2017 Chris-Chan Prediction Thread - What do you think the new year shall bring (or take away from) our favorite lolcow?

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Chris is hopeless and it's just a matter of time until Barb dies and he plummets into a lower level in the Tartarus. But will it be this year? I dunno. I do expect more financhu tribulations, though.
 
Chris will shit out of his mouth and with a faint glimmer of hope (get real) actually do something.

By something I mean absolutely fuck all.

There's no death.

There's no eviction.

There's no conviction.

There's only infection.
 
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Chris gets put into a group home after Barb dies as he is deemed incapable of taking care of himself.
 
He might beg for money to buy that new Nintendo system coming out.

Then he will take it to the streets like the commercials show actors doing, just like how the fans laugh at them for depicting owners as socially inept, except he does it for serious because he does not know better:

 
Donald Trump repeatedly pisses of Chris. His Inaugural, various points among the Supreme Court Appointments and likely throughout Trump's own handling or mishandling of LGBT issues or concerns.

VP Mike Pence for similar reasons pisses off Chris. Pence is a culture warrior against the LGBT and he's far more likely to talk against that community.

Legal episode, minimum, for Chris. Threatening Trump is illegal; he continues to fight pointless causes and whatever triggers him may make him commit a crime.

Let's throw at least a health scare for Barb. Nothing terminal or permanently debilitating, but Barb has little reason to hide anything that could lead to Pitibux.

The Chandler's financial situation continues to suffer. I'd call a Bankruptcy 50/50: they don't have a lot of assets and they do have a lot of debts, with little hope of getting out of them. If they don't make a BK in 2017, they've prolonged the struggle through mechanisms like balance transfers and higher credit limits.

As part of this, I could see redoubled efforts to E-Beg from Chris. Will he get to the point where he signs agreements demanding payment upon completing a job? Still more likely than a part time job.

We probably have one major troll breakthrough and perhaps five sightings of CWC.

Finally, Chris remains most active on social media.
 
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Frozen Fishsticks said:
I predict Chris will meld into Barb thus restoring some vitality to the old lady and adding years to her life, but leaving him fused like the male anglerfish.

Barb-Chris will increase the size of the Hoard and begin to actively dig around and nest inside much like gophers do underground. It will lay eggs in piles of old TV Guides, discarded 2 liter bottles, and forgotten pets. The hatchlings will scurry around and haunt Ruckersville and harrass boyfriend-free girls and malls for years to come.

Or Chris will continue his delusional and inactive lifestyle while everything falls apart around him.
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I think the latter is more obvious
 
heyyyJackiePie said:
Oh Cheesus Christ. A thoughtful Chris Chan thread for once.

2017 isn't going to be as great as 2016. And by not as great, I mean I don't think we'll be seeing the following:

1. Chris fucking a blow up doll
2. Chris actually release his own said sex tape
3. Chris freezing his own sperm
4. Chris massaging his breasts with vibrating eggs
5. Chris applying oestrogel
6. THE FUCKING UNTAINT 2.0
7. Gamestop is bloody unfair... my yellow shirted FOE!!!
8. Chris admits he's had dreams of fucking his own mother

And that's just off the top of my head. I don't think it will be as funny, but hey, at least he's back and we have enough to talk about. So there's reason to be hopeful at least.
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You're sort of right. We'll be seeing far more disgusting and baffling things in 2017 from Chris than in 2016...
 
Moscardino said:
He could probably build a full size lego shack to live in when 14bc gets repossessed
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Count Olaf said:
The new year is finally here so it's time to start speculating about what it will bring for the Chandler household.

Will he get better?

Will he get worse?

Will this be the year Barb dies?

Will the Financhu Crisis reach it's long awaited climax?

Will this be the year that Chris decides to wear a wig?

Or will he just shit himself and do nothing?

Lets here it. The floor is yours.
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No, Yes, Yes, Yes, No, and everything that happens is automatically your fault.
 
Here goes with some wild speculation just so I can brag if any of them come to light:

- Son-Chu the car breaks down because Chris hasn't changed the oil in 2 years and becomes the catalyst for the climax of the financhu crisis.
- In a desperate attempt for cash, as advised by a white knight, he attempts to sell digital downloads of all the Sonichu comics in PDF format for ludicrous prices.
- His relationship status on Facebook mysteriously changes to "In a Relationship" for 2-3 months with no evidence of this being true.
 
Chris will become bald and Barb will become too lazy old to walk so she'll start moving in a wheel chair
 
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