What are the dumbest names people’s parents cursed them with?

[Freddy Freaker]

Just remembered another one. Actually two. There was a weekly regular when I worked at subway who had two mildly rétarded kids. She named them JayRee and (I swear im not fucking with you guys) Shaka Zulu.

 

[Coolio55]

I remember one kid I knew was called Torquil
It's like some sort of fist magnet

 

[Tragi-Chan]

I once met an incredibly posh couple who called their children Thomasina and Harlequin.

 

[Varg Did Nothing Wrong]

I actually searched for a thread like this yesterday because this guy is in the news:

Rocky Rambo Wei Nam Kam

His dad grew up watching Stallone movies, ok?

Semen.
View attachment 949636

Pronounced "Sem-yon", but spelled funny in American.

 

[murgatroid]

American blacks have the stereotype of ridiculously retarded names but I think white people are catching up fast these days. Every new white baby I see has some kind of distinct/unique ridiculous name and no one seems to use good old fashioned names anymore and biblical names which will always be classic. I know a Pharaoh, and a Leica.

I once met an incredibly posh couple who called their children Thomasina and Harlequin.

Reminds me of a Jayleese, named after the father "Jay" I know.

 

[DelicateMageflower]

I saw a little girl called Nirvana the other day.

 

[edboy]

I used to know 2 black brothers named 'B.B' and 'Megbert' in elementary school. Megbert (who mostly went by Meg), got the short end for the stick not only because his name was arguably worse, but because Family Guy was airing and was popular at the time.

I believe he wanted people to call him Bert, but it never caught on.

 

[Judge Holden]

How about a blast from the past?

Renesmee

 

[Spastic Colon]

Chisma -- but pronounced Charisma.

Unique Touch -- and her mom's name was Unique Touch, too.

 

[Jaded Optimist]

I knew a Dick Danger, but he changed his name to that. He was the least dangerous person I ever met.

 

[Varg Did Nothing Wrong]

How about a blast from the past?

Renesmee

What the fuck is wrong with that babby

 

[Bunny Tracks]

What the fuck is wrong with that babby

It's an animatronic.

 

[Judge Holden]

What the fuck is wrong with that babby

They needed a "supernaturally beautiful and mature" looking baby and the first idea was animatronics.

It...didnt really work out too well so they switched with totally not creeptacular CGI for the touching scene when a grown man decides he wants to stick his furry werewolf dick in a newborn baby

Ya know..... even in this modern epoch I still cant quite believe Twilight was actually a thing that existed.

 

[Sigma]

There used to be a kid in my neighborhood called "Tiranee". Actually, I'm not entirely sure how it was spelled but it was pronounced the same as Tyranny

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

Any version or variation of Mohammad

Probably Johann Gambolputty-de-von-ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knackerthrasher-applebanger-horowitz-ticolensic-granderknotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kürstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-guten-abend-bitte-einen-nürnburger-bratwürstel-gespurten-mit-zweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-schönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittelraucher-von-hauptkopft.

... of Ulm.

 

[Goddessoftheshire]

Poor kid with 1000 dumb ghetto names just so the mom can get in Guinness World Records and names her daughter's siblings other stupid ghetto names.

I also hate the name Skylar with a passion

 

[Kari Kamiya]

One Valentine's weekend, I saw a name at the church nursery that blew my mind: Edge.

I shit you not, that was this kid's name scribbled on permanent marker on this paper heart. There were a lot of other dumb names there, but "Edge" was the easiest one to remember that my brothers and I snickered over.

 

[Freddy Freaker]

One Valentine's weekend, I saw a name at the church nursery that blew my mind: Edge.

I shit you not, that was this kid's name scribbled on permanent marker on this paper heart. There were a lot of other dumb names there, but "Edge" was the easiest one to remember that my brothers and I snickered over.

NoThInG PerSoNnEl, KiD

 

[Argh My Cigar]

I used to work with a kid named Canard who had a brother named Royal. Both were black and from ghetto neighborhoods. Canard was a pretty cool guy; at least his parents named him after an aviation term.

 

[ColtWalker1847]

Is that a Millenial or a Gen Y thing? I thought all those "den" names all stemmed from when Aiden blew up in the US after it was used as the kid's name in the American remake of the Ring. Most Millenials I know name their kids pretentious shit like Sebastian, Agnes and Asher.

The naming conventions of pretentious douchebags has remained unchanged throughout. It's the Basic Becky naming schemes that have went on a ride and led to the weird not-names we are seeing now.

Aiden was part of the -den craze of 2000-2010. Aiden, Brayden, Caiden, Hayden, Jayden, Kayden, Laydon, Payden, etc. It was sort of ground zero for this random sounds strung together bullshit and it lines up pretty well with when Millenials (those born in the 80s and early 90s) started shitting out kids. The amalgamation of sounds started becoming a thing once people thought that simply taking a sound and mating it with -den wasn't creative enough for their special snowflake and started doing it to both sides. Ailee, Brayson, Cayton, Haylee, Jaymon, Kayton, etc. Two syllables, usually parts of normal names, just smooshed together. That's the standard.

Jesus just name a kid a real name like Paul or Sarah. Those are fine names. Be normal you fucking weirdos.