Some people just don't understand why it's so hard for a woman to leave an abusive relationship, because of the thought "I'd never put up with that! I'd fucking leave immediately." And I used to think the same way, until I learned that abuse is an insidious gradual process, and by the time it reaches it's peak, you've been isolated from any support network you might have including financial, they gradually break you down and alternate between being loving to an absolute terror, they gaslight you to think the abuse is your fault and if you'd just learn to try harder and not piss them off things would go back to normal, they sneakily gain control over you and take away any privacy you might have ("Hey, relationships mean about being open, honest, and trusting. If you don't have anything to hide, then there's no problem with me looking through your phone and/or computer right?"), to progressing into total control and domination of their victim. And early in a relationship, it's easy to leave, but once you get invested, even if you know deep down this relationship is toxic and abusive, it becomes extremely hard to leave, especially if you don't have family that can take you in or help you get out financially. And the abuser might indeed act like they don't want you anymore, but as soon as you say, "I'm leaving" they do everything they can to prevent that, including threatening to kill you. The abuser might even alienate your family from you due to their behavior towards them, effectively causing them to cut off contact with you. Having children just makes it even harder, because the abuser will absolutely use them against you to keep you from leaving, since the children are being gaslighted and abused as well, and might side with the abuser if they think it'll make him nicer to them, or he threatens them if they don't comply with him.
It's just an insidious process and situation. I liken it to putting a frog in a pot of water, then slowly turning the heat up until you finally boil him to death. Either you wake up in time to jump out of the pot or....you're left to your fate.
Sorry to sperg, just angers me that people are so dismissive of women who stay in abusive relationships. It's not an easy task, otherwise we'd be hearing of women leaving abusive situations more often.
www.reddit.com
