Containment Random Chris Updates

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

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Oh great, the dork who wants to piggyback on Chris's e-fame is going to try to cash in. Everyone ready for an unfunny and uninteresting video?

I agree, the problem is while Chris isn't typically prone to having sperg outs when he does have one he lashes out on an innocent person (Or sometimes an innocent store display) and he can do a lot more damage with a weapon.

Has Chris ever even been in a real fight? If he wants to toughen up maybe someone should tell him to join his local roller derby team since that seems to be a big thing for troon lesbians right now.

I wonder how quick to the draw he is? I can't imagine he can grab the bat from his back all that quickly

 

[MahFibro!]

I wonder how quick to the draw he is? I can't imagine he can grab the bat from his back all that quickly

I could see him try to draw it out like a samurai sword and have it get stuck halfway out; resulting in CWC struggling to set it free by swinging it around haphazardly - only to give up and just start swinging with it; bag and all.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

Lol, it's sheathed like a fucking samurai sword. To be there when he attempts to use it... wonder how long it would take for him to pull it out and hold it defensively. And can you imagine his swing? Pretty confident any able bodied brute male could disarm him of the bat easily if he busted it out. He's better off just screaming "Help!" At the top of his lungs than wielding that bat if he ever feels threatened. He could escalate a benign situation into a dangerous one quickly if he's not careful.

I'm just glad the ideaguy never pitched a Kitana. Chris would kill himself trying to slice spam.

 

[4Macie]

@Marvin
Chris's bat, do you think he would honestly use it? He's used mace, but I feel like that was because Chris didn't actually have to do anything other than aim and press a button. A bat requires physical movement and connection.

The way he carries it just feels like it's all for show. Him trying to 'unsheathe' it is going to take enough time that the person is going to be able to run away...

 

[Mason Verger]

@Marvin
Chris's bat, do you think he would honestly use it? He's used mace, but I feel like that was because Chris didn't actually have to do anything other than aim and press a button. A bat requires physical movement and connection.

The way he carries it just feels like it's all for show. Him trying to 'unsheathe' it is going to take enough time that the person is going to be able to run away...

This reminds me of that writing trope "Chekovs Gun", where if you introduce a gun hanging on the wall in the first act, you have to use it by the third act. Chris is totally going to use that bat someday. It will be glorious.

 

[Subconcious Offense]

@Marvin
Chris's bat, do you think he would honestly use it? He's used mace, but I feel like that was because Chris didn't actually have to do anything other than aim and press a button. A bat requires physical movement and connection.

The way he carries it just feels like it's all for show. Him trying to 'unsheathe' it is going to take enough time that the person is going to be able to run away...

He'll probably just flick it sassily.

 

[nvrwastetree]

Has Chris ever even been in a real fight? If he wants to toughen up maybe someone should tell him to join his local roller derby team since that seems to be a big thing for troon lesbians right now.

I think the only recorded or documented case is when Chris got his face punched in on the school bus because someone took the front seat (he wasn't able to get off first), and when the dude told him to fuck off, Chris flipped out, and promptly got knocked out. The second documented incident was at the game place during a Pokemon card tourney. I think Chris was pissed cause he lost, stood up from his chair and told someone he was going to kick their teeth in, when the other person stood up ready to fight, Chris backed down. So I don't believe he's ever gotten an ass beating unless Barb delivered it. Also, if he wants to join a roller derby team, we should set him up with Phil, that idiot love roller derby.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

I think the only recorded or documented case is when Chris got his face punched in on the school bus because someone took the front seat (he wasn't able to get off first), and when the dude told him to fuck off, Chris flipped out, and promptly got knocked out. The second documented incident was at the game place during a Pokemon card tourney. I think Chris was pissed cause he lost, stood up from his chair and told someone he was going to kick their teeth in, when the other person stood up ready to fight, Chris backed down. So I don't believe he's ever gotten an ass beating unless Barb delivered it. Also, if he wants to join a roller derby team, we should set him up with Phil, that idiot love roller derby.

What would they be called, the double unclit twins? Or Tweedle Dee and Tweedle anti-Trump?

 

[Marvin]

Chris's bat, do you think he would honestly use it? He's used mace, but I feel like that was because Chris didn't actually have to do anything other than aim and press a button. A bat requires physical movement and connection.

I don't think he'd use it.

The way he carries it just feels like it's all for show. Him trying to 'unsheathe' it is going to take enough time that the person is going to be able to run away...

It's a comfort blanket to him.

He probably believes he's going to be in a situation one day where he needs to use it. I don't think it'll ever actually happen though.

It ever came to the point where he has to either:
1. run away
2. throw down

I don't think he'd choose #2 and pull out the bat.

Maybe the closest he'd get is waddling away and fumbling with the bat trying to pull it out.

 

[Subconcious Offense]

I don't think he'd use it.

It's a comfort blanket to him.

He probably believes he's going to be in a situation one day where he needs to use it. I don't think it'll ever actually happen though.

It ever came to the point where he has to either:
1. run away
2. throw down

I don't think he'd choose #2 and pull out the bat.

Maybe the closest he'd get is waddling away and fumbling with the bat trying to pull it out.

More importantly it's just a fucking toy. The only way he would use it is if he needed to shove something up his ass again.

 

[Okkervils]

I don't think he'd use it.

It's a comfort blanket to him.

He probably believes he's going to be in a situation one day where he needs to use it. I don't think it'll ever actually happen though.

It ever came to the point where he has to either:
1. run away
2. throw down

I don't think he'd choose #2 and pull out the bat.

Maybe the closest he'd get is waddling away and fumbling with the bat trying to pull it out.

I agree, I think it's gives him a sense of security, especially with his "people are out to get me" mindset. Plus, when you mace someone, you don't have to be in close contact. When you run someone over, you don't have to be in close contact.

If he uses that bat he's going to have to get in close and I think he'd run away before that. Despite what Chris has done in regards to his assault history, he doesn't seem like the type to desire a physical fight where he (in his mind) could get hurt.

Then again, I never thought he'd mace someone before it happened so it's really just autistic speculation on my part.

 

[Marvin]

I agree, I think it's gives him a sense of security, especially with his "people are out to get me" mindset. Plus, when you mace someone, you don't have to be in close contact. When you run someone over, you don't have to be in close contact.

If he uses that bat he's going to have to get in close and I think he'd run away before that. Despite what Chris has done in regards to his assault history, he doesn't seem like the type to desire a physical fight where he (in his mind) could get hurt.

Then again, I never thought he'd mace someone before it happened so it's really just autistic speculation on my part.

Well, I mean, go back and rewatch the macing video.

Chris was waddling out of there as fast as his little stick legs could carry him. He wasn't like, taking some pistol firing stance and spraying the dude straight in the face.

You could use that as the virgin half of a "virgin vs chad" meme, as chris spritzes downward as he makes his escape.

Heh, Chris is like an IRL zoidberg.

 

[Okkervils]

Well, I mean, go back and rewatch the macing video.

Chris was waddling out of there as fast as his little stick legs could carry him. He wasn't like, taking some pistol firing stance and spraying the dude straight in the face.

Exactly. He doesn't strike me as the 'stand your ground' type. Maybe a cheap shot while running away but that's about it.

GameStop dude was basically spritzed on his shirt. Still must've stung a little, but I bet he was fine within 10 minutes. Not like it was a direct hit or anything, like you said.

 

[Idea Waifu]

If you haven't tried paying him, how do you know his tweets are paid content?

hes doing paid videos , paid shoutout, hes tweets sometime look like they weren't written by him, basically i don't have any evidence other than assumptions, that's why i said it's easy just to contact him, pay him money so he can put your tweet and use it as evidence, but im going full retard here, so i better shut the fuck up

 

[MahFibro!]

This reminds me of that writing trope "Chekovs Gun", where if you introduce a gun hanging on the wall in the first act, you have to use it by the third act. Chris is totally going to use that bat someday. It will be glorious.

No doubt.

Here's hoping nobody gets hurt in the process.

More importantly it's just a fucking toy. The only way he would use it is if he needed to shove something up his ass again.

It's a toy that can do some serious damage under the right circumstances. And a pissed off tard - and I mean, really raging - can be rather unsettling/scary; especially if they're holding something that could easily become a lethal weapon.

 

[trueandhonestfan]

The second documented incident was at the game place during a Pokemon card tourney. I think Chris was pissed cause he lost, stood up from his chair and told someone he was going to kick their teeth in, when the other person stood up ready to fight, Chris backed down.

Assuming you're talking about the thing that Mimms mentioned, some regular named TJ (who was actually good at card games) told Chris he was never gonna get laid and Chris yelled "I'm gonna smack your effin face down" or something and when TJ stood up Chris said "I meant your face down monster" and backed down to avoid a literal game of Kick the Autistic.

 

[dacwcman68]

I think the only recorded or documented case is when Chris got his face punched in on the school bus because someone took the front seat (he wasn't able to get off first), and when the dude told him to fuck off, Chris flipped out, and promptly got knocked out.

Y’know, now that we learned that Chris is 0.001% black from his 23&me, this story is a lot more impactful to me, Chris was just fighting for the same rights Rosa Parks fought for.

 

[Nurse Ratchet]

No doubt.

Here's hoping nobody gets hurt in the process.




It's a toy that can do some serious damage under the right circumstances. And a pissed off tard - and I mean, really raging - can be rather unsettling/scary; especially if they're holding something that could easily become a lethal weapon.

.....A lot of you guys sure know an awful lot about children's toy bats...

...do any of you moonlight as Dutch escorts, by any chance? Asking for a friend.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

I doubt Chris could even AFFORD a katana and even he has to be smart enough to know you can't carry a sword with you everywhere you go.....

Then again the Bat is already a legal grey area. I keep one in my car, but I make damn sure to have a glove and a ball in there as well as a cover story for law enforcement

 

[AnOminous]

I doubt Chris could even AFFORD a katana and even he has to be smart enough to know you can't carry a sword with you everywhere you go.....

Then again the Bat is already a legal grey area. I keep one in my car, but I make damn sure to have a glove and a ball in there as well as a cover story for law enforcement

Not in Virginia that I know of. Virginia also doesn't have a duty to retreat, i.e. the equivalent of stand your ground.

People can and will tell you keep it off their property, though, and if you brandish it and threaten someone with it, the most likely thing Chris would do, you're also in deep shit. The circumstances under which you're carrying it, though, such as if you're driving to a riot with a car full of weapons, can show you have illegal intent.

You also can openly carry around a sword in a lot of places.

For an automobile, I'd say you're best with a tire iron or a MagLite or something that actually has some legitimate non-melee use. You want to be able to say plausibly that you weren't out looking for trouble, but that this was just the closest thing when a self-defense situation arose.

(Correct me if I'm wrong, there may be some specific locations where Chris is actually breaking the law with that bat, but I'm not aware of it. They won't let you into a courtroom with it and a lot of businesses will ask you to leave and, quite possibly, not to come back any more.)