Products to fancy up your vagina - because it's not good enough on its own

[WW 635]

Damn, I coulda made my name Sparklepud!
I feel left out. What can I do to enhance my taint and foreskin? Maybe neon cockpaint?

Paint it pink with the vag tint and then sparkle that penis up.

 

[RI 360]

My one simple trick to a glam clam

 

[Jack MeHoff]

My favourite part is how they want to expand the range so neckbeard permavirgins can buy beer made from the extracted vaginal yeast of brunettes, blondes and redheads.

I guess in theory it's nice that those guys believe vaginal yeast is natural and not disgusting, but making a strain of yeast from a vaginal swab and then using that yeast in a beer is gag-inducing.


WARNING: :horrifying::islamic:
Speaking of things that should never go inside your vagina:

I'm sorry.

I always wanted a foofoo modern art 3rd wave feminist twit to knit me a scarf smelling of budding yeast infection and premenstrual discharge, maybe even menses! Thanks, fam!

 

[yummy hand sanitizer]

All I can think of when I see the glitter stuff.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

I heard a story a long time back that merkins were a thing for prostitutes in the victorian. Apparently shaving off pubic hair was great to keep crabs at bay however the punters wanted a fair bit of muff (apparently that was a bit of a fetish during the time) so women would secure a pad of fake pubic hair to emulate a thick bush.

Yep, and not just pubic hair. There was a belief that hairy women were more passionate in bed. Victorian erotica is pretty fucked up.

They've probably seen so much fucked up stuff stuck up dudes' asses that I doubt anything in a twat would really shock them.

I used to live with some medical students and basically every evening would involve some story about what they or one of their colleagues found in someone. Vag glitter is entry level.

Supposedly Sharon Stone wore a merkin during the leg crossing scene in Basic Instinct. She didn't want to show the real thing.

Yeah, but Sharon Stone's told a hundred different stories about that scene, from "it wasn't her" to "you can't see anything" to "it's fake pubes." Basically she now regrets flashing her bits on camera.

 

[WW 635]

Kitty merkin

https://www.etsy.com/listing/541742969/cat-face-black-lustrous-merkin-pubic

 

[Sugar Sweet]

Not exactly a product to “fancy up” your snatch but somewhat related - a few years ago some quack chiropractor tried to market a glue that would hold your labia closed to catch your period without the need for pads or tampons. It went over as well as you would expect.


According to their website at the time, ‘Mensez’ is a lipstick that, when applied to the labia minora, creates a temporary seal to retain menstrual fluids inside until urination. The urine instantly releases the seal and everything washes away into the toilet.


Shockingly, women didn’t immediately start throwing their money at this and the product didn’t take off. The website is still up, though they seem to have rebranded as a company that will produce wet wipes for periods instead.

 

[Sebben Crudele]

Not exactly a product to “fancy up” your snatch but somewhat related - a few years ago some quack chiropractor tried to market a glue that would hold your labia closed to catch your period without the need for pads or tampons. It went over as well as you would expect.


According to their website at the time, ‘Mensez’ is a lipstick that, when applied to the labia minora, creates a temporary seal to retain menstrual fluids inside until urination. The urine instantly releases the seal and everything washes away into the toilet.


Shockingly, women didn’t immediately start throwing their money at this and the product didn’t take off. The website is still up, though they seem to have rebranded as a company that will produce wet wipes for periods instead.

Wait, hang on.

Aren't women supposed to not keep their menstrual blood inside of them for prolonged periods of time? I recall reading somewhere that even tampons need to be changed twice or thrice a day because of that.

 

[Sugar Sweet]

Wait, hang on.

Aren't women supposed to not keep their menstrual blood inside of them for prolonged periods of time? I recall reading somewhere that even tampons need to be changed twice or thrice a day because of that.

Having the tampon in for an extended period of time is what can be dangerous, not the blood itself. But this stuff apparently would dissolve when you pee, but not because of blood or sweat, somehow, not to mention that there’s no way this thing could be strong enough to stay completely sealed without also being painful.

 

[Varg Did Nothing Wrong]

Imagine gluing your pussyflaps together and then having them spring a leak when you sneeze or bend down to pick up a piece of paper you dropped at work

Even without the toxic shock element, it seems like a really REALLY insecure period management option, especially if it's meant to be weak enough to pop open when you start urinating.

 

[MysticMisty]

Imagine gluing your pussyflaps together and then having them spring a leak when you sneeze or bend down to pick up a piece of paper you dropped at work

This was my first thought when I read that. And apparently a lot of women thought so too since this thing never took off.

 

[one_time_user]

plus you'd have to glue right up to the very top of your ass crack because as every female knows, menstrual blood does whatever the fuck it wants.

 

[Sugar Sweet]

So if it wasn’t already apparent, this company is totally insane:

“Women are far less productive than men because of their periods and that’s why they haven’t figured out how to glue their labia shut yet”

Their Facebook page is a goldmine.

The company is even called “Men Sez” lmao. If they hadn’t filed an actual patent back in 2011 I would think it was a joke.

 

[Deez Nuts]

The glitter thing is horrendous. I know for a fact any guy would be extremely pissed if I got glitter all over his dick and in his urethra. What a horrible surprise. Glitter gets in fucking everything and you will never get it off you or your sheets ever.

 

[White bubblegum]

Regular pussy juice is sexy enough, why does that glitter shit exist? Who wants to eat out a pussy that looks like it'll give you diabetes?

 

[Popoto]

Merkins are still used in film production this day when an actress has to go nude but they don't want to get an R or X rating for their films. It's also a form of covering/censoring the genital area as well.

I have also been told that you can bring your own or buy a merkin on site for poledance tryouts. I've never followed up on it.

Let me provide my own addition to the shit that gets sold to women, the "Beachtail":

Spoiler

 

[SofondaCox]

The day I have to decorate my cunt, I'm wrapping up this entire producttion.

 

[Jack MeHoff]

Let me provide my own addition to the shit that gets sold to women, the "Beachtail":

Spoiler

View attachment 583206

That looks like discharge or some other foul gunk slid out and got stuck in thr panties.

 

[Candidae]

Instead of gluing my vagina everytime I pee, I'd literally just use a menstrual cup. No TSS, no string, 12 hours, empty it out morning and night, no odour...
Basically the same thing but less effort. Plus, if pee dissolves it, why doesn't blood? None of it makes sense

 

[Rabbit Bones]

If your man is only interested in your pussy because it's glittery and fabulous, I'm sorry, but you're dating a closeted gay.