Perhaps there isn’t enough chaos in your life. Start some chaos.
If you don’t benefit from it, or die, you’ll at least learn a few things about yourself.
It's funny you mention that, that reminds me of when I was a kid. Things were changing often, like from the point I was 8 or 9, we'd move houses or regions like every few years. I changed schools in grade 4, had to abandon my old friends, then again halfway into grade 4 for an entirely new school an hour away, then we moved back to the old region because of a divorce, but no one remembers me so I start over again, then I'm forced to move back years later around grade 8, then back again in grade 9, then back again at the end of grade 9, before staying here for the last 15 years or so. I was regularly experiencing change out of my control and being dragged around, the last one was my own doing because I decided to run away from home in hopes of spinning the wheel and injecting some chaos into my life again. But now I've been locked into a relationship for so long that my life is kind of built around it, so I can't just uproot and go do something crazy like I used to, and as an adult no one is dragging me into a new sudden change. I kind of hope this corona thing spurs some kind of change in the world if i'm lucky.
I'm sure you are not the only one who enjoys this stuff, you just need to find others. Or become alcoholic, they are easy to find
I've seen a few people here, I'd like to collect as many old recordings and images of old YTV or retro media and images of that time. I like revisiting old memories to see if it triggers some dormant memories in my brain somewhere. I try to refresh myself as much as I can so I can't forget what I came from.
Trying to hold on to and recapture that same feeling of being a kid on the wild west internet in your adulthood is like trying to shove your fat ass in a baby bouncer because you remember having such a good time in that thing. You're bored of it because it's not stimulating anymore, your brain requires more stimulating interactions now than it did before. You really need to practice "witnessing", viewing yourself from an unbiased, removed point of view, not taking into account your desires and impulses. People very often want the opposite of what they think they do.
Cut yourself off from online communities. This site is basically the only public community I'm a part of, and even then I only really pop in here to shitpost or drunkpost. I stopped using social media because it made me depressed, and it's making you depressed, too. I'm dead serious, just drop everything, cut off the gangrenous foot. Replace it with hobbies and education. Learn a new language, learn to program, learn the arts, learn psychology and zen, meditate. Do all of those. Those things will give you the stimulation you're desperately crying out for, because no shitty online community is going to do that. Yes, it will be boring at first. Yes, you're going to be staring a book with a blank mind going "damn I really want to check twitter for that dopamine rush" because that's the behavior you've ingrained into yourself. Ignore it and continue studying and working. if you can't do that, you may as well just kill yourself, because you're nothing but a shuffling corpse right now. If you can train yourself to realize social media is bad and learning new things and putting that knowledge into practice is a good thing, you will thrive, and it's not even hard. Literally requires just the tiniest amount of willpower.
Swell advice, though I'm not a social media person. I guess the most qualifying parts are the occasion chan posts and once in a blue moon posting here. I definitely don't endorse social media and would be happy if twitter, facebook and co just up and died splintering their interest groups to many small forums to produce their own content. But you're right, I should read more, I've listened to audiobooks but I don't think that's the same sort of mental engagement, it just ensures I'll keep going. I should maybe look for some library of older books, my physical library is usually lined with stuff about politics or modern takes and it just feels really dull. I'd definitely like to learn and practice new skills, it's just difficult to find something appealing and the right starting point I guess. I'll think on it.
Stick the revolver in your mouth and pull the trigger.
Sounds to me you always defined yourself by others and can't find contentment within yourself. Me? I plan vacations. Whether it's a day trip to a local waterpark, a weekend getaway to a cabin in the woods, or a weeklong getaway to somewhere I've never been before. I'm happy to have a friend to meet up with, but I'm also happy to go out and do things completely on my own.
Saying concerts are boring, it seems like you went to things you thought you should enjoy, rather than what you actually like. Did you go to an orchestra or a band you like? There's a difference in experience right there. I'd be bored to tears at some performances because the description already didn't appeal.
The symphony I'm thinking of was actually surprisingly okay, it was at a local library and they brought in some dancers midway through. I had just come in to sit down and eat my food before heading home, but I stayed for the whole hour and stopped to compliment one of the musicians. I wasn't specifically referring that part when I find things dull I guess. I've wanted to go see theater plays, like I love the look of old theaters and big red curtains, but all the stuff they're showing around here is all heavily politicized rather than something that'll put me out of my mind. I went to see a friend perform there years ago and always wanted to go back when I could afford it, but times have kind of changed since. I know I could maybe watch something online more in line with what I want, but i'm not sure it would be the same experience as a live performance since you know everything ends up okay if its a recording. But I guess I could try that. I've never done any kind of vacation, money is something I never have enough of, and working has always been something that drags on forever, or I try to find some way out of. I'm guessing whatever job I'll like is something I'm not qualified for yet, because I rotate workplaces often.
