Funny that you mention Marl's current partner blaming KF and saying 16 isn't a child. Glip and Eevee did the exact same thing (I distinctly remember Eevee tweeting about how 16 is "barely a child" and implying that saying a child was abused was being slightly dishonest). Very ironic.
Yes, I spoke at length about this to PK too, and they even acknowledged how Marl's current partner is basically like how they used to be. I've talked to PK about Eevee as well, and how aggressive and impulsive Eevee tends to be with tweets. They agreed and have been talking to Eevee about that.
I've expressed a lot of... frustrations about Eevee's past actions to put it lightly. Essentially that her willingness to go full aggro on people caused more harm than good both to victims and to PK, because it caused people to be less willing to speak if they're being called obvious badfaith sockpuppets.
It doesn't excuse everything, but I genuinely think that Marl seeks out people who will parrot what he believes. The main difference I feel is that PK claims to not have known the extent of what Marl did.
His current partner however, completely knows Marl was a horrible human being, but blindly believes that he has "changed." They literally state that the man PK knew no longer exists. It's terrifying. If I am naive (and I do not deny that I am) to believe in PK being able to change, Marl's partner is some other level entirely.
I worry about you, Pengo. From the way you speak of this entire situation I can tell that you're a very empathetic and patient person. Glip, however, can be manipulative and aggressive/defensive (even unintentionally). Not to sound harsh, but the way you approach some of this comes off as a bit naive though it is completely understandable. I do hope you stay mindful during this because red flags aren't always so clear.
I understand and thank you for the concern, you're not harsh at all. It is admittedly somewhat strange to see people worry for me, haha. I have seen and experienced the cruel side of PK for years. I am not ignorant to its existence, nor do I want to claim that PK is now suddenly incapable of harm (I would be at a similar position as Marl's current partner if I were to act that way).
Rather, I believe PK does want to be good and help people heal, and in their own way is attempting to show that. They have endured years of abuse and I personally know the difficult struggle in trying to unlearn bad behavior. I have friends who have hurt me deeply and who I have hurt deeply when we were younger, that we have both worked things out and chilled out. I believe in change so long as people are willing. I do think it is an uphill battle due to a wide variety of factors, but if I can help at all, I want to.
They also have dealt with an immense scrutiny over their words that make it difficult for them, as every single word needs to be thought about... I'm not saying it's entirely undeserved considering the years they've spent silencing victims, but rather that they are acutely aware of this, and that can cause trouble. Couple that with impulsivity and maladaptive mannerisms from years of abuse, and it's a lot.
I suppose part of the idea is also that.. I did nothing to stop Marl when I theoretically could have. People focus on PK not getting Marl in jail immediately, but I also did not. I did try a year after I knew him yes, but did I really try? I let people get hurt for years after he knew me because I was afraid, and if it's not acceptable for PK to have let that fear stop them, I don't think it's okay for me either.
I try to treat everyone the way I would want to be treated and judge everyone the way I would be judged. When I first made my post in 2014, I... honestly never wanted to. I wanted someone else to be "first" in talking about some of the dysfunctional actions I had noticed, and I didn't even touch upon Marl because I didn't even know what to think. But I took the first steps because I felt something was wrong and that there were probably people that were hurt who also wanted someone to be the first person to speak up. So I did that. It was stupidly written and I had a lot of misconceptions, and I honestly should have just focused on Marl, but I did try.
It didn't really amount to anything, and I stayed quiet for years.
There have been a lot of people who have come forward privately after PKs docs, and it's really... disheartening to see. Marl has done a lot of harm. I've counted at least 15 people and that includes the most high profile cases like me, PK, BF, Lain, Luvly, Exty, and Rootie.
I suppose this is an attempt again at being what I wish I would see: someone who can help people who were hurt, both PK and the victims, and who will try to get Marl in jail. If it does not work, no one can say I did not try.
I can accept if things between PK and I end poorly. It happened before, and it was extremely painful for a variety of reasons that are no longer in play, so if it happened again I don't really think it could be nearly as painful.
I can't, however, really accept Marl facing no repercussions nor can I accept people being in pain.
I think most people would agree that Glip not being in charge of a server or people would be for the best. That server can serve as an echo chamber in a lot of ways.
I've felt for a long time that the Flora Discord just needs to be burned to the ground, lol. If Glip wants to stay connected to close friends, they can still do that without forming a fan community with themself at the center. It's not good for Glip either to constantly be managing other people's mental health problems and trying (poorly) to put out interpersonal fires.
I agree. Truthfully, if it were up to me I'd prefer everyone go back to personal fan websites and tiny ass forums... Little decentralized pockets of friendgroups and fun.
But again, I'm a hermit.
I personally believe PK needs to focus on themself and not dedicate their time on trying to help others so much, especially when.. these people can turn out to be emotional/attention leeches like Goopy. They have been trying to focus on art lately, though again, I am not in the current flora chat, so I can't really speak too much on it from experience.
I cannot really force them into deleting the server, nor should I. I do genuinely believe a server does not do them as much good, in addition to people getting hurt in the server, but I also believe that if I push too hard for anything they are not receptive toward, they will become less receptive.
It's like one of those finger puppets, where the more you try to pull away the tighter it is, but when you meet in the middle, you can take the puppet off.
They have spoken to me of good things they have done and felt within their server (which of course I don't expect anyone to believe as I know they have hurt many in here directly or indirectly) so I understand why they feel an attachment towards it. Sometimes ripping something away can make things worse, especially without a plan, and as PK has a difficult time with vulnerability and connecting with people, they currently feel it is important to feel connected to their audience and friends. I respect that, while at the same time hoping they can have time for themself and reconsider certain aspects.
If you told me last year that BF, Lain, AND Pengo would make a season finale return I wouldnt have believed you, but fuck it 2020 continues to give me whiplash and at this point i wouldnt be surprised if Val or Marl show up posting here before the end of the year.
Buckle up for the spinoff.
oh boy.
pengo,
@Hatun, if you havent seen glips behavior within their server, i advise you to do so. i would give it to your therapist/psy, too, to judge. its a really, really ugly and raw side to glip. theyre one of the most extreme narcissists i have ever seen, and i say this from a purely textbook standpoint that narcissists this extreme rarely ever (usually never) genuinely want to change or have the capacity to. its not IMPOSSIBLE, but the likelihood of you getting re-abused and all of this being/becoming narcissistic hoovering is very, very high. i feel like its even harder for glip to realize that theyre doing a lot of toxic things because a lot of this is defensive and learned behavior (reacting by blaming others, lashing out, etc etc) and therefore not really "conscious" for them. they might genuinely think theyre doing something good while acting in a completely self-serving, unempathetic, and sometimes outright abusive way.
Part of the reason for my account here is to specifically see things from the POV of people hurt by PK. I recognize PK will always talk to me about their experiences from their POV, which will most likely justify them. This is something people do, even non-narcs, and in this situation it's important for me to be able to see the rest of the story. If I find that there is genuinely no hope, that PK cannot understand why what they said hurt others nor feel any remorse for it, then I am gone.
things like "scenes" are INTEGRAL to flora, theyre literally fuel for flora at this point. im pretty sure the last TEN visual novels were based on scenes that happened within the server. this behavior doesnt stop after a month, especially for someone like glip who lies before actually changing behavior (intentionally or not). [...] im totally open to this being just due to shorthand on your part (due to all the info youre answering with), and i honestly hope so.
From what I have seen of people the main VNs were based on (scarf, Marl, Twee) I understand PK wanting to write about them, though I think PK doesn't fully differentiate between venting in artwork vs just completely retelling an event practically beat by beat in artwork.
I have spoken to them directly about how I think scenes are not beneficial, especially when the Hare scene came up. To quote them specifically, they said that they only had 3 scenes this year, one of which was apparently asking people to be harmful and aggressive towards them to prepare emotionally for when they wrote about Marl, expecting people to disbelieve them. They said there were 3 public scenes that were started by other people or something though.
To quote another topic about a month ago, they said the last time they made a VN concerning someone, the stand-in was censored when posted to the main site, it had been about a year ago, and "since then ive been trying to figure out better ways to express my feelings without feeding into bs"
not to mention that glip, intentionally or not, facilitates that echo chamber environment and punishes behavior that goes against one (and rewards echoing/parallel statements with roaring agreement and praise). they have so much to do with the toxic environment and unseen "rules" of the server but they consistently and apparently still deny that or deflect from it. their behavior, especially when virtually unpoliced within their server, is proof enough that their apologies and willingness to change are still currently skin-deep.
so yeah, not only would deleting the server be best, but i personally think it would be an actual step towards being genuine with their apologies.
I agree with you, I think it's very easy to accidentally cultivate an echo chamber, and it doesn't go away just because Marl is gone. However, as an artist who is basically isolated, I can also see how... NOT interacting with fans is basically a death sentence in today's day and age. People no longer expect art from an artist, but rather a personality show as well. It's a bit of a tangent, but I imagine part of the concern is also money loss from essentially making it almost impossible to interact. They barely use twitter (which imo is good) and I imagine if they were to delete their server, they would probably use twitter again which would cause more trouble.
I want to find a good way to engage this problem.
When it comes to apologys, actions always mattered more then words.
I agree.
First off, Glip always surrounds themselves with abusive or sexpesty people, outside of Marl. Mike, Twee, Latiass, Goopy and Omny come to mind off the top of my head. Sometimes, like in the cases of Twee, Mike and Lati, they even get positions of power in these communities. Of course these people will abuse the power Glip gives them in their comminities- Mike definitely did. Even if they're not given power, Glip will keep them around for a long time which allows them to continue hurting Glips vunreble audience.
I agree here as well. I told PK early on months ago that I was shocked they had not banned Goopy. I think PK has a difficult time registering safe sexual boundaries because they are used to having to allow people to push theirs. They claim they ban people quicker now, but, even if I believe that they genuinely believe they are doing what they can, I still feel concern as you do. I recently spoke to them about Mike again. They actually cut contact completely so there's that at least. Mike apparently was weird and clingy about talking to PK again, even very early on, stating that he was open to dating PK but would be too needy because of PK being married to Eevee now... Pk did not even ask.
Speaking of vunreble audience- yeah, vunreble people, whether they be children or people who have difficulties mentally and emotionally are Glips target audience. They're the people who are most attracted to the psuedo-deep bullshit of current day Flora, and the server makes a big deal out of self improvement, which is the sort of "help" these sorts of people are looking for. Guidance on how to fix themselves. Glip even offers fucking comissions about this backwards BDSM "self improvement" stuff. Its a selling point today of current day Flora.
I felt discomfort with the BDSM dom commissions they offered, but I cannot argue that they repeatedly made sure those who bought them were alright with it and understood the weight of it. PK declined a few people for their own emotional health. I don't think PK should be doing these things, but I also can't argue with the fact that people pay for much worse stuff for much higher prices all over the internet, and it's their choice.
Unfortunately, in regards to their audience, I can't say much on that. My own audience has a lot of teens and immature adults, despite really desperately not wanting that to be so. I can sympathize with PK in that regard, in that... there are just many many underage people online, especially in art circles due to younger people being the ones that watch cartoons and read comics.
I don't disagree that it's unsafe for these vulnerable swathes of flora fans, but I also don't know how PK would solve that. I mean, apart from deleting the server, which again, I'm all for, but I do not run it and recognize it's not as easy as just telling PK to do that.
This is in addition to the regular power imbalance that occurs when your run your own fan server. I don't think Glip even realizes the power they hold over these people by virtue of the fact they're fans of Glips work. I remember one time in the server, Glip asked people if they felt like Glip was unapproachable (it was something like this, I don't remember what it was specifically) and everyone in the server and their mother came forward to say "ooooh no Glip, of course that's not true you're so open and kind".
I don't think Glip realized that, of course these people are going to positively reinforce and enable Glips behavior. They're fans of their work. They want Glip to like them.
This is also why surrounding themselves with fans will only serve to hinder Glip from changing themselves for the better. Besides Pengo, everyone around Glip is a fucking enabler.
I understand this as well. It is a small part of the reason why I don't join the flora server. PK needs to be able to at least have outside hobbies apart from flora and not just be surrounded by people who idolize them. (though this is also difficult as they can't really go anywhere or do anything without people kicking up about their KF thread due to how long they spent defending Marl)
I do think they have some concept of the fact that people are more likely to want to agree with them, but I think they don't know how to handle that. I recall they felt stress over not knowing when people are just agreeing with them to agree or because they truly meant it. I recall that was a big point when I spoke to them about my experiences with Marl, because they had spoken to their friends in the past about Marl, and while they did validate them, they felt unable to shake the feeling that some may have just been agreeing because they cared about PK, as opposed to genuinely feeling Marl was terrible.
I think PK's friends genuinely care about them, but I do think it is also possible for them to succumb to groupthink, as demonstrated to me in Hare's scene where Axi and others completely allowed PK to insult Hare while claiming Hare was terrible to respond in kind.
It was a year ago, they may have changed, but as you have stated, actions speak louder than words. They need to go for a long long time without actions that embody that same sort of conflict before I can feel fully comfortable that things have actually changed.
Glips apology comes across as putting a bandaid on a breaking dam. Yeah, I'm glad it's there, it's kinda a step in the right direction. But the issues are still there. Vunreble people will get hurt again in Glips communites- it's not a matter of if but when. Glip, as a person, is not capable of running a safe online community period. (Let alone a safe community that airs everyone's drama under the guise of "self help").
Until Glip takes the steps needed to ensure that history won't repeat itself, by shutting their fucking servers and community they run down. Any apologys they give will ring hollow.
I agree and you have worded your point extremely well. As in, shutting the server down is the most direct, efficient, and effective way that prevents history repeating itself.
There are many things that I think PK should do, and I have talked to them about it and continue to do so, but in the end it's PK's choice. It has to be, or they won't learn anything from me just pushing them into something.
I appreciate the reply, even if as of right now there is not much I can do in that specific regard.