Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Gay Mouth]

I know, I mean in the future. How many “my ***-er” she has left before asking her exes to come?

The bitchfest about Nick has got so big and bold, coupled with her saltiness over her brief foray into dating and subsequent rejection, that I think she kinda wants to see him again. I really don’t think all this “evil ex who was aboosive” stuff is meant to keep him away, or express her relief that he’s gone, I think that’s the way they treated each other while together- “fuck you, you asshole” is their come-hither. Half her confidence and all of her career were supplied by having an attractive husband who was into her just the way she was. She’s screaming into the void because she wants him back, to help with Bowie, to manage her dying career, and to worship her fat ass and feed it cake. She’s ruining the chance for herself by talking this much shit, but if he wasn’t plundering ass down unda, she’d happily keep up the song and dance of drinking and screaming at each other. I think his true crime, in her book, was actually leaving when she thought it was their regularly scheduled Thursday night break up.

 

[Speakeasy Electric]

, I think that’s the way they treated each other while together- “fuck you, you asshole” is their come-hither. Half her confidence and all of her career were supplied by having an attractive husband who was into her just the way she was. She’s screaming into the void because she wants him back, to help with Bowie, to manage her dying career, and to worship her fat ass and feed it cake. She’s ruining the chance for herself by talking this much shit, but if he wasn’t plundering ass down unda, she’d happily keep up the song and dance of drinking and screaming at each other. I think his true crime, in her book, was actually leaving when she thought it was their regularly scheduled Thursday night break up.

I wonder if Nick knew about and or encouraged Tess down the “fetish modeling” road. He seems like the type. I wonder if that ever bothered him?

 

[Cynar]

I wonder if Nick knew about and or encouraged Tess down the “fetish modeling” road. He seems like the type. I wonder if that ever bothered him?

He was often her "photographer." Tess jokingly complained about him taking over-the-top pics of her (bigger hair! trashier looks! etc). And he would occasionally post fatter angles/less photoshopped stuff from the same photoshoots as the extremely shopped pics she shared. Finally, don't forget that he bragged about taking a photo of (I'm so sorry) a "cream pie" he'd left behind.
None of this is proof of anything ofc but I believe he probably encouraged it if not actively helped create content.

 

[Angry New Ager]

He was often her "photographer." Tess jokingly complained about him taking over-the-top pics of her (bigger hair! trashier looks! etc). And he would occasionally post fatter angles/less photoshopped stuff from the same photoshoots as the extremely shopped pics she shared. Finally, don't forget that he bragged about taking a photo of (I'm so sorry) a "cream pie" he'd left behind.
None of this is proof of anything ofc but I believe he probably encouraged it if not actively helped create content.

He's the one who took the nude pics of her out in the tall grass, looking like a massive, slow-witted specimen of grazing livestock--simultaneously lolcow and literal fucking cow.

 

[Cynar]

The bitchfest about Nick has got so big and bold, coupled with her saltiness over her brief foray into dating and subsequent rejection, that I think she kinda wants to see him again. I really don’t think all this “evil ex who was aboosive” stuff is meant to keep him away, or express her relief that he’s gone, I think that’s the way they treated each other while together- “fuck you, you asshole” is their come-hither. Half her confidence and all of her career were supplied by having an attractive husband who was into her just the way she was. She’s screaming into the void because she wants him back, to help with Bowie, to manage her dying career, and to worship her fat ass and feed it cake. She’s ruining the chance for herself by talking this much shit, but if he wasn’t plundering ass down unda, she’d happily keep up the song and dance of drinking and screaming at each other. I think his true crime, in her book, was actually leaving when she thought it was their regularly scheduled Thursday night break up.

This would go a LONG way toward explaining how tf Nick has the discipline to avoid, afaik, posting any drama whatsoever. I was initially shocked that Nick wasn't saying equally shady passive-aggressive stuff, or countering with equally bitchy accounts of his side of things, etc. It's got to be that he really and truly is completely done with her and knows it's driving her narc ass crazy. Nick is a fruity piece of work who abandoned his child but I have to hand it to him for whatever strategy he's working right now.

And speaking of child abandonment- why hasn't Tess cashed in on that when describing his wrongdoings? Oh, wait, she can't, because she's repeatedly abandoned and neglected her kids too.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

He was often her "photographer." Tess jokingly complained about him taking over-the-top pics of her (bigger hair! trashier looks! etc). And he would occasionally post fatter angles/less photoshopped stuff from the same photoshoots as the extremely shopped pics she shared. Finally, don't forget that he bragged about taking a photo of (I'm so sorry) a "cream pie" he'd left behind.
None of this is proof of anything ofc but I believe he probably encouraged it if not actively helped create content.

This one was especially hilarious.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

I wonder if Nick knew about and or encouraged Tess down the “fetish modeling” road. He seems like the type. I wonder if that ever bothered him?

I suspect Tess has been doing fat fetish work for a long time now. The time she spent with her fat fetishist(s) was time he could have sex with other men. It was a sham marriage to begin with and a general rule of thumb is the less anyone has to see or deal with Tess, the better.

The bitchfest about Nick has got so big and bold, coupled with her saltiness over her brief foray into dating and subsequent rejection, that I think she kinda wants to see him again. I really don’t think all this “evil ex who was aboosive” stuff is meant to keep him away, or express her relief that he’s gone, I think that’s the way they treated each other while together- “fuck you, you asshole” is their come-hither. Half her confidence and all of her career were supplied by having an attractive husband who was into her just the way she was. She’s screaming into the void because she wants him back, to help with Bowie, to manage her dying career, and to worship her fat ass and feed it cake. She’s ruining the chance for herself by talking this much shit, but if he wasn’t plundering ass down unda, she’d happily keep up the song and dance of drinking and screaming at each other. I think his true crime, in her book, was actually leaving when she thought it was their regularly scheduled Thursday night break up.

Tess is just sexually frustrated in general. She is no longer capable of having penetrative sex and she is 100% straight despite her posturing on social media. She would love nothing more than her gay husband to still be with her because then she wouldn’t have to lie about dating 6’5” cis hunks and she could say she’s a sassy queer womxn without ever having to be challenged to peck some other woman or non-binary on the cheek and pretend to like it. There are many reasons why no formal divorce filings have been made and the chance that he could come back is one of them. Tess is just desperate and thirsty for dick in general. You see it oozing out of her social media content like the crisco coming from her pores when she’s “dewy.”

 

[Poop Shoot]

I don't think it's dick as much as she wants to tie down a husband to keep her in cakes. She knows her career is circling the drain and she has precious few years left.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

I don't think it's dick as much as she wants to tie down a husband to keep her in cakes. She knows her career is circling the drain and she has precious few years left.

Oh honey that “career” went down in flames ages ago. What we’re looking at right now are the charred remains.

 

[OttoWest]

View attachment 2002695
Champagne_papi_ is Canadian rapper Drake, just for some context.

This isn’t Drake. Drake’s handle is champagnepapi, no underscores. This quote is old and from some mommy facebook copypasta.

 

[suicide hotline]

I don't think it's dick as much as she wants to tie down a husband to keep her in cakes. She knows her career is circling the drain and she has precious few years left.

I wonder how long she can keep up the feedee johns, though? As has been mentioned numerous times, she does have an unusually pretty face on a head that's (mostly) stayed miraculously small for such an obscenely fat woman, and she does style herself excessively. She's in that ultra-specific type of porn niche where not too many people are into it, but the ones who are into it will travel across state lines for it. I recall stumbling across r/immobile (do not recommend) some time ago and being shocked at the state of some of the women these men were jerking off to; their age. grooming and facial features were entirely secondary to the fact that they were both female and too fat to move.

Fats also age differently due to their bodies slowly morphing into shapeless, corpulent masses of flesh. Her modeling career might be dead in the water, but if Tess makes it to 50 () and keeps layering on the botox and filler, she'll likely still be a ghastly, frozen-faced blowup doll dressed like a teenager and collecting cake money from feeders.

 

[SnarkySperg]

Also bullshit she felt bad, she probably felt on top of the world thinking she could get someone to betray their marriage vows.

Tess did not feel guilt--she's never been into monogamy and cheated on her own husband repeatedly. She probably is just afraid of getting caught.

I wonder if Nick knew about and or encouraged Tess down the “fetish modeling” road. He seems like the type. I wonder if that ever bothered him?

He definitely knew and encouraged it. There are screenshots that are floating around this thread that showed him liking sexy pics of other fat women. I remember him encouraging her to post a video she took for him of her in lingerie on her Insta, so even when he wasn't her photographer he was into it.

I don't think it's dick as much as she wants to tie down a husband to keep her in cakes. She knows her career is circling the drain and she has precious few years left.

She's a golddigger, 100%. She's going to have to tie down a rich man to keep this lifestyle going. She's probably still salty that Nick wasn't the 'millionaire businessman' he claimed to be (or she claimed he was).

 

[Angry New Ager]

Tess is just sexually frustrated in general. She is no longer capable of having penetrative sex and she is 100% straight despite her posturing on social media. She would love nothing more than her gay husband to still be with her because then she wouldn’t have to lie about dating 6’5” cis hunks and she could say she’s a sassy queer womxn without ever having to be challenged to peck some other woman or non-binary on the cheek and pretend to like it. There are many reasons why no formal divorce filings have been made and the chance that he could come back is one of them. Tess is just desperate and thirsty for dick in general. You see it oozing out of her social media content like the crisco coming from her pores when she’s “dewy.”

I don't think sexual frustration is her problem, so much as lack of narcissistic supply.

Sure--I have no doubt she gets the itch, and wishes she had someone willing to scratch it. But look at the way she talked about that guy she claimed to be dating--all we really know about him is that he was 6'5". That's it. No hints that he was good in bed, or was good-looking, or had a high-status career, or had any other desirable traits Tess would want to show off. But he was 6'5"! How much more superficial an indicator of desirability can you get? Yet that was his defining desirable trait.

And by presenting that trait, and thus the man, as desirable, she also got to portray herself as desirable--because this 6'5" dude picked her, at least for a little while (assuming he existed at all).

Everything she says and does is about making herself appear more desirable. Typical Narc, she wants to be envied, or at least admired, and she constantly uses other people to show off what an amazing life she leads and how accomplished and interesting her friends are, and how many people are willing to just give her cool stuff for free because she's Tess Holliday, damn it.

Oh, and let's not forget: Nicky-boy is rather short, so of course she'd make a point of bragging on social media about being with a really tall guy. That sketchy manlet bailed on her back to Australia, leaving her stuck with the kid? Well, fine then--she can do better than that, anyway! She can get a tall guy!

But of course Nick was able to play her, and play her hard by telling her everything she wanted to hear. Tess doesn't just want the narcissistic supply that comes with bragging about the man in her life, she also wants it from the man himself. Feed her cake, tell her she's beautiful and fascinating and not like those dumb, skinny girls, and that's practically enough to get her off right there.

 

[Constellationzero]

This one was especially hilarious.

The chin is hilarious, but that is some gold medal-tier photoshopping of the gunt's institutional-sized serving platter areolas.

 

[Homer Simpson]

In CA, the qualifications for this round of vaccines are people who have cancer, kidney disease or are immunocompromised by disease-or have a BMI of over 40.

Obesity should never be given preferential treatment, unless, it is televized and we canball have a laugh at it.

Imagine how great that would be. Tess Holliday shows up to get the COVID vaccine, and there is a TV crew and she has to step on a scale on live TV. I could only imagine the planet shaking tantrum she would throw.

At 5'4" and 350 lbs, her BMI would be 60.1.
I suspect she's shorter and fatter. She used to list her modeling height at 5'5", but she was notorious for lying about her measurements.

Oh, a fat person lying about weight and height. Colour me shocked.

Man, does she ever respect Rylee's simple request to not be shown on her socials. She respects the living heck out of it - right up until mommy's narc supply is low because she ain't got a man rn, possibly because she can't fit in a restaurant booth and is a bitch to boot.

That FGAS that all fatties use while sitting down. Just put them massive udders against the table instead of your stomach.

This one was especially hilarious.

Oh fuck. The amount of work these women put into filters, but bot themselves, is great to see.

 

[AbraCadaver]

By popular demand, the hooves are back! And is it just me, or is her big toe black?! Really flattering wardrobe, as well. Watching this drugged out, massive buddha woman laughing next to a copy of a magazine that says "Size 22 Supermodel!" is killing me.

View attachment 2007945

Lol, last podcast I called her out on not having “Mall Madness” displayed as the proper nostalgia-accurate boardgame. This week, she has Mall Madness out.

You can tell how deluded this guy is when his answer to “how are you making the world a better place” is that he’s helping sad dudes get laid with a batman tattoo. I half thought he would have said something like you wrote, but no, Batman tattoos!

The only thing I’ll give this guy is he does do good tattoos, but it gets ruined when Tess is his biggest client and all his art is becoming mangled with her ever growing girth. It’s amazing that they look half as decent as they do now with 40 pounds gained strictly to her arms.

To be fair, this guy likely doesn’t believe he’s “changing the world” nor does he care to...but Tess PROMISED us that her oh so super important celebrity podcast was going to feature top-shelf guests who are changing the world. So to fit her absurd theme, he had to try and say something.

Tess insists that guests on her podcast are “required to be actively changing the world.” So far, her guests have been a woman she knows, her personal vagina waxer and the guy who did her tattoos.

Seems like the only actual requirement to be on the podcast is a willingness to show up.

By the by, I predicted the podcast would be dead after episode four, and I’m sticking by that, because when she first announced her amazing lineup of guests, they included her friend, her waxer and her tattoo artist. We have now seen her friend, her waxer and her tattoo artist. She’s out of guests. If she had anyone better than her vagina waxer lined up, they would have gotten top billing instead.

Who will be the embarassingly desperate guest for lucky episode 4, before the entire podcast collapses in on itself? Her kids? Her pilates instructor? Her postman? I’m sure she assumed that once she got the ball rolling on the first episode, guests would flood in. I’m REALLY looking forward to the next episode to see who drew the short straw in this trainwreck.

The bitchfest about Nick has got so big and bold, coupled with her saltiness over her brief foray into dating and subsequent rejection, that I think she kinda wants to see him again. I really don’t think all this “evil ex who was aboosive” stuff is meant to keep him away, or express her relief that he’s gone, I think that’s the way they treated each other while together- “fuck you, you asshole” is their come-hither. Half her confidence and all of her career were supplied by having an attractive husband who was into her just the way she was. She’s screaming into the void because she wants him back, to help with Bowie, to manage her dying career, and to worship her fat ass and feed it cake. She’s ruining the chance for herself by talking this much shit, but if he wasn’t plundering ass down unda, she’d happily keep up the song and dance of drinking and screaming at each other. I think his true crime, in her book, was actually leaving when she thought it was their regularly scheduled Thursday night break up.

Tess is Narc FURIOUS at her ex because not only did he leave her, he refuses to talk about her. She cannot let it go...the only thing more unforgivable to a Narcissist than rejection is being fucking ignored. They’ll scream, yell, break things, make accusations...anything to force you to pay attention to them, even if it’s just to yell back. Because if you ignore them, it’s like they don’t exist, the ultimate horror.

Tess is likely going blind in one eye with fury over Nick not saying anything about her accusations. He’s getting the best revenge ever because the more he ignores her, the more she will twist herself into a helpless rage at being ignored and will make up worse and worse false accusations about him, desperate to to goad him into acknowledging her existence.

Eventually, she will go too far.

 

[multiverse]

Her pilates instructor?

It is 100% going to be Sora, the pilates instructor she's known for 2 months.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Lol, last podcast I called her out on not having “Mall Madness” displayed as the proper nostalgia-accurate boardgame. This week, she has Mall Madness out.

To be fair, this guy likely doesn’t believe he’s “changing the world” nor does he care to...but Tess PROMISED us that her oh so super important celebrity podcast was going to feature top-shelf guests who are changing the world. So to fit her absurd theme, he had to try and say something.

Tess insists that guests on her podcast are “required to be actively changing the world.” So far, her guests have been a woman she knows, her personal vagina waxer and the guy who did her tattoos.

Seems like the only actual requirement to be on the podcast is a willingness to show up.

By the by, I predicted the podcast would be dead after episode four, and I’m sticking by that, because when she first announced her amazing lineup of guests, they included her friend, her waxer and her tattoo artist. We have now seen her friend, her waxer and her tattoo artist. She’s out of guests. If she had anyone better than her vagina waxer lined up, they would have gotten top billing instead.

Don't forget Olly! I think expected guests are the people she's followed on the Slumber party with Tess instagram. It looks like Olly, a couple of stylists and maybe her PR agency.

 

[Rotogravure]

Don't forget Olly! I think expected guests are the people she's followed on the Slumber party with Tess instagram. It looks like Olly, a couple of stylists and maybe her PR agency.

I think that bridge has done burned, if what someone (Multiverse?) posted from Olly's instagram a few pages back.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

There is a chance Olly was talking about some other LA based straight white gorl larping a queer. I mean.. it's LA, Ryann ain't the only cluster b-fuckup in town.