Dylan Hafertepen / Dylan Häs / noodlesandbeef / ekigyuu / beefdumplings / California Cow / dylanhasdesign - Gay BDSM Muscle-Bear with Ball Inflation Fetish Linked to 3 Deaths

Strine said:
I did not mean to imply Jack was totally complicit in what happened to him. My argument was that he made decisions for himself that played a part in this sad, premature end. He had a brain in his head. I don't have a problem with civil disagreement, but I just can't view him as a helpless damsel; he was not stupid, insane, or, at the outset, helpless. He walked into a trap, yes, but he walked into it. I agree with the consensus that Dylan is an abuser.
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Jack may not have been a helpless damsel, but he was an emotionally vulnerable young man who fell into an extremely emotionally abusive relationship. Yes, his choices were technically his, but the same applies to people who join cults and asphyxiate themselves so they can catch a ride on the next comet heading out. The same applies to battered women who get out, get their lives together, then go back to their abusive husbands because they think things will be different this time, then end up shot in the head. You just can't blame the dead. Not even when it seems so obvious what they should have done.
 
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Got2Hands said:
Jack may not have been a helpless damsel, but he was an emotionally vulnerable young man who fell into an extremely emotionally abusive relationship. Yes, his choices were technically his, but the same applies to people who join cults and asphyxiate themselves so they can catch a ride on the next comet heading out. The same applies to battered women who get out, get their lives together, then go back to their abusive husbands because they think things will be different this time, then end up shot in the head. You just can't blame the dead. Not even when it seems so obvious what they should have done.
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Emotional vulnerability is prima facie unquantifiable/unqualifiable and does not translate to total noncontrol over all decisions, legally or practically - "sorry I beat the shit out of you, I was emotionally vulnerable" is not an apology anybody would accept. The women who go back to their husbands are not brainless with no agency: are they mental invalids, unable to think or decide anything? No, they just made an extremely stupid decision against their best interests: they didn't choose to die, but they chose to risk it. Jack was not insane or blackmailed; he wanted a hot boyfriend who indulged his fetishes. I am not saying he deserved it, or is squarely to blame for what happened to him, and I am least of all trying to defend Dylan. Jack did not choose to die, but he chose to enter a relationship and then literally sign up for indentured servitude to a man he knew would do crazy shit to him - he also chose to risk it. I am contending that he was of sound mind and was responsible for the choices that, were they not made, would have avoided this deeply depressing end to his life. It simply cannot be contested that if he had chosen differently from the outset, he would still be alive; I only wish it were so.
 
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Strine said:
Emotional vulnerability is prima facie unquantifiable/unqualifiable and does not translate to total noncontrol over all decisions, legally or practically - "sorry I beat the shit out of you, I was emotionally vulnerable" is not an apology anybody would accept. The women who go back to their husbands are not brainless with no agency: are they mental invalids, unable to think or decide anything? No, they just made an extremely stupid decision against their best interests: they didn't choose to die, but they chose to risk it. Jack was not insane or blackmailed; he wanted a hot boyfriend who indulged his fetishes. I am not saying he deserved it, or is squarely to blame for what happened to him, and I am least of all trying to defend Dylan. Jack did not choose to die, but he chose to enter a relationship and then literally sign up for indentured servitude to a man he knew would do crazy shit to him - he also chose to risk it. I am contending that he was of sound mind and was responsible for the choices that, were they not made, would have avoided this deeply depressing end to his life. It simply cannot be contested that if he had chosen differently from the outset, he would still be alive; I only wish it were so.
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But he didn't sign up for indentured servitude to a man who would do crazy shit to him. He signed up for a fun, fulfilling, kinky relationship with a man who would indulge his kinks and reward his absolute trust and devotion by taking care of him, emotionally and sexually, and who probably lovebombed the hell out of him in the beginning. He did try to get out, and we know from his friend that Dylan withheld the steroids he'd gotten him on in the first place, causing him to lose the body he'd worked hard for and had been led to believe was "perfect." Hell, we have videos of these guys sobbing with gratitude at being given Dylan's approval.

Jack was a frog in the desert, desperate for a pot, and got what must have felt like an entire swimming pool. It's not his fault he still ended up boiled.
 
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Are people forgetting the small claims lawsuit from Dylan? Jack's job probably doesn't pay anywhere near as much as Dylan's salary. a few thousand dollars may be nothing to D but could be a significant chunk of savings for Jack. Jack was trying to settle in Seattle on his own but was still couchsurfing at the time.

If he wanted to avoid financial strife, it makes sense to go back to the abuser who created the problem in the first place, as crazy as that is. I'm sure this is one reason why many abused spouses stay with their abusers, aka their primary income source.
 
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throwaway7825 said:
He's definitely trying to clean the SEO on "noodlesandbeef" and his real name. His instagram is now the same, a bowl of literal noodles and beef.
I hope this thread stays at the top of the google search for Dylan Hafertepen though.
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The last two weeks, basically this:
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Got2Hands said:
But he didn't sign up for indentured servitude to a man who would do crazy shit to him. He signed up for a fun, fulfilling, kinky relationship with a man who would indulge his kinks and reward his absolute trust and devotion by taking care of him, emotionally and sexually, and who probably lovebombed the hell out of him in the beginning. He did try to get out, and we know from his friend that Dylan withheld the steroids he'd gotten him on in the first place, causing him to lose the body he'd worked hard for and had been led to believe was "perfect." Hell, we have videos of these guys sobbing with gratitude at being given Dylan's approval.

Jack was a frog in the desert, desperate for a pot, and got what must have felt like an entire swimming pool. It's not his fault he still ended up boiled.
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I don't contest that he wanted it, or that he was emotionally fucked up. But the frog jumped into the pot, and it didn't have to. I cannot bring myself to think that Jack was absolved of responsibility by his emotional state. Anyway, we will have to settle for agreeing that Dylan is a narc lunatic (but who should not receive any kind of insanity plea, if fortune is kind enough to bring him to justice).
 
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Strine said:
I don't contest that he wanted it, or that he was emotionally fucked up. But the frog jumped into the pot, and it didn't have to. I cannot bring myself to think that Jack was absolved of responsibility by his emotional state. Anyway, we will have to settle for agreeing that Dylan is a narc lunatic (but who should not receive any kind of insanity plea, if fortune is kind enough to bring him to justice).
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And I just can't bring myself to blame anyone who gets sucked into a cult or abusive relationship. It's just too easy, and too easy to sit on the sidelines and say "Well, why didn't they just do X?"

But Dylan's absolutely a raging lunatic who deserves to watch his own mutant balls explode.
 
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Strine said:
He chose to enter it, and to sign a contract which would allow him to be sued if he left. Not a good choice.
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Because he was emotionally vulnerable so when Dylan offered him all the love and support he desired, he believed it was worth it and that Dylan loved him and wouldn't do anything to harm him.

He made a choice but that doesn't mean he was in control. Dylan love bombed Jack and made him depend on him so that way Jack would agree to everything. Obviously no sane person would agree to that, so Dylan had to make Jack (and presumably his other pups) so desperate for his attention that everything else was just a technicality.

Believing that someone doesn't deserve sympathy because they made a self-detrimental decision that they otherwise would not have made if their abuser hadn't manipulated their thoughts and feelings is pretty shitty, even comparing him to a woman who goes back to their husbands who beat them as reason to say it's his fault. It's very literally an abuse tactic to make victims feel bad and not seek help; since it's "their fault" and wouldn't have happened if they just make better decisions, so they should put up with it and accept it.

Their abuser played with their emotions until they believed that they were safe and loved. That is exactly how abusers operate: convincing their victim that they love them like no one else will and they will be safe and loved so they will ignore all the red flags. They specifically convince their victim that they are doing the best for them and downplay all the pain and suffering they afflict until the victim believes it's a small price to pay for the love and support their abuser gives them.

It's not like I can force you to change your mind, but it appears as if you don't know what being on the receiving end of an abusive relationship is like. Your abuser will do everything in their power to get you to do what they want and get you to believe it's the best decision for yourself. They make you want their love and attention above everything else and make you stop desperate for it you'll do whatever they say. Abusers do not present themselves as abusive or allow their victims to know how dangerous it is to date their abuser. They present themselves like any other person and only let their abusive side out after they know their victim's mind has been warped enough to not think what is happening to them is bad. Jack was vulnerable, and Dylan approached him and showed him an excessive amount of love and attention so Jack believed "being with Dylan means he'll give me all that affection all the time". Jack agreed to all that shit because Dylan provided everything he'd need to be happy and emotionally fulfilled and. Jack did not agree to that risk. Dylan covered up and explained away all the indications that he could harm Jack. He agreed to the loving and fulfilling relationship Dylan presented, unaware that Dylan had no intention of actually providing that. A person cannot make a fair assessment of Jack's accountability if you've never been in a similar situation or know what it's like to be in a similar situation because they don't know he did thinks no sane human would agree.
 
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Strine said:
He chose to enter it, and to sign a contract which would allow him to be sued if he left. Not a good choice.
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The hell are you talking about... There's nowhere in that "contract" that said that previous monetary gifts can turn into loans, which is how Dylan blackmailed Jack.

Secondly, illegal contracts are NOT enforceable. That contract is not legal... like you can't legally have an actual slavery contract in the US in 2018. The contract rules even say "the master can change the rules at any time," which automatically makes it not a legal contract. Pretty sure both parties in a BDSM relationship know that the Master cannot actually sue the slave in the court of law if the slave chooses to leave the relationship...
 
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throwaway7825 said:
The hell are you talking about... There's nowhere in that "contract" that said that previous monetary gifts can turn into loans, which is how Dylan blackmailed Jack.

Secondly, illegal contracts are NOT enforceable. That contract is not legal... like you can't legally have an actual slavery contract in the US in 2018. The contract rules even say "the master can change the rules at any time," which automatically makes it not a legal contract. Pretty sure both parties in a BDSM relationship know that the Master cannot actually sue the slave in the court of law if the slave chooses to leave the relationship...
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A breach of the contract results in Dylan withholding his attention.

And YES he has sued before. It's literally in the OP under the "Bears I'm disappointed in" spoiler. He just made up a problem that he could sue for. When Jack broke up with him, he sued him for supposedly not paying his share of rent. Jack hadn't had a very good job at the time and the amount Dylan sued for was literally several months of income for him. After that, they got back together.

Please read the OP.
 
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Tigerwatch said:
He just made up a problem that he could sue for. When Jack broke up with him, he sued him for supposedly not paying his share of rent. Jack hadn't had a very good job at the time and the amount Dylan sued for was literally several months of income for him. After that, they got back together.
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That's abuser characteristics, which is what I'm trying to get at... Dylan used Jack's lack of income (partly because he moved them all from SF to Seattle) to leverage power over him.

The poster I'm talking to says Jack made choices, but I'm trying to question how much of a choice did he REALLY have in some of these things. He had a choice of "get back and be Dylan's slave" or "get sued" ... that's not much of a choice, and really typical abuser/victim dynamics
 
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throwaway7825 said:
That's abuser characteristics, which is what I'm trying to get at... Dylan used Jack's lack of income (partly because he moved them all from SF to Seattle) to leverage power over him.

The poster I'm talking to says Jack made choices, but I'm trying to question how much of a choice did he REALLY have in some of these things. He had a choice of "get back and be Dylan's slave" or "get sued" ... that's not much of a choice, and really typical abuser/victim dynamics
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Oh damn I misread your first sentence and it led me to misinterpret your post. Sorry about that.
 
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throwaway7825 said:
The latest recipe on his new cooking website is one where "noodlesandbeef" have no spaces in them... very subtle

He's really trying to cover all his bases with trying to re-direct the SE algorithm on "Noodles and Beef, "silicone injection" and now "noodlesandbeef"
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who would win...angry faggots and spergs

OR

a flippy mcmanlet with a slave harem?
 

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