Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Zaryiu]

I feel there was money pocketed and/spent on stuff unrelated to the park

 

[BONE_Buddy]

I feel there was money pocketed and/spent on stuff unrelated to the park

All I can say is that I have a lot money, and no cocaine.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

The other items being sold scream "cheap knockoff" more than a counterfeit Asian purse.

Someone should look up which company made these toys, chances are, it's a company from China that sells SW bootleg.
Wouldn't that be hilarious?

Pretty much. So anyway, I just said the most important bit about the Falcon regarding the fact that its an overhyped arcade game that moves around a bit. I might as well cover the rest since there's not much to say about it.
The graphics are really mediocre and unimmersive since its just a game unlike the prescripted Star Tours footage, but I was expecting them to really go all out with the graphics, otherwise this looks exactly like Star Wars Kinect. Only thing missing is someone singing "I'm Han Solo" which might've actually improved this shit. Here's a pic from the inside.
View attachment 780285
The gameplay is way below average and its hard to aim when you don't have perfect view of the enemies at your side. It crashed 5 or so times during the first day, but I haven't been informed if there have been any crashes today.

Obviously you don't actually go inside the smaller than life Falcon. That's just for show. You go into the space port next to it which is a long tunnel and eventually it takes you into a new area made to resemble the inside of the Falcon. Once inside the port, well... its lifeless and boring. Its full of scrap and tables that are made to look as though they were recently used, with cups, bottles and nu-sabacc cards along with a radio playing some weird music that sounds like something from Avatar (James Cameron), but there's nobody around. Not even droids, just two broken ones that don't do anything. I should mention that you can't actually interact with any of this, you're basically trapped on a linear barred path.
View attachment 780350

You'll eventually see a "speeder" connected to a bunch of cables, and no its not a speeder bike, its Rey's shitty engine speeder thing from TFA but its blue.
View attachment 780303

Then its about 4 minutes of walking and windows, until you arrive at the entry area where the "meet&greet" I mentioned that @Vault Boy may or may not like is. The figure in question is Hondo... No not Holdo the pink haired suicide bomber. Hondo was the disturbingly recurring weequay pirate from Filoni Wars and the Rebels cartoon with the strong jamaican accent. He's not real though, he's an uncanny valley animatronic that talks to you from an inaccessible platform on the second floor. Despite 34 years having passed, he looks like he did in Filoni Wars rather than Rebels or looking old despite his species aging the same as humans. He does have longer hair though. He's voiced by the same guy from the show but his lines are pre-recorded. Through his strong accent he reveals that he has made a deal with Chewbacca to use the Falcon for his latest smuggling gig, to steal "coaxium" (the starship fuel from Solo) from a train, however something has gone wrong with some engines or something blowing up, resulting in the pilot becoming indisposed. Hondo then hires you, the tourist, to take on the job in a "deal of a lifetime". Hondo calls Chewbacca and asks his permission to let literal strangers ride the falcon (which is kinda how Han lost it in the first place under Disney canon). Chewy appears on a monitor with his movie look rather than his park look. Chewy is reluctant to let strangers ride the falcon, but Hondo says that he promises to give part of the spoils to the pathetically needy Resistance, so Chewy agrees. Hondo then tells you to go down further into the ride which is where the real painful wait begins. Also there's green EXIT signs everywhere that really bust up the immersion, and the actors/guides can't keep a straight face as they try to take the whole thing seriously. Before I go on, the Ride's arcade game was made by ILMxLAB who only ever makes shitty VR games for Disney.

Here's the pics:

Hondo, also has a droid resembling a cross between an R5 unit and that Chopper thing from Rebels. The droid doesn't really do anything. It occasionally moves or bobbles its head to the side and makes Chopper noises though.
View attachment 780349

The Pilot license you're given.
View attachment 780351
It has a M. Falcon logo. Its some kind of instruction guide because it says "Left Right. Press Left to go Left" etc. Gee. Press left to go left? Whoddathunk?

The entrance to the Falcon. Pretty anticlimactic. The Falcon has green exit signs everywhere in its interior letting you know that every corner has an emergency exit. Really bustin' the old immersion there.
View attachment 780355View attachment 780365
Yes I SEE IT. I know where the EXIT is thank you...

Some pics of the interior.
View attachment 780359View attachment 780362

Looks more like a Christmas party inside.
View attachment 780357
The dejarik holochess board doesn't do anything obviously. It lights up but that's it. There's a lot of Porg sounds inside and nests scattered about... Yes, porgs exist, I fucking get it Disney. The Jontron one looked way better honestly. There's also a notable size issue going on. Only nice thing I can say about it is that Luke's training helmet and seeker droid are there in a corner.

The game, like I said before, looks like some typical arcade shit. Throughout the whole ride Hondo is giving you instructions via monitor/voice. Only good thing I can say about it is that it makes the park look more lively than it actually is. Your mission is to go to Corellia as it looks in Solo and steal from the train.
View attachment 780402View attachment 780285
The game is easy to lose at which is the case for most normalfags. If you get the lowest score, there's some kind of event you get to take a part in where you have to go to the cantina to get into some kind of fake fight with a bounty hunter for ruining the Falcon. My associate hasn't seen that actually happen yet but he's keeping an eye out. If you get the highest score you get some kind of coupons. If you lose, the ship gently crashes down and Hondo gets a little mad and he has a pickup crew come get you. If you win and grab enough "coaxium", you pilot back to Batuu and from their Chewbacca takes remote control of the ship to safely land you into the park's docking bay.

A tentacle monster from TFA may show up and be heard but not seen, at which point Hondo will say:
View attachment 780415
"Its right over my COCK... pit." He actually says this.

As a bonus, here's a pic of the nu-X-Wing courtesy of a drone since the one my friend took is shit.
View attachment 780289

That Falcon ride is even worse than I thought, how exactly do the gunners use the guns, do they sit in individual pods in the sides, since it looks like they sit in the cockpit and just slam their hand on a button to fire, without aiming.
It's also sillythat one pilot has to fly up and down and the other left and right. That's awkward as fuck and really takes away the fun of flying. I mean, they wanted this to be a 4 person thing, so they had to split up the flying, but that doesn't make it fun tbh.
Originally, I thought that the pilot would have all the fun, while the gunners just get something akin to a railshooter, but it's even worse with two pilots... speaking of which: kinda funny they only use the words "Pilot on the right/left", guess they didn't wanna make one feel bad for just being the co-pilot.

And the graphics do look way too video-gamey and colorful.

But if they have something like this, why is it so hard to just put a shitton of cockpits into a large room and have people fly around in iconic spacefighters, such as the X-Wing or the A-Wing and have them fight an epic spacebattle?
That's what would attract a shitton of people. A lovingly recreated cockpit with a few flashing buttons and a bit of motion to make it feel a bit more real and it would be a crowd magnet... and it doesn't even take much room, so you could have a shitton of them inside a building.

I also don't know whether these parks have Hotels and if they are in a special area, but how awesome would it be to check into a Hotel that has rooms designed like the interior of the Millenium Falcon, or a room aboard a Corellian Fregatte. Bonuspoints if instead of windows, they have screens that show planets from above, so it looks like you're floating in space with your ship. Imagine having a room with view over Coruscant.
Or, given that the Hotel would be in the SW-themed park, imagine how amazing it would be to take a walk in the evening, after all regular people are gone, and hang out in a cantina/bar.

All of this would be expensive as fuck, but holy shit, it would at least be something to talk about. This way, we have like 2 rides, none of which are particularly impressive, and a shitton of crappy souvenir shops and food joints that don't even sell unique food.

I honestly wish I had some kind of comprehensive list detailing which parts of the Galaxy's Edge project the budget was distributed to and how much each part got, but I don't. I personally think a shit ton of money was wasted on the Hondo animatronics at both parks which are called the A-1000. Supposedly they're the second most advanced and expensive animatronics Disney has ever built, surpassed only by the singing na'vi at Pandora/Avatar land, but the A-1000 has even more functions at around 60 or something.

Then why does it look like a Chuck-E-Cheese puppet?

 

[Capsaicin Addict]

Anyone here that ever doubted they (the Rat and his minions) are actively trying to kill Star Wars should see that's the case, I suggest we rename this the Star Wars Grieving Thread because that's all their is left to do... Again

Heh. I made that suggestion earlier in the thread, because for a guy like me who grew up with the OT, this is like watching a family member with dementia, slowly crumbling.

But getting back to quality control, it's just so fucking strange to see this. I went to Orlando many years ago, and I don't recall any of the areas I visited just outright sucking hard like this. I can't help but wonder if the parks are being managed differently -- and if Anaheim is being used as a test bed to contain fuckuppery.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Seeing the pictures of Mark, Billy, Harrison, and George looking bored as hell and Bob Iger smiling speaks volumes about Disney/Lucasfilm.

 

[XYZpdq]

I honestly wish I had some kind of comprehensive list detailing which parts of the Galaxy's Edge project the budget was distributed to and how much each part got, but I don't. I personally think a shit ton of money was wasted on the Hondo animatronics at both parks which are called the A-1000. Supposedly they're the second most advanced and expensive animatronics Disney has ever built, surpassed only by the singing na'vi at Pandora/Avatar land, but the A-1000 has even more functions at around 60 or something.

I forgot to mention Hondo's fear and hatred of tentacles as he talks about the creature over his cock... pit. Also here's a video I found best detailing the VR portion of the ride.

I also forgot to add that its weird that a blue version of Rey's speeder is there since according to her bio, she made that shit from cobbling together a swoop bike and an old engine, but I guess its standard now. Also, the "enjoyment" you have in the ride depends entirely on the role you're stuck with based on how your "crew" was set up, for example, there's pilot, co-pilot, left gunner, right gunner, etc.

Anyway, what should I cover next? Or do any of you have specific questions concerning the park?



Reminder: Your EXITS are to your left, right, up, down, and every which way but loose.
View attachment 780484

Didn't Spaceballs have some sort of visual gag about regulation style EXIT signs on the spaceship?

 

[Creep3r]

Someone should look up which company made these toys, chances are, it's a company from China that sells SW bootleg.
Wouldn't that be hilarious?


That Falcon ride is even worse than I thought, how exactly do the gunners use the guns, do they sit in individual pods in the sides, since it looks like they sit in the cockpit and just slam their hand on a button to fire, without aiming.
It's also sillythat one pilot has to fly up and down and the other left and right. That's awkward as fuck and really takes away the fun of flying. I mean, they wanted this to be a 4 person thing, so they had to split up the flying, but that doesn't make it fun tbh.
Originally, I thought that the pilot would have all the fun, while the gunners just get something akin to a railshooter, but it's even worse with two pilots... speaking of which: kinda funny they only use the words "Pilot on the right/left", guess they didn't wanna make one feel bad for just being the co-pilot.

And the graphics do look way too video-gamey and colorful.

But if they have something like this, why is it so hard to just put a shitton of cockpits into a large room and have people fly around in iconic spacefighters, such as the X-Wing or the A-Wing and have them fight an epic spacebattle?
That's what would attract a shitton of people. A lovingly recreated cockpit with a few flashing buttons and a bit of motion to make it feel a bit more real and it would be a crowd magnet... and it doesn't even take much room, so you could have a shitton of them inside a building.

I also don't know whether these parks have Hotels and if they are in a special area, but how awesome would it be to check into a Hotel that has rooms designed like the interior of the Millenium Falcon, or a room aboard a Corellian Fregatte. Bonuspoints if instead of windows, they have screens that show planets from above, so it looks like you're floating in space with your ship. Imagine having a room with view over Coruscant.
Or, given that the Hotel would be in the SW-themed park, imagine how amazing it would be to take a walk in the evening, after all regular people are gone, and hang out in a cantina/bar.

All of this would be expensive as fuck, but holy shit, it would at least be something to talk about. This way, we have like 2 rides, none of which are particularly impressive, and a shitton of crappy souvenir shops and food joints that don't even sell unique food.

There's all sorts of crap they could've done, some that probably would've been more cost-effective than what we got. I mean, considering the graphics of the "star" attraction, they could've just done the same with some X-Wing or Tie simulator, or a fucking speeder ride through Endor. Doesn't have to be realistic when considering the quality of the Falcon ride. Or hell, just put an animatronic bantha or dewback (or rontos since they're mentioned everywhere in the park) who can only move their head and have people sit on their saddle. It can't move from its spot but people would've forked over a shit ton of cash for something dumb and simple like that, and it probably would've been cheaper than that Hondo shit. They couldn't even get a good game dev to make the ride's game, settling instead for mediocre VR devs. And no there's no individual pods. Everyone's in the cockpit to push a different button, being a gunner in the back is a pain in the ass.

But what really disappointed me was all the pictures and footage of girls, boys, and even grown men and women pressing every button on the dejarik holochess table trying to see if they could turn it on and watch aliens fight despite how impossible that is right now. But the fact is that it would've actually been possible if done right. I mean seriously, a working dejarik table could've been a major attraction by itself, all you would need is to have it be contained in an area with a small audience and two players and have them all wear Augmented Reality glasses/goggles, because Disney already made a lame Dejarik AR game last year and two basement dwelling nobodies were able to make a better one themselves but Lucasfilm never gave them the approval.

Then why does it look like a Chuck-E-Cheese puppet?

Because something something clown world... Over 20 million dollars wasted on two freaking identical metal puppets, a role regular guys in costumes with good lip-syncing skills could've done for peanuts.

 

[Vault Boy]

You ask me, they should've gone for different planet zones to celebrate all three trilogies.

I'm talking Coruscant with Dex's Diner and the Jedi temple, Tatooine with the Mos Eisley cantina and a pod racing ride, and Starkiller Base with a First Order ride or some shit. They wouldn't be gigantic or anything, but there'd be a hell of a lot more variety and it would please more fans.

At the least, it would make all the money (supposedly) invested in the park make more sense.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

And no there's no individual pods. Everyone's in the cockpit to push a different button, being a gunner in the back is a pain in the ass.

Until now, I thought the gunners were operating guns in turrets... this is beyond lame. Two pilots have to share controls for the flight and the gunners merely hit a button on the wall to shoot. Can they even aim the guns? This has to have been designed by a person that has never actually experienced joy or entertainment, cause no one could be this fucking dumb and come up with something this lackluster.

 

[Iceland Heavy]

Until now, I thought the gunners were operating guns in turrets... this is beyond lame. Two pilots have to share controls for the flight and the gunners merely hit a button on the wall to shoot. Can they even aim the guns? This has to have been designed by a person that has never actually experienced joy or entertainment, cause no one could be this fucking dumb and come up with something this lackluster.

It's meant to simulate the excitement, pride and accomplishment you get from being Rey in that position.

 

[Antipathy]

It's meant to simulate the excitement, pride and accomplishment you get from being Rey in that position.

If that's the case, then everyone should get the Rey Experience: do absolutely nothing to earn things, sit still and miraculously go over and win at everything, and have the cast of the OT applaud you. I'm talking a game where you fly the Millennium Falcon, except you can't lose, then you go over and fix it in a minigame you can't fail, then you land and fight stormtroopers with an aimbot and invincibility, and finally you fight Kylo Ren, in a battle where you can't fail. If you stand there he impales himself and dies trying to swing at you. Then it's off to sit around while Mark Hamill cries and drinks from a flask before you fight Snoke's bodyguards in a game you can't fail in. Then you defeat Vader, The Emperor, Kylo Ren, and the entire fucking First Order in a game you literally cannot lose.

Fuck.


I mean, if I were in charge, you know what I'd do? I'd get it so that there'd be model X wings and TIE fighters, then stick a flight sim in the cockpit of each. Wire them all together and bam! 10 dollars to literally get into a Star Wars spacefight with your pals over Coruscant, Endor, Yavin, or in the depths of deep space, an asteroid field populated by dangerous space creatures, through the ravines of Tatooine and over the superlaser array of the Death Star. There'd be other ships available too, and they'd all handle how they do in the films. It wouldn't be hard.

 

[Creep3r]

If I remember right, there was supposed to be some shitty tram ride attraction. Do you have any more information on it?

What happened with that one attraction where you join the Resistance and do some prescripted shit for 10-15 minutes?

That's the Rise of the Resistance ride. Its not open yet. It was unexpectedly delayed which left a shit ton of people disappointed when they went on opening day, including my associate. My associate assumed the 31st would see it actually open, but nothing happened, he even saw a long line but it was just to see the unusable entrance. However me and my associate were still able to get the info, and while his comes from inside the park, its slightly exaggerated when compared to my info which includes pics from inside the ride itself courtesy of disney leakfags and "sneak peek" pics, but his still has info that lines up mostly well with my own, along with something I didn't know, a list of characters who will star in the ride, but only one is actually from pre-Disney... They claim they want to keep it closed until the one in Florida is completed to make sure "all the bugs are taken care of" and they're also making one in Disneyland Paris, but when asked for a specific date they simply said "later this year".

That's supposed to be the "true" main attraction and the one they went all out on, and the big reveal is that the imagineers created a new method to simulate blaster fire, however this is only true for one area of the ride which I will get to in a moment. Throughout the whole ride you're restricted to a small First Order tram, only leaving it briefly to switch to a new Resistance tram after you're "saved" which I will also get to in a moment. The whole ride lasts 30 minutes and the waiting lines are expected to be around 4 to 5 hours or more in the first weeks, with it eventually slowing down to 3 to 4 hours in the following year after it opens. Because of this (which I've mentioned before) bathroom passes have been created, however this has raised concerns over potential abuse of this privilege.

Now on what the ride is like:
The entrance is a small blockade with a large laser turret that doesn't do anything, not even spin around and it doesn't look like its something a soldier can operate. Maybe it will move when it opens up later this year, but then that begs the question of why not move it around now since its right in fron of the second entrance to the park? You go in there and it takes you down a path into the caves and ruins of Batuu. Here's some pics of the entrance.

The entrance is right across from the A-Wing and here's the shitty shot of the Resistance blue nu-X-Wing that he took. The Resistance shop is next to the X-Wing but I'll get to that later. There's another X-Wing past the entrance which is Poe's black X-Wing, so no you won't see any classic red X-Wings at this park. Right across from Poe's blackwing is the airplane thing, he couldn't get pics of them because you'll end up thrown out of the fucking park and have your annual pass benefits fucked over for so much as looking back there since no one's allowed back there. In front of Poe's black x-wing is actually a gray ship with blue stripes near the ruins of Batuu which is like a shitty compact version of a CR90 (the Tantive IV from ANH) that looks more like an airplane now.

Only thing I can show is one of the many maps of Galaxy's Edge showing the area where the airplane ship is along with a miniature model that was on display just outside the park. Here's the pics:

This here's a pic of the map. I circled the area where the Resistance ride is.

Its not a very HD pic. But I have another pic of an earlier proto map that shows almost the same thing up close.

The red circle is the entrance. The blue circles represent the inside of the ride itself based on early construction.

If that's not enough for you, here's the most recent pic of a IRL bird's eye view circling the spot I'm talking about:

Only thing you can make out here is Poe's X-Wing. The white building behind it is most of the two-story ride space.

After entering the area, you will be recruited by Resistance soldiers and led into the ship. A simulation will start up like the one in Star Tours where you will travel through space, but your ship is eventually captured by the First Order. This is going to be a looong description so It'll take me a while to finish, but before that...

If that's the case, then everyone should get the Rey Experience: do absolutely nothing to earn things, sit still and miraculously go over and win at everything, and have the cast of the OT applaud you. I'm talking a game where you fly the Millennium Falcon, except you can't lose, then you go over and fix it in a minigame you can't fail, then you land and fight stormtroopers with an aimbot and invincibility, and finally you fight Kylo Ren, in a battle where you can't fail. If you stand there he impales himself and dies trying to swing at you. Then it's off to sit around while Mark Hamill cries and drinks from a flask before you fight Snoke's bodyguards in a game you can't fail in. Then you defeat Vader, The Emperor, Kylo Ren, and the entire fucking First Order in a game you literally cannot lose.

Congratulations! You just described the Rise of the Resistance ride.

 

[Antipathy]

Congratulations! You just described the Rise of the Resistance ride.

Fuck, really?

If it's the real Rey Experience, do you break yourself out of a meaningless captivity that exists only to show how powerful and Strong (TM) you are?

 

[XYZpdq]

Fuck, really?

If it's the real Rey Experience, do you break yourself out of a meaningless captivity that exists only to show how powerful and Strong (TM) you are?

they combine sequence breaking like Metroid and hopping out of the car like those guys who hopped out of the car at Horizons a bunch

 

[Commander X]

If Disney were not a cabal of COWARDS they would have built a "Brian de Palma's PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE" themed park instead.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Yeah blame the trolls for your mediocre movie bombing Ronnie.

Ron Howard Points Blame at ‘Star Wars’ Trolls for ‘Solo’ Bombing at the Box Office

‘Solo: A Star Wars Story’ was not the hit that Disney and Lucasfilm were expecting when it hit theaters last year, and Ron Howard thinks he knows why.

movieweb.com

 

[Stab You in the Back]

Yeah blame the trolls for your mediocre movie bombing Ronnie.

Ron Howard Points Blame at ‘Star Wars’ Trolls for ‘Solo’ Bombing at the Box Office

‘Solo: A Star Wars Story’ was not the hit that Disney and Lucasfilm were expecting when it hit theaters last year, and Ron Howard thinks he knows why.

movieweb.com

Kathleen Kennedy was leaking negative stories about Solo for months to justify her decision to fire the directors. If you're gonna to blame anyone, baldy, blame the woman whose pettiness and arrogance forced you to take the helm of that abortion in the first place.

 

[Zbk3VmLfujjzjxBd43tL]

Yeah blame the trolls for your mediocre movie bombing Ronnie.

Ron Howard Points Blame at ‘Star Wars’ Trolls for ‘Solo’ Bombing at the Box Office

‘Solo: A Star Wars Story’ was not the hit that Disney and Lucasfilm were expecting when it hit theaters last year, and Ron Howard thinks he knows why.

movieweb.com

Internet trolls must be the most powerful force in the world, considering they regularly sabotage movies produced by the most powerful entertainment companies in the world and cost them billions, control elections in every country in the world, and can kill women and troons just by shitposting about pop culture.

 

[Creep3r]

Until now, I thought the gunners were operating guns in turrets... this is beyond lame. Two pilots have to share controls for the flight and the gunners merely hit a button on the wall to shoot. Can they even aim the guns? This has to have been designed by a person that has never actually experienced joy or entertainment, cause no one could be this fucking dumb and come up with something this lackluster.

If you think that's bad, you should see the engineers... That's the absolute worst part of the ride and the one job you hope you don't get. You sit in the back row and your only job is to push the auto-repair button whenever the pilot fucks up. Otherwise, the Engineer has to wait till everyone else fucks the train up and find the coaxium, after which the only other thing you have to do is press a button to launch the tow cables and ensnare that piece of shit train and the coaxium. Afterwards "GEEP BRESSIN DAT RE-PEAR' BOTTON, MON!"
Honestly, Jim Cummings is a great VA but his voice for this character is just grating for me.

Yeah blame the trolls for your mediocre movie bombing Ronnie.

Ron Howard Points Blame at ‘Star Wars’ Trolls for ‘Solo’ Bombing at the Box Office

‘Solo: A Star Wars Story’ was not the hit that Disney and Lucasfilm were expecting when it hit theaters last year, and Ron Howard thinks he knows why.

movieweb.com

Ron Howard is an out of touch dingus who's full of it? Typical Cunningham.

Anyway, I forgot to post the miniature of the nu-Tantive IV that will start the ride.

It's very loosely based on the Tantive IV and corellian CR ships in general. Its overall appearance is more like the Tantive IV mixed with a plane and a nasa rocket with extra engines. The ship doesn't have a nickname or anything, its just called Resistance Intersystem Transport Ship.

And here's a pic of the real one under construction for size comparison. You have to be over 3 feet to ride.

Now to continue where I left off...

After reaching the cave, you will be recruited by Resistance soldiers and led inside for a long line in the Resistance base. The wait in line varies depending on the people but its long. As you walk through the overcrowded secret base, you'll see another nu-x-wing and a-wing, and a weapons room filled with weapons from the sequels. You will be led into a big chamber designed to fit 50 or so people. There you will be given a briefing that begins when an animatronic BB-8 activates a "hologram" featuring Rey who gives you your briefing and the mandatory "May the Force be with you" line. Poe then appears on screen in his X-Wing to give you a briefing.

You will then be led into the ship. There you will meet the only OT character in the damn ride, Nien Nunb, and for you plebs who don't know who that is, that's Lando's alien co-pilot in ROTJ. He's not a real person either, just another expensive animatronic. A simulation will start up like the one in Star Tours where you will travel through space with Poe escorting you. But something goes wrong, and get hit by heavy fire and your ship is then captured by the First Order. You then EXIT the ship from the same side you entered where you will find yourself in a large hangar around 100 feet tall with 50 animatronic nu-troopers, 2 nu-tie fighters and one of those big movie screens like in other parts of the park on one side to simulate outer space and it is about 100 feet large. You can't explore any of this though as you're taken prisoner. The ship is on a large turn table that spins very slowly to simulate movement and also so that you exit from the same place you entered. Once properly aligned, you prisoners will be strapped into a small trolley operated by this black R5 unit pictured here:

There's two trolleys, as such it will be 16 people per ride. You will then be given a "safety briefing" and be sent to cell blocks to be processed. Gosh I hope there's exit signs.

Anyway, once that's over, on your way to detention you will enter this room.

As your trolleys enter the room, you will see BB-8 or a reasonably similar facsimile slowly rolling across that little bridge above the officer. As you're being processed, the droid will go to a panel on the other side and "hack" it to give the impression that he has secretly sliced into your trolleys and taken control of the droids. You will then be placed in your designated waiting cell to give the guys ahead of you a chance to do their run and the new 16 guys behind you to get into their cell.

Once that happens, you will hear loud blasts and blaster fire from outside. Knock Knock... its the Resistance. With huge ships (with guns). Gunships. Your cells then open and you're free. You will go down a hallway that has a mouse droid to lower your guard, afterwards you turn a corner and that's when you see the fucking emo lord himself, Kybo Ren who takes out his lightsaber, presumably because he's aware that you're trying to escape. He's not real though. He's an animatronic too. The trolley droid then freaks out and then goes in reverse and drives down the other corner.

Down this hallway is the only real interesting thing in this ride... You will go into a large very dark and misty room around 20 meters high. Inside are two AT-ATs (imperial walkers from ESB) that are around 35-40 feet tall.

My associate said they would be 60 feet tall according to what he was told but the image shows otherwise. Regardless, their heads are designed to move and look at you as you ride underneath them. These things are notable for firing two large "laser blasts" at the trolleys (which always miss obviously).

Spoiler: Technical shit about the "lasers"

These laser blasts aren't real lasers or projectiles. They're an elaborate illusion created using literal smoke and mirrors in an elaborate setup. Let me try and explain how this shit works. The laser is just a light coming from the guns and other parts of the walls which is then reflected by numerous small reflective surfaces operated via mechanical appendages that will rapidly move with the lights and quickly retract back after their job is done so you don't see them. This same smoke and mirror technique will also be used in a brief blaster fight between the Resistance and the First Order later in the ride. Those firing the blasts will not be real soldiers as they have to be animatronics to ensure that their aim always aligns with the lights. Disney has a patent for this system, some pics of which I will now post for those of you interested in visual aid which includes one example of the system and a blaster.

Overall its a neat system for what would normally be considered a simple illusion that really does create something fancy when setup correctly which is sadly wasted on this ride, although its not the first time Disney has used a system like this, previously using something similar for their Haunted House ghosts, so think of it like that but faster. The trolleys keeping you in place help to preserve the illusion so you don't see any flaws in the fire or see the appendages, but we won't know how well the end result will be until "later this year". I could go into further detail about this but I want to keep discussing the rest of the ride. If someone else more familiar with this patent wants to keep this one going or wants to give a more detailed explanation for someone who wants to know more, I thank you.

Back to the Walkers. They fire two shots at you, obviously they miss by a mile (although firing powerful heavy blasters seems like a stupid thing for a trooper to do while inside a ship, especially when its just to hit two slow moving carts) because you are protected by the Sue Force. The two trolleys then go sideways in front of the AT-ATs and past them where the trolleys will part ways and go up elevator shafts that will take them 40 feet up into the second floor.

Here is a map of the first floor to get you australian birds to understand whatever the hell it is I'm talking about.

Once on the second floor, they will be led them down two long separate hallways that will lead the trolleys into a lower area. Above the trolleys is an open mesh floor where they will see animatronics of Kylo Ren and Hux (I guess Kylo didn't bother chasing after you). They are talking about the Resistance attacking the ship.

Here's the open mesh hallway.

And here's the map of the second floor:

From there you will go into the gunner's room where you will see the FO having a space battle with the Resistance (which you can see in the trailer). After that, the two trolleys meet up again in a new really dark hallway and run into Kylo Ren who throws a lightsaber at them using the same light system I mentioned before. The lightsaber misses you due to your awesome Reyness despite him being right in front of you, and the wall behind you will quickly be switched with a torn and burned one to simulate the saber hitting it. The ship is then hit with a blast which conveniently causes a piece of the roof to fall and separate the trolleys from Kylo Ren. The trolleys will then get a transmission from the Resistance telling the tourists to escape and head for the escape pods. You will then hear the Resistance and the FO shoot at each other and see them through the open mesh ceilings above you (hence the animatronics and lasers). The trolleys go down a new hallway but are stopped by Kylo Ren who uses his powers to lift the roof to attack you, but just as he is about to kill you, the awesome force of your marysue/martystu powers activate and a wall falls on him, thus defeating the evil Kylo Ren. The trolleys will then head into the custom-made escape pods conveniently designed for trolleys. The escape pods are actually new versions of the damn elevator from the Tower of Terror ride that will shoot you up and down 10 feet rapidly which is why you had to take that elevator early on. After the damn rise and drops stop, the elevator/escape pod will slow down and show images of space through its window where you will see the planet Batuu. You will then have another damn 10 foot drop. After leaving your escape pods, you will find yourself in a warehouse on Batuu. The resistance escorts you out safe and sound. The ride ends. You beat Emo Ren with your awesome Mary Sueness yet you get no rewards like in Smuggler's Run.

Also here's a pic of the model of the warehouse:

Obviously, this shit requires a lot more precision to get it just right and its mind-boggling as to why they didn't wait until this ride was done to open the parks since this was apparently where most of the money went. And what I've said is the intended run and what's been tested, what the final product will be like or how much they end up removing will only be determined by time. According to my associate, he's heard rumors that the reason the ride has been extended was to remove a feature that let you attack nu-troopers, which was considered too violent for the ride. Take that rumor with a grain of salt since I don't have anything backing it up unlike the rest. I should also mention that there's a shitty fastpass at this park to let you skip lines and even ride this thing alone for max interactive freedom for an extra couple of hundreds. Disney said they may incorporate this fastpass single shit into Smuggler's Run later on...

Now what should I cover next? Like I've said before, feel free to share this crap anywhere. I don't care.

 

[Zaryiu]

Baldy still doesn't realize Solo was set up to fail? What an idiot