not in the know, is that a murder happens on the famous train (Hence the, you know, the fucking name) while Hercule Poirot is on board. The conductor, a friend of his, begs him to solve the murder and he does so-however, Poirot knows the murder victim is also a murderer himself, the perpetrator of "The Armstrong Case" in which a young child was kidnapped and murdered. Slowly, Poirot discovers that everyone on board is connected by some fashion to the Armstrong Case, and I can't say much more without giving the rest away.

According to my mother and grandmother, whom I saw the movie with, there's more action in this then in other adaptations, but that amounts to a brief chase after someone and a "wrestling over the gun" scene. Poirot is just meant to be so OCD he doesn't even touch other people (or maybe that's germaphobic? Whatever).

This all said, the movie knows its camerawork. The shots give an intense feeling of claustrophobia, even during the outdoor scenes once we're on the train. Every actor is incredible, and I'm fairly certain Kenneth himself acts in at least three different languages-I counted English, French, and German. Hell, even Johnny Depp puts in an incredibly restrained performance as an American Car Salesman.

All in all, it's a fantastic movie, and if you love mysteries, the story itself is a classic for a reason. If a murder mystery, or just any part of what I've mentioned is appealing to you in the slightest, it's worth seeing at some point in your life (I'm not saying go see it in theater because I would never recommend that).

There, I just gave my review of it and it was probably a better, more informative read then MovieBob's schlock. Tell me he called the movie racist because the doctor being black is actually a plot point (the conductor says he'll be blamed because he's black).

 

[Mola Ram]

Honestly, his review isn't awful so much as it is pointless. He's adopted this rapid-fire style that causes all his verbiage to wash over you in an unvarying wave, to the point it's hard to recognize what point he's making or follow his train of thought, such as it is. It's completely artificial, by the way -- @Jaracainofthewind correctly points out the brutally hard audio edits that jar in your ears and with which he makes himself seem to be speaking even more quickly than he is.

Some stray observations:

- The Bahstahn accent is faker than ever. He actually completely abandons it after a certain point, and earlier on you can hear it in some words but not others in the same sentence.

- Anyone who defines Branagh as a "ham" has clearly never seen his chilling, nuanced performance as Reinhard Heydrich in Conspiracy. Some film buff. Also, he mispronounces Derek Jacobi's name.

- He misuses the word "comprise," but at this point I've given up that fight. Still irritates me, though.

- Compares Poirot to superhero movies because of course he does.

- His cheeks are somehow even gaunter -- I can't explain it, but he has hollows on top of his hollows.

- Either he needs help with his lighting or he is on the verge of liver failure, because his skin tone is at an almost Simpsonish level of yellow.

All in all, not actively offensive, full of plenty of Bob's stupidities and poor filmmaking choices, but ultimately too short to really make much of an impression. 2 1/2 flaming hearts out of 4.

 

[Dukect]

- Anyone who defines Branagh as a "ham" has clearly never seen his chilling, nuanced performance as Reinhard Heydrich in Conspiracy. Some film buff. Also, he mispronounces Derek Jacobi's name.

Interesting I've never heard of that movie I'm going to check this out tomorrow after class thanks for the recommendation

 

[Doctor Stan]

So, first thing that really sticks out is that his audio editing has gotten really bad. Like when he switches from camera to voice over, it like cuts out a beat and it sounds so bad.

But otherwise, Christ this was word soup. Like, I knew all of the words he said. Because I'm a well read scholarly type. But, so much of it seemed the equivalent of replacing ummm with whatever his thesaurus recommended to this portly illegitimate charlatan who has stricken me with the doubt of his capabilities of elucidating a window, much less his thoughts.

It sounds like after a point he isn't speaking real words, especially with the forced fake Boston accent. Nobody sounds like that, and it's especially awful when he drops it, picks it up again, and drops it again before he's done with the paragraph. Also, the excelent quote of 'He doesn't so much chew the scenery as pull it in like a collapsing star' is a very fitting quote of the blob himself.

And look at this man, he looks terrible. The sunken cheeks, the thinning hairline, the glasses are probably hiding sunken eyes with the grief of a thousand worlds.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

@Mola Ram back that crazy train to Kali-ma up. A "ham"? No. Kenneth plays Poirot as an eccentric yet perfect gentleman. Hamminess does happen in some stories as Poirot abuses his Belgian accent to make people believe he's just a stupid foreigner, but it's established in Orient Express that he's world famous and can't pull that shit anymore.

Things get hectic when he's accusing the murder victim's secretary and during the "parlor room scene" (for the uninitiated, that's when the clever detective gathers everyone in a room and reveals who did it, how they did it and how the detective figured it out), but it's not ham at all. It's tense and dramatic because Poirot is laying some serious accusations down.

Of course, if Bob fucking knew what drama fucking meant, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Some of the humor is a bit cheesy (one of the first jokes involves the three suspects in a robbery, all of whom are holy men of different faiths and Poirot says it sounds like a "walk into a bar" joke), but it's forgiveable because the writing is very strong. I would use many words to describe Kenneth's acting and hammy is not one of them.

Fuck I'm sperging so hard but you gotta understand, this was a good movie and Bob has no idea WHY it was.

 

[Gordon Cole]

View attachment 312750
And look at this man, he looks terrible. The sunken cheeks, the thinning hairline, the glasses are probably hiding sunken eyes with the grief of a thousand worlds.

See for yourself:

 

[X-Shaped Weeaboo]

See for yourself:
View attachment 312760

He looks like he's melting.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

I feel like I’m watching a slow motion suicide.

 

[vertexwindi]

See for yourself:
View attachment 312760

People like Bob are a good inspiration to improve your health at least.

 

[The Colonel]

See for yourself:
View attachment 312760

That's just what the superior future looks like.

 

[Flexo]

Fuck I'm sperging so hard but you gotta understand, this was a good movie and Bob has no idea WHY it was.

That's our Bob!

Hm. Our photoshoppers need to make that up into some kind of logo we can slap onto his trends.

 

[TheImportantFart]

Our photoshoppers need to make that up into some kind of logo we can slap onto his trends.

Just wait til I finish work...

Unless somebody ninjas me.