Spunt's helpful guide to Britain for fat Americans - Learn about Anglos so you can hate them better

  • 🐕 I am attempting to get the site runnning as fast as possible. If you are experiencing slow page load times, please report it.

What should I cover next?

  • The BBC

    Votes: 40 51.3%

  • Sportsball

    Votes: 10 12.8%

  • Education

    Votes: 23 29.5%

  • Culture

    Votes: 19 24.4%

  • Something else?

    Votes: 3 3.8%

  • Kys Anglo faggot retard nigger

    Votes: 13 16.7%
  • Total voters
    78
  • Poll closed .
CWCissey said:
Even then, they fucked off to Manchester pretty sharpish.

Also, Mindhorn. Because Mindhorn.

As for Manchester (Thanks Fart!) it's made up of 2 cities and 8 boroughs.

The City: Manchester is the heart of the region and holds the rapidly gentrifying city centre and all the trendy bars and music venues that Manchester's known for, it's hipster district is known for it's pricey booze, overrated food, actually really good record stores and the artwork, whether good or bad. However it is also made up of a massive ghetto to the south and east of the city centre, despite regeneration efforts from the Commonwealth Games in 2002.

Just avoid the main square Piccadilly Gardens if you can. It's full of Spice Heads, Crusty Jugglers and people wanting to gank you for fun.

The other city: Salford is often lumped in as just another part of Manchester but it is it's own city, and it's residents will let you know it.
Most of the really famous musicians tend to have more association with this area than Manchester itself.
Other than that it's basically rows of those terraced houses you see on Coronation Street (which was based on a neighbourhood in the city famed for really epitomising the baby boom in the UK) and it has the most tower block flats in England.

The old industrial quays have also recently been regenerated into 'MediaCityUK' where the BBC plopped a massive building to try to emphasise how much they understand the people outside the M25. It didn't work. The other main broadcaster, ITV also has a studio nearby.

The Boroughs:
Oldham
An old industrial town that used to build Lancaster bombers, now all it's known for is its excessive Paki population and the race riots that followed.

Rochdale
Basically a copy of Oldham, centre of the rape gang scandal and setting of the controversial drama about it 'Three Girls'

Bury
A garrison town, it's famous for being the home of the Lancashire Fusiliers (I recommend the museum!) and the apparently world famous market, which is pretty good if you want some bootleg DVDs or some black pudding, the local culinary contribution. The nearby village of Ramsbottom host a yearly festival based on the foodstuff as legend says during the War Of The Roses, the armies of York and Lancaster ran out of weapons and started throwing foodstuff at eachother. Yorkists threw Yorkshire Puddings and the Lancastrians threw black pudding.

Bolton
The town centre has a massive mosque and Warburton's bread is baked here. Also known for having a middling football team that went bankrupt.

Wigan
The regions whipping boy. If you're going to make an inbreeding joke, it usually involves Wigan. Purple Aki apparently lives here now.

Trafford
'The posh bit'. Has a fuck off huge shopping centre, Altrincham, a desirable postcode and home of United. Just don't look at Stretford.

Stockport
Home of the famous arches, Blossoms and Robbie's brewery (they made the Iron Maiden beer). Suffers and benefits from overspill of the neighbouring areas (North Stockport is a hole, but the south is quite lovely). The airport sits in this area too.

Tameside
Just a continuation of the East Manchester ghetto with some charming villages sprinkled throughout the moors. It's biggest landmark is the Ashton under Lyne IKEA.

The Manchester region boasts the most extensive light rail network in the UK and it is a good way to get around. Even if 9 times out of 10 it stinks of piss. A lot of the old lines were actually discontinued railway tracks that found new use.
Click to expand...
How dare you! Oldham is also the home of the tubular bandage! And Mark Owen out of Take That! And noted bumboy Philip Schofield! You're not wrong though, it is proper shite.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Emperor Julian, Death Grip and CWCissey
TheImportantFart said:
@Spunt, this is officially my new favourite thread and as a fellow Britbonger, I can confirm it's 100% accurate.

Can I suggest a section on political scandals, some of which have been alluded to in your earlier posts? We haven't had anything like Watergate or Lewinskygate in recent history, but there's still a few worth discussing. Matt Hancock is the latest in a long line of cheating scandals, which also includes former Lib Dem Leader Paddy Ashdown (or Paddy Pantsdown as the press called him), Blair-era Home Secretary David Blunkett (not sure how that happened - he's blind as a bat and as ugly as one too), Lib Dem MP Mark Oaten (had a threesome with two guys which allegedly involved scat) and former PM John Major. I mentioned this in another thread, but John Major came to my school to give a talk (spoiler alert: it was the most boring thing ever. The only thing I remember from it is him confirming that Air Force One doesn't have an escape pod on board) and during the Q&A, someone got expelled for asking him: "Why did you have an affair with Edwina Currie? She's fuck ugly." And of course, who can forget Corbyn and Dianne Abbott, which made Cameron fucking a pig at uni look downright sensible in comparison.

However, my favourite scandal was what happened to Jacqui Smith, Gordon Brown's Home Secretary. During the MP expenses scandal, it came to light that her husband had bought two porn films, watched them in the family home, and then tried to claim them as an expense. I can't blame the poor chap - I wouldn't fuck Jacqui Smith through a fence, but if you're going to be a coomer, at least be subtle about it.

I also don't think this thread is complete without some input from @CWCissey on Manchester, particularly Oldham.

As was already said, Crown Dependency, so they get to make their own laws (subject to Liz's approval), but if they ever get into military trouble, we have to do all the heavy lifting in terms of Defence. The Crown Dependencies are basically the equivalent of a trust fund brat who wants to be all independent, so they go off to university miles from home living off the bank of Mum and Dad, and only call home when they get into trouble and need bailing out.

From what I can gather, the Isle of Man is essentially a mini Wales in the middle of the Irish Sea - known for greenery, sheep (they have their own special breed there called the Manx Longhorn), tailless cats and not much else. Their finest export is the Bee Gees, and their only recent claim to fame is having the Isle of Armor from Pokemon Sword and Shield based on them. I did have a vague interest in taking a trip there at some point just to see what it's really like, but I live in the South, so it would involve either a plane ride or a circa five hour car journey Norf followed by a trip on a ferry which is more effort than I'm willing to put in. Plus, the Isle of Wight's practically on my doorstep and has much nicer weather.

Fun fact for the pub quiz - rather ironically, given its name, Tynwald (the Isle of Man's Parliament) was the first national legislative body to give women the right to vote in 1881 :geek:

On the subject of geography, although Britbongistan is usually (mostly accurately) thought of as a rain-soaked, sheep-infested rock in the North Sea, we do in fact have a desert, albeit in very loose terms. Dungeness in Kent is our mini Sahara, although it's really just a larger than average shingle beach which gets slightly less rainfall than the rest of the country:

View attachment 2349112
Click to expand...
Isle of Mann TT is probably their greatest contribution to global culture, and I for one am thankful for it.
 
  • Agree
  • Informative
Reactions: Lone Dogma, Fìddlesticks, Moosebonker and 1 other person
Can anybody explain why English soccer fans are so terrible? No other sport inflicts such wanton destruction for the Anglo.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Analphylactic Shock
Bogs said:
Can anybody explain why English soccer fans are so terrible? No other sport inflicts such wanton destruction for the Anglo.
Click to expand...
The rest of Europe is as bad, if not worse than us, it just doesn't get reported on as much in English language media.

Plus, how can you not laugh at this erm... celebration after our victory over Sweden in the 2018 World Cup?:

 
  • Like
  • Lunacy
  • Winner
Reactions: Geddy Lee's Fee and See, Zaryiu2, Troonologist PhD and 5 others
Bogs said:
Can anybody explain why English soccer fans are so terrible? No other sport inflicts such wanton destruction for the Anglo.
Click to expand...
England used to have a quite firm caste system. It still does to some extent. Although, Thatcher (of all people) took a hammer to it with her 80s Reaganist reforms. Now money is an increasingly predominate bar of status.

Each caste has a different and opposing set of values. And problems. And accents - branded on the tongue, so to speak.

The sort of hooliganism you're describing is characteristic of the working class. For instance, the white working class are the worst performing students in Britain's education system. Think of you're own Southern Blacks without any of the redeeming accomplishments in music, sports or literature.
 
  • Like
  • Informative
Reactions: Geddy Lee's Fee and See, Falcos_Commisar, Blatant hypocrite and 7 others
I sometimes see some Bri'ish lefty types, especially comic book writers like Warren Ellis and Grant Moore, act like Thatcherite Britain was some sort of uniquely traumatic event in world history, and I have a hard time getting why (aside from them being whiny lefty babies). The forward to V for Vendetta talks about how the inspiration for it came from news about how the real-world British government under Thatcher was going to round up all the gays and put them in camps, which isn't something I can find any actual historical evidence for. There's a bit in Ellis' Planetary where a bunch of comic book figures get together, decades later, to grieve over how unimaginably awful Britain was in the 80s, and anyone who wasn't there just can't know what it was like. It's like people wanted the Winter of Discontent to continue in perpetuity. What's up with that? Is it an ongoing Thing among the nomenklatura, or just a particular fixation for a few?
 
  • Agree
  • Thunk-Provoking
  • Winner
Reactions: Cowboy Kim, Falcos_Commisar, Blatant hypocrite and 6 others
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back