Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[heyilikeyourmom]

Because I. the House of Mouse is creatively bankrupt,

Star Wars is basically in the same boat independent of Disney.

 

[Toast Sandwich]

Uh oh Spaghetti-Os....its flopping in china

‘Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’ Flops in China on Friday Debut

UPDATED: “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker” is expected to be the biggest film of the weekend globally, with an estimated opening weekend of $170 million to $200 million in North America alone. But…

variety.com

So you're telling me that a nation of people taught from the minute they're born that submission to the state is what leads to orderliness and prosperity... isn't all that interested in a movie series where rebels are fighting to overthrow something called "The First Order"?

Color me surprised.

 

[Bad Headspace]

So. The finishing movie of nu wars is not even a bad Star Wars movie, but a bad movie in general.
Now that's podracing!

Also nice that they basically knocked off Dark Empire (in a way) for the last movie. Imagine if they pulled a Marvel capeshit movie and basically made a good synthesis of the already existing expanded universe material.

So you're telling me that a nation of people taught from the minute they're born that submission to the state is what leads to orderliness and prosperity... isn't all that interested in a movie series where rebels are fighting to overthrow something called "The First Order"?

Color me surprised.

Also for them, they don't have the back story with the previous 6 movies. For them it's just a rando popcorn flick and they suck at being rando popcorn flicks...

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

Not only E;R torrent the films, he has already said he despises Star Wars and only does the videos because he gets a lot of views from it. Somehow he still produces the best reviews of the franchise, a dude who hates what he does and doesn't put any effort into it.

But all the other disney a-logs not only pay to see this garbage, but their videos are also only voice-over on top of an static still. Super lazy and boring. And on top of it, DoomCockSucker (who has mistaken all the rumors) spends 3 minutes asking to subscribe, like, share and so on forever.

I do kind of like some of his videos, but he's going to be way too full of himself. He got major aspects of the plot wrong in his leaks, but still blows his own horn about how he was right on everything. I also dislike how he always introduced the leaks with a lot of talk about how it's rumors and then treat them as undeniable facts by the end.
"So, treat this as rumors, they might not be true, we don't know... but anyway, they are true and holy shit this is terrible."

His usual song and dance about subscribers is obnoxious as fuck, too.

I will give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he might have not paid to watch it, but I am not too certain about that...

So... why is Palpatine in this shit? I didn’t see Last Jedi.

Ha, you think anything in this movie was set up in TLJ. That's mistake #1.

TFA sets up stuff. TLJ axes it. Plan IX just shits the bed and segways into a completely different trilogy of movies.

So you're telling me that a nation of people taught from the minute they're born that submission to the state is what leads to orderliness and prosperity... isn't all that interested in a movie series where rebels are fighting to overthrow something called "The First Order"?

Color me surprised.

Frankly, it's easy as pie to adapt that to Winnie Poo's Wonderland.
Just allure to the fight of Mao's PLA against the KMT under Chiang Kai-Shek and you're set.
Use iconography that invokes the idea of the Long March and a fight against fascist imperials and this shit will sell like dog chop-suey.
Maybe introduce a faction that's allied to the First Order (who are a stand-in for "Imperialist Swine USA") and make that new faction their buttmonkey ("KMT as running dogs of the USA") and it's perfectly aligned with CCP propaganda of the past.

This will tank your movie in Taiwan, though. But I think if they were smart about it, they might manage to get a situation where mainlanders see the glorious fight of their PLA against the KMT and in Taiwan, people see the glorious resistance of the KMT against the PLA.

 

[Toast Sandwich]

Imagine if they pulled a Marvel capeshit movie and basically made a good synthesis of the already existing expanded universe material.

Given this, that was never on the table.

 

[heyilikeyourmom]

View attachment 1060059

Given this, that was never on the table.

To be fair, you have to have a really high iq to appreciate the expanded universe.

 

[Inlé]

I had no idea this film was even being made, but my elderly father is a HUGE Star Wars fan and went to see this last night. He actually looked sad when he left for work this morning, said the film was "disappointing" and "lazy".
He smiled through the worst moments of the franchise in the past, but this film was too much for him to find a single positive thing to say about it. Holy shit, what did they do for it to be this bad?

 

[Slimy Time]

So... why is Palpatine in this shit? I didn’t see Last Jedi.

Don't worry, TLJ didn't explain it either. No seriously, he's being reintroduced in this film.

 

[Bad Headspace]

View attachment 1060059

Given this, that was never on the table.

Well, you do need actual nerds for your Starwars not normies who hang out in forests.
jk

 

[Raging Capybara]

I had no idea this film was even being made, but my elderly father is a HUGE Star Wars fan and went to see this last night. He actually looked sad when he left for work this morning, said the film was "disappointing" and "lazy".
He smiled through the worst moments of the franchise in the past, but this film was too much for him to find a single positive thing to say about it. Holy shit, what did they do for it to be this bad?

It's a Tommy Wiseau film. Remember the breast cancer plotline from The Room? The same shit happens in "Rise of Shitwalker", more than once by the way. Things happen and are never mentioned again in the movie, just forgotten story leads.

It's that bad.

View attachment 1060059

Given this, that was never on the table.

I wonder when was the last time they fucked, probably 40 years ago.

This image is the biggest collection of dried and rusty cunts in the world.

 

[Intelligent Calcium]

So... why is Palpatine in this shit? I didn’t see Last Jedi.

Because Rian Johnson killed the character that was clearly being built up as the main villain of the whole trilogy early to show everyone how clever he is.

 

[Slimy Time]

I had no idea this film was even being made, but my elderly father is a HUGE Star Wars fan and went to see this last night. He actually looked sad when he left for work this morning, said the film was "disappointing" and "lazy".
He smiled through the worst moments of the franchise in the past, but this film was too much for him to find a single positive thing to say about it. Holy shit, what did they do for it to be this bad?

I'm visiting my folks for xmas. Asked my dad:
"You want to go watch Star Wars?"
"Is it the one after the film where Luke died?"
"Yes"
"Then no"
I remember taking both of them to watch VII. Both liked it, reminded them of when they watched IV when they were younger and even they realised it was IV all over again. TLJ killed any interest both had for the franchise.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

Don't worry, TLJ didn't explain it either. No seriously, he's being reintroduced in this film.

Pretty passionlessly (is that even a word?) in the title crawl no less.
It literally says "Palpatine is back, deal with it, faggots" and 3 minutes into the movie, he appears for the first fucking time and there is no explanation how he's still around.

We can look forward to the novelization to give us an explanation for this.

Also, since the Holdo Maneuver now seems to be a super-rare fluke, does that axe the "It was the Raddus' experimental shields"-explanation from the novels?
FFS, the new EU can't keep its shit straight for 2 consecutive movies and the tie in novels.

It's a Tommy Wiseau film. Remember the breast cancer plotline from The Room? The same shit happens in "Rise of Shitwalker", more than once by the way. Things happen and are never mentioned again in the movie, just forgotten story leads.

It's that bad.

All these plotlines are handily collected in a dustbin somewhere in a cutting studio in Hollywood. Most likely right next to the bloated, dangling corpse of whatever poor sap had to stitch this mess together.

 

[Miller]

I think it may have been a mistake to let Raimi direct this scene.
View attachment 1059864

His version of the First Order troopers was a bit on the nose too...

 

[Judge Holden]

Pretty passionlessly (is that even a word?) in the title crawl no less.
It literally says "Palpatine is back, deal with it, faggots" and 3 minutes into the movie, he appears for the first fucking time and there is no explanation how he's still around.

Oh yeah and Palpatine's official "IM BACK FAGGOTS!" message and the reaction to it from our nu and diverse heros was only revealed as part of a fortnite event

 

[HollaGemini]

*sinking in black shit*
"REY I NEVER TOLD YOU-"
*moments later*
"What didnt you tell me?"
"Ill tell you later"

WHAT?!?! HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS THE WORST MOVIE EVER!!! This is one lazy as FUCK script, Im actually getting some laughs out of this!
Im watching a bad cam copy, this is SO much worse than I thought it would be.

 

[Never Scored]

So there's this evil empire with a million super weapons. The resistance is hopelessly losing and about to die. A bunch of ships show up and start firing on the big evil empire's ships, blowing them up. The big evil general says, "Is that a navy?" His subornate replies, "No... it's just people." The well armed average people from across the galaxy then proceed to rape the big evil army through sheer numbers. Disney, this is an argument for the second amendment. You just inadvertently released an argument against gun control.

 

[Fluoxetine Man]

Joined up to the Farms to get on that sweet Off-Topic Star Wars action and spent two days catching up on posts (you fuckers work fast).
Star Wars died for me after The Last Jedi, right after how pointless Luke's sacrifice was using a Force Stand. A plot hole that always bugged me is that TLJ is an 18 hour chase until the Rebels ship runs out of fuel, yet Rey at spends least three days on Titty Monster planet with Luke. What the fuck was the story group doing? Surly somebody noticed?

I have a camrip in my downloads folder, yet I can't muster the will to watch it. The worst part is the people responsible for this shit won't suffer any consequences, KK won't be fired, WB won't reevaluate JJ's projects for them, Chris Terrio will still turn in shitty scripts. Hopefully it will bomb, but my normie friends on Facebook seem to enjoy it. At least we'll get a good E;R and Plinkett review out it.

 

[ZehnBoat]

i'm wondering how many consoomers are trying to paint the critics as evil nazi white male incels
even they there were applauding critics for hating the joker before?

i swear these people have the memory of a goldfish, just consoom

 

[Slimy Time]

Also, since the Holdo Maneuver now seems to be a super-rare fluke, does that axe the "It was the Raddus' experimental shields"-explanation from the novels?
FFS, the new EU can't keep its shit straight for 2 consecutive movies and the tie in novels.

All these plotlines are handily collected in a dustbin somewhere in a cutting studio in Hollywood. Most likely right next to the bloated, dangling corpse of whatever poor sap had to stitch this mess together.

What's the fluke of going ftl speed into a ship, or is that not how flt travel works in Star Wars? Is it by worm hole? Portal? The Warp?

It just happens to be a once in a lifetime manuveur that works just when the heroes and the strong whammen needs it to work.