Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Svetlana Helsinki]

I was casually skimming Lucas' facebook looking for that one weird meme from years ago where he admitted that he doesn't drive because he's scared to and found these gems.

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WE KNOW WHO TO BLAME NOW.
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These and many other posts/videos/memes (as I’m sure I’m stating the obvious here) are what have always made me think he hates women more than he wants one. I think he hates and resents them all for leaving him: his mother, his step mother, and his ex girlfriend, and says he wants a younger women (who he can control). But the way he describes women is usually in the crudest, most vulgar, debasing way: clit, vagina, etc. Even reading that post about him telling his mom to go to Arizona is kinda sad in some small way, because you know, at that point, she at least knew she was going and didn’t tell him. I’m sure that’s not a point he missed, but at some point you gotta suck it up.

And also, for all your whining about the bible, Lucas, since I know you‘re reading: Jesus loved and respected whores. Thats where the saying “Let thee who is among you without sin first cast stone” Jesus would prefer to dine and be seen with the prostitutes and adultresses than the ‘holier than thou’.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Socialism is government control of means of production. Has nothing to do with yeeting of baes.

Socialism has nothing to do with empathy or kindness either, it’s more an idea of a pragmatic humanism that allows us all to survive in symbiosis with one another, certain goods for the benefit of the commons are taken off the table. Lucas misplaces this notion thinking that socialism means unconditional acceptance without judgement and the freedom to laze about with all his meals provided free. To Lucas and people like Phil the commie cow ideology is just a shopping cart to feed their delusions with ideas of how society should provide for all of their ridiculous demands.

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas made a Deep Space 9 reference.

He's hitting you where you live, Wonderwino.

So......he's essentially calling bernie a changeling. Does that mean he wants to spread socialism the same way the founders spread their shit? Does that make antifa bernies jem'hadar? or is this some weirdly implied secret desire on lucas's part to have both he and bernie become liquid based lifeforms so lucas can quasi-sexually link with bernie? That thought opens up all kinds of horrifying possibilities about lucas's intentions

Once again lucas shows he has no understanding of what he's watching. Lets not forget this is the same guy who compared himself to soran wanting to get into the nexus. Not realizing how bad that made him look when you consider the kind of horrifying pedo existence he would have there

EDIT:

Lucas is starting early today:

Note that he has decided that 'wood + ore = gunpowder'

Well, we can add very, very basic chemistry to the things lucas has absolutely no understanding of (since we know you read this lucas, gunpowder is composed of sulfur, charcoal and potassium nitrate, there is no wood or ore involved unless you really want to stretch it and claim its wood being used to create charcoal)

and is it me or does he sound drugged out of his mind? The way he is talking sounds really off. Maybe all those videos yesterday set him off and made them give him something to calm him down

 

[Da Dude123]

So......he's essentially calling bernie a changeling. Does that mean he wants to spread socialism the same way the founders spread their shit? Does that make antifa bernies jem'hadar? or is this some weirdly implied secret desire on lucas's part to have both he and bernie become liquid based lifeforms so lucas can quasi-sexually link with bernie? That thought opens up all kinds of horrifying possibilities about lucas's intentions

Once again lucas shows he has no understanding of what he's watching. Lets not forget this is the same guy who compared himself to soran wanting to get into the nexus. Not realizing how bad that made him look when you consider the kind of horrifying pedo existence he would have there

EDIT:

Lucas is starting early today:

Note that he has decided that 'wood + ore = gunpowder'

Well, we can add very, very basic chemistry to the things lucas has absolutely no understanding of (since we know you read this lucas, gunpowder is composed of sulfur, charcoal and potassium nitrate, there is no wood or ore involved unless you really want to stretch it and claim its wood being used to create charcoal)

and is it me or does he sound drugged out of his mind? The way he is talking sounds really off. Maybe all those videos yesterday set him off and made them give him something to calm him down

So, this was posted before 6:00 A.M. Pacific time. Maybe Lucas slept rough last night? I guess you could still walk out of the building before 6:00, you just wouldn't have access to it again till 0600. I am still thinking Lucas and whoever the poor soul who is his roommate do not get along.

 

[mothman96]

Lucas posted this video at 3:51 am Spokane time. He's inside the main building maybe the dining area. Don't know if it's the same video referenced by @WonderWino.

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

I was casually skimming Lucas' facebook looking for that one weird meme from years ago where he admitted that he doesn't drive because he's scared to and found these gems.

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WE KNOW WHO TO BLAME NOW.
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The way he used to always try and shower the other homeless and whoever else with gifts of food comes off as him trying to buy respect and admiration among his peers, because he doesn't have the social skills to do it naturally.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

My girlfriend was at the store and sent me this photo. She told me she found a game made for Lucas.

edit: got another nonsensical comment here from the Wern

 

[Bassomatic]

Evolution is not peaceful,cuts why dinosaurs died out, humans literally raped and murdered our fellow bi peds out of the world, peace is elimination sounds like something George Lincoln Rockwell would say if a black got near him or tried to vote.

Long love evolution LMAO that explains why he's a genetic dead end, I thought he kept saying he's the best?

 

[wenttobermuda]

My girlfriend was at the store and sent me this photo. She told me she found a game made for Lucas.View attachment 2535733

edit: got another nonsensical comment here from the WernView attachment 2535776

Mind the Gap, by title alone, seems like a game made for, or by Lucas. I don't recall him ever designing a trivia game. What kinds of questions would he come up with?

Spoiler: ?

Q: What chemical in my balls will make your babies healthy and increase your sense of well-being?
A: telomeres

Q: What is the ideal age for a mother's conception to ensure the maximum health her offspring, assuming the father is 35-55?
A: 15.

...and so forth.

I wonder if there would be any interest in a Wernology trivia game? Perhaps some jerk will design and gift him one.

Lucas's allegiance to evolution is curious, considering that it has excluded him from the gene pool despite his great eagerness to participate.

Fat faggots are poorly adapted to 21st century conditions, alas.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Mind the Gap, by title alone, seems like a game made for, or by Lucas. I don't recall him ever designing a trivia game. What kinds of questions would he come up with?

Spoiler: ?

Q: What chemical in my balls will make your babies healthy and increase your sense of well-being?
A: telomeres

Q: What is the ideal age for a mother's conception to ensure the maximum health her offspring, assuming the father is 35-55?
A: 15.

...and so forth.

I wonder if there would be any interest in a Wernology trivia game? Perhaps some jerk will design and gift him one.

Lucas's allegiance to evolution is curious, considering that it has excluded him from the gene pool despite his great eagerness to participate.

Fat faggots are poorly adapted to 21st century conditions, alas.

It would be amazing, if we all put our autistic brains together and made a Wernology trivia game (actually 'Wernology' could be the title) and of course we would get more engagement than Cafeteria Uprising, Age of Bumcels, and God I Want My Niece I mean Meeple Toss combined.

Fatty would blow a blood vessel.

 

[Da Dude123]

Ah ha ha ha! Some other societal reject is in the background mocking him during this board game video. Lucas abruptly ended the video. Someone download this!

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Ah ha ha ha! Some other societal reject is in the background mocking him during this board game video. Lucas abruptly ended the video. Someone download this!

Hilarious.

Also, I certainly hope no one at Mallon House finds Lucas's notebook talking about making "bombs and gunpowder" and misinterprets it, don't you? For a person who regularly makes violent threats, who is known to be a psychiatric head case, Lucas's self-preservation instinct certainly doesn't seem to extend to how he's perceived by anyone, even the people in charge of the roof over his head.

Can you imagine being in such a situation, and sitting at a table saying: "I figured out how to build a bomb....BTW Here's the recipe for gunpowder..."

Apropos of nothing at all, do you think Lucas would have worn his infamous Batman Pantaloonies if he'd been a school shooter? I mean, can't you just see him pacing the halls, with a sawed-off shotgun and a tech nine, in the very height of hobo haute couture with his drugstore sunglasses and stained TMNT shirt, screaming about "GEN ZEEEEEE! De-LIVER the IN-FOR-MAY-SHUN!" and "GREEEEEDMONGERS!" before shooting himself in the foot, getting a gun jam, and attempting to eat his sawed-off, which resulted in the rest of his life being a bipolar version of Arseface from Preacher?

 

[wenttobermuda]

It would be amazing, if we all put our autistic brains together and made a Wernology trivia game (actually 'Wernology' could be the title) and of course we would get more engagement than Cafeteria Uprising, Age of Bumcels, and God I Want My Niece I mean Meeple Toss combined.

Fatty would blow a blood vessel.

In the game of Wernology, player tokens are swimmers. The board: the interior of some unfortunate smart pretty interesting girl.

Or should the tokens be hobos, the board the mean streets of Spokane?

Players will answer questions about infamous events in Wernology, in the hope of being the first to reach the goal (which will either ova, a Clinkerdagger prime rib, or an unattended zoomer bae depending on the board). Hazards on the board will include flat bills, Fat Albert, the men with butterfly nets, and Myrna.

The mechanics of the game will be incomprehensible, and guarantee that victory is impossible.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

In the game of Wernology, player tokens are swimmers. The board: the interior of some unfortunate smart pretty interesting girl.

Or should the tokens be hobos, the board the mean streets of Spokane?

Players will answer questions about infamous events in Wernology, in the hope of being the first to reach the goal (which will either ova, a Clinkerdagger prime rib, or an unattended zoomer bae depending on the board). Hazards on the board will include flat bills, Fat Albert, the men with butterfly nets, and Myrna.

The mechanics of the game will be incomprehensible, and guarantee that victory is impossible.

I like your first idea, it's a competition to see who can be the fastest swimmer, and the hardest hitter!

If you actually penetrate the egg, the game's over, because you cease to be in the realm of Wernology.

The goal is to keep endlessly spinning around at quite a distance from the juicy egg, observing it, and getting yourself worked up into a fury of frothing anger. You have to maintain a certain distance from the juicy eggs, you can't get too close, because then you lose immediately, but you can't get too far, because you still have to be able to creep.

The perfect distance is called "I look like a monk", where you can crouch behind dumpsters, revealing your bald spot to the world, as you keep your hands strangely busy in your pockets, around a group of high school girls out for their gym class walk.

One of the girls is called "thick thighs", and if you manage to make her "blush", you automatically move to the final round.

Instead of a "go to jail" card like in monopoly, there's a "go to stabilization" card. In stabilization, they remove your beard, your grandma-style knit beanie cap, which is a holy relic, your gutter-dirt armor, and your "aura of stench", which is a powerful weapon.

You lure in juicy eggs by scattering cocktail peps. It's a little tricky, because you have to put down a cocktail pep in front of a girl, but if you're too close to the girl when she gets the cocktail pep, you lose automatically. Also, if the person eats the cocktail pep, but doesn't "use your attached email like an adult", you lose immediately. Actually, there's a lot of ways to lose immediately in Wernology. The game is basically about sudden death traps that come out of nowhere.

Edit: Anyone agree that this looks like a group therapy assignment?

 

[wenttobermuda]

I like your first idea, it's a competition to see who can be the fastest swimmer, and the hardest hitter!

If you actually penetrate the egg, the game's over, because you cease to be in the realm of Wernology.

The goal is to keep endlessly spinning around at quite a distance from the juicy egg, observing it, and getting yourself worked up into a fury of frothing anger. You have to maintain a certain distance from the juicy eggs, you can't get too close, because then you lose immediately, but you can't get too far, because you still have to be able to creep.

The perfect distance is called "I look like a monk", where you can crouch behind dumpsters, revealing your bald spot to the world, as you keep your hands strangely busy in your pockets, around a group of high school girls out for their gym class walk.

One of the girls is called "thick thighs", and if you manage to make her "blush", you automatically move to the final round.

Instead of a "go to jail" card like in monopoly, there's a "go to stabilization" card. In stabilization, they remove your beard, your grandma-style knit beanie cap, which is a holy relic, your gutter-dirt armor, and your "aura of stench", which is a powerful weapon.

You lure in juicy eggs by scattering cocktail peps. It's a little tricky, because you have to put down a cocktail pep in front of a girl, but if you're too close to the girl when she gets the cocktail pep, you lose automatically. Also, if the person eats the cocktail pep, but doesn't "use your attached email like an adult", you lose immediately. Actually, there's a lot of ways to lose immediately in Wernology. The game is basically about sudden death traps that come out of nowhere.

I dig it, and the mechanic of orbiting the juicy egg is poetic. But it encourages a result, or a playstyle, that makes a goal achievable. Too hopeful, even if the victory is pyrrhic.

Get a load of this autism, though. I have hella autism.

Spoiler: Wernology mechanics

Note that I am well aware that the following mechanics are unplayable. This is by design. I claim no expertise, but I know a mess when I see one.

The rules are meant to be simple and encourage conflict, deception, envy, and cutting-of-the-nose-to-spite-the-face. This is not a game that one plays to win, so much as to make others lose. I believe this captures the spirit of Luca's Spokane sojourn.

I would like suggestions, if you please, on how to make the game more poisonous.

I drew inspiration from Balderdash, crabs in a bucket, county jail, and the peculiar social dynamic of dudes impatiently queing in a gang bang.

The game of Wernology is to be played by a group of at least 3 drunken, well-fed flatbills whose wieners stink of Lady Z. If Players compete to advance their token (a swimmer) to the goal (and ova).

Players take turns, clockwise, starting with the oldest. Each turn consists of the following phases: questions, points, movements, and crying.

A turn begins with a player (the questioner) drawing a question card and reading the question out loud in his best Lucas voice. Next, each player has 60 seconds to compose an answer to the question. The players’ objective is to both answer correctly and provide a convincing false answer that someone would pick. The questioner will collect the answers, and then read them all, including the correct answer. After everyone has secretly selected their answer, the questioner awards points. Points are typically awarded as follows unless provided for by another card:

If you answer correctly, you receive 1 point.

If someone picks your answer, you receive 1 point.

If nobody selects the correct answer, the questioner receives 1 point.

If every other player selects your answer, you receive 3 points.

After points are awarded, the movement phase begins. The questioner may spend points to move his token on the board. Points are typically spent as follows unless provided for by another card:

*Move your token 1 square forward for 2 points.

*Move another player back 1 square for 1 point.

* Cause another player to lose 1 point for 2 of your own.

* Purchase a status effect card for 2 points.

*Trade token places with an opposing player for 5 points.

During the movement phase, a player may land on a square that has instructions. Read them immediately and follow them. Players may lose, or gain points this way, depending on the map.

Finally, before the questioner ends his turn and the person to his left beings theirs, comes the crying. A player may elect to play a status effect card. Status effect cards change the way that points are earned and spent, so long as they are in play. Multiple status effect cards may be in play at the same time unless a card specifies otherwise.

That's it. Your turn is over, and it's the next dude's.

Using this mechanic, and the same pool of questions, we can decide different theme boards with different goals.

Feel free to propose questions and content: fatfwordboardgames@google.com

Submissions will be accepted until Lucas knows the touch of Lady Z.

UPDATED to correct an error with the email address.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

He always had a way with words.

Sadly, that's not even an original Wernerism. He got that from the 1996 Charlie Sheen movie "The Arrival". I'm rather fond of that phrase myself.

 

[Cow-Lovin' Fool]

I still can't believe they dropped his ass into a nursing home full of helpless frail seniors. Is Washington actually governed by skitzocows?

 

[mothman96]

I still can't believe they dropped his ass into a nursing home full of helpless frail seniors. Is Washington actually governed by skitzocows?

The impression I have is Mallon Place will take in adults of various ages that are on SSI or disability. Along with seniors there may even be people younger than Lucas. I'd say a number of them are in Mallon Place due to mental disabilities.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

The impression I have is Mallon Place will take in adults of various ages that are on SSI or disability. Along with seniors there may even be people younger than Lucas. I'd say a number of them are in Mallon Place due to mental illness.

I think Mallon Place is more of an assisted living place for the less fortunate elderly that can't live anywhere better. It's not really for SSI people, they're supposed to be in Section 8 or some kind of subsidized housing.

 

[mothman96]

I think Mallon Place is more of an assisted living place for the less fortunate elderly that can't live anywhere better. It's not really for SSI people, they're supposed to be in Section 8 or some kind of subsidized housing.

Well I don't think Mallon Place made an exception for Lucas. From this review I'd say Mallon Place has been taking in SSI people for quite some time.
ETA: I'd say Lucas qualified for Mallon Place due to his mental illness. And as I said prior, various ages and there are residents there due to mental disabilities.

ETA2:
I think he's in the right place. Lucas have never cared about hygiene. Keeping himself, his clothes, bedding, apartment clean. Now at Mallon Place not only is he getting 3 meals a day, house keeping cleans up after him. He gets clean bedding, there is laundry service for his clothes.