Papageist
1 point·
16 days ago
I think there are at least four distinct feelings: wanting to be her; being romantically attracted to her; being sexually attracted her; and just wanting to be her friend. While different, I don't think they are completely separate or mutually exclusive. It's natural for things to be muddled sometimes. We all want to be sexy and lovable. It's natural that we might want to take after women whom we find attractive. As long as you don't let admiration and inspiration turn into toxic jealousy, it doesn't mean you have to rule out a romantic relationship. And as long as you don't let your whole self-image and self-worth become sexualised, being romantically attracted to a woman doesn't mean you're wrong for wanting to be like her.
On the other hand, with time you might come to understand your own femininity better and you might come to understand your type. For example, I wish to emulate the most feminine women in my life but the women I have crushes on tend to be more masculine. Recently, I had a major crush on a girl with whom I had very little in common. Personality, looks, style, interests, mannerisms - it was an opposites attract situation. Whereas the girls I want to emulate usually inspire me because I can relate to them or because I can compare myself to them. Perhaps because we look similar or because we have the same interests.
Also, with romantic attraction, I can't stop thinking about a person. Other types of attraction tend to occupy fewer of my thoughts when the other person isn't around. I want to emulate specific aspects of multiple women. I might wish I had someone's face or body. I might wish I had her mannerisms, her personality, her confidence, her skills, talents, her style. But I don't obsess endlessly over one specific person. I might want to take after a woman but I don't literally want to become her. I'm my own unique person. Whereas if I'm romantically attracted to someone, they are all I can think about. That's a major difference for me. I guess that might not work if you're poly?
Sorry I don't have any simple answer. I hope this helps at least a little.