DX10
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 5, 2014
American Cheese on hot dogs honestly just seems like hangover 'fill hole' food that Jack's rotten tastebuds have grown accustomed to as some kind of normal food.
Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
- Thread starter Gentlebastard
- Start date
D_Tractor
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 6, 2020
Does he just intentionally make hideous food because it gets more views than if he tried to make something good?
thesunhassetonthismortal
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 14, 2020
I wonder what would happen if he tried to make something that was legit difficult , maybe a Lobster Thermador, Beef Wellington, Peking Duck or someshit with a similar difficult level if not greater.
Aaway
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2016
no, the guy literally can't do anything correctly. if he was just trolling he'd allow comments on his videos at least
at this point he should just accept the fact that he's a meme and roll with it like joeysworldtour or reviewbrah but he's a bitch who can't handle even the slightest bit of criticism
thesunhassetonthismortal
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 14, 2020
How does he fuck up so badly anyways though? I mean he turned very basic cooking into a meme
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2019
Stroke #3 here we come.
Hotdogs with melted cheese and bacon are amazing. But not something I eat anymore because I don't want to end up like Jack.
...I think you really want something else in your mouth.
captkrisma
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Hot dogs...they're like jazz. There's hundreds of great ways to make it, but if there's a part wrong, or missing, it throws the whole thing off and it becomes ass.
Jack's hotdogs are ass.
If you're gonna blister the dogs, grill them over coals. They call these char-dogs. Spread some cheese whiz in the bun and it's a cheddar char dog.
Jack fucks up on a few accounts. First, sweet Hawaiian buns. Get the fuck out with that shit. Ketchup on a dog is also a joke. If you're over the age of 10 and wanna be a big boy or girl, use tomato wedges. Too much relish/sauerkraut/onions.
Jack's hotdogs are ass.
If you're gonna blister the dogs, grill them over coals. They call these char-dogs. Spread some cheese whiz in the bun and it's a cheddar char dog.
Jack fucks up on a few accounts. First, sweet Hawaiian buns. Get the fuck out with that shit. Ketchup on a dog is also a joke. If you're over the age of 10 and wanna be a big boy or girl, use tomato wedges. Too much relish/sauerkraut/onions.
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2019
Jack wishes Samsung would send a smart refrigerator worth thousands of dollars to him to review.
It’s too bad he lost a lot of the leverage he likely used when propositioning these companies. I’m sure the 35,000 bots and Third World pervs that bought in on Cooking with Girl would have loved to watch Jack operate the touch screen on an appliance.
It’s too bad he lost a lot of the leverage he likely used when propositioning these companies. I’m sure the 35,000 bots and Third World pervs that bought in on Cooking with Girl would have loved to watch Jack operate the touch screen on an appliance.
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2019
Back when both of his arms worked, he claimed that Kenmore (I think it was still fully owned by Sears at the time) sent him an expensive refrigerator in exchange for his review, which has fewer than 50,000 views as of the time of this post.
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Aaway
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2016
even those shitty "as seen on TV" companies stopped sending him shit because they realized he'd just use the product improperly and give it a bad review due to his failure to read directionsBack when both of his arms worked, he claimed that Kenmore (I think it was still fully owned by Sears at the time) sent him an expensive refrigerator in exchange for his review, which has fewer than 50,000 views as of the time of this post.
Kenmore Elite Smart French Door Bottom‑Mount Refrigerator
SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEW CHANNEL ON FISHING. LAUNCHES TODAY. DON'T MISS OUT It's called Fish Hook: http://bit.ly/2GnKCKF ******Kenmore gave me the refrigerator fo...www.youtube.com
He doesn't give the model number in his review, but it has to be at least a $2500 unit.
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
So I promised to do a runthrough of Jack fucking up one of the easiest things ever to cook, so let's do this:
1. I can't even start with the video this time because this fat narcissist has the balls to proclaim that his hot dogs are perfect in the title itself; which the thumbnail disproves easily.
2. Fat Jack opens up whining about how ballpark and carnie hotdogs are rip-offs, calling them sad looking.
2b. It's clear Jack is just angry that concessions at events are always overpriced, and even angrier that an everything sandwich isn't enough for his gluttonous ass.
3. He then half-heartedly compares concessions to CostCo and Sam's Club for allowing you to build your own offering to the god of gluttony.
4. "FAGGOT" ~ Jack's Avatar on his tiny purple shirt that's way too small for his fat ass
5. Jack already claims that he's not being fancy with his dogs as you see the menagerie of ingredients.
5b. To me "nothing fancy" means ether plain, or just mustard, some ketchup (lol Chicago mad but a milder ketchup balances out the relish if you use small doses IMO) and some relish or finely diced onions for me... this is a lot more than "nothing fancy".
6. He's using really thick and shitty looking slices of yellow cheese; I suspect a colored American, which while melted could be pretty nice for a dog due to its mild flavor.
7. Also Hawaiian rolls? I'm not the biggest fan of them since I tend to not like sweet with my savory; might work if you say fuck it and cook rippers (deep fried hotdogs) though.
8. The rest of the ingredients do work for a hotdog, though I'll confess I see no point in using both sauerkraut AND relish AND onion on a dog.
9. Fat Jack spergs about his favorite brand of packaged dogs.
9b. Both brands he recommends are good, but give me either Dietz and Watson or just plain Kielbasa anyday tbh.
10. Fat Jack for some reason is going to pan-fry something, and it's now clear he's storing bacon grease given he's using it as a lard.
10b. I'd ask why not just fucking make a Danger Dog, which is just frying a hot dog with some bacon, but this is Jack.
11. "I have never met anyone who doesn't like their hotdogs... a little burnt?" ~ Strokebrained Jack
12. Jack doesn't know what the fuck charring is, so he's calling it "burning" since that's the only word he knows when it comes to carbonizing something.
13. As the hotdogs are half-frying, half-dying in the bacon grease in the background, Jack begins to sperg more about Hawaiian rolls.
13b. He again notes he loves them because the slit at the top means all the shit he'll load into this thing won't fall out.
14. Jack fingers his food, probably giving them more physical affection than Tammy has experienced in years.
15. Jack shoves in the thick, brittle, cold cheese into the buns, and explains why he's being retarded with the cheese; he's trying to make sure that the slop he loads into the bun doesn't make it soggy.
15b. The real solution is to fucking stop shoving so much shit onto the dog, but that means less food now so of course not.
16. Holy shit, Jack can't even break cheese without fucking up; how can you get this mentally feeble?
17. Aaaand the hotdogs are half-burned; how do you fuck up basic panfrying them?
17b. Seriously, it's not hard; cut the fuckers in half and fry until just starting to char on both sides if you're going to do that, and that way you can do cool things like put in a melty cheese, some softened onions, and meat sauce for some nice Coney Dogs.
17c. Still prefer grilling or steam/boiling them though.
18. Jack calls these half-burned things "delicious"; I legit don't get it because he usually is terrified about burning shit.
19. Awkward silence as Jack slams down two of the worse looking dogs onto the cold boards he calls cheese.
20. Delusional Jack thinks that these hotdogs carry enough heat to even melt the cheese.
21. The smoker wails because he managed to burn the hotdogs to the point smoke is filling the room.'
22. "It never fails that when I cook hotdogs in here it gets smoky" ~ Jack Scatolini
23. He also is claiming that it's totally not a lot of smoke as the fan spins in the background, but since he's a lying sack of shit and cut the video (thankfully), we can't trust that bullshit.
24. Jack way overdoes the ketchup and uses Heinz, which is just too sweet if you ARE going to use a ketchup on a dog.
25. Jack proclaims yellow mustard is best on a hotdog; I disagree given how brown mustard works when I use it, but eh.
26. Fat Jack tries to claim that after you slather the dog in those two condiments you put the onions now, but lets slip his reasoning is because otherwise it'd fall off and food that does that terrifies him since less going in his gob.
27. Jack is really pretending he knows how to construct a hotdog; sure I'd agree red onions are a good one to use on a dog, but that's in this case more so you can maybe try to balance out the ketchup overload he made since it has a stronger flavor profile than its siblings.
28. Oh look, he had Tammy or Jr. halfassedly cut them for him, since they're all of different lengths.
29. Wait what.
29b. Jack... Jack is such a slob and subhuman he is talking about if you're going on a date you don't use too much onions... while eating hotdogs.
30. NO YOU DON'T FUCKING NUKE SAUERKRAUT YOU FUCKING GOBLIN AAAAA-
*one deep breath later*
31. Sorry, that was kind of a double whammy of dumb; so yeah, you definitely can eat sauerkraut hot, and I think in a hotdog or sausage's case it's best warm/hot... but not fucking microwaved.
31b. Some half-assed research, my own family experience, and a survey from a friend reveals you can eat it hot or cold (she eats hers hot, as does my family usually)
32. Jack states sauerkraut should never be eaten cold, but as a condiment it can be eaten that way.
33. As Hungry Jack proceeds to shovel on the kraut, I realize more and more that this is a shitshow combination.
34. To give you an idea, I see several different ways these dogs could've been made with the ingredients he had; ranging from a Coney style dog to a Swiss style Schnauser given the cheese and sauerkraut.
34b. But alas, fatboy crammed it all together into a symphony of suck; too many ingredients on this one, all there just to sate his gluttony.
35. Jack then uses the same fork (unwashed) to put on the relish. He also has the balls to claim that they're interchangable (in order, not in swapping).
36. He's actually kind of proud of this pile of shit recipe given how he stated it. I'd like to note that the cheese is not remotely softened.
37. It's telling he considers chili for a dog "fancy".
38. He's really defensive about splicing in relish and sauerkraut into one mix, especially defending how the hot mixes with the cold.
38b. I wonder if Jr. or Tammy told him they didn't like having both on their plate and that's why he's insecure and trying to feed his ego?
39. Jack rolls his eyes pre-emptively like a shark as he desperately tries to cram 1/4 of the fucking sandwich down his gullet.
40. He cut his reaction, meaning he probably didn't like it.
41. Jack is actually trying to pretend that this is something that takes him back to his childhood, claiming that "it all comes together".
42. If Jack really claimed he was watering for more, he'd fucking take another bite of this hot dog, he doesn't, and he's not even smiling or clearly enjoying what the fuck he ate.
43. Jack lies with a straight face it came out great despite how he clearly doesn't care for what he made; calls it perfect but then doesn't even use his "Home Run Recipe", what a fucking idiot.
44. Half a minute of shilling his shit.
I still am baffled on how you can fuck up something this simple.
1. I can't even start with the video this time because this fat narcissist has the balls to proclaim that his hot dogs are perfect in the title itself; which the thumbnail disproves easily.
2. Fat Jack opens up whining about how ballpark and carnie hotdogs are rip-offs, calling them sad looking.
2b. It's clear Jack is just angry that concessions at events are always overpriced, and even angrier that an everything sandwich isn't enough for his gluttonous ass.
3. He then half-heartedly compares concessions to CostCo and Sam's Club for allowing you to build your own offering to the god of gluttony.
4. "FAGGOT" ~ Jack's Avatar on his tiny purple shirt that's way too small for his fat ass
5. Jack already claims that he's not being fancy with his dogs as you see the menagerie of ingredients.
5b. To me "nothing fancy" means ether plain, or just mustard, some ketchup (lol Chicago mad but a milder ketchup balances out the relish if you use small doses IMO) and some relish or finely diced onions for me... this is a lot more than "nothing fancy".
6. He's using really thick and shitty looking slices of yellow cheese; I suspect a colored American, which while melted could be pretty nice for a dog due to its mild flavor.
7. Also Hawaiian rolls? I'm not the biggest fan of them since I tend to not like sweet with my savory; might work if you say fuck it and cook rippers (deep fried hotdogs) though.
8. The rest of the ingredients do work for a hotdog, though I'll confess I see no point in using both sauerkraut AND relish AND onion on a dog.
9. Fat Jack spergs about his favorite brand of packaged dogs.
9b. Both brands he recommends are good, but give me either Dietz and Watson or just plain Kielbasa anyday tbh.
10. Fat Jack for some reason is going to pan-fry something, and it's now clear he's storing bacon grease given he's using it as a lard.
10b. I'd ask why not just fucking make a Danger Dog, which is just frying a hot dog with some bacon, but this is Jack.
11. "I have never met anyone who doesn't like their hotdogs... a little burnt?" ~ Strokebrained Jack
12. Jack doesn't know what the fuck charring is, so he's calling it "burning" since that's the only word he knows when it comes to carbonizing something.
13. As the hotdogs are half-frying, half-dying in the bacon grease in the background, Jack begins to sperg more about Hawaiian rolls.
13b. He again notes he loves them because the slit at the top means all the shit he'll load into this thing won't fall out.
14. Jack fingers his food, probably giving them more physical affection than Tammy has experienced in years.
15. Jack shoves in the thick, brittle, cold cheese into the buns, and explains why he's being retarded with the cheese; he's trying to make sure that the slop he loads into the bun doesn't make it soggy.
15b. The real solution is to fucking stop shoving so much shit onto the dog, but that means less food now so of course not.
16. Holy shit, Jack can't even break cheese without fucking up; how can you get this mentally feeble?
17. Aaaand the hotdogs are half-burned; how do you fuck up basic panfrying them?
17b. Seriously, it's not hard; cut the fuckers in half and fry until just starting to char on both sides if you're going to do that, and that way you can do cool things like put in a melty cheese, some softened onions, and meat sauce for some nice Coney Dogs.
17c. Still prefer grilling or steam/boiling them though.
18. Jack calls these half-burned things "delicious"; I legit don't get it because he usually is terrified about burning shit.
19. Awkward silence as Jack slams down two of the worse looking dogs onto the cold boards he calls cheese.
20. Delusional Jack thinks that these hotdogs carry enough heat to even melt the cheese.
21. The smoker wails because he managed to burn the hotdogs to the point smoke is filling the room.'
22. "It never fails that when I cook hotdogs in here it gets smoky" ~ Jack Scatolini
23. He also is claiming that it's totally not a lot of smoke as the fan spins in the background, but since he's a lying sack of shit and cut the video (thankfully), we can't trust that bullshit.
24. Jack way overdoes the ketchup and uses Heinz, which is just too sweet if you ARE going to use a ketchup on a dog.
25. Jack proclaims yellow mustard is best on a hotdog; I disagree given how brown mustard works when I use it, but eh.
26. Fat Jack tries to claim that after you slather the dog in those two condiments you put the onions now, but lets slip his reasoning is because otherwise it'd fall off and food that does that terrifies him since less going in his gob.
27. Jack is really pretending he knows how to construct a hotdog; sure I'd agree red onions are a good one to use on a dog, but that's in this case more so you can maybe try to balance out the ketchup overload he made since it has a stronger flavor profile than its siblings.
28. Oh look, he had Tammy or Jr. halfassedly cut them for him, since they're all of different lengths.
29. Wait what.
29b. Jack... Jack is such a slob and subhuman he is talking about if you're going on a date you don't use too much onions... while eating hotdogs.
30. NO YOU DON'T FUCKING NUKE SAUERKRAUT YOU FUCKING GOBLIN AAAAA-
*one deep breath later*
31. Sorry, that was kind of a double whammy of dumb; so yeah, you definitely can eat sauerkraut hot, and I think in a hotdog or sausage's case it's best warm/hot... but not fucking microwaved.
31b. Some half-assed research, my own family experience, and a survey from a friend reveals you can eat it hot or cold (she eats hers hot, as does my family usually)
32. Jack states sauerkraut should never be eaten cold, but as a condiment it can be eaten that way.
33. As Hungry Jack proceeds to shovel on the kraut, I realize more and more that this is a shitshow combination.
34. To give you an idea, I see several different ways these dogs could've been made with the ingredients he had; ranging from a Coney style dog to a Swiss style Schnauser given the cheese and sauerkraut.
34b. But alas, fatboy crammed it all together into a symphony of suck; too many ingredients on this one, all there just to sate his gluttony.
35. Jack then uses the same fork (unwashed) to put on the relish. He also has the balls to claim that they're interchangable (in order, not in swapping).
36. He's actually kind of proud of this pile of shit recipe given how he stated it. I'd like to note that the cheese is not remotely softened.
37. It's telling he considers chili for a dog "fancy".
38. He's really defensive about splicing in relish and sauerkraut into one mix, especially defending how the hot mixes with the cold.
38b. I wonder if Jr. or Tammy told him they didn't like having both on their plate and that's why he's insecure and trying to feed his ego?
39. Jack rolls his eyes pre-emptively like a shark as he desperately tries to cram 1/4 of the fucking sandwich down his gullet.
40. He cut his reaction, meaning he probably didn't like it.
41. Jack is actually trying to pretend that this is something that takes him back to his childhood, claiming that "it all comes together".
42. If Jack really claimed he was watering for more, he'd fucking take another bite of this hot dog, he doesn't, and he's not even smiling or clearly enjoying what the fuck he ate.
43. Jack lies with a straight face it came out great despite how he clearly doesn't care for what he made; calls it perfect but then doesn't even use his "Home Run Recipe", what a fucking idiot.
44. Half a minute of shilling his shit.
I still am baffled on how you can fuck up something this simple.
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- Joined
- Apr 25, 2020
To make a hotdog, first you have to cum in a pan:
Aaway
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2016
interestingly, the same thing that was happening to the CWJ FB, (old videos being uploaded randomly throughout the day) is also happening to the JOTG FB. so its safe to say the kosovo hackers got to this one as well. i wonder how he managed to get his personal page back
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
This guy is the boomer's boomer. Nobody of normal intelligence has these problems. It isn't Facebook it's that Jack is a fucking moron who tries to buy followers from criminal gangs and compromises his account doing it.
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2019
Jack wanting to heat up a whole jar of sauerkraut is also a more subtle demonstration of his shit knowledge of food safety. You're supposed to reheat and cool food as few times as possible, because every time you do it you bring the food into the bacteria friendly temperature zone again. He should've spooned the amount he needed into a separate bowl. This is basic shit they teach real chefs before any actual cooking skills.
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2017
Something else I’ve found to demonstrate Jack’s extensive culinary knowledge. Here’s the ingredients list for Jack’s Jerk Sauce:
Now what are the key ingredients in Jerk seasoning? Allspice and scotch bonnet peppers. The former is there, but if those ingredients are listed by weight then there’s hardly any in it, and the latter isn’t there at all. If you’re generous you can say a pepper in the form of Cayenne is in there, but the fact that’s a different pepper aside things like tomato paste and apple cider vinegar come before it. The fact the sauce is red rather than brown says it all really.
To be fair, I think the biggest mistake here is Jack not marketing this sauce in Bongland: a black MP threw a fit a while back because a famous chef had a ‘Jerk’ recipe that was similarly inauthentic and she went on a two week rant about colonialism and cultural appropriation, so he missed out on free publicity.
Now what are the key ingredients in Jerk seasoning? Allspice and scotch bonnet peppers. The former is there, but if those ingredients are listed by weight then there’s hardly any in it, and the latter isn’t there at all. If you’re generous you can say a pepper in the form of Cayenne is in there, but the fact that’s a different pepper aside things like tomato paste and apple cider vinegar come before it. The fact the sauce is red rather than brown says it all really.
To be fair, I think the biggest mistake here is Jack not marketing this sauce in Bongland: a black MP threw a fit a while back because a famous chef had a ‘Jerk’ recipe that was similarly inauthentic and she went on a two week rant about colonialism and cultural appropriation, so he missed out on free publicity.
Aaway
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2016
jack is busy as ever on FB today complaining about the size of a baby yoda action figure he bought and using a fox news article to claim the coronavirus is "just the flu. someone tell me why a 50 something year old man is buying action figures?
JackDavis
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2017
It's not a jerk sauce, it's a gourmet sauce.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
This pic is going straight over to the beta male facial expression thread.
It's an authentic jerk sauce, because Jack is an authentic jerk.
Chamulum
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2019
I just want to see him do a 180 when he catches that shit.