Containment Random Chris Updates

PyrrhicRustle said:
The Cole part is a tiny bit funny.
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I liked the bit with the picklesuit.

AnOminous said:
It's not a real tazer, it's the gayest, lowest power mall "stun gun" you could get and it would only piss someone off if you tried to use it on them.
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that just means that someone needs to convince that true crystals that he needs to zap are his balls.
 
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Pickle Inspector said:
It seems pretty much inevitable at this point, all the zoomers are just getting into Chris thanks to the Geno documentary series and Chris looks like he'll go from one group of teen girls to another given the chance and happily ignore the obvious warning signs because he'd rather live in denial about them not being trolls.

I don't think Chris is blameless in this either though since all he has to do is not hang around with people less than half his age which is going to become increasingly creepy if he continues with this trend.

I'd love to hear the excuses they tell their parents if they find out they're hanging out with a near 40 year old man watching movies.
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It's not limited to zoomers either, MKR is going to be 30 next year.
 
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Pickle Inspector said:
the excuses they tell their parents if they find out they're hanging out with a near 40 year old man watching movies.
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They'll be rightfully concerned about his age. When those parents deep dive into his history and see such fun facts as shecameforcwc and For Julays Eyes only, it'll be a matter of time before they get law enforcement involved.
 
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I have to like that Chris is going to be quiet on Twitwat forever.
Seeing all the "Chris enthusiasts" fighting against themselves is the best kind of content.
I still hope that Chris taszes himself in the dick though.
 
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Alpha Kennybody said:
off the top of my head, he's been wearing a BDSM cup that's crushed his penis and balls against his body. Combine that with hormone drugs and gel, poor diet, and general laziness. Before that, his duck was notoriously bent, looking like a big toe that had caught on a door frame. Seriously, in all my research as a prawnhub PHD professor I have never seen a willy with a knuckle. Then throw in a knife wound and piercing to the gooch, wearing panties which are not ergonomically designed for dudes, and we're left with a eunuch.

Sometimes I wonder if Christian's low effort pursuit of the love quest was down to experiencing sex as a male, and then finding it extremely exhausting. For ladies, the option of impersonating a starfish and lying there is open, but to men, you're expected to at least put a shift in, if you're expecting a repeat performance. Allegedly one, or two collisions with a prostitute, and he gave up. Assuming these events happened, he put his libido aside, and treated it as an accomplished task. Maybe he found the sex painful, uncomfortable, or barren when with a woman only using her sex in a mercenary fashion. Or maybe he did the math and thought prostitute money garnered less pleasure than transformers and pokemon money. Rather than find something new, exciting, and stimulating, he abandoned the quest, aside from trying to become a prostitute himself, and get women to pay him for his 'tribbing'

I've heard it theorized that Chris might find it painful, because during the smash mouth video he's grunting or crying. By that point he'd done irreparable harm to his gnarled growth. Maybe this is why he tries to focus on scissoring. Or maybe, just maybe, a part of him realized the only thing that plans on fucking him... is life.
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This is probably one of the most interesting posts that have been posted in this board in a while. I always said Chris just wasn't interested in sex, but you're totally right, he probably did learn from porn that the man has the "stressful" job of initiating and the woman just gets to lay there and space out. His lack of interest in sex only compounded that.
 
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Alpha Kennybody said:
off the top of my head, he's been wearing a BDSM cup that's crushed his penis and balls against his body. Combine that with hormone drugs and gel, poor diet, and general laziness. Before that, his duck was notoriously bent, looking like a big toe that had caught on a door frame. Seriously, in all my research as a prawnhub PHD professor I have never seen a willy with a knuckle. Then throw in a knife wound and piercing to the gooch, wearing panties which are not ergonomically designed for dudes, and we're left with a eunuch.

Sometimes I wonder if Christian's low effort pursuit of the love quest was down to experiencing sex as a male, and then finding it extremely exhausting. For ladies, the option of impersonating a starfish and lying there is open, but to men, you're expected to at least put a shift in, if you're expecting a repeat performance. Allegedly one, or two collisions with a prostitute, and he gave up. Assuming these events happened, he put his libido aside, and treated it as an accomplished task. Maybe he found the sex painful, uncomfortable, or barren when with a woman only using her sex in a mercenary fashion. Or maybe he did the math and thought prostitute money garnered less pleasure than transformers and pokemon money. Rather than find something new, exciting, and stimulating, he abandoned the quest, aside from trying to become a prostitute himself, and get women to pay him for his 'tribbing'

I've heard it theorized that Chris might find it painful, because during the smash mouth video he's grunting or crying. By that point he'd done irreparable harm to his gnarled growth. Maybe this is why he tries to focus on scissoring. Or maybe, just maybe, a part of him realized the only thing that plans on fucking him... is life.
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So Chris' desire to shit his pants and do nothing overrode his desire to get some tail.

Makes sense.
 
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Witthel said:
So Chris' desire to shit his pants and do nothing overrode his desire to get some tail.

Makes sense.
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Though it's nothing more than speculation, I think Chris tried it, and it wasn't all that. Sex for a guy can be painful or awkward if performed incorrectly, just like if you're a woman. Christian's got a bent duck, Dr Eggman's gut, and the stamina of an Auschwitz laborer. We know Chris lies and likes to exaggerate and paint himself as godlike, but it wouldn't surprise me if he paid, didn't like it, then lied about the rematch.

Normally when a guy gets his first wiff, he either becomes an addict, or learns he's gay. Then again, the word normally should never be applied to Christian. Makes me wonder if in the drawing where he rapes Sonichu, and says it hurts him more than his son, he doesn't mean emotional pain, but that whipping out his veiny allen key and sticking it up the colon canal is making his dong ache.
 
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The Fool said:
People get Chris' survivalist impulses and self-preservation skills mixed up. Chris can't plan ahead for shit, but if he's hungry, he's not going to pretend he isn't hungry. When he gets chased by security, he doesn't just shut down and pretend it's not happening, he fucking books it. Barb is most likely going to die in a hospital, but if she does die in the house, of course Chris is going to kick into survival mode and, you know, call 911. It's not that hard, he doesn't have to drag her corpse to the hospital, literally just call for help. Chris loves asking for help, it's what he's done his whole life. Chris loves ignoring reality, but he knows Barb helps him ignore reality more, and so he's not going to ignore the situation if she becomes unresponsive (for more than a few hours, maybe. I don't deny that for a few hours he might just go "huh she sure is sleepy!")
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But when he was being "invited to leave" the Too Many Games convention he sure did curl up into a ball. When he cut his taint it got up to a week until he was convinced to go to a doctor. God, he even admittedly shat his bed and pants numerous times.

Overall we never really know what the fuck he would do next. And that's the magic and mystique of OPL.
 
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Argh My Cigar said:
I’m still kinda shocked how we’re living in an era of Christory where two actual, real women (that aren’t just fake identities or trolls pretending to be them) are fighting over who gets to be his friend.

Yeah I know, it’s not for the reasons he’d want them to be but still... damn.
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The least they could do is suck Christine's Sissy Clit to show devotion. Maybe if Chris wasn't such a retard he'd hold his frienship as a sexual ransom and finally get some china
 
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cuevasen said:
But when he was being "invited to leave" the Too Many Games convention he sure did curl up into a ball.
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I'm pretty confident that was a tantrum and he was fishing for pity. "Oh, look at the poor defenseless chris-chan, lets let him stay :( "

cuevasen said:
When he cut his taint it got up to a week until he was convinced to go to a doctor.
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That was an outright delusion, not merely ignoring the situation. It's pretty unrelated. He was just so desperate to become a woman and live out his fantasies, which is dangerous when combined with how utterly stupid he is.

cuevasen said:
God, he even admittedly shat his bed and pants numerous times.
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I think that's just him being lazy and stupid. Pretty sure he has admitted that he thought it was normal and everyone did it.
 
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