Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[yasscat]

Aight! Let's talk about S a bit.

Spoiler

S was J's right hand man, and arguably a worse enabler of his shit than I was. S was always cool to me but, being a consistent huffer of gasoline and duster (i'm walkin' on sunshine!), his mindset was a little...off. He lived with his grandparents (I believe his mother passed and his dad was a bit of a lolcow himself), and would nonchalantly smoke weed and get belligerently drunk in his room (one time ended with an argument between his grandparents and him that ended with me and J's ex getting kicked out of the house). However, whereas J had the "batshit crazy (pseudo) intellectual" thing going on, S was decidedly a little slower. I once watched him take ten minutes to search YouTube for one Doors song. Despite his visibly lower than average IQ, him and J managed to invent their own language, which I won't reveal the functions of for the sake of powerlevelling. But, like, goddamn, him and J would fluently speak it to each other while everyone else would just watch in awe. The only other person who picked up on it and could speak it fluently was J2, who he ended up becoming besties with. For about a month. They both got deep into K2 (synthetic weed) and, from what I heard, got into a legitimate fight over who got to smoke the resin of some of that shit after scraping it off of a tinfoil pipe (Oh yeah, NO ONE could roll a tinny like S. I guess his grandparents constantly trashing his paraphernalia honed his skill for that). One night, while they were hanging out, drinking, taking xanax, etc. S apparently made enough noise to anger J2's dad. J2's dad told them to turn it down. S's response? Punch the guy in the face. This ended up turning into a full on fight, with J2's dad apparently laying the goddamn smack down on poor benzo inhibited S. 3 days later, S later told me, he woke up in a rehab with no recollection of how he'd gotten there. And sure enough, no one from back home would take his calls. The guy burned most of his bridges in the span of 48 hours and couldn't remember a lick of it. I'd feel bad, but that's what happens when you take 3 bars and start drinkin'.

The real kicker is that, when that latter event happened, S was already on felony probation for a whole lotta theft (there was a lot more to it than that, but again, not tryin' to show my powerlevel here), but for whatever reason, the courts straight up refused to punish him for violating any terms of his probation. Failed drug tests? send him to rehab. PO comes over for a surprise visit and finds a bowl? Throws it out and doesn't speak of it again. Doesn't call when he's supposed to? Doesn't matter. I have absolutely no idea how he got off of probation. The last time I saw him in person was the night me and J's ex got kicked out of his house. I've talked to him through FB since, but that's about it. Never pulled any shit on me, but his antics were certainly lolcow worthy, especially the shit I sadly wasn't around for. But at least I got his scientific explanation for why saving drunk piss was a good way to cure hangovers, and saw him say "9/11 happened in 1997 right?" in a completely sincere manner.

You are a gentleman and a scholar. Please regale us with more at any time.

 

[whiteboydiddy]

You are a gentleman and a scholar. Please regale us with more at any time.

Thank you. I feel welcomed into this lovely community <3

I'll think of more to post about, I've met a lot of less than desirable folk in my life...hell, one of my aunts could qualify as a prime lolcow. Would you guys be interested in hearing about her, or M, the local hobo perv who seemingly semi-believes himself to be part racecar and part Juicy J?

 

[Ginger Piglet]

Thank you. I feel welcomed into this lovely community <3

I'll think of more to post about, I've met a lot of less than desirable folk in my life...hell, one of my aunts could qualify as a prime lolcow. Would you guys be interested in hearing about her, or M, the local hobo perv who seemingly semi-believes himself to be part racecar and part Juicy J?

Both please.

 

[bonanus]

Okay, I have a personal lolcow of my own and his lore runs deep.

On Tumblr, he went by many names around the Undertale and Pokemon roleplaying communities --- but, he was mainly known as Mewrua and his real name is Jean from what his ex-boyfriend said. He's an incredibly horny motherfucker, hypersexual or whatever and during his time spent in the Pokemon community he'd lure minors into being friends with them, force these kids to draw shitty furry porn. When he's caught, Jean would always become submissive and act innocent while spamming everyone's dashboards with the most exceptional posts consisting of messy threats, stupid vague-posts, and other shit.

The cycles rinses and repeats. He also constantly stalks his ex-friends and minors. The only reasons he's considered my own personal LOLcow is how he keeps changing names, urls, and deletes everything; it made archiving difficult since this was in his early days and currently, he's still being a horny mess. His posts on twitter @ sqwuirmy are utterly incomprehensible shitposts that range from serious to dumb.

There's a chance he's a horrorcow, which is why he deserves a shorter explanation on what he does. Plus, there's a lot of history that's been lost to time.

Links:

https://twitter.com/sqwuirmy - Twitter
https://www.weasyl.com/~vacuumdecay - Weasyl
https://toyhou.se/Luve - Toyhouse

 

[AF 802]

Mues Productions (aka Mues Reviews) is a YouTuber who used to pull in some pretty decent views (sometimes within the 500k range) on his rant, music review and wrestling videos back in the day. He started to become a personal lolcow of mine when he drank the social justice Kool-Aid and declared himself a "beta pansexual", and then abandoning the content that pulled in views, where he now barely pulls in 1,000 views a video. His Tweets are interesting, but his videos are bland and unbearable now.

His reasoning is downright retarded on why he abandoned ranting and went on to low effort riffing, because somehow it's toxic and racist to do rants now. Someguy827 (Stevie) did a pretty decent explanation on how Mues has turned to absolute shit now, but I would recommend checking out Mues' Twitter as well to see how much of an autist he is:

https://www.youtube.com/user/muesproductions
https://twitter.com/muesreviews

 

[TheImportantFart]

Mues Productions (aka Mues Reviews) is a YouTuber who used to pull in some pretty decent views (sometimes within the 500k range) on his rant, music review and wrestling videos back in the day. He started to become a personal lolcow of mine when he drank the social justice Kool-Aid and declared himself a "beta pansexual", and then abandoning the content that pulled in views, where he now barely pulls in 1,000 views a video. His Tweets are interesting, but his videos are bland and unbearable now.

His reasoning is downright exceptional on why he abandoned ranting and went on to low effort riffing, because somehow it's toxic and racist to do rants now. Someguy827 (Stevie) did a pretty decent explanation on how Mues has turned to absolute shit now, but I would recommend checking out Mues' Twitter as well to see how much of an autist he is:

https://www.youtube.com/user/muesproductions
https://twitter.com/muesreviews

Oh I remember this guy. He used to be pals with the Archfiend. Christ that takes me back.

I think I remember MovieBob retweeting him on one occassion so I guessed he was on the left side of the fence, but not to this extent. I vaguely wondered what happened to him but didn’t care enough to check. I guess this saves me the effort.

 

[lolcow field researcher]

i've been gazing with horror into the abyss that is second-rate Jackass wannabees chasing clout on the gram by doing utterly humiliating re.tarded masochistic shit. imagine a bunch of redneck Supreme Pattys but somehow even more stupid and inbred looking.
example: a group of tards from Flint, Michigan who call themselves collectively "Long Neck Gang" after the primary clout-chaser, some weird 18 year old with Marfan Syndrome who dubs himself "Long Neck" who went viral on worldstar for this video.

now they mostly choreograph situations where they either pound each other in the balls, humiliate themselves by dancing to music in women's underwear/naked/etc, manufacture poorly-acted Jackass type situations, etc

longneck in particular loves to smear himself in food

long neck gang is closely affiliated with another re.tard clout chaser named Gucci Berry. he's worth looking up if you're interested but for the sake of brevity i'm just going to drop this video and move on:

don't really know his story but he seems to have a lot of money and i have no idea what the fuck he does for a living. him and the long neck squad tour with other instaretards and go to shitty second rate soundcloud rap shows. etc etc

anyway, Long Neck's instagram has taken to promoing other tards for a fee where i stumbled upon this guy, whose gram is private, but i had to memorialize the few videos he has of himself chimping out in a cheap Joker costume before he gets deleted. by far the thing that entertains me the most about these people is the levels of intentional self humiliation for something so fleeting, stupid and purposeless as instagram clout.
yeah, those are all face tattoos, including his eye blackouts.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I've seen that fuckin' Joker looking dude featured on a shitty tattoo instagram page a few times, he had a personal jihad against it and I think has "fuck @suckytattoos" tattooed somewhere on him. I'd never seen him on video though, he's actually quite horrifying now that I'm seeing him in action.

 

[AlmightyMagichan]

When I was younger I worked at a Domino's and there was one customer I can't forget. There was a woman who lived nearby and ordered on a semi-regular basis who was a flight attendant. I know that because she would order delivery, then call up later drunk and start ranting about her stupid life. First she would say something about the pizza, then start complaining about her job and how she was still single. After that it became a pity party because she couldn't find the right man and her mom had been bugging her about getting married. One time she mentioned that it was her birthday.

It got old fast and when I recognized her on the caller ID I refused to answer the phone. There were some other odd regulars but she was the easily the most pathetic.

 

[lolcow field researcher]

First she would say something about the pizza, then start complaining about her job and how she was still single. After that it became a pity party because she couldn't find the right man and her mom had been bugging her about getting married. One time she mentioned that it was her birthday.

It got old fast and when I recognized her on the caller ID I refused to answer the phone. There were some other odd regulars but she was the easily the most pathetic.

I'm surprised anyone listened to her ramble for long enough to even glean all that. y'all lonely too at that Domino's?

 

[AlmightyMagichan]

You got to answer the phones and be nice no matter what idiot is calling.

I mean we lonely too, but not that lonely.

 

[yasscat]

Would you guys be interested in hearing about her, or M, the local hobo perv who seemingly semi-believes himself to be part racecar and part Juicy J?

Yes and yes.

 

[Jigaboo Jones]

Flint, Michigan

 

[Gorillagorillagorilla]

So my "Anthropology of Food" professor is like the ultimate in college bitchiness.

Among her being a winner, she

1. Constantly states that capitalism is evil
2. States the obvious fact that most marriages thousands of years ago were heterosexual/cisgendered
3. Showed a bullshit documentary
4. Says that zoos are prisons
5. Told me that I shouldn't "bury my head in the sand" whe I say I didn't pay attention to the Elizabeth Warren bullshit

So yea, a complete SJW. So now that Thanksgiving is here, she's having is do this assignment on some Buzzfeed tier videos about how everything we know about Thanksgiving is a lie. She even insists that I call it Harvest Festival to not offend Native Americans. So we gotta stomach these videos and write shit about them. Thankfully I'm a decent bullshit artist so I can just spout what she wants to hear and enjoy my snow day.

Below is the response of one chick in my class who I try and be friendly with even though she can't even bother to say hi.

Spoiler: Be prepared for some cringy shit

From these videos, I learned that basically everything that children learn about Thanksgiving is a lie. I knew that it was not celebrated until the mid-19th century, when it was created as a holiday for feasting: i.e., a capitalist day for buying lots of food. I did not know that the Wampanoag man known as Squanto was actually sold as a slave, and that was how he learned English, and he attempted to overthrow the chief. I wonder the reason we don’t teach the truth about colonialism to students. I could understand leaving out the gory details to children in elementary school, but once they reach middle school they should be able to handle learning about the horrors committed by the Pilgrims. I remember my fifth grade social studies class focused a lot on early colonial history of the States, but what I remember learning is glorifying the white people who had built the colonies. Perhaps we don’t learn the less glorious stories of the colonists because teachers don’t know them either. As far as I remember, my textbook didn’t say a lot about the “truths” of the harvest festival either.

The documentary mentioned the practice of head-hunting, or scalping. I do remember a mention of removing scalps from that fifth grade class, but I believe I was told it was the Natives removing either the colonists’ scalps or each other’s scalps. This was prevalent most when our class had a movie day, and we were allowed to choose between three movies including The Last of the Mohicans. Scholar Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz tells an entire history of how colonists would remove scalps from native people and use them to intimidate other native people into submission. They would trade these scalps back and forth and send them home to their families as gifts.

Another great part from this documentary comes from the discussion of “should we abolish Columbus day?” Dunbar-Ortiz talks about activist movements such as taking Columbus out of harvest festival traditions, and removing the word “redskins” from all names of schools and sports teams. The schools don’t want to change, citing their tradition, but really the name is all about power, about “keeping the history intact of domination.”

 

[Jigaboo Jones]

I'm pretty sure that, unless this person lives in a real bastion of red-blooded America, and those are dwindling fast, that if she didn't get a whole shitload of SJW indoctrination in 5th grade and is now in college, she wasn't paying attention. Also, please tell me that isn't something a college student wrote for a college paper.

 

[Gorillagorillagorilla]

I'm pretty sure that, unless this person lives in a real bastion of red-blooded America, and those are dwindling fast, that if she didn't get a whole shitload of SJW indoctrination in 5th grade and is now in college, she wasn't paying attention. Also, please tell me that isn't something a college student wrote for a college paper.

Nah this student drinks kool-aid like a thirsty dromedary. Shame too because she's kinda cool. And it's basically a fill in that we did to make up for the fact that all the roads to school were wet and shit

 

[Vicsaur]

I knew this girl in high school that everyone hated.
At first, in middle school, I wanted to be nice to her (Big mistake). I talked to her for a little bit and it was good for a while. And then, I found out exactly why people hated her.
Where do I even begin.
She was a fan of pro wrestling, which is totally fine and all, but she would go around screaming quotes from Enzo Amore. Out of all of the wrestlers, she HAD to be a fan of that Lolcow (That guy has a thread of his own on the sports board actually because of all the bullshit he has done) She also ran around in the hallways screaming "YES!YES!YES!" like Daniel bryan would, which actually lead her to get in trouble for being too loud in the hallways.
She also didn't know how to keep secrets from others at all, I found that out the hard way. I shit you not, one day I walk into class and she's in an argument with a bunch of people because she had told them something about me and the people who were arguing with her knew it was something very personal.
I think one of the worst classes I was ever in with her was a social studies class. We were talking about presidents when she started yelling about Trump being a rapist and other shit. Like, she wasn't yelling this before or after class but she was yelling this AT THE TEACHER in the middle of a session. He told her not to talk about that in the middle of class, but then she goes on a huge rant about "Trump sexually harasses woman! Trump is racist!" and other stuff. She ended up getting kicked out of the class.
She also got suspended for spilling milk over a kid and then screaming about them going to hell because they're gay.

I told her I didn't want to be her friend anymore after she told people stuff that I had told her (This was about a year before she screamed stuff about trump and spilled milk on the kid) .
She ended up telling people not to talk to me and that I'm evil.
Though, no one believed her because everyone knew about the shit she did.

 

[Vicsaur]

My younger brother used to be in martial arts and I'd sometimes go to support him.
There was this kid, who looked about the age of a person in high school, who was fat, had short blond hair, really bad acknee and giant glasses that covered his face that was just new to that class the night.
Turns out, he was one of those kids who thought martial arts was like dragon ball or how people talk in Karate kid, calling the sensi his real name but with "kun" or "san" at the end.
He also fought my brother later on in the night and even though my brother had beaten him in the match by points (certain areas like the gut or the side of the head gives points) he kicked my brother in the face in the middle of the match because he wasn't even supposed to be fighting him with how tall he was. (This guy was almost 7 inches taller than my younger brother) and he sits right next to me and started bragging about him kicking someone with a higher belt in the face. I told him he was my brother and he goes on and says "Well he needs to train more better then!" I wanted to punch that guy in the nose.
What was worse was that the guy was trying to flirt with me earlier that night.

A few weeks later, my brother comes home from martial arts and says the teacher started yelling at the kid because he was harassing a bunch of younger kids who where in the class more than him saying that they don't deserve those belt ranks because they're young.
The following week the guy stopped showing up to martial arts and still hasn't come back to this day.

Its common sense to know that you're not gonna turn your hair golden or have ki attacks or some spiritual bond with your karate instructor like some stupid anime in real life.

 

[The Great Chandler]

I knew this girl in high school that everyone hated.
At first, in middle school, I wanted to be nice to her (Big mistake). I talked to her for a little bit and it was good for a while. And then, I found out exactly why people hated her.
Where do I even begin.
She was a fan of pro wrestling, which is totally fine and all, but she would go around screaming quotes from Enzo Amore. Out of all of the wrestlers, she HAD to be a fan of that Lolcow (That guy has a thread of his own on the sports board actually because of all the bullshit he has done) She also ran around in the hallways screaming "YES!YES!YES!" like Daniel bryan would, which actually lead her to get in trouble for being too loud in the hallways.
She also didn't know how to keep secrets from others at all, I found that out the hard way. I shit you not, one day I walk into class and she's in an argument with a bunch of people because she had told them something about me and the people who were arguing with her knew it was something very personal.
I think one of the worst classes I was ever in with her was a social studies class. We were talking about presidents when she started yelling about Trump being a rapist and other shit. Like, she wasn't yelling this before or after class but she was yelling this AT THE TEACHER in the middle of a session. He told her not to talk about that in the middle of class, but then she goes on a huge rant about "Trump sexually harasses woman! Trump is racist!" and other stuff. She ended up getting kicked out of the class.
She also got suspended for spilling tard cum over a kid and then screaming about them going to hell because they're gay.

I told her I didn't want to be her friend anymore after she told people stuff that I had told her (This was about a year before she screamed stuff about trump and spilled tard cum on the kid) .
She ended up telling people not to talk to me and that I'm evil.
Though, no one believed her because everyone knew about the shit she did.

>Trump is a bigot
>Gays should go to Hell
Choose.

 

[AssPepe]

Alright guys, i found a crazy diaper furry by the name of Kyle Rorie. He is in antifa and spends $640 a month on adult diapers (4 packs a month). This guy is real lolcow material. here are his twitter tags to see for yourself.

Also ill link his brothers and parents facebooks so people can show them what this creep is into. Also kyle is a male feminist so by default he is a male soon to be rapist.

How did i find out about this guy you ask? I met him having a drink at a hotel while out travelling that was hosting a furry convention (much to my disdain) and after a few drinks and some chatting about how one would go about putting together a gorn costume (star trek online gorn) we went to his room to hang out. As we walked to his room his body language visibly changed to more or less something more aggressive. Whenm we got to his room he told me that he was into diaper fur shit and was an antifa member. I left because i didnt want to be in the same room as a terrorist and went back to the bar and ordered another whiskey sour.

@MishkaStinks

@pizzaskunk


https://www.facebook.com/salle.rorie

https://www.facebook.com/sam.rorie
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003125856611
EDIT: digging through an old notebook of phone numbers i found his number in it. Call if you like to see how insane this guy is. 6307157405

Double edit:
(614) 450 2374 Found his twink boyfriends (trannys) phone number as well. Apparently theyre a transgender artist of sorts