Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[TurdFondler]

She's way too old for the shit she's wearing, and she's too much of a basic bitch to be fucking around with this alt gorl look. She is every single mom on a dating app, ever.

 

[Cynar]

Ok, I'm catching up on the thread and I'm super but RE: the paparazzi pic...

Her face looks so much like the girl from Hereditary, who was specifically cast for looking weird (poor girl... at least she's a great actress, unlike Tess who's a useless trashbag).
View attachment 1957220

The actress has Cleidocranial dysplasia, same as that kid in Stranger Things. Iirc the director actually emphasized casting her for her acting ability during interviews, probably to dispel the idea that he cast her for having strange looks (but lbr, a slightly "off" face certainly doesn't hurt for a role like this).

 

[Cock wombler]

Ryann shows off how to get her signature greasy, pitted skin

But now for the big news: she is shopping around a shitty show where fat women sob when they find out they're too fat to get tattoos. The co producer's biggest hit to date is a show about fish tanks that ended two years ago. The blurb contains Tess's favorite lie about being the first plus sized model EVER to be signed by an agency which is so ridiculous that obviously no one checked the Deadline article before hitting publish.

View attachment 1659584

I wonder whatever happened to this since we've heard nothing more.

 

[AbraCadaver]

I wonder whatever happened to this since we've heard nothing more.

Oh yeahhhhhh, I forgot about this!

Another project falls by the wayside because of Tess’ rank personality and unprofessionalism.

Either that or literally no one would pick up the concept in advance and the producers decided it wasn’t even worth making a pilot to shop around. Likely they had some convos with Tess and realized she’s boring and awful.

 

[Black ContraPoints]

'Ask me questions, teehee, winky face'

'YOU MUST BE A FUCKING ASSHOLE TO ASK ME THAT! FUCK YOU!!!'

Jeez lady, need a handkerchief to wipe the blood off your mouth?

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

she is on a roll with bullshit lately.

 

[Rotogravure]

So wait. I see fabric between her boobs here. That.. just implies to me that they are so floppy, the bra is tucked under them?

What?

Or is her skin just so.. white there for.. reasons? I can't figure it out its hurting my head.

 

[SomeVulgarFujoshi]

Botox injections certainly explains the dead eyed fish face she effects when she's feeling like a sexy moddle

So wait. I see fabric between her boobs here. That.. just implies to me that they are so floppy, the bra is tucked under them?

What?

Or is her skin just so.. white there for.. reasons? I can't figure it out its hurting my head.

View attachment 1959139

I think the tragic truth here is that the girls never see the light of day because theyre usually crammed together into a front butt under her chin

 

[Cynar]

Her chest looks terrible. She's a mother of two and death comes for us all but she has no business modeling lingerie. Criminy. I guess one of the upsides to being a fatty is at least having great big titties but this.....yeesh. Pardon the stupid pic collage but just as a reminder, here's the pic from the intro.
How it started/How it's going etc

 

[Smiling Honeybadger]

she is on a roll with bullshit lately.

She really continues to deliver. Chimping out in a question if she had liposuction in her face. Because botox and sausage lip fillers are okay, but how dare You imply she got her fat removed from somewhere!!!! Wasn't there short stint, where Tess implied of having a lipo in her gigantic upper arms?!

I also loved another round of being a backstabby bitch against a former business partner. That will teach them to ever dare to work with her in any capacity.

And her remark that podcasts are dominated by cis men shows that she has now idea about podcasts. Alone the True Crime podcasts have a sizeable number of female hosts. But she is realky in a phase where she has a noticeable hate boner for cis men. But she can't blame that on Nick, he is painfully gendrrspecial.

 

[AbraCadaver]

she is on a roll with bullshit lately.

Tess, yesterday: “I’m not ashamed to mention when I get work done, there’s nothing wrong with getting fillers. Here’s a pic of me getting a botox injection! My doctor does great work!”

Tess, today: “WHY WOULD YOU DARE ASK IF I’VE HAD LIPO ON MY FACE HOW DARE YOU IT’S LIKE I’M NOT EVEN A PERSON!!!”

(Ah, the difference is fat reduction, thaaaat’s why she’s mad. She’ll cop to fillers all day, but not anything that reduces weight.

Also Tess, we see you when you say you “haven’t gone under the knife.” Oh I BET you haven’t! But coolsculpting and other fat-busting procedures for your face don’t use knives, do they? Way to be precise with that wording.

I’ve long suspected Tess shells out for chin and neck sculpting these days...her head looks TINY compared to how big her body has gotten...but even sculpting can’t reasonably keep up with how much she eats).

Also yes, her tiddies are sad pancakes and that strip of pink between them is the inside middle of the bra/supportwear, which you wouldn’t see on a normal perky set of tits. Her udders are just flopping down her torso.

 

[Umaibae]

And her remark that podcasts are dominated by cis men shows that she has now idea about podcasts. Alone the True Crime podcasts have a sizeable number of female hosts. But she is realky in a phase where she has a noticeable hate boner for cis men. But she can't blame that on Nick, he is painfully gendrrspecial.

Yup. This is what stood out to me. The podcast world isn’t really dominated by men anymore. Five years ago? Yes. Most new shows promoted by big companies were mostly hosted by dudes. But now? There’s a lot of women.

The lack of diversity is not gender related. It’s race related. And I have to LOL at the fact that Tess thinks she’s bringing something nEw aNd RadiCaL to the podcasting world by...being another white lady with a navel gazing “talking to muh friends about nothing in particular” podcast. (If you know anything about podcasts, you’ll know this is an over-saturated genre.)

Tess needs to start putting an asterisk on her IG posts. “Ask me questions...that only I APPROVE OF!”

That dumb fan was just hoping to dispel a rumor.

 

[SomeVulgarFujoshi]

Her chest looks terrible. She's a mother of two and death comes for us all but she has no business modeling lingerie. Criminy. I guess one of the upsides to being a fatty is at least having great big titties but this.....yeesh. Pardon the stupid pic collage but just as a reminder, here's the pic from the intro.
How it started/How it's going etc View attachment 1959175

being into fats for their huge tits is like thinking you have a fast car because its going over a cliff, all you've actually got is a huge fucking mess

 

[Oscar Winner]

she is on a roll with bullshit lately.

Awarded you "Winner" for what you endured to produce that round up.
I have some questions after going through that lot:
th1. Why is her chest so pale on one side, and so much darker on the other?
th3. Nice pores for such "amazing" skin. Also, posts every detail about her life, does an AMA, but that question was invasive?
th4. Nick was so toxic she still hasn't changed back to her maiden name, or anything but his name. (this has bugged me for ages..)
th6. I feel like IF she had been dating anyone, whether by accident or design, there would be photo proof posted somewhere by someone.
th8. Favourite foods? All of them. Running on to th9. Does she celebrate herself everyday with cakes?

I've also been wondering if she started getting lip fillers to balance out her face as she got bigger. She'd look quite different without them.

I probably sound like an arsehole, but I'm posting this anyway.

 

[one_time_user]

I assume the color variance is due to which side of the car she was in (tan)

 

[Oscar Winner]

I assume the color variance is due to which side of the car she was in (tan)

That did cross my mind, but then I thought it was weird there is such a definitive line rather than a gradual fade. Unless one bewb casts a shadow to cover the other one..

 

[Clotso Coof]

You guys could be right about him being a client, though I have no reason to think she'd start showing them off now when she's kept them hidden this long.

The John might've requested the post on her insta as a BFF. I'd expect her Johns are extra weird.

So wait. I see fabric between her boobs here. That.. just implies to me that they are so floppy, the bra is tucked under them?

What?

Or is her skin just so.. white there for.. reasons? I can't figure it out its hurting my head.

Maybe the make up team put bronzer on her boobs, but not between or under them?

th4. Nick was so toxic she still hasn't changed back to her maiden name, or anything but his name. (this has bugged me for ages..)

Keeping Nicks name is a constant reminder to everyone that a man married her. She believes that's a big marker of achievement for a mega fat, former single mom. The obese single moms in her trashy hometown aren't going to find husbands, but sexy, successful Tess did!

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

LMAO, are we just going to ignore the old guy who is her latest BFF?


I agree. Some naive person in marketing sees Tess Hoolliday’s large Instagram subscriber count and thinks they can strike gold without ever asking themselves why nobody works with her outside of Flabletics, who will work with just about anyone. Then Tubby Tess shits all over it by being awful, lying about her measurements, and the collaboration ends in failure. Then Tess lies about how they’re all abusers and gaslighters until some other naive marketing dupe sees Tess’ social media subscriber counts and thinks they have an opportunity. The cycle repeats.

That's her stylists father. Tess is really good at insinuating herself into her friends families, at least until she fucks up and has to play the abused victim.

 

[CivilianOfTheFandomWars]

Tess is anorexic because every time she looks in the mirror, she sees a fat person.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

The John might've requested the post on her insta as a BFF. I'd expect her Johns are extra weird.


Maybe the make up team put bronzer on her boobs, but not between or under them?


Keeping Nicks name is a constant reminder to everyone that a man married her. She believes that's a big marker of achievement for a mega fat, former single mom. The obese single moms in her trashy hometown aren't going to find husbands, but sexy, successful Tess did!

I thought Nick had a different surname too and they just took Holliday, because they thought they are edgy cool a-listers?