Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

1569742096684.png
I just love how R2 looks on from behind with an almost stunned aura as JJ marvels at his creation.
"Shit, nigga I made the damn Holiday Special and even I can see this is a bad idea"
 
Because that's exactly what it is. His name is Klaud as in "dur what a clod". The Star Wars website refers to him as a dear old best friend of Chewbacca's who we've never heard of until now who Chewbacca recruited into the Resistance since the Resistance needs all the help it can get, even if its a limbless fat sack of stupidity and hick stereotypes. However he doesn't interact with Chewy much. Klaud's real role is to serve as sidekick to Chuck Wendig Snap Wexley (who is Chuck Wendig's OC self-insert from his Aftermath books). Klaud and Snap will be serving as the film's primary source of comic relief during Resistance heavy scenes while Rey, Finn, Poe, 3PO, BB-8 and R2 are off somewhere else looking for the wayfinder macguffin.

Basically the SW-equivalent of these two.
View attachment 952748

Behold the secret weapon of the Resistance... Klaud. Replacement for Rose Tico.
View attachment 952747View attachment 952745View attachment 952746
I just love how R2 looks on from behind with an almost stunned aura as JJ marvels at his creation.

Porkins for the new generation of fans.
 
Now that the NDA is out of the bag and images of the upcoming LEGO sets have been released, I figured it time we took a closer look - if only to line them up alongside the leaks we currently know of. I used to be quite invested in LEGO, so I hope to give you decent, comprehensive commentary.

75248-1.jpg


75248 Resistance A-wing Starfighter features Snap Wexley, previously alluded to as Wendig's flatulent self-insert, and Lieutenant Connix, better known as Carrie Fisher's duaghter Billie Lourd.

The A-Wing has received scant changes between ROTJ, TLJ, and TROS, with perhaps the most marked change being its armament (one laser on each side, rather than two). Snap Wexley previously appeared as a minifigure in LEGO's TFA line, but was coined 'Resistance X-Wing Pilot'. Him now appearing under his actual name could lend credence to the leak of him having a bigger role alongside Lord Xenopenis Klaud, or it could be LEGO covering their own asses for reusing the exact same figure released in 2015.

Why is Klaud not present? For one, new pieces (and that ugly sack of shit most definitely requires new pieces to be made) are quite expensive for LEGO to push into production, and for two, the company has a history of holding back characters until later waves (Yellow Yoda and Snoke's guards required new pieces and did not appear until the second waves of their respective movies, despite prominently featuring in promo material).

75249_box1_v39.png


75249 Resistance Y-wing Starfighter updates the old Rebel fighter for a new generation, while simultaneously making it a worse design than the original. The conical covers of the engines have been replaced by unsightly 'new and improved' caps, and the cockpit is nowhere near as sleek as the original. Notably, the turret now sits on a separate turntable as it were, whereas it was on top of the cockpit on the OT ships.

Poe and Zorii appear together in this set, lending credence to the leak of them being former lovers. The snowy planet with the dumb name appears on the front and back of the set's box, and Dio is featured as a figure - perhaps lending further credence to the leak of it being made on this particular planet. BB-8 is not included as per LEGO's policy of spreading 'desirable' figures across sets (forcing kids to buy them all to complete the cast), making Poe+Zorrii's joint appearance all the more suspect.

Every LEGO Y-Wing comes with an Astromech to slot into the relevant spot, and sets must almost always have a conflict of sorts, hence the generic Snowtrooper and Droid. LEGO's previous Y-Wing, for the Rogue One line, came with a single Stormtrooper.

75250_box1_v39_20190926.png


75250 Pasaana Speeder Chase has Rey ride a I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-A-Desert-Skiff; member berries out in full force today.

Funnily enough, where Luke's black robes in ROTJ mirrored the lure of the dark side on him (the subtle force joke on the guards at the Palace, his giving into his rage on the second Death Star), Rey is clad in her whitest outfit yet. So much for the suspense of ' z0mg will she turn?!'.

The speeder is an unsightly, cobbled-together asymmetric mess, and the Treadspeeder design doesn't work with LEGO proportions. Note the water vaporizers and dual suns in the background. If anything, this set tells us Rey will likely be commandeering one of these skiffs on her own, with Poe, Janitor, and 3PO needing to work together to keep one flying. Isn't Rey great, guys?

75254-1.jpg


'Member AT-ST's?! 75254 AT-ST Raider sure 'members!

Not much to say about this one, it's the same old 'OT design but slightly recoloured' spiel. The lady is called Cara Dune and has a visible tattoo of the Rebel Alliance logo underneath her eye. Seriously.

75255-1.jpg


75255 Yoda scares me.....

75256-1.jpg


75256 Kylo Ren's Shuttle costs 120 USD, and for that price you get not one but two Knights of Ren! Wow!

How about, next time, giving kids all the Knights instead instead of lobbing in an out of place Stormtrooper and Sithtrooper? What's that? You're keeping the other Knights for other sets so your consumers can't get them all in one package? Okay then....

LEGO had to make this one, considering the model they made of this craft for the TFA line was the wrong colour (a drab grey) and lacked the ability to hinge the wings to the sides. Woopsie! Kylo Ren appears in his refurbished mask, along General Pryde or whoever.

75257-1.jpg


75257 Millennium Falcon is just that, the Falcon, now with new radar dish. It comes with a conspicuous alien called Boolio, of whom much was made in that God-awful livestream - the cast making a point not to say anything about him. I'd expect his role to be tiny, both by virtue of him not appearing in the leaks and considering the precedent set by previous Falcon sets; the TFA Falcon came with two Kanjiklub chumps (the ones that got devoured by the stupid tentacle monsters) and the Solo Falcon came with Quay Tolsite whpo you may not remember as the director of the spice mine on Kessel. Note that this Boolio fella may be a Dowutin. Maybe.

Anything to say about this set? Not really; R2 shows up, 3PO shows up, you get another Dio, and this is the only set to feature Space Janitor and Lando. No one cares about the former, but if you're a kid or soygoy and want the latter, expect to shell out a cool 160 USD for this set.

Summarizing this all, the A and Y-Wings especially seem to corroborate previous leaks, so I think our current outline of the movie is decently on the money.

I pity today's kids; it may not look as good due to the outdated building techniques and less parts being available back in the day, but when I was a young'un I got this for my birthday in the run up to Revenge of the Sith- a thousand times more imaginative than 'REMEMBER THE OT?!' . Thre is nothing new in this TROS line; everything is either a slightly tweaked OT vehicle or has a direct counterpart (the Skiff).

7258-1.jpg
 
Because that's exactly what it is. His name is Klaud as in "dur what a clod". The Star Wars website refers to him as a dear old best friend of Chewbacca's who we've never heard of until now who Chewbacca recruited into the Resistance since the Resistance needs all the help it can get, even if its a limbless fat sack of stupidity and hick stereotypes. However he doesn't interact with Chewy much. Klaud's real role is to serve as sidekick to Chuck Wendig Snap Wexley (who is Chuck Wendig's OC self-insert from his Aftermath books). Klaud and Snap will be serving as the film's primary source of comic relief during Resistance heavy scenes while Rey, Finn, Poe, 3PO, BB-8 and R2 are off somewhere else looking for the wayfinder macguffin.

Basically the SW-equivalent of these two.
View attachment 952748

Behold the secret weapon of the Resistance... Klaud. Replacement for Rose Tico.
View attachment 952747View attachment 952745View attachment 952746
I just love how R2 looks on from behind with an almost stunned aura as JJ marvels at his creation.
Because apparently nothing was learned with Jar Jar.
 
The LEGO toys look really uninspired. I'm probably beating a dead horse by now, but say what you want about the PT, but they gave FRESH new things and aesthetics to wank about, rather than these insipid discount OT designs. Why are the Resistance still using A and Y-wings anyway? Those are supposed to be ancient even by the time of the OT, never mind five years into the future. Couldn't they get at least surplus Corellian freighters or something instead?
 
Because that's exactly what it is. His name is Klaud as in "dur what a clod". The Star Wars website refers to him as a dear old best friend of Chewbacca's who we've never heard of until now who Chewbacca recruited into the Resistance since the Resistance needs all the help it can get, even if its a limbless fat sack of stupidity and hick stereotypes. However he doesn't interact with Chewy much. Klaud's real role is to serve as sidekick to Chuck Wendig Snap Wexley (who is Chuck Wendig's OC self-insert from his Aftermath books). Klaud and Snap will be serving as the film's primary source of comic relief during Resistance heavy scenes while Rey, Finn, Poe, 3PO, BB-8 and R2 are off somewhere else looking for the wayfinder macguffin.

Basically the SW-equivalent of these two.
View attachment 952748

Behold the secret weapon of the Resistance... Klaud. Replacement for Rose Tico.
View attachment 952747View attachment 952745View attachment 952746
I just love how R2 looks on from behind with an almost stunned aura as JJ marvels at his creation.

Man, the last thing they should be reminding anyone of is fucking Mudflap and Skidz.

Huh?

The aliens from Explorers (1985) are now SW cannon?

images

"Y'all come back now, ya hear?"
 
  • Like
Reactions: GeneralFriendliness
The LEGO toys look really uninspired. I'm probably beating a dead horse by now, but say what you want about the PT, but they gave FRESH new things and aesthetics to wank about, rather than these insipid discount OT designs. Why are the Resistance still using A and Y-wings anyway? Those are supposed to be ancient even by the time of the OT, never mind five years into the future. Couldn't they get at least surplus Corellian freighters or something instead?

Y-wings yes. A-wings were upgraded versions of Clone Wars era ships, which were then modified by the Rebels, so presumably no worse than the new-model X-wings. Y wings would be 40+ years old, and while you've got real world examples like the F-15 still being a viable combat platform 43 years after introduction, the F-4 flying for 40 years as well, and the B-52 still the goto despite almost qualifying for social security, none of these craft are intended to operate in a front line capacity in a modern airspace: B-52s would depend on modern fighters for escort if they ever were called up to perform their intended mission, F-15s would largely be on second line duty, and the F-4s at the end of life were only active in Wild Weasel capacity - fly in, get locked on by SAMs so other craft could target their RADAR, activate you ECM pod, then maneuver and pray.
To have these craft doing front line roles against FO evolved craft is just silly memberberries shit.

Especially the Y-wing, which in the OT had most of its armor stripped and replaced by thoughts and prayers for both speed and because it looks cool and really sells the making-due with salvage nature of the Rebel Alliance of the maintenance issues the aging craft experienced - technicians got tied of pulling off the plates and just said 'fuck it' I'm not putting this back on. Which made sense, an undersupplied rebellion couldn't fabricate better parts.
A further 20 years on, with a whole galaxy of research and industrial production at their disposal, they are still flying busted ass exposed innards Y-wings.

It would make sense if the FO, having the upper hand in the conflict, was still fielding civil war-era tie-bombers in restive areas to stretch resources, but not the resistance.

I don't know why I bother to expound on how nuwars and Cuck Wending are full of shit, but would a wise man be posting on a hate site?
 
Last edited:
7: Mara Jade is confirmed to be alive in Disney canon via Galaxy's Edge... on the wall of a bathroom stall...
1569726968388.png

For you plebs not well-versed in alien gobbledygook, it says "Mara Jade Lives" in Aurebesh.
Actually it says "Mara Jade, 50 credits Force handjob, 150 full Jedi experience"

but if not and its just an imagineer screwing with Martin and Disneyfags then it amuses me.
Yeah it could be a set designer who is one of the few fans who still work for Disney.
 
Now that the NDA is out of the bag and images of the upcoming LEGO sets have been released, I figured it time we took a closer look - if only to line them up alongside the leaks we currently know of. I used to be quite invested in LEGO, so I hope to give you decent, comprehensive commentary.

75248-1.jpg


75248 Resistance A-wing Starfighter features Snap Wexley, previously alluded to as Wendig's flatulent self-insert, and Lieutenant Connix, better known as Carrie Fisher's duaghter Billie Lourd.

The A-Wing has received scant changes between ROTJ, TLJ, and TROS, with perhaps the most marked change being its armament (one laser on each side, rather than two). Snap Wexley previously appeared as a minifigure in LEGO's TFA line, but was coined 'Resistance X-Wing Pilot'. Him now appearing under his actual name could lend credence to the leak of him having a bigger role alongside Lord Xenopenis Klaud, or it could be LEGO covering their own asses for reusing the exact same figure released in 2015.

Why is Klaud not present? For one, new pieces (and that ugly sack of shit most definitely requires new pieces to be made) are quite expensive for LEGO to push into production, and for two, the company has a history of holding back characters until later waves (Yellow Yoda and Snoke's guards required new pieces and did not appear until the second waves of their respective movies, despite prominently featuring in promo material).

75249_box1_v39.png


75249 Resistance Y-wing Starfighter updates the old Rebel fighter for a new generation, while simultaneously making it a worse design than the original. The conical covers of the engines have been replaced by unsightly 'new and improved' caps, and the cockpit is nowhere near as sleek as the original. Notably, the turret now sits on a separate turntable as it were, whereas it was on top of the cockpit on the OT ships.

Poe and Zorii appear together in this set, lending credence to the leak of them being former lovers. The snowy planet with the dumb name appears on the front and back of the set's box, and Dio is featured as a figure - perhaps lending further credence to the leak of it being made on this particular planet. BB-8 is not included as per LEGO's policy of spreading 'desirable' figures across sets (forcing kids to buy them all to complete the cast), making Poe+Zorrii's joint appearance all the more suspect.

Every LEGO Y-Wing comes with an Astromech to slot into the relevant spot, and sets must almost always have a conflict of sorts, hence the generic Snowtrooper and Droid. LEGO's previous Y-Wing, for the Rogue One line, came with a single Stormtrooper.

75250_box1_v39_20190926.png


75250 Pasaana Speeder Chase has Rey ride a I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-A-Desert-Skiff; member berries out in full force today.

Funnily enough, where Luke's black robes in ROTJ mirrored the lure of the dark side on him (the subtle force joke on the guards at the Palace, his giving into his rage on the second Death Star), Rey is clad in her whitest outfit yet. So much for the suspense of ' z0mg will she turn?!'.

The speeder is an unsightly, cobbled-together asymmetric mess, and the Treadspeeder design doesn't work with LEGO proportions. Note the water vaporizers and dual suns in the background. If anything, this set tells us Rey will likely be commandeering one of these skiffs on her own, with Poe, Janitor, and 3PO needing to work together to keep one flying. Isn't Rey great, guys?

75254-1.jpg


'Member AT-ST's?! 75254 AT-ST Raider sure 'members!

Not much to say about this one, it's the same old 'OT design but slightly recoloured' spiel. The lady is called Cara Dune and has a visible tattoo of the Rebel Alliance logo underneath her eye. Seriously.

75255-1.jpg


75255 Yoda scares me.....

75256-1.jpg


75256 Kylo Ren's Shuttle costs 120 USD, and for that price you get not one but two Knights of Ren! Wow!

How about, next time, giving kids all the Knights instead instead of lobbing in an out of place Stormtrooper and Sithtrooper? What's that? You're keeping the other Knights for other sets so your consumers can't get them all in one package? Okay then....

LEGO had to make this one, considering the model they made of this craft for the TFA line was the wrong colour (a drab grey) and lacked the ability to hinge the wings to the sides. Woopsie! Kylo Ren appears in his refurbished mask, along General Pryde or whoever.

75257-1.jpg


75257 Millennium Falcon is just that, the Falcon, now with new radar dish. It comes with a conspicuous alien called Boolio, of whom much was made in that God-awful livestream - the cast making a point not to say anything about him. I'd expect his role to be tiny, both by virtue of him not appearing in the leaks and considering the precedent set by previous Falcon sets; the TFA Falcon came with two Kanjiklub chumps (the ones that got devoured by the stupid tentacle monsters) and the Solo Falcon came with Quay Tolsite whpo you may not remember as the director of the spice mine on Kessel. Note that this Boolio fella may be a Dowutin. Maybe.

Anything to say about this set? Not really; R2 shows up, 3PO shows up, you get another Dio, and this is the only set to feature Space Janitor and Lando. No one cares about the former, but if you're a kid or soygoy and want the latter, expect to shell out a cool 160 USD for this set.

Summarizing this all, the A and Y-Wings especially seem to corroborate previous leaks, so I think our current outline of the movie is decently on the money.

I pity today's kids; it may not look as good due to the outdated building techniques and less parts being available back in the day, but when I was a young'un I got this for my birthday in the run up to Revenge of the Sith- a thousand times more imaginative than 'REMEMBER THE OT?!' . Thre is nothing new in this TROS line; everything is either a slightly tweaked OT vehicle or has a direct counterpart (the Skiff).

7258-1.jpg
Y0VBBhT.jpg
 
Why do people keep pulling in theories about Expanded Universe when it has yet to be done in a movie at all? Why would they pull in some offspring we've never heard about, when they didn't even have the smarts to make out Snoke to be powerful Palpatine pawn in the end? Then they'd both give Snoke a tiny bit more meaning while also preparing the inclusion of Sidious in ep 9; going from a laugh to being on the god damn poster.

They had to make out Luke to be intensely powerful, like the comics and books did, between ep 6 and 7. Now, they have to make Kylo seem experienced and capable in ep 9. On top of that, also give Palpatine the same treatment in "that old fart who died laughing? Actually so strong he can halfway avoid death". We also know Hayden was pulled in; more pointers to the original trilogy.

At the very least, and for a huge effect without the need to invent new lore, they can just insert old villains and have mediocre success. Why the hell would they start bringing EU canon into question with new characters? Kylo is pre-ep 9 a baby and Palpatine doesn't exist. That's more than enough to explain and solve in the 2 hours the movie will last. They realize SW fans enjoy the non-movie universe, and have really cut down on any references or liability in any of their movies. I mean, what did Rogue One add in the grand scheme?

That said, I bought into Dr Aphra and it's surprisingly good. Light-hearted, the lesbianism isn't completely forced, and it even has a few references to Rebels etc. You know, how it should be done, but practically can't on the big screen.
 
  • Optimistic
Reactions: GeneralFriendliness
From the leaks so far, this movie's going to be a massive, steaming pile of shit. Just off of the top of my head.
Stupid Droid maker Sue
Rey Sue Sueing it up even further than before
Stupid fucking Sith knife
Memberberries out the goddamn ass
No actual antagonist
Fucking Reylo shipbait
Stupid lamp robot toy thing
Chuck Wendig's actual fucking self-insert, who is a fat, farting man. (This is sexual too. Great for the kids!)
Meandering plot that goes nowhere and solves nothing.
The corpse of Carrie Fisher being desecrated in a corner while awkward AMV edits make only the dumbest of tards think 'omg Leia's still there'.
Rey pretending to feel afraid at a force vision of being 'evil' for thirty seconds at most (this will be the most pain she has ever experienced by the way).
And we'll all be called Nazis if we don't like it.


Fuck me just end it now. Remember only to spoilerbomb things just before the film, and only do it if someone mentions the movie. If they say they want to watch it, spit out all of these lines and say something like "don't watch it in theaters, wait for it to come out at home so you can pause it and eat your own food" if they're adamant.

It's also nice to see LEGO taking the EA approach to content: make poor fuckers pay out the ass to get what they actually want.
 
Ok, these spoilers are fun and all, but how does this movie end? I still have to see a convincing leak about the end. The one where they spread the word of Luke on wi-fi to all corners of the galaxy seems to be bullshit.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: GeneralFriendliness
Ok, these spoilers are fun and all, but how does this movie end? I still have to see a convincing leak about the end. The one where they spread the word of Luke on wi-fi to all corners of the galaxy seems to be bullshit.
*sighs*

I think I know a way it may not be bullshit.

Assuming my ultimate nightmare prediction does not come to pass, they will spread the word of Luke on wi-fi to all corners of the galaxy in the hours/minutes before the First Order moves to wipe them out....and right before the end comes the rest of the galaxy sends a massive armada of ships that saves them having suddenly been inspired en-masse by Rey's beautiful speech to fight against the Nu-Empire* all under the leadership of Lando which is where his shots from the trailer come from.

Each of the ships will be from the prequel trilogy, original trilogy, nu-EU and some will be from upcoming star wars projects for maximum nostalgia bait and cinematic universe shilling. It will be spun as an homage to the end of Pellanor Fields/Helms Deep from Lord of the Rings and will probably have totally-not-shill critics compare it favourably to the end of Endgame

Thats whats going to happen. I am like 90% sure of it. The "spread the word" leak keeps popping up and this seems like the most obvious fucking way of nostalgia fapping an end to the story.

*where the fuck they were beforehand, why they didnt give a shit when the FO lost its super death star, and how they got a massive armada battle-ready, armed, crewed, and assembled in minutes will be left unexplained
 
Ok, these spoilers are fun and all, but how does this movie end? I still have to see a convincing leak about the end. The one where they spread the word of Luke on wi-fi to all corners of the galaxy seems to be bullshit.
Does it even matter? Rey wins, obviously, and will almost undoubtedly form a new, better Jedi order based around her totally earned insight into the Force, re-establish the Republic, destroy slavery, etc. etc. etc. at the end.
 
*sighs*

I think I know a way it may not be bullshit.

Assuming my ultimate nightmare prediction does not come to pass, they will spread the word of Luke on wi-fi to all corners of the galaxy in the hours/minutes before the First Order moves to wipe them out....and right before the end comes the rest of the galaxy sends a massive armada of ships that saves them having suddenly been inspired en-masse by Rey's beautiful speech to fight against the Nu-Empire* all under the leadership of Lando which is where his shots from the trailer come from.

Each of the ships will be from the prequel trilogy, original trilogy, nu-EU and some will be from upcoming star wars projects for maximum nostalgia bait and cinematic universe shilling. It will be spun as an homage to the end of Pellanor Fields/Helms Deep from Lord of the Rings and will probably have totally-not-shill critics compare it favourably to the end of Endgame

Thats whats going to happen. I am like 90% sure of it. The "spread the word" leak keeps popping up and this seems like the most obvious fucking way of nostalgia fapping an end to the story.

*where the fuck they were beforehand, why they didnt give a shit when the FO lost its super death star, and how they got a massive armada battle-ready, armed, crewed, and assembled in minutes will be left unexplained

I could see this, as it also has strong shades of the ending of Endgame too which was such a crowd pleaser for marvel. But didn't this happen at the end of TLJ and NO ONE CAME!?

Apparently no one could be bothered to deal with a a militant nu empire faction that just obliterated a star system in TLJ but one year later in TROS everyone comes running to engage in an epic battle? Can't wait to see the ass pull comics and novels the story group whips up to explain that.
 
I could see this, as it also has strong shades of the ending of Endgame too which was such a crowd pleaser for marvel. But didn't this happen at the end of TLJ and NO ONE CAME!?

Apparently no one could be bothered to deal with a a militant nu empire faction that just obliterated a star system in TLJ but one year later in TROS everyone comes running to engage in an epic battle? Can't wait to see the ass pull comics and novels the story group whips up to explain that.
Nostalgia bait, ripping off a recent success by a rival disney studio, absolutely piss poor writing....

I now change my 90% certainty to 100%.

This is going to be how it goes down. I guarantee it.

Its going to be like The Last Airbender movie when those mud-niggers didnt think to use their mud-bending powers to fight back until the heroes suggested it despite them being surrounded by fucking mud

Fucking christ
 
*sighs*

I think I know a way it may not be bullshit.

Assuming my ultimate nightmare prediction does not come to pass, they will spread the word of Luke on wi-fi to all corners of the galaxy in the hours/minutes before the First Order moves to wipe them out....and right before the end comes the rest of the galaxy sends a massive armada of ships that saves them having suddenly been inspired en-masse by Rey's beautiful speech to fight against the Nu-Empire* all under the leadership of Lando which is where his shots from the trailer come from.

*where the fuck they were beforehand, why they didnt give a shit when the FO lost its super death star, and how they got a massive armada battle-ready, armed, crewed, and assembled in minutes will be left unexplained

"How did they recover so quickly?"
"Does it matter, Hux?"
"No. Not one bit."
 
I could see this, as it also has strong shades of the ending of Endgame too which was such a crowd pleaser for marvel. But didn't this happen at the end of TLJ and NO ONE CAME!?

Apparently no one could be bothered to deal with a a militant nu empire faction that just obliterated a star system in TLJ but one year later in TROS everyone comes running to engage in an epic battle? Can't wait to see the ass pull comics and novels the story group whips up to explain that.
Because it wasn't Rey Sue who said that people could join her, duh. If she had the entire fucking Galaxy would have shown up, including the entire Old Republic from Filoni's space anus for maximum memberberry overdose.
 
Back