Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Ndnd]

I was cackling at a random episode of CWJ (it was a review of some idiotic microwave “grill”) and my husband sat down to join me. Hubs had no prior knowledge of Jack’s existence or the abominations that come out of his kitchen.

Hub’s response to the video, verbatim:

“What is this r.etard doing?”

“What’s the name of his YouTube channel? I want to tell this guy to go kill himself.”

“Yeah. This guy should do something useful for the human race and kill himself.”

“Can you put on Binging with Babish instead?”

 

[Rod Dangerous]

“Nobody else does sandwiches wrapped in lettuce.”

“When you don’t have the bread, it’s like you can taste more of the sandwich.”

The video ends with Jack Junior getting weird with Papa Salmonella’s neck.

 

[FemalePresident]

“Nobody else does sandwiches wrapped in lettuce.”

“When you don’t have the bread, it’s like you can taste more of the sandwich.”

The video ends with Jack Junior getting weird with Papa Salmonella’s neck.

View attachment 1017039

Tammy and Jack Jr look and sound extremely annoyed in the beginning of the video, but they kinda put up with it later on.

He ate like 1/3 of the "sandwich" in one bite. Jesus.

And she seems like the only one putting a bit of effort in reviewing (with this show's standards) the food. She could actually be the successor of Jack.

 

[Aaway]

the way jack jr dresses is so fucking annoying

 

[Rabbit Bones]

The video ends with Jack Junior getting weird with Papa Salmonella’s neck.

There's nothing wrong with a little good, Christian father son necking.

 

[FemalePresident]

the way jack jr dresses is so fucking annoying

Like he wants to look like a rapper gangster but isn't fully committed.

 

[Whatthefuck]

“Nobody else does sandwiches wrapped in lettuce.”

“When you don’t have the bread, it’s like you can taste more of the sandwich.”

The video ends with Jack Junior getting weird with Papa Salmonella’s neck.

View attachment 1017039

Are you fucking serious, Jack? You live in Nashville. I know good and goddamn well that there are plenty of places that offer a lettuce wrap for your sandwich around there. The place is filthy with them. Further, "you taste more of the sandwich". You mean the filling, you fucking mong? One of my favorite Jack traits is his propensity for stating the obvious just like the boomer he is.

 

[Rod Dangerous]

the way jack jr dresses is so fucking annoying

You can’t flex your piss-quality scratcher tat if you don’t cut the sleeves off your sweatshirt. Junior is the white guy in The Offspring’s video for “Pretty Fly (For a White Guy).”

 

[Captain Ahab]

Junior’s bitch is pigging up real nice. Soon he’s gonna have himself a Tammy.

 

[A Big Bumbling Black Man]

the way jack jr dresses is so fucking annoying

image for reference

You can’t flex your piss-quality scratcher tat if you don’t cut the sleeves off your sweatshirt.

That tattoo still disgusts me every time I see it.
It looks like Jesus got hit with a driveby acid attack.

 

[Stasi]

Also, wtf is this idiot talking about with Asians having no palate for BBQ? Isn't Korean and Japanese BBQ a big thing? It's probably this idiot's fucked up palate and his lust for salmonella that makes him think this. Not caked in sugar or butter? Their palates must be shit.

Some restaurants in Japan have printed instructions in English telling people to savor and enjoy the delicate flavor of meat/fish and not drown it in sauce. I can only assume this is for the benefit of hefty individuals like Jack who can't taste anything unless it is swimming in BBQ sauce.

 

[Zero fks to give]

it helped that he already had a head start on the "not knowing shit about shit" part

Seeing the recipes from his mother and aunt that he's made, there has to be a lot of southern in that family tree somewhere. Remember tomato salad that is tomatoes drenched in mayo?

“Nobody else does sandwiches wrapped in lettuce.”

“When you don’t have the bread, it’s like you can taste more of the sandwich.”

The video ends with Jack Junior getting weird with Papa Salmonella’s neck.

View attachment 1017039

Hey! She isn't wearing her big ass wedding ring, looks like a purple version of Jack's ring.
Did they both outgrow their wedding rings?

 

[Slimy Time]

View attachment 1017192
image for reference



That tattoo still disgusts me every time I see it.
It looks like Jesus got hit with a driveby acid attack.

Wait, is that the same Jack Jr who did that Big Top cupcake video all those years ago? I feel old.

 

[Bumwine]

View attachment 1017192
image for reference

Wigga pls

Some restaurants in Japan have printed instructions in English telling people to savor and enjoy the delicate flavor of meat/fish and not drown it in sauce. I can only assume this is for the benefit of hefty individuals like Jack who can't taste anything unless it is swimming in BBQ sauce.

Imagine Jack going to a place like this

And trying to start one of his JotG shitshows because reason

 

[Marissa Moira]

jack is so thirsty for this woman. and the irony......oh boy

View attachment 1016791

gotta admit, I got a little choked up when he said that.

 

[Aaway]

its funny how jack's sons are so different yet so alike

one is "all about god" and engaged at 19 while the other is constantly stoned out of his mind. but they are both obese and think they're black

 

[Cereal Killer]

Imagine Jack going to a place like this

And trying to start one of his JotG shitshows because reason

Jack would throw a royal fit straight out of the gate over service not starting until 4, directly after mangling the pronunciation of the name.

 

[Whatthefuck]

its funny how jack's sons are so different yet so alike

one is "all about god" and engaged at 19 while the other is constantly stoned out of his mind. but they are both obese and think they're black

IIRC they live in either Hendersonville or Donelson, both suburbs of Nashville and both tend to churn out folks like that. It's really weird. For whatever reason, no matter what race you happen to be, there's just a certain percentage that thinks they're black. That sounds like a generalization, but it's just the truth. It was that way in the 90's and I can't imagine much has changed.

 

[Cheesecake Coochie]

OFFICIAL JACK SCALFANI DEATH POOL

USER	CAUSE OF DEATH	EST. DATE OF DEATH	KETO POINTS
Murmur	Heart Attack	Early 2021	500
Wilhem Bittrich	3rd Stroke	Mid to Late 2020	300
The Wichita Lion	Ham Sandwich	May 11, 2021 (Ramadan)	420
FemalePresident	3rd Stroke	March, 2021	666
SmileyTimeDayCare	Sepsis by Food Poisoning	Early 2022	456
Religion is Dead	Diabetes	Mid 2020	600
Mesosalpinx	Gangrene w/ side of diabetes and cholesterol	April, 2020	365
Chamulum	3rd Stroke and diabetes combo	Early to Mid 2020	148
Mein Garten	Coronary artery disease w/ an aneurysm	Fall 2021	1965
Begemot	Trichinosis	April, 2020	350
Man vs persistent rat	Stroke leading to coma and death	August, 2022	400
Xochi	Beaten to death by actual chefs	January, 2021	19,324,557,416
captkrisma	Stroke and heart failure	Late, 2020	1
Waifuman Cooper	Stroke	June, 2020	1776
AnOminous	Stroke	Julay 4th, 2020	2020
Rod Dangerous	Pulmonary embolism	4th Quarter 2022	25
LordofCringe7206	Salmonella Infection	March, 2020	2
Captain Fitzbattleaxe	Complications from gastric bypass surgery	March, 2023	500
Suburban Bastard	Berry Aneurysm	January, 2021	6969
Dave Meltzer	Murdered by Maury Davis for shoe related transgression	Christmas Eve 2019	202
Adamska	Cardiac Arrest	June, 2022	3350
Stock Photo Hacker	Shot by a rogue Mcdonalds manager	April, 2020	420
Archie_Kimkicker	Thrown off cliff by Tammy's bull (for insurance)	February, 2020	1488
Redeemer and Destroyer	3rd Stroke	Summer 2020	777
Spasticus Autisticus	Heart Attack from witnessing Tammy making love to a black gentleman	February, 2021	69
Kamov Ka-52	Stroke	Mid 2020	1488
Pineapple Fox	Gangrene caused by uncontrolled diabetes	October, 2020	30
GandT	Choked out by son	June 21st, 2020 (Father's Day)	420
Mr. Manchester	Complications from final stroke	April, 2021	201
desu91	Stroke w/ a side of head trauma	Mid 2020	9001
ObeseScreaming- BlackMan	Crushed by AS SEEN ON TV gadgets.	Winter 2021	42,069
salmonellajack	Head trauma via shoe	April, 2020	187
Coconut Gun	Natural causes while surrounded by loved ones	Summer 2054	0
irishAzoth	Cirrhosis	Summer 2022	1337
GloriousRapeRabbit	Heart attack after stroke and two year coma	April, 2022	789
Chive Turkey	3rd Stroke	June, 2025	7
Mr._Blonde	4th Stroke	April, 2022	300
Scented Candle	Smited by the good Lord for blasphemous onion ring sorcery	February, 2024	80,085
Zaryiu	Atherosclerosis	2020 or 2030+	2013
Dirty Mug	Chokes on a dick burger post 3rd stroke	December, 2021	1488
Slimy Time	Fatal stroke	July, 2022	1266
feral cat #6385	Mr. Hands'ed by Tammy's bull after a case of mistaken identity	June 21st, 2020	9001
A Single Cheeto	Tragic house fire	Apparently Never	80,085
Raindrop3000	Killed by one of Jack Jr.'s Christian rapper rivals, or heart attack	December 12th, 2020	10,000
Jersey Devil	Gas Gangrene from the 'beetus	Winter 2021	400,000
AngeloTheWizard	Suicide after marital separation	Spring 2021	1,000,000

POOL'S CLOSED.


Now it's time to sit back and wait for the inevitable.

On the day of Jack's death, the entrant with the best guess will receive ALL Keto Points entered into the pool. On that day, judges will be appointed to decide on what constitutes the "best guess". Fairness is not guaranteed.

Summer 2020
Killed by Jack Fiddler the famous wendigo hunter. Jack will give into his wendigo urges once he realizes his arm will never work again.
I'm willing to bet 300 keto shekel points.

Edit: I had a seizure and quoted the wrong person.

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

IIRC they live in either Hendersonville or Donelson, both suburbs of Nashville and both tend to churn out folks like that. It's really weird. For whatever reason, no matter what race you happen to be, there's just a certain percentage that thinks they're black. That sounds like a generalization, but it's just the truth. It was that way in the 90's and I can't imagine much has changed.

That's just the modern south. With many of the old cultural barriers and stigmas removed, millenials and zoomers tend to act blacker than they ever could be.
Edit: I have to stop phoneposting.