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- Jul 12, 2019
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You sure showed him you spaz
You sure showed him you spaz
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Not to mention you dont even get to see the fucker at all and he talks to him the whole time like its a dog during gameplay.Quick synopsis of all night streams where Jasper wonders in: "Hey cats look my cat my cat is here it's chewing on that it's standing on the couch off camera he's climbing up now he's kneading now he's walking around some more isn't that cute look it's a cat did you know I have a cat look at how cute the cat is oh there he goes wondering around again now he's over there now he's lying down he's sleeping you guys it's so cute can you believe it?"
Quick synopsis of all night streams where Jasper wonders in: "Hey cats look my cat my cat is here it's chewing on that it's standing on the couch off camera he's climbing up now he's kneading now he's walking around some more isn't that cute look it's a cat did you know I have a cat look at how cute the cat is oh there he goes wondering around again now he's over there now he's lying down he's sleeping you guys it's so cute can you believe it?"
His Patreon page reads, and I quote:
"Pledging allows me to continue doing what I love, and what YOU love to watch daily, as a full-time job. Your pledges on Patreon directly aid in the daily cost of doing business such as electricity, internet fees, new game and equipment purchases, and more!"
But I still need those games donated privately so that I can avoid declaring it to the IRS DOOD
Funny how Phil was totally not gonna say a dam word about that 100 dollar tip he received last night 5 mins after his stream ended until nilisltic however the fuck you spell it goldfish called him out on it. I swear dude is a lowkey troll waited till after Phil did he's hour long pre beg stream.
DSP wishes his arms were that thick.
Phil's audience is intelligent adults. Yet he feels the need to explain that Jasper is a cat and doesn't understand what a video camera is or that he's on stream.*points at TV* LOOK JASPER LOOK AT THE GAME.
*points at camera* JASPER LOOK THE CAMERA IS RIGHT HERE!
(Jasper cant even be seen let alone seen looking at anything)
Honestly the longer he keeps this up the more I'm in the 'He just got this fucking cat' boat. I could see a day or 2 of spazzing out like this at the start to try to sell the cat to his audience but this is beyond paranoid shut-in cat-lady behavior at this point. Although maybe this is just what Phil is like now, just a constant announcment of whatever is happening, just like his livestream cahmentary.Quick synopsis of all night streams where Jasper wonders in: "Hey cats look my cat my cat is here it's chewing on that it's standing on the couch off camera he's climbing up now he's kneading now he's walking around some more isn't that cute look it's a cat did you know I have a cat look at how cute the cat is oh there he goes wondering around again now he's over there now he's lying down he's sleeping you guys it's so cute can you believe it?"
>Phil learns about Tolomeo, a much bigger streamer known for his dogs
>Phil immediately wants to get a pet
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Pretty prescient comment here^ from 2018 lmao. The moment he revealed he had a cat he INSTANTLY turned it into content.
Why would he? He's getting 456 dollars a month for literally doing nothing. If it's a buck a month it's still worth keeping up. It's Phil's favorite kind of revenue stream. Zero effort.That statement will always astound me. The absolute arrogance in the thought process is mind-boggling "what you love to watch daily". Because you know, the subs aren't enough, the donations aren't enough, the bits aren't enough, the YT money isn't enough. Let's throw patreon in there with absolutely no rewards. Every patreon I've ever considered donating to have benefits coming out the ass, patreon exclusive content, actual polls to decide what content should be created next, personalized videos etc. What does Dave offer? You get to vote on a list of games, that usually Twitch subs get the final say on, but can be altered at any point on his whim? and he does this what? Every 4-6 months at best? Absolute fucking joke.
If girls who sell non-graphic "sexual" pics at $30 a month and fucking "lewd" asmrtists are doing better than you content wise, then wtf is going on? This is the point where I would let my autism flow and try to give genuine advice to someone on how to unfuck their patreon, but what's the point? Countless people have tried. You can't fix laziness and someone who creates his own reality.
Just let it die Dave, it's time to let go.
Any idea who donated $100 for the privilege of *literally* being ignored until someone else called him out for it?
In fairness every streamer I watch with a pet can't seem to not parade it around on stream. Not to the spastic levels of Dave obv but it's not a unique thing to him. I even kinda get it to a certain extent, when I got my first doggo I'm pretty sure my friends were sick and tired of hearing about him. It's just Dave being Dave that makes it so scummy, scum literally oozes off this man no matter what he's doing/saying.
I'm kind of on the fence leaning towards he's just kept the cat secret. When he first spoke about Kat he had kept it hush hush for a few months then couldn't shut up about "mah girl." Phil loves to brag and shove things in peoples faces but for paranoid reasons he had to keep the cat on the down low and now he gets to let it all out. He's also playing it up for tips/bits because of course he is.Honestly the longer he keeps this up the more I'm in the 'He just got this fucking cat' boat. I could see a day or 2 of spazzing out like this at the start to try to sell the cat to his audience but this is beyond paranoid shut-in cat-lady behavior at this point. Although maybe this is just what Phil is like now, just a constant announcment of whatever is happening, just like his livestream cahmentary.
This is one thing about dsp that really fucking pissed me off with the tax begging. He constantly whined at anyone giving him advice / calling him out that they were a complete idiot who didn't know what they were talking about and probably aren't even old enough to know how to do tACKses anyway, while also explaining to his audience that adults need to pay taxes on income and that his real life lawyer screwed him over and that's not how the real world works. I think I remember him schooling some of his audience once about how they probably don't even remember Crash Bandicoot because they're too young but I'd need to look through a tonne of clips and I don't want to go through chemotherapy after being exposed to that much khantent.Phil's audience is intelligent adults. Yet he feels the need to explain that Jasper is a cat and doesn't understand what a video camera is or that he's on stream.