Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[IceQueen]

Lucas's stupidity in insisting that the age he subjectively thinks a girl "looks" is any sort of defense against the illegality of grooming / cp charges is simply mind-boggling.

He keeps insisting, going so far as to suggest that a NUDE PHOTO from a child whose father obviously knows her correct age "looks older".

"Your Honor, dem titties didn't look no 16, sir. Dem titties was juicy and progesteronin', aint no way no how big titties like that be on a little girl like he say she is! You see, I's somewhat of an authoritah on underage titties; I know 'em and dey know me, ayup. I thusly refuse to believe it, your Honor! Dem titties looked older!"

(Somewhere along there Lucas turned into Jim from Huckleberry Finn. I don't quite know how that happened...)

Right lmao he’s also said before that if girls are showing skin, dressed in skimpy clothing, etc. they’re OBVIOUSLY 18+ because “they wouldn’t dress that way if they weren’t”. This is especially interesting to me because it shows that not only is Lucas terrible at being a middle aged adult, he also never knew how to be a teenager or have any idea, then or now, how teenagers act and behave.

Separately, as much as I don’t like things being handed to him, I honestly kinda hope Lucas gets another apartment soon. I know it’s doubtful since he’s gone sooo far downhill since the last time he had a place, but I found him more entertaining when he had a room of his own. He put out content much more regularly, and we didn’t have to deal with stupid shit like him writing things down and filming it because he was somewhere he couldn’t speak aloud, with other homeless people being in his videos who we really couldn’t care less about like Isik and crew, and most of his content was his usual ridiculous but entertaining schtick, whereas now he ends up taking breaks from his normal bullshit to talk about utterly boring things like where he’s staying currently. Like I said I know it’s unlikely but a girl can dream.

 

[hey F R I E N D ;)]

LOL WHO MADE THIS https://www.weremember.com/lucas-werner/9v1f/memories

 

[mothman96]

And the guy who was flashing mad stacks like a rapper at a titty bar a week ago has no means to buy new pants till his May tugboat drops. Apparently, he has a grand total of two shirts, the bright yellow Couer D'Alene and the UNC shirt.

Even with cash in his pocket, getting himself adequate clothing has never been up on his list.

 

[AnOminous]

And the guy who was flashing mad stacks like a rapper at a titty bar a week ago has no means to buy new pants till his May tugboat drops.

Biden bucks that everyone got at the same time are hardly mad stacks. They're barely even slightly peeved stacks.

 

[Particle Bored]

Have you ever read something and start questioning your sanity?

Lucas had his pants stolen, his only pants.

I had to read this 3 times questioning myself thinking maybe it's the mild hang over but no this is real. Lucas Colby Werner, super dad teleomoers expert PhD insult comic and amazing author ... had his only pants stolen/lost or destroyed.

This is a man who wants to "buy the stock market" and proves bigotry everywhere. Now that this is sinking in it's real he's pantsless, I can't stop laughing IRL.

This is a plot line so absurd, Rick and Morty, Curb, 2.5 men name your sitcom with dark and or edgy humor would throw out for being insane and not relatable.

I want to go out and ramble like I normally do, about how Lucas is clearly given up on as his payee, could have done so much with his 3 stimmy checks. I'll probably ramble later about it.

Again I'm still dying laughing, legit howling like a hyena, Lucas Colby Werner, the super dad alpha chad silver back has NO PANTS.

Someone tweet this thread at Charlie Day.

https://iasip.link/?IlRoZSBHYW5nIFllZXRzIEx1Y2FzIEEgQmFlIgo=

 

[ToroidalBoat]

noob question ahead:

Is Werner autistic, or just schizophrenic?

 

[teleméres69]

It's been a while since I've read this thread, and I have like 200 pages to catch up on. But shit, he really just keeps failing at life. How many shelters is he actually banned for good from? And how does he even manage to get banned this often? I know he has meltdowns in public, but those are usually when he's walking the streets alone and away from the shelters. I figured Lucas was too cowardly usually to act out at the shelters.
How do you manage to get banned constantly from the only places willing to put a roof over your head?

Most likely both. He's admitted multiple times in the past, along with family such as his mother, that he is schizophrenic. Despite his attempts to deny it now and call others schizophrenic. He's been suggested testing for it by one of his doctors or something, can't quite remember who, but he refused as he knew it would only reflect worse on his eugenics program

noob question ahead:

Is Werner autistic, or just schizophrenic?

 

[Trainwreck]

@Trainwreck --when you saw the Freak last Monday did you notice if he was wearing jeans or the hospital pants.

He was in regular pants.

 

[CallMeDoctorWerm]

LOL WHO MADE THIS https://www.weremember.com/lucas-werner/9v1f/memories

Even tho he's not actually dead....can you imagine dying and the only person that says anything is your exboss from like 20 yrs ago?

 

[DefunctGames]

you know, the exact thing he accused cyril of trying to do to him and calling him all kinds of insults for. Shows how much he was projecting his own mindset onto cyril back in the day

I'm the Cyril in question, and this whole thread is absolutely surreal to me. In some ways, it's comforting to see people starting to understand what I've known about Lucas for decades, but it's also weird to be seen as a side character in all this drama.

 

[AbraCadaver]

I now have the most hilarious notion about Lucas. It was said by someone a page back that Lucas sat down on the street and started screaming and looking like he was going to shit himself, after cowering during that one fight with a man, forget his name just now.

The hospital pants were garnered possibly from the shelter, right before he was thrown out for threatening the staff.

It would be terribly funny if shitting his pants is how Lucas asserts dominance. Hear me out: Mother Werner would tell little tardbrain Lucas to do something he didn’t want to do. He’d throw a fit, scream and yell if he wasn’t getting his way, and as a last resort, shit himself because he knew it made mummy angry.

Decades later, he has not lost that reaction to stressful situations where he’s being both angered and intimidated. A man challenges him to a fight and after he loses, Lucas sits down and tries to shit himself in defiance. A run-in with security after threatening shelter staff means Lucas is out on the streets again, but with a permaban now. He screeches and whines and eventually shits himself in petty spite, necessitating a change of clothes.

I know it’s not real, but much Mulder, I want to believe.

 

[DefunctGames]

Here's the raw audio if anyone wants it.

Spoiler: The interview

View attachment 1353147

I know this is months old, but I want to thank you for posting this audio. I'm the person Lucas talks about towards the end (around the 1:22 mark, and then again a few minutes later), and even though this whole interview was incredibly depressing to listen to, I was surprised by what he ended up saying about me. People have reached out to show me his "Dream Girls and Devil Horns" autobiography/rant thing from back in 2010, and the way he describes his former friends, family, etc. is really frustrating and dishonest. Even though he still lies about me and is clearly upset, he actually had compliments and talked about my writing. A decade after that rambling mess of a hit piece he wrote, I'm happy to see that he has gotten over a lot of that anger towards me. I didn't expect to say this, but in a weird way, this has brought a certain amount of closure to that time in my life.

Just for a small bit of context: I cut Lucas out of my life completely after he went off his medication and showed signs of being violent. After I told him I would never talk to him (15 or 16 years ago, at this point), he would call me 200 times a day, email me hundreds of times, leave notes on my door and car, and generally stalk and harass me. I eventually got a restraining order against him, which I dropped when he ended up getting hospitalized in Spokane, where he lives to this day. I have not talked to him nor would I going forward. He's toxic in every sense of the word. When he tries to follow me on social media, I block him. When he texts me using one of those random phone number generators, I block him. Seeing all this about him is pretty crazy, but not at all surprising.

Anyway, thanks for posting this and letting me get a little closure on the Lucas chapter. He still has a long way to go before he's being fully truthful, but I'll take some improvement over none at all.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

After reading about this new lost pants episode I think its safe to say that expression “when you hit rock bottom you have no where to go but up” is false. As it turns out the depths of depravity and desperation are near limitless if your sense of self worth, dignity and shame are totally non-existent. I can’t even imagine what rock bottom is for Lucas at this point, flinging poo at people? As someone said earlier he himself has no sense of such an abstraction as rock bottom because he is plenty good and probably so desensitized to these sordid living conditions by now that it doesn’t make much of a difference if he can’t locate clothes or keeps getting banned from shelters. Rough living hasn’t made him tougher either or any more street smart he is still as soft as a jelly donut. It astounds me how much he gets looked after and taken care of that he can always count on these things just sorting themselves out. C’est la vie for the Wern.

 

[AngelOfDeath]

noob question ahead:

Is Werner autistic, or just schizophrenic?

Yes.

 

[Josef Mengele]

The whole pants shitting thing reminded me of the Spongebob song "Ripped Pants" So I tweaked the lyrics to make it Lucas friendly.

When big Z came 'round just to put him down
The Wern turned into a clown
And no Gen Z hottie ever wants to romance
With a bum who went and Shit His Pants

I know I shouldn't mope around and shouldn't curse
But the little nuggets in my ass make it so much worse
'Cause winding up with no one is a lot less fun
Than being socially shunned, or being a bum.

Now I learned a lesson I will certainly forget,
I didn't listen and I will regret
Be true to yourself, don't miss your chance
And you won't end up like the fool
Who Shit His Pants

 

[Windex]

I'm the Cyril in question, and this whole thread is absolutely surreal to me. In some ways, it's comforting to see people starting to understand what I've known about Lucas for decades, but it's also weird to be seen as a side character in all this drama.

I can only imagine how strange it must seem - have you read the essay he wrote where he veered off into discussing how he was absolutely starving (while literally 350+ lb) and he somehow ascribed blame to you because you had more food than him? Answered above
Totally illogical and his dramatic “starving! Only had noodles for days!l” was typical Lucas fashion, blame anyone and everyone for what he’s caused.

Do you have anything funny/horrifying you’d like to share? I’m curious as to if he actually came even close to pulling his weight a roommate. I know he couldn’t have been good but his rambling about working nonstop didn’t ring true.

Welcome to the farms!

 

[Fecunt]

I know this is months old, but I want to thank you for posting this audio. I'm the person Lucas talks about towards the end (around the 1:22 mark, and then again a few minutes later), and even though this whole interview was incredibly depressing to listen to, I was surprised by what he ended up saying about me. People have reached out to show me his "Dream Girls and Devil Horns" autobiography/rant thing from back in 2010, and the way he describes his former friends, family, etc. is really frustrating and dishonest. Even though he still lies about me and is clearly upset, he actually had compliments and talked about my writing. A decade after that rambling mess of a hit piece he wrote, I'm happy to see that he has gotten over a lot of that anger towards me. I didn't expect to say this, but in a weird way, this has brought a certain amount of closure to that time in my life.

Just for a small bit of context: I cut Lucas out of my life completely after he went off his medication and showed signs of being violent. After I told him I would never talk to him (15 or 16 years ago, at this point), he would call me 200 times a day, email me hundreds of times, leave notes on my door and car, and generally stalk and harass me. I eventually got a restraining order against him, which I dropped when he ended up getting hospitalized in Spokane, where he lives to this day. I have not talked to him nor would I going forward. He's toxic in every sense of the word. When he tries to follow me on social media, I block him. When he texts me using one of those random phone number generators, I block him. Seeing all this about him is pretty crazy, but not at all surprising.

Anyway, thanks for posting this and letting me get a little closure on the Lucas chapter. He still has a long way to go before he's being fully truthful, but I'll take some improvement over none at all.

Hello and welcome! I, too, would like as many details as you can offer about Lucas from your time with him. Also, can you lend any info or insight on Jason Perva and their relationship?

 

[wenttobermuda]

I'm the Cyril in question, and this whole thread is absolutely surreal to me. In some ways, it's comforting to see people starting to understand what I've known about Lucas for decades, but it's also weird to be seen as a side character in all this drama.

The fabled Cyril, "traitor to young men everywhere" and villain of "Dream Girls and Devil Horns: Autobiography of a Manic Depressive Straight Ally"? Could this be?

You've lived with Lucas.

What can you tell us about Lucas in HS, and the final event that made you cut him off?

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Come on Cyril, dont leave us hanging.

We've long speculated on his High School days, the sorts of social interactions he did or didn't have with his peers, etc.

You, moreso than anyone else, are well placed to fill in those gaps.

Dont be a tease.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

I now have the most hilarious notion about Lucas. It was said by someone a page back that Lucas sat down on the street and started screaming and looking like he was going to shit himself, after cowering during that one fight with a man, forget his name just now.

Are you talking about the famous fight video?

After seeing this sometime last year I fell down the Wernhole.

Edit: soiling yourself is a defence mechanism that only works for skunks but it’s possible Lucas has mastered his own fowl mixture of spray from guzzling enough bottles of ranch dressing and Pepsi cola simultaneously.