Jasper Carewatch - ASPCAck-Ack-Ack

[Ching_Chong]

I think he's fibbing about having the cat for a year because of the way he's going about treating the poor thing. Like he did with his other Khat, he wouldn't shut the fuck up about it and treated it just as another prop and to humanize it. Treats it like a child and is turning into another weird cat owner.

He's lived with cats before but this is just strange. It's like a fresh purchase to him with having it in mind to raise even more money.

Something tells me the cat is recent. Who would've watched it for the week they were gone? He certainly isn't letting anyone but him and Khet go into the house and I doubt he's paying for it to be boarded.

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

Something tells me the cat is recent. Who would've watched it for the week they were gone? He certainly isn't letting anyone but him and Khet go into the house and I doubt he's paying for it to be boarded.

Yeah that's what I'm saying. He talks more about the cat than his wife. It comes off really strange and sad. With how fresh this cat crap is for stream, it would make sense.

Pure speculation here but either their honeymoon phase is over or the Khet is gone and he just got a cat to fill in the void in his life. Got to keep the fact she left hush hush to the detractors cannot make fun of him. End speculation.

 

[Prince Lotor]

Something tells me the cat is recent. Who would've watched it for the week they were gone? He certainly isn't letting anyone but him and Khet go into the house and I doubt he's paying for it to be boarded.

I belive Phil said it was one of Kathy's co-worker/"friend" things that was coming over once a day for an hour.
I would make fun of Kathy for only making 2 friends in a year and a half, and disliking and generally being disliked by her co-workers, but compared to Phil it just doesn't seem worth the effort.

 

[break these cuffs]

The one big thing in his story that just doesn't pass the smell test to me is how the cat came from Arkansas (or some Midwestern state...). A large city area like Seattle wouldn't need to import animals from other states, unless it was some hyper-specific breed of animal that was available in some other affiliated shelter (or the shelter facilitated a purchase from a reputable breeder, something my family did with a dog many years ago) . Unless part of the tale is that the cat had long since made it to the shelter by way of Midwest, it's just unfathomable that pig and pony went perusing local shelters and later said "golly jeepers, this one from Arkansas fits the bill!" I just can't get past that.

I still am of mind to believe that they A. Adopted young cat, B. Had said cat declawed, and C. Held off on telling the PRC so they could bilk kids out of their money as long as they could.

Phil is a liar of the highest degree. He'd lie about his own name if it meant conning a few shekels out of his paypigs. I just can't imagine him being genuine about an animal he held behind a $1000 pay wall after several months.

I've rescued/fostered dogs and volunteered at shelters. Getting dogs from overpopulated shelters, often in the South or even outside of the country like Puerto Rico, is common. With online it's easy to partner between shelters too. They may have gotten Jasper from a local shelter that got him from AR, or seen a pets.com ad for "a declawed kitty in need from AR" posted by a local shelter.

I have no doubt he's lying about something concerning Jasper. He lies about everything. Telling Kat she could get a cat, so she doesn't leave him, on the condition she finds one that's declawed is more likely to me than Phil paying for a cat to be declawed. Why would he pay for it if they can be found online with relative ease? It's entirely possible that Jasper came from AR and was already declawed. People act like it would take a Rube Goldbergensteinman-esque series of events for Jasper to end up in the Pig Pen in the condition he's in. It wouldn't.

He could have also broken down and let Kat get a new kitten because their relationship was on the rocks and then had it declawed, I just don't see him spending the money.

 

[Schmeckel]

I've rescued/fostered dogs and volunteered at shelters. Getting dogs from overpopulated shelters, often in the South or even outside of the country like Puerto Rico, is common. With online it's easy to partner between shelters too. They may have gotten Jasper from a local shelter that got him from AR, or seen a pets.com ad for "a declawed kitty in need from AR" posted by a local shelter.

I have no doubt he's lying about something concerning Jasper. He lies about everything. Telling Kat she could get a cat, so she doesn't leave him, on the condition she finds one that's declawed is more likely to me than Phil paying for a cat to be declawed. Why would he pay for it if they can be found online with relative ease? It's entirely possible that Jasper came from AR and was already declawed. People act like it would take a Rube Goldbergensteinman-esque series of events for Jasper to end up in the Pig Pen in the condition he's in. It wouldn't.

He could have also broken down and let Kat get a new kitten because their relationship was on the rocks and then had it declawed, I just don't see him spending the money.

That is precisely the point I've been trying to make. His story just doesn't add up. What REALLY could have happened is absolutely feasible (Went shelter hopping, later found cat online at other shelter, shelter swap, cat came home, voila). It's just that his story is missing some planks that could tie the whole thing together and be ahnest and such (which would never happen, cause we're talking about Phil here). I know that shelters do stuff like that all the time. But his story is that they found the cat already at the shelter they adopted it from, and it was already declawed, and it came all the way from the midwest before they even knew it existed, also in mid-transport all of its documentation was lost to the wind, and it was already declawed. If Phil had come out and said: "Meet Jasper! We got him from a shelter! Kat and I looked online for cats at other shelters, saw Jasper, saw he was declawed and Kat KNOWS how some people just don't want a declawed cat, it tugged at our heartstrings and so the local shelter got him transported over and we brought him home!" Sure, there's some wiggle room there, but it is all absolutely feasible. This would leave some still speculating on the time-frame in which this all occurred (Was it recent? Was it several several months ago? Let's argue!), but there wouldn't be much to really speculate on regarding the adoption process itself. It could have been the first ahnest explanation he had ever given about anything.

As another user said:

phil is making shit up to make himself seem bigger and more important
in phil's tiny pickled mind he can't just say "we went to a shelter and got the cat"
that's for ordinary morons, for the plebs
phil's cat has to have been through a long trip
en epic to rival Gilgamesh and Beowulf

and when phil finally buys his grill, it wont be "i went to the store and bought it"
it'll be "I WENT TO THE STORE AND A DETRACTOR TRIED TO BUY IT BUT THE MANAGER SAID HE LIKED MUH 10 YEAR LEGACY AND LET ME KILL THE DETRACTOR AND EVERYONE IN THE STORE STOOD UP AND CLAPPED AND SEXY WOMEN THREW THEMSELVES ON ME BUT I SAID SORRY BUT IM MARRIED *points thumb at door* TO MY WIFE, KHET, OKAY?"

Phil lies. Constantly. His explanation is absolutely Rube Golberg-esque, because his whole life has been a Rube Goldbergian experiment. Rather than trying out Occam's Razor for a change, he insists on going with the Philip Fill-Up where he crams too much fluff into each of his stories.

 

[We Are The Witches]

According to him, they got him at a point when "...Kat and I were incredibly stressed out, because we didn't know if we were going to be able to continue to live here, you know, think about last year how bad the situation was with my taxes and everything, (...), we were so stressed to the max we literally needed something to give us some positivity, outside of you know, everything going on, (...), (Jasper) allowed us to have some happiness at times when we were really fucking stressed out over finances and stuff..."

If the idea of getting the cat was after the time they decided to get married or even thought about it, that would mean that the idea of a marriage would not be "positive" enough for them, they would somehow need to get a pet to complement it. I can only assume having a soulmate is not enough either.

And obviously, what better way to de-stress yourself from finance problems, than to add an assured expense to the household, and a probable expense in case of health problems.

 

[Wurstbrot]

If someone is interested, GTG just put out a 4 hour coverage of the Jasper incident.
When it's this long you know it will be the most tasty coverage ever created.

 

[Raven'sChild]

Jester MacCashgrab Fun Fact: According to D$P, Jester really likes tinned tuna and will try to lick it out of the can "when MY MOM" ...correction, his wife makes them tuna casserole, a "cultural dish" Mrs. D$P has introduced him to.

 

[rizlajizzla]

How long until Phil's allergies get involved?

 

[Fallgout Boy]

I'm calling it now. When he inevitably gets the grill, we'll get a story of how they were at the store, and it was 99% off, because it was "like, you know, an old model going out of style or whatever. They were replacing their entire stock with the new year's models, and this was, umm, you know... what's the word? *stares at chat* Umm, PhilsBills just did a 50 bitcheer and said... *leg slap* A demonstration model! *t-pose* A demonstration model! It was a demonstration model. Alright, you guys might not know this, since you don't have business degrees..." followed by a 15 minute explanation of the concept of demo models.

The 1K cat is all decked out with frivolous items, including a choice of cat beds to sleep on.
No garbage food for this cat. He eats the good-quality stuff with real sardines in it.

So while he's going through "the worst financial time of his life", his bank account is empty and he desperately needs help with his bills, he's buying "several" cat beds (which are NOT cheap), as well as premium wet food. He doesn't even give a shit about maintaining the lie at this point.

Very random, but would someone happen to have the clips of Phil saying he will not wake up Jasper because he's not an asshole, or whatever?

I see where you're going with this.

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

Jester MacCashgrab Fun Fact: According to D$P, Jester really likes tinned tuna and will try to lick it out of the can "when MY MOM" ...correction, his wife makes them tuna casserole, a "cultural dish" Mrs. D$P has introduced him to.

Glad someone else caught that Freudian slip. Goes to show us that he indeed thinks of Kat as his mom.

 

[A Money Creature]

I'm calling it now. When he inevitably gets the grill, we'll get a story of how they were at the store, and it was 99% off, because it was "like, you know, an old model going out of style or whatever. They were replacing their entire stock with the new year's models, and this was, umm, you know... what's the word? *stares at chat* Umm, PhilsBills just did a 50 bitcheer and said... *leg slap* A demonstration model! *t-pose* A demonstration model! It was a demonstration model. Alright, you guys might not know this, since you don't have business degrees..." followed by a 15 minute explanation of the concept of demo models.



So while he's going through "the worst financial time of his life", his bank account is empty and he desperately needs help with his bills, he's buying "several" cat beds (which are NOT cheap), as well as premium wet food. He doesn't even give a shit about maintaining the lie at this point.



I see where you're going with this.

Something tells me Phil will never get the grill. At least not soon. I'll eat my hat if I'm wrong but I think that's the case. He'll whine about it for years to come like his laptop, but never do anything.

Like Tevin said once:

Ego > Laziness > Greed >>> All other

 

[JackDavis]

Something tells me Phil will never get the grill. At least not soon. I'll eat my hat if I'm wrong but I think that's the case. He'll whine about it for years to come like his laptop, but never do anything.

I would subscribe to the line of thinking that "DSP talks about wanting something = DSP will get it", but putting together a grill is a lot of work for somebody like Phil. No chance that Kat will put it together for him or even bring it into the house. Sure you can get a preassembled grill but Phil only has a Corolla and the dude can't go to Burger King (2 miles away and across a 4 lane road) because he says it's past a highway so he won't be renting/driving a truck to transport it.

 

[BabygotACKACKACK]

I would subscribe to the line of thinking that "DSP talks about wanting something = DSP will get it", but putting together a grill is a lot of work for somebody like Phil. No chance that Kat will put it together for him or even bring it into the house. Sure you can get a preassembled grill but Phil only has a Corolla and the dude can't go to Burger King (2 miles away and across a 4 lane road) because he says it's past a highway so he won't be renting/driving a truck to transport it.

Now a days I’m thinking dsp talks/wants something=he already got it

“I can’t get married I don’t have money=hey we’re getting married during our trip”
“Can’t afford a cat=hey we got a cat”
“Can’t pay muh tackxes= use the money to move in the souldmaid”

I’m calling it next reveal will be goldfish that he bought with the $2k

 

[LyteSydeByll]

DSP in prestream said that he only cleans Jasper's litter boxes on his day off. They also bought Jasper "new food to try out" and "a bunch of other things too" but he made sure that it was all in context of the cat, not Kat, and not himself.

I'm glad there's more than one box, IIRC you want one box on each floor of the house for the cat, but even with one cat, you want to be changing them every day, at least every other day. His house must smell like cat piss and shit if he lets that sit for an entire week before finally scooping it.

 

[actually]

DSP in prestream said that he only cleans Jasper's litter boxes on his day off. They also bought Jasper "new food to try out" and "a bunch of other things too" but he made sure that it was all in context of the cat, not Kat, and not himself.

I'm glad there's more than one box, IIRC you want one box on each floor of the house for the cat, but even with one cat, you want to be changing them every day, at least every other day. His house must smell like cat piss and shit if he lets that sit for an entire week before finally scooping it.

DOOD, BUT HE AND KAT ARE SOOOOO BUSY WORKING ALL THE TIME DOOD. They're just RUSH RUSH RUSH RUSH. Also, did you know that the weather people got the temperature wrong by like 15 or 20 degrees, man? I mean, the car said it was 92, not upper 70s, and I'm sure it wasn't right when they got into the car after leaving it in the direct sun or anything!

 

[BabygotACKACKACK]

DSP in prestream said that he only cleans Jasper's litter boxes on his day off. They also bought Jasper "new food to try out" and "a bunch of other things too" but he made sure that it was all in context of the cat, not Kat, and not himself.



I'm glad there's more than one box, IIRC you want one box on each floor of the house for the cat, but even with one cat, you want to be changing them every day, at least every other day. His house must smell like cat piss and shit if he lets that sit for an entire week before finally scooping it.

Nah you ain’t giving enough credit to the soulmaid it’s her khet and she takes care of it. Phil just shills the shit out of it for pity bux off stream he probably is like “you didn’t make me enough money dood, I may have to lean in ban you from muh office.”

 

[Schmeckel]

DSP in prestream said that he only cleans Jasper's litter boxes on his day off. They also bought Jasper "new food to try out" and "a bunch of other things too" but he made sure that it was all in context of the cat, not Kat, and not himself.

I'm glad there's more than one box, IIRC you want one box on each floor of the house for the cat, but even with one cat, you want to be changing them every day, at least every other day. His house must smell like cat piss and shit if he lets that sit for an entire week before finally scooping it.

So, it'd be an improved smell compared to the pig and horse scents that are already present?

 

[BabygotACKACKACK]

if the poor bugger is a biter and he goes for a cable, i hope to god its an instant one shot. god knows dsp wouldnt try to stop that kind of behavior, pausing the stream is bad for the business.

Damn you hit the nail on the head with this one. Funny enough his xbox power adapter stopped working right after the reveal. Almost as if a cat managed to get to it but he didn’t wanna say because it would mean he’d have to show anger toward the cat and prove the pahsitivity was fake

 

[millais]

Instead of expending the physical effort involved in cleaning/changing the cat litter, I bet he went to the mall or whatever that supermarket he likes and spent $50 to buy a few packs of expensive premium brand plug-in air-fresheners and odor-killing aerosol sprays.