What are the dumbest names people’s parents cursed them with?

[From The Uncanny Valley]

Ebenezer.

 

[Spastic Colon]

My mother went to school with a girl named "Lovely Bush".

 

[Shoggoth]

I can't imagine anyone today naming their kid "Second Amendment" or "Medicare For All", for example

I can imagine both. Enough retards to go around

Ebenezer.

Ebenezer is a cool ass name. Sound like a bearded hillbilly who can plant your ass in the ground up to your neck with his bare fists

 

[Vlinny-kun]

I used to know a kid in middle school named Gaylord. This was in the mid-90s, so you can imagine how much the poor bastard got picked on.

Apparently Gaylord is also the name of a pricy hotel chain under Marriot.
https://www.marriott.com/gaylord-hotels/travel.mi

Doesn't look too bad if you had the money, just keep in mind that you had a strawberry margarita, took a dip in the hot tub, and then had sex with some Cuban girl you met an hour before all under the Gaylord.

 

[Lackadaisy]

Sargent Slade

This is a badass name

 

[Varg Did Nothing Wrong]

I love how theyre all stupid acronyms, and then we stop in gopnik ghetto to buy krokodil off Tractorina.

Nobody has been named something that retarded in like 60 years which means nobody with those names is still alive in the Mad Max wasteland that is post-Soviet Russia

 

[DDBCAE CBAADCBE]

I went to school with a girl named Margarita Schlepnova.

 

[Dr. Ricearoni]

I went to school with a girl named Margarita Schlepnova.

That's nothing, I went to school with a boy named Margarita Jesus

 

[Buster O'Keefe]

Aiden was part of the -den craze of 2000-2010.

Modern spelling of a really ancient name.

 

[DDBCAE CBAADCBE]

I'm gonna name my kid Denis Yeetburger

 

[TiggerNits]

View attachment 949945

My favorite Scottish Decepticon

 

[hotcheetospuffs]

Blanket. What the fuck, MJ?

MJ stole the name from Paul Newman's dog.

 

[オウム 2]

Never really liked the name "kiki" because I had a classmate in middleschool named that who was a complete asshole.

It's also slang for a gay party.

 

[Shibaru]

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

-We have a thread somewhere about an inmate pen pal system and one of the people mentioned in the OP was named Shaquondalond. Fuckin' SHAQUONDALOND.
-Knew a guy named Reef. We'd always ask him "What's your beef, Reef?"
- Relating to the OP, I knew a guy named Squire. I feel like when you have that name you need to be a big tough kid that won't be in danger of catching crap. This Squire was a small, meek, and squeaky voiced kid, so he kind of got crap. (Nice enough guy though.)

 

[UnKillFill]

I remember there was a male negro actor on Stargate Atlantis named "Rainbow Sun".

True story, that guy is the brother of Cree Summer. (pretty much every female black cartoon character you've ever heard, and quite a lot of white ones as well.)

 

[MysticMisty]

Hoo boy, if you ever work in retail you're definitely gonna get a lot of these.

Forget retail, I do some work in a file room (medical related). I saw a lifetime's worth of stupid names well within the first week. Haven't seen anything like Abcde (yet), but I've seen quite a few Nevaehs, Faiths, Hopes, Charitys, and a ton of normal names with "unique" spellings. And of course this shit was non-existent before the 80's, and wasn't too bad through the 90's. Only after the turn of the millennium did people really get stupid with names.

Penn Jillette (Penn and Teller) named his kids Zolten and Moxie Crimefighter.

I remember hearing about that when my mom and I were watching a program dedicated to retarded names celebrities give to their kids. There should be a new one for the shit that's come since then, like North and Blue Ivy.

 

[Dysnomia]

When I was a kid I had a neighbor named Tawanda. Well everyone thought she was a Tawanda. Turns out her real name was Taiwani. You know, Like Taiwan with an "i" on the end of it. She hated it so much that she just told everyone to call her Tawanda.

My brother knew some black girl named. Arthamedial. I guarantee her parents made it up because it sounded like a big ol' smart people word.

Everyone around here has a loltastic ghetto ass name anyway. It's even worse now. Although there's a black guy around here named Graham. What the hell kind of black person is named Graham?

 

[MrTickles]

Mr Tard Cum. To the front of the class please.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

When I was a kid I had a neighbor named Tawanda. Well everyone thought she was a Tawanda. Turns out her real name was Taiwani. You know, Like Taiwan with an "i" on the end of it. She hated it so much that she just told everyone to call her Tawanda.

My brother knew some black girl named. Arthamedial. I guarantee her parents made it up because it sounded like a big ol' smart people word.

Everyone around here has a loltastic ghetto ass name anyway. It's even worse now. Although there's a black guy around here named Graham. What the hell kind of black person is named Graham?

Blacks love religious names. A family member fucked a literal Ghana escapee just to get a kid with curly hair and gave him the usual arch angel name. Michael, Gabriel. Graham isn't far off.

I only really loathe shit like Ashleigh instead of Ashley. It's one thing to say "x but with an E". Imagine saying "Ashley, but... Like, leigh" every time.