ITT: Copy & Paste a Movie Synopsis from wikipedia and replace the characters with Kiwi Farms Users - Let's put ourselves in the movies

Oscar Wildean said:
Tombstone.
I'm only using users for the main characters in this movie and not the smaller roles.


Wyatt: @RomanesEuntDomus
Doc Holliday: @The Shadow (Because I'm pretty sure you had a Doc Holliday avatar.)
Virgil: @Desire Lines
Morgan: @Bassomatic
Johnny Ringo: @Winnie the Poohnani
Josephine: @StarkRavingMad
Mattie: @Pina Colada
Ike Clanton: @Count groudon
Curly Bill: @Kiwi Jeff
Fabian: @bearycool

In 1879, members of the outlaw gang known as the Cowboys, led by @Kiwi Jeff ride into a Mexican town and interrupt a local police officer's wedding. They then proceed to massacre the assembled policemen in retribution for killing two of their fellow gang members. Shortly before being shot, a local priest warns them that their acts of murder and savagery will be avenged, referencing the biblical fourth horseman.
@RomanesEuntDomus, a retired peace officer with a notable reputation, reunites with his brothers @Desire Lines and @Bassomatic in Tucson, Arizona, where they venture on toward Tombstone to settle down. There they encounter @RomanesEuntDomus's long-time friend @The Shadow, who is seeking relief from his worsening tuberculosis. @StarkRavingMad and @bearycool are also newly arrived with a traveling theater troupe. Meanwhile, @RomanesEuntDomus's common-law wife, @Pina Colada is becoming dependent on laudanum. @RomanesEuntDomus and his brothers begin to profit from a stake in a gambling emporium and saloon when they have their first encounter with the Cowboys. The Cowboys are identifiable by the red sashes worn around their waists.
As tensions rise, @RomanesEuntDomus is pressured to help rid the town of the Cowboys, though he is no longer a lawman. @Kiwi Jeff begins shooting at the sky after a visit to an opium den and is told by Marshal Fred White to relinquish his firearms. @Kiwi Jeff instead shoots the marshal dead, and is forcibly taken into custody by @RomanesEuntDomus. The arrest infuriates @Count groudon and the other Cowboys. @Kiwi Jeff stands trial, but is found not guilty due to a lack of witnesses. @Desire Lines, unable to tolerate lawlessness, becomes the new marshal and imposes a weapons ban within the city limits. This leads to a gunfight at the O.K. Corral, in which Billy Clanton, Tom McLaury, and Frank McLaury are killed. @Desire Lines and @Bassomatic are wounded, and the allegiance of county sheriff Johnny Behan with the Cowboys is made clear. As retribution for the Cowboy deaths, @RomanesEuntDomus's brothers are ambushed; @Bassomatic is killed, while @Desire Lines is left handicapped. A despondent @Desire Lines and his family leave Tombstone and board a train, with @Count groudon and Frank Stilwell close behind, preparing to ambush them. @RomanesEuntDomus sees that his family leaves safely, and then surprises the assassins. He kills Stilwell, but lets @Count groudon live to send a message: @RomanesEuntDomus announces that he is a U.S. marshal, and that he intends to kill any man he sees wearing a red sash. @RomanesAuntDemus, @The Shadow, a reformed Cowboy named Sherman McMasters, Texas Jack Vermillion, and Turkey Creek Jack Johnson, form a posse to seek revenge.
@RomanesEuntDomus and his posse are ambushed in a riverside forest by the Cowboys. @RomanesEuntDomus walks into the creek, miraculously surviving the enemy fire, and kills @Kiwi Jeff along with many of his men. @Kiwi Jeff's second-in-command, @Winnie the Poohnani, becomes the new head of the Cowboys. When @The Shadow's health worsens, the group is accommodated by Henry Hooker at his ranch. @Winnie the Poohnani sends a messenger (dragging McMasters' corpse) to tell @RomanesEuntDomus that he wants a showdown to end the hostilities; @RomanesEuntDomus agrees. @RomanesEuntDomus sets off for the showdown, not knowing that @The Shadow had already arrived at the scene. @The Shadow confronts a surprised @Winnie the Poohnani and kills him in a duel. @RomanesEuntDomus runs when he hears the gunshot, only to encounter@The Shadow. They then press on to complete their task of eliminating the Cowboys, although @Count groudon escapes their vengeance by renouncing his red sash. @The Shadow is sent to a sanatorium in Colorado, where he later dies of his illness. At @The Shadow's urging, @RomanesEuntDomus pursues @StarkRavingMad to begin a new life.
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Doing a western.
Not using me.
Click to expand...
Wtf, fuck you, dude.
 
In 965 AD, @LordKaT, king of Asgard, wages war against the Frost Giants of Jotunheim and their leader @Rumpled Foreskin, to prevent them from conquering the nine realms, starting with Earth. The Asgardian warriors defeat the Frost Giants and seize the source of their power, the Casket of Ancient Winters.



In the present @LordKaT's son @A Cold Potato prepares to ascend to the throne of Asgard, but is interrupted when Frost Giants attempt to retrieve the Casket. Against @LordKaT's order, @A Cold Potato travels to Jotunheim to confront @Rumpled Foreskin, accompanied by his brother @NARPASSWORD, childhood friend@ and the Warriors Three. A battle ensues until @LordKaT intervenes to save the Asgardians, destroying the fragile truce between the two races. For @A Cold Potato's arrogance, @LordKaT strips his son of his godly power and exiles him to Earth as a mortal, accompanied by his hammer Mjölnir, now protected by an enchantment that allows only the worthy to wield it.



@A Cold Potato lands in New Mexico, where astrophysicist Dr. @DrainRedRain, her assistant @Strong Tranni Role Model, and mentor Dr. Erik @Ntwadumela find him. The local populace finds Mjolnir, which D.E.S.E.R.T. agent Dynastia soon commandeers before forcibly acquiring @DrainRedRain's data about the wormhole that delivered @A Cold Potato to Earth. @A Cold Potato, having discovered Mjolnir's nearby location, seeks to retrieve it from the facility that D.E.S.E.R.T. has constructed, but he finds himself unable to lift it and is captured. With @Ntwadumela's help, he is freed and resigns himself to exile on Earth as he develops a romance with @DrainRedRain.



@NARPASSWORD discovers that he is @Rumpled Foreskin's biological son , adopted by @LordKaT after the war ended. A weary @LordKaT falls into the deep "sleep" to recover his strength. @NARPASSWORD takes the throne in @LordKaT's stead and offers @Rumpled Foreskin the chance to kill @LordKaT and retrieve the Casket.@ and the Warriors Three, unhappy with @NARPASSWORD's rule, attempt to return @A Cold Potato from exile, convincing @vertexwindi , gatekeeper of the Bifröst—the means of traveling between worlds—to allow them travel to Earth. Aware of their plan, @NARPASSWORD sends the Destroyer, a seemingly indestructible automaton, to pursue them and kill @A Cold Potato. The warriors find @A Cold Potato, but the Destroyer attacks and defeats them, prompting @A Cold Potato to offer himself instead. Struck by the Destroyer and near death, @A Cold Potato's sacrifice proves him worthy to wield Mjölnir. The hammer returns to him, restoring his powers and enabling him to defeat the Destroyer. Kissing @DrainRedRain goodbye and vowing to return, he and his fellow Asgardians leave to confront @NARPASSWORD.



In Asgard, @NARPASSWORD betrays and kills @Rumpled Foreskin, revealing his true plan to use @Rumpled Foreskin's attempt on @LordKaT's life as an excuse to destroy Jotunheim with the Bifröst Bridge, thus proving himself worthy to his adoptive father. @A Cold Potato arrives and fights @NARPASSWORD before destroying the Bifröst Bridge to stop @NARPASSWORD's plan, stranding himself in Asgard. @LordKaT awakens and prevents the brothers from falling into the abyss created in the wake of the bridge's destruction, but @NARPASSWORD apparently commits suicide by allowing himself to fall when @LordKaT rejects his pleas for approval. @A Cold Potato makes amends with @LordKaT, admitting he is not ready to be king; meanwhile, on Earth, @DrainRedRain and her team search for a way to open a portal to Asgard.



In a post-credits scene, @Ntwadumela is taken to a D.E.S.E.R.T. facility, where @Alan Pardew opens a briefcase and asks him to study a mysterious cube-shaped object, which @Alan Pardew says may hold untold power. An invisible @NARPASSWORD prompts @Ntwadumela to agree, and he does.
 
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Somari1996 said:
@A Cold Potato lands in New Mexico, where astrophysicist Dr. @DrainRedRain, her assistant @Strong Tranni Role Model, and mentor Dr. Erik @Ntwadumela find him. The local populace finds Mjolnir, which D.E.S.E.R.T. agent Dynastia soon commandeers before forcibly acquiring @DrainRedRain's data about the wormhole that delivered @A Cold Potato to Earth.
Click to expand...

this is it, the ultimate wave of winner autism
 
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Somari1996 said:
In 965 AD, @LordKaT, king of Asgard, wages war against the Frost Giants of Jotunheim and their leader @Rumpled Foreskin, to prevent them from conquering the nine realms, starting with Earth. The Asgardian warriors defeat the Frost Giants and seize the source of their power, the Casket of Ancient Winters.



In the present @LordKaT's son @A Cold Potato prepares to ascend to the throne of Asgard, but is interrupted when Frost Giants attempt to retrieve the Casket. Against @LordKaT's order, @A Cold Potato travels to Jotunheim to confront @Rumpled Foreskin, accompanied by his brother @NARPASSWORD, childhood friend@ and the Warriors Three. A battle ensues until @LordKaT intervenes to save the Asgardians, destroying the fragile truce between the two races. For @A Cold Potato's arrogance, @LordKaT strips his son of his godly power and exiles him to Earth as a mortal, accompanied by his hammer Mjölnir, now protected by an enchantment that allows only the worthy to wield it.



@A Cold Potato lands in New Mexico, where astrophysicist Dr. @DrainRedRain, her assistant @Strong Tranni Role Model, and mentor Dr. Erik @Ntwadumela find him. The local populace finds Mjolnir, which D.E.S.E.R.T. agent Dynastia soon commandeers before forcibly acquiring @DrainRedRain's data about the wormhole that delivered @A Cold Potato to Earth. @A Cold Potato, having discovered Mjolnir's nearby location, seeks to retrieve it from the facility that D.E.S.E.R.T. has constructed, but he finds himself unable to lift it and is captured. With @Ntwadumela's help, he is freed and resigns himself to exile on Earth as he develops a romance with @DrainRedRain.



@NARPASSWORD discovers that he is @Rumpled Foreskin's biological son , adopted by @LordKaT after the war ended. A weary @LordKaT falls into the deep "sleep" to recover his strength. @NARPASSWORD takes the throne in @LordKaT's stead and offers @Rumpled Foreskin the chance to kill @LordKaT and retrieve the Casket.@ and the Warriors Three, unhappy with @NARPASSWORD's rule, attempt to return @A Cold Potato from exile, convincing @vertexwindi , gatekeeper of the Bifröst—the means of traveling between worlds—to allow them travel to Earth. Aware of their plan, @NARPASSWORD sends the Destroyer, a seemingly indestructible automaton, to pursue them and kill @A Cold Potato. The warriors find @A Cold Potato, but the Destroyer attacks and defeats them, prompting @A Cold Potato to offer himself instead. Struck by the Destroyer and near death, @A Cold Potato's sacrifice proves him worthy to wield Mjölnir. The hammer returns to him, restoring his powers and enabling him to defeat the Destroyer. Kissing @DrainRedRain goodbye and vowing to return, he and his fellow Asgardians leave to confront @NARPASSWORD.



In Asgard, @NARPASSWORD betrays and kills @Rumpled Foreskin, revealing his true plan to use @Rumpled Foreskin's attempt on @LordKaT's life as an excuse to destroy Jotunheim with the Bifröst Bridge, thus proving himself worthy to his adoptive father. @A Cold Potato arrives and fights @NARPASSWORD before destroying the Bifröst Bridge to stop @NARPASSWORD's plan, stranding himself in Asgard. @LordKaT awakens and prevents the brothers from falling into the abyss created in the wake of the bridge's destruction, but @NARPASSWORD apparently commits suicide by allowing himself to fall when @LordKaT rejects his pleas for approval. @A Cold Potato makes amends with @LordKaT, admitting he is not ready to be king; meanwhile, on Earth, @DrainRedRain and her team search for a way to open a portal to Asgard.



In a post-credits scene, @Ntwadumela is taken to a D.E.S.E.R.T. facility, where @Alan Pardew opens a briefcase and asks him to study a mysterious cube-shaped object, which @Alan Pardew says may hold untold power. An invisible @NARPASSWORD prompts @Ntwadumela to agree, and he does.
Click to expand...

I love my son
 
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Just throwing some random users out here, and I switched some things up a bit, one of my favorite films

Teenager @Count groudon Yelnats IV lives in America with his family, who have been cursed to be autistic – a misfortune they blame on their ancestor Primal Groudon's failure to keep a promise to fortune teller Barb Chandler years ago in CWCville. One day, Groudon is falsely arrested for stealing a pair of dice that were donated to charity by D & D player @Gutpuke. Upon conviction, Groudon decides to attend Reddit, a juvenile detention camp, in lieu of serving his time in jail.

He arrives to find that the camp is a dried up lake run by the warden, @Recon , her assistant @AnOminous , and camp counselor @Sword Fighter Super. Prisoners who are known by their nicknames – including @howyadoin , Lolcow, Shill, Hambeast, Weeb, and Thot – spend each day digging holes in the desert; they may earn a day off if the inmates find anything worth a lul. After finding a golden butt plug initialed P.D. and a fossil, Groudon is accepted into the group and is given the nickname Caveman.

After taking the blame for Thot's stealing of AnOminous's tendies, Groudon is taken to the warden's house where old wanted posters and fanart lead him to suspect that "P.D." stands for @Piga Dgrifm , a fujoshi turned outlaw from the past. Recon asks Groudon to grab her box of lube and mentions that it contains rattlesnake venom. After he and AnOminous explain what happened with the tendies, Recon injures AnOnimous and allows Groudon to return to his hole.

Camp Reddit's history is revealed in a series of flashbacks throughout the film. In the 19th century, Reddit is a flourishing lakeside community. Dgrifm is involved in a love triangle with the furry Charles @Trilby, whom Dgrifm rejects, and a Kiwi tard cum seller named @Saffronette , whom Dgrifm loves. One night, after much turmoil, Trilby kills Saffronette and in retaliation, Dgrifm kills the local moderator and becomes an outlaw; at one point, she steals Primal Groudon's son Groudon I's chest. Twenty years later, the now-bankrupt Trilbys track down Dgrifm and demand she hand over her treasure. Dgrifm refuses and tells them to dig for the treasure, after which Dgrifm dies from a pit bull bite and the Trilbys set about digging for the treasure.

In the present, when Sword Fighter Super trolls Howyadoin, whose name is actually Christian "Chris-Chan" Chandler, the latter sperges and hits Sword Fighter Super with a shovel and runs off. After some deliberation, Groudon searches for Christian. The pair have difficulty surviving in the desert without water. Eventually, Groudon carries the now ill Christian up the mountain where they find a wild field of tard cum and a source of water, helping them regain strength; at the same time, Groudon unknowingly fulfills his ancestor's promise to the fortune teller and breaks the curse. While camping on the mountain, Groudon realizes that Christian stole Gutpuke's dice and threw them over the bridge to evade the police.

Returning to the camp, Groudon and Christian investigate the hole where Groudon found the lipstick and discover a chest before they are discovered by Recon, AnOminous, and Sword Fighter Super. They soon realize that Recon, who is a descendant of her (Trilby) family, is using the inmates to search for his treasure.

The next morning, the attorney general and Groudon's lawyer arrive, accompanied by police officers; the chest Groudon found is discovered to belong to his great grandfather before it was stolen by Dgfrim. Recon; AnOminous, who is revealed to be a paroled criminal named Marion Sevillo; and Sword Fighter Super, who is a troon impersonating a doctor, are arrested. Groudon and Christian are released and it rains in Reddit for the first time in over 100 years. The Yelnats family claims ownership of the chest which contains sheckels, a copy of "Stones to Abbigale", and a crusty fursuit, which they share with Christian, and both families live a life of financial ease as neighbors.
 
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@AnOminous is a successful banker who lives in a San Francisco townhouse with his fiancée @JambledUpWords , who has become dissatisfied with their relationship. She seduces his best friend, @Danskjaevel , and the two begin a secret affair. Meanwhile, @AnOminous , having overheard @JambledUpWords confess her infidelity to her mother, @PrincessJupiter , attaches a tape recorder to their phone in an attempt to identify her lover.

@FatFuckFrank , a neighboring college student @AnOminous financially and emotionally supports, has a run-in with an armed drug dealer, @GenderCop . @AnOminous and @Danskjaevel overpower @GenderCop and detain him. @FatFuckFrank also lusts after @JambledUpWords , and confesses this to @AnOminous , who understands and encourages him to instead pursue one of his classmates. @AnOminous spirals into a mental haze and calls upon @Oscar Wildean , his and @Danskjaevel friend and a psychologist, for help. @Danskjaevel also confides in @Oscar Wildean that he feels guilty about his affair. When @Oscar Wildean asks @Danskjaevel if the affair is with @JambledUpWords , @Danskjaevel attacks and attempts to kill him, but they quickly reconcile.

At a surprise birthday party for @AnOminous , one of his friends catches @JambledUpWords kissing @Danskjaevel while the other guests are outside and confronts them about the affair. @AnOminous announces that he and @JambledUpWords are expecting a child, although @JambledUpWords later reveals she lied about it in order to cover up the truth about the affair. At the end of the evening, @JambledUpWords flaunts her affair in front of @AnOminous , who physically and verbally attacks @Danskjaevel .

After the party, @AnOminous locks himself in the bathroom in despair. When he leaves, he retrieves the cassette recorder that he attached to the phone and listens to an intimate call between @JambledUpWords and @Danskjaevel . Outraged, @AnOminous berates @JambledUpWords for betraying him, prompting her to end their relationship permanently and live with @Danskjaevel . @AnOminous then has an emotional breakdown, angrily destroying his apartment and committing suicide via gunshot through the mouth.

Hearing the commotion, @FatFuckFrank , @Danskjaevel , and @JambledUpWords rush up the stairs to find his dead body. @Danskjaevel blames @JambledUpWords for @AnOminous ' death, admonishes her for her deceitful behavior, and tells her to get out of his life. @FatFuckFrank tells @JambledUpWords and @Danskjaevel to leave him with @AnOminous , and they step back to give him a moment, but ultimately they all stay and comfort each other as the police arrive.
 
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In the present day, scientists in the Arctic uncover an old, frozen aircraft. In March 1942, Nazi officer @Ass eating cunt and his men steal a mysterious relic called the Desseract, which possesses untold powers, from the town of Tønsberg in German-occupied Norway.



In New York City, @Kiwi Jeff is rejected for World War II military recruitment because of various health and physical problems. While attending an exhibition of future technologies with his friend, Sgt. @NIGGO KILLA, @Kiwi Jeff again attempts to enlist. Overhearing@kiwi jeff's conversation with @NIGGO KILLA about wanting to help in the war, @Dr W allows @Kiwi Jeff to enlist. He is recruited into the Strategic Scientific Reserve as part of a "super-soldier" experiment under @Dr W, Col. @Splendid Meat Sticks , and British agent Peggy @trombonista. @Splendid Meat Sticks is unconvinced by @Dr W's claims that @Kiwi Jeff is the right person for the procedure but relents after seeing @Kiwi Jeff commit an act of self-sacrificing bravery. The night before the treatment, @Dr W reveals to @Kiwi Jeff that @Ass eating cunt underwent an imperfect version of the procedure and suffered permanent side-effects.



@Ass eating cunt and Dr. Arnim @FatFuckFrank harness the energies of the Desseract, intending to use the power to fuel @FatFuckFrank's inventions, mounting an offensive that will change the world. @Ass eating cunt discovers @Dr W's location and dispatches assassin @Sanic to kill him. @Dr W subjects @Kiwi Jeff to the super-soldier treatment, injecting him with a special serum and dosing him with "vita-rays". After @Kiwi Jeff emerges from the experiment taller and more muscular, an undercover @Sanic kills @Dr W and flees. @Kiwi Jeff pursues and captures @Sanic, but the assassin avoids interrogation by committing suicide with a cyanide capsule. With @Dr W dead and his super-soldier formula lost, @Kiwi Jeff tours the nation in a colorful costume as "Captain Jeff" to promote war bonds while scientists study him and attempt to reverse-engineer the formula. In 1943, while on tour in Italy performing for active servicemen, @Kiwi Jeff learns that @NIGGO KILLA' unit was MIA in a battle against @Ass eating cunt's forces. Refusing to believe that @NIGGO KILLA is dead, @Kiwi Jeff has @trombonista and engineer @AnOminous fly him behind enemy lines to mount a solo rescue attempt. @Kiwi Jeff infiltrates the fortress of @Ass eating cunt's Nazi division Hydra, freeing @NIGGO KILLA and the other prisoners. @Kiwi Jeff confronts @Ass eating cunt, who removes a mask to reveal a red, skull-like visage that earned him the sobriquet "the Red Skull". @Ass eating cunt escapes and @Kiwi Jeff returns to base with the freed soldiers.



Rogers recruits @NIGGO KILLA, and some other people I’m to lazy to find users for, to attack other known Hydra bases. @AnOminous outfits @Kiwi Jeff with advanced equipment, most notably a circular shield made of vibranium, a rare, nearly indestructible metal. @Kiwi Jeff and his team sabotage various Hydra operations. The team later assaults a train carrying @FatFuckFrank. @Kiwi Jeff succeeds in capturing @FatFuckFrank, but @NIGGO KILLA falls from the train to his assumed death. Using information extracted from @FatFuckFrank, the final Hydra stronghold is located, and@kiwi jeff leads an attack to stop @Ass eating cunt from using weapons of mass destruction on major American cities. @Kiwi Jeff climbs aboard @Ass eating cunt's aircraft as it takes off. During the subsequent fight, the Desseract's container is damaged. @Ass eating cunt physically handles the Desseract, which opens a wormhole into space, sucking him into it. The Desseract burns through the plane and is lost in the ocean. Seeing no way to land the plane without the risk of detonating its weapons, @Kiwi Jeff crashes it in the Arctic. @AnOminous later recovers the Desseract from the ocean floor but is unable to locate @Kiwi Jeff or the aircraft, presuming him dead.



@Kiwi Jeff awakens in a 1940s-style hospital room. Deducing from an anachronistic radio broadcast that something is wrong, he flees outside and finds himself in present-day Times Square, where S.H.I.E.L.D. director @Alan Pardew informs him that he has been "asleep" for nearly 70 years. In a post-credits scene, @Alan Pardew approaches @Kiwi Jeff and proposes a mission with worldwide ramifications.
 
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In an African desert millions of years ago, a tribe of [@Y2K Baby] is driven away from its water hole by a rival tribe. They awaken to find a featureless black monolith has appeared before them. Seemingly influenced by the monolith, they discover how to use a bone as a weapon and drive their rivals away from the water hole.

Millions of years later, a [Kiwi Farms] spaceplane carries [@LofaSofa] to the huge Space Station V orbiting Earth for a layover on his trip to Clavius Base, a United States outpost on the Moon. After [@LofaSofa] has a videophone call with his daughter, he deflects questions from his Soviet scientist friend and her colleague about rumors of a mysterious epidemic at Clavius. [@LofaSofa] speaks to a meeting of Clavius personnel, apologizing for the epidemic cover story but stressing secrecy. His mission is to investigate a recently found artifact buried four million years ago near the crater Tycho. [@LofaSofa] and others ride in a Moonbus to the artifact, a monolith identical to the one encountered by the ape-men. Sunlight strikes the monolith and a loud high-pitched radio signal is heard.

Eighteen months later, the United States spacecraft [Desert Bus] is bound for Jupiter. On board are mission pilots and scientists [@Alan Pardew] and [@trombonista], along with three other scientists in suspended animation. Most of Discovery's operations are controlled by the ship's computer, a [@Un Platano] with a human personality that the crew calls "[@Un Platano]". [@Un Platano] says he is "foolproof and incapable of error". [@Un Platano] raises concerns about the nature of the mission to [@Alan Pardew], but their conversation is interrupted when [@Un Platano] reports the imminent failure of an antenna control device. The astronauts retrieve it in an extravehicular activity (EVA) pod but find nothing wrong. [@Un Platano] suggests reinstalling the device and letting it fail so the problem can be found. Mission Control advises the astronauts that results from their twin [@Un Platano] indicate that [@Un Platano] is in error about the device's imminent failure. [@Un Platano] says the discrepancy must be due to human error. Concerned about [@Un Platano]'s behavior, [@Alan Pardew] and [@trombonista] enter an EVA pod to talk without [@Un Platano] overhearing, and agree to disconnect [@Un Platano] if he is proven wrong. [@Un Platano] secretly follows their conversation by lip reading. While [@trombonista] is on a space walk outside his EVA pod attempting to replace the unit, [@Un Platano] takes control of the pod, severs his oxygen hose and sets him adrift. [@Alan Pardew] takes another pod to rescue [@trombonista].

Meanwhile, [@Un Platano] turns off the life support functions of the crewmen in suspended animation. When [@Alan Pardew] returns to the ship with [@trombonista]'s body, [@Un Platano] refuses to let him in, stating that the astronauts' plan to deactivate him jeopardizes the mission. [@Alan Pardew] opens the ship's emergency airlock manually, enters the ship, and proceeds to [@Un Platano]'s processor core. [@Un Platano] tries to reassure [@Alan Pardew], then pleads with him to stop, and finally expresses fear. As [@Alan Pardew] gradually deactivates the circuits controlling [@Un Platano]'s higher intellectual functions, [@Un Platano] regresses to his earliest programmed memory, the song "Daisy Bell", which he sings for [@Alan Pardew]. When [@Alan Pardew] disconnects [@Un Platano], a prerecorded video message from [@LofaSofa] plays, revealing that the mission's true objective is to investigate a radio signal, sent from a lunar artifact (the monolith) to Jupiter. Only [@Un Platano] and the hibernating crew had been told this.

At Jupiter, [@Alan Pardew] leaves [Desert Bus] in an EVA pod to investigate another monolith orbiting the planet. The pod is pulled into a vortex of colored light, the Star Gate, and [@Alan Pardew] races across vast distances of space, viewing bizarre cosmological phenomena and strange landscapes of unusual colors.

[@Alan Pardew] finds himself in a bedroom appointed in the baroque style. He sees, and then becomes, older versions of himself, first standing in the bedroom, middle-aged and still in his spacesuit, then dressed in leisure attire and eating dinner, and finally as an old man lying in the bed. A monolith appears at the foot of the bed, and as [@Alan Pardew] reaches for it, he is transformed into a fetus enclosed in a transparent orb of light, the Star Child. The new being floats in space beside the Earth, gazing at it.
Click to expand...

(you should know this one)
 
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Somari1996 said:
In the present day, scientists in the Arctic uncover an old, frozen aircraft. In March 1942, Nazi officer @Ass eating cunt and his men steal a mysterious relic called the Desseract, which possesses untold powers, from the town of Tønsberg in German-occupied Norway.



In New York City, @Kiwi Jeff is rejected for World War II military recruitment because of various health and physical problems. While attending an exhibition of future technologies with his friend, Sgt. @NIGGO KILLA, @Kiwi Jeff again attempts to enlist. Overhearing@kiwi jeff's conversation with @NIGGO KILLA about wanting to help in the war, @Dr W allows @Kiwi Jeff to enlist. He is recruited into the Strategic Scientific Reserve as part of a "super-soldier" experiment under @Dr W, Col. @Splendid Meat Sticks , and British agent Peggy @trombonista. @Splendid Meat Sticks is unconvinced by @Dr W's claims that @Kiwi Jeff is the right person for the procedure but relents after seeing @Kiwi Jeff commit an act of self-sacrificing bravery. The night before the treatment, @Dr W reveals to @Kiwi Jeff that @Ass eating cunt underwent an imperfect version of the procedure and suffered permanent side-effects.



@Ass eating cunt and Dr. Arnim @FatFuckFrank harness the energies of the Desseract, intending to use the power to fuel @FatFuckFrank's inventions, mounting an offensive that will change the world. @Ass eating cunt discovers @Dr W's location and dispatches assassin @Sanic to kill him. @Dr W subjects @Kiwi Jeff to the super-soldier treatment, injecting him with a special serum and dosing him with "vita-rays". After @Kiwi Jeff emerges from the experiment taller and more muscular, an undercover @Sanic kills @Dr W and flees. @Kiwi Jeff pursues and captures @Sanic, but the assassin avoids interrogation by committing suicide with a cyanide capsule. With @Dr W dead and his super-soldier formula lost, @Kiwi Jeff tours the nation in a colorful costume as "Captain Jeff" to promote war bonds while scientists study him and attempt to reverse-engineer the formula. In 1943, while on tour in Italy performing for active servicemen, @Kiwi Jeff learns that @NIGGO KILLA' unit was MIA in a battle against @Ass eating cunt's forces. Refusing to believe that @NIGGO KILLA is dead, @Kiwi Jeff has @trombonista and engineer @AnOminous fly him behind enemy lines to mount a solo rescue attempt. @Kiwi Jeff infiltrates the fortress of @Ass eating cunt's Nazi division Hydra, freeing @NIGGO KILLA and the other prisoners. @Kiwi Jeff confronts @Ass eating cunt, who removes a mask to reveal a red, skull-like visage that earned him the sobriquet "the Red Skull". @Ass eating cunt escapes and @Kiwi Jeff returns to base with the freed soldiers.



Rogers recruits @NIGGO KILLA, and some other people I’m to lazy to find users for, to attack other known Hydra bases. @AnOminous outfits @Kiwi Jeff with advanced equipment, most notably a circular shield made of vibranium, a rare, nearly indestructible metal. @Kiwi Jeff and his team sabotage various Hydra operations. The team later assaults a train carrying @FatFuckFrank. @Kiwi Jeff succeeds in capturing @FatFuckFrank, but @NIGGO KILLA falls from the train to his assumed death. Using information extracted from @FatFuckFrank, the final Hydra stronghold is located, and@kiwi jeff leads an attack to stop @Ass eating cunt from using weapons of mass destruction on major American cities. @Kiwi Jeff climbs aboard @Ass eating cunt's aircraft as it takes off. During the subsequent fight, the Desseract's container is damaged. @Ass eating cunt physically handles the Desseract, which opens a wormhole into space, sucking him into it. The Desseract burns through the plane and is lost in the ocean. Seeing no way to land the plane without the risk of detonating its weapons, @Kiwi Jeff crashes it in the Arctic. @AnOminous later recovers the Desseract from the ocean floor but is unable to locate @Kiwi Jeff or the aircraft, presuming him dead.



@Kiwi Jeff awakens in a 1940s-style hospital room. Deducing from an anachronistic radio broadcast that something is wrong, he flees outside and finds himself in present-day Times Square, where S.H.I.E.L.D. director @Alan Pardew informs him that he has been "asleep" for nearly 70 years. In a post-credits scene, @Alan Pardew approaches @Kiwi Jeff and proposes a mission with worldwide ramifications.
Click to expand...
Do I really seem like that kind of person? Lmao
 
Zardoz

In a future post-apocalyptic Earth in the year 2293, the human population is divided into the immortal "Kiwis" and mortal "Trannies". The Trannies live in a wasteland, growing food for the Kiwis, who live apart in "the Vortex", leading a luxurious but aimless existence on the grounds of a country estate. The connection between the two groups is through Tranny Exterminators, who kill and terrorize other "Tranny" at the orders of a huge flying stone head called Zardoz which supplies them with weapons in exchange for the milk they collect. @Null, a Tranny Exterminator, hides aboard Zardoz during one trip, temporarily "killing" its Kiwi operator-creator @CatParty.

Arriving in the Vortex, @Null meets two Kiwis — @millais and @AnOminous. Overcoming him with psychic powers, they make him a prisoner and menial worker within their community. @milais wants @Null destroyed immediately; others, led by @AnOminous and a subversive Kiwi named @Meowthkip, insist on keeping him alive for further study.

In time, @Null learns the nature of the Vortex. The Kiwis are overseen and protected from death by the Sonichu, an artificial intelligence. Given their limitless lifespan, the Kiwis have grown bored and corrupt. The needlessness of procreation has rendered the men impotent and meditation has replaced sleep. Others fall into catatonia, forming the social stratum the Kiwis have named the "Apathetics." The Kiwis spend their days stewarding mankind's vast knowledge—through a voice recognition based search engine—pumping special milk for themselves from the milk deliveries and participating in communal meditation rituals. To give time and life more meaning the Vortex developed complex social rules whose violators are punished with artificial aging. The most extreme offenders are condemned to permanent old age and the status of "Renegades." Kiwis who somehow managed to die, usually through some fatal accident, are then reborn into another healthy, synthetically reproduced body that is identical to the one they just lost.

@Null is less brutal and far more intelligent than the Kiwis think he is. Genetic analysis reveals he is the ultimate result of long-running eugenics experiments devised by @CatParty—who is Zardoz—who controlled the outlands with the Exterminators, thus coercing the Trannies to supply the Vortices with milk. Zardoz's aim was to breed a superman who would penetrate the Vortex and save mankind from its hopelessly stagnant status quo. The women's analysis of @Null's mental images earlier had revealed that in the ruins of the old world @CatParty first encouraged @Null to learn to read, then led him to the book The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Zed finally understands the origin of the name Zardoz—Wizard of Oz—bringing him to a true awareness of Zardoz as a shitposting manipulator rather than an actual deity. He becomes infuriated with this realization and decides to plumb the deepest depths of this enormous mystery.

As @Null divines the nature of the Vortex and its problems, the Kiwis use him to fight their internecine quarrels. Led by @millais, the Kiwis decide to kill @Null and to age @Meowthkip. @Null escapes and, aided by @AnOminous and @Meowthkip, absorbs all the Kiwis' knowledge, including that of the Vortex's origin, to destroy the Sonichu. @Null helps the Exterminators invade the Vortex and kill most of the Kiwis—who welcome death as a release from their eternal but boring existence. A few Kiwis do escape the Vortex's destruction, heading out to radically new lives as fellow mortal beings among the Trannies. @Null brings the Kiwis salvation by bringing them death.

Zardoz ends in a wordless sequence of images accompanied by the sombre second movement (allegretto) of Beethoven's Seventh Symphony, snatches of which are heard throughout the film. @millais, having fallen in love with @Null, gives birth to a baby boy within the remains of the giant stone head. In matching green suits, they sit with the boy standing between them, who matures as they age in a series of fades. The youth leaves his parents, who take hands and grow very old, eventually decomposing into skeletons and finally vanishing. Nothing remains in the space but painted hand-prints on the wall and @Null's Webley-Fosbery revolver.



Sean Connery as @Null, wearing what the UK's Channel 4 described as "a red nappy, knee-high leather boots, pony tail and Zapatamoustache."
 
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