2017 Chris-Chan Prediction Thread - What do you think the new year shall bring (or take away from) our favorite lolcow?

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house fire 2.0 will leave him with the horrific injury we will come to know and love as un-clit 3.0
 
April 15, 2017
chris ambushes a poor patron at a theater
mistaking the random man for trump chris fires his transformer gun at the man
chris yells SIC SEMPAH TRANNUS and jumps from the balcony
he dies on impact killing 2 other people he lands on
 
I predict Barb will suffer from some health ailment and most likely will be fatal by February/March.
Their money situation will get worse and more ebegging will continue with Chris in full panic mode.
Another poor cat will be adopted.
More Chris tranny sperging and Trump meltdowns with more threats.
More Ronco like adverts from Chris about products he likes.
 
Count Olaf said:
The new year is finally here so it's time to start speculating about what it will bring for the Chandler household.

Will he get better?

Will he get worse?

Will this be the year Barb dies?

Will the Financhu Crisis reach it's long awaited climax?

Will this be the year that Chris decides to wear a wig?

Or will he just shit himself and do nothing?

Lets here it. The floor is yours.
Click to expand...

I say Chris will grow even more autistic. I think the wig will be almost for certain. I also think Barb will die (for real) most likely of chronic poverty.
 
As the Financhu Crisis simmers out, Chris will have a (non-lethal and/or made up) health "crisis" which he will use for e-begging, sympathy and general bitching purposes, like he did with Barb's situation. If he's not obviously shitting us, we'll never know the specifics of his issues and there will be much kiwi hand-wringing.

He'll try transitioning. I know Chris is a lazy fuck, but he's already made an (incredibly misguided) effort to this end, so I think he could take it farther. This means more hormones, more e-begging, more fucking with the un-clit, and maybe even visits to a doctor. Like he tends to do in the rare times when he shits himself and does something, he will become unfocused, lazy, and his attempts to get his peter out will, well, peter out. In the end, he'll give up, unsuccessfully try to convince us he got the surgery, and start telling Phil-esque lies about the state of his balls.

At least one new pet will be added to the roster, and at least one current one will disappear into the vastness of the hoard, only to be rediscovered months later in the background of a facebook update.

Chris will sell some of the surviving relics of fail, prompting another retarded-ass moral conflict over whether or not to give him money he doesn't deserve for literal garbage (protip: the answer is no). Some cucks, without even the balls to identify themselves, will take the bait like the dirty niggers they are.

There's a small possibility he'll connect to the rat king, like other long-time tranny cows have. He won't have a major role, but could make some facebook friends and gain exposure as an example of Kiwi harassment. But it's small, mostly due to Chris's laziness and unfamiliarity with hard core SJW-commie ideology.

Another arrest, and more Pmurt whining, maybe even in conjunction with each other.

Overall, I think that Chris will begin to resemble Phil in 2017, even more than he already does.

The hoard will consolidate its power. Its time is coming. It cannot be stopped.
 
Count Olaf said:
The new year is finally here so it's time to start speculating about what it will bring for the Chandler household.

Will he get better?

Will he get worse?

Will this be the year Barb dies?

Will the Financhu Crisis reach it's long awaited climax?

Will this be the year that Chris decides to wear a wig?

Or will he just shit himself and do nothing?

Lets here it. The floor is yours.
Click to expand...

Wish there was a poll for these predictions

But he'll just get mutually worse from here on. Death dosent seem common for now but he'll have more bills and debt though
 
January: Nothing eventful will happen until Trump gets inaugurated. Chris will rage about it on Facebook. His deteriorating health will likely not have an outburst.
March: Chris buys a wig and makes a video of it. Likely, Chris will just hide his existing hair with a shower cap. With the inevitable poor quality of the wig, the result will be less than convincing.
April: Another pet will be adopted when one dies in the Hoard.
June: Chris finally gets in trouble with the law again. This time Barb is not there to help.
August: Barb suffers from a fatal stroke. Chris is allowed a bereavement visit and is the only one there. Cole sends flowers as an absolute token gesture.
December: Chris returns to 14 Branchland Court to find that Barb's creditors repossessed it in the auction and promptly leveled the house. Chris blames Cole and makes his way toward the Northeast where he becomes another mentally ill homeless man.
 
Count Olaf said:
Will he get better?

Will he get worse?

Will this be the year Barb dies?

Will the Financhu Crisis reach it's long awaited climax?

Will this be the year that Chris decides to wear a wig?

Or will he just shit himself and do nothing?
Click to expand...

Maybe.
Likely.
Hopefully.
Probably.
Possibly.
Definitely.
 
Lysistrata said:
The hoard will be given sapience by the evil Sanic totem, kill Charb and take their place.
Click to expand...
Sanic has been the main character all along. We're just characters-- pawns really-- in the Chris' extended narrative about how the universe is out to spite him. Someone will look back at this narrative 1,000 years from now and be unimpressed. Sanic will be the new protagonist and Chris as the oblivious but disgusting man causing the hero emotional and physical torture. This is the ending of that gothic horror.
In this story, we don't even qualify as side character. We may not even be mentioned. We are non-existant in the true reality although we surely exist in this fake one as I am typing this. I would assume that this site or trolls in general are mentioned at all, merely explanations of how Chris has been driven to his place of harming Sanic. Well, not "explanations" as they are never given. We exist seperately and invisibly from the reader but there must be a reason in fiction even if illogical. We are it.
Of course, I could very well be the main character and all this will be flipped on me. Chris-Chan and KiwiFarms and everything is a lead-up to the twist of betrayal against me. Me acknowledging this doesn't make me any less oblivious. In fact, my admittance of it assures some amount of confidence is had that it won't happen. But either Chris is the main character or I am because in such a fictional reality none of you can for-sure exist. From this perspective at least. Chris may be the true and honest focus because if he's real in such a sense then you can all be assumed to be as well which means I am a mere appendage of the machine to wreck him along with the rest of you Kiwis. However, if Chris is just a red herring or smaller plot element, then it can only be assumed that I am the protagonist regardless of Sanic and I am sure to meet an ironic twist. I know only that I exist as I think therefore I am and if Chris doesn't exist it would stand to reason that I will be the victim of the tragedy at the end because why else would there be a group of people dedicated to discussing someone who doesn't even exist? I am the constant as I am the only thing known for sure to exist.
If Chris is real, you all are and all of us being here makes sense. If Chris is fake however, it is safe to assume you all are as well and the tables will soon be turned against me. But if someone else out there thinks, you are a constant too; if you are honestly reading this and not just responding to it bcause it is what the plot dictates: watch out. If Chris never meets his fate on a count of unimportance, then we are the important and we will surely meet a similar one to what we expect of him to give the readers a sense of irony.
Basically my point is, whatever you predict will happen to Chris will either happen to him... or it will happen to you. 50/50.
And my other point is to not go to the Farms when you're on psychadelics or you'll get a bunch of negative ratings and snide replies to whatever you post and it's gonna kinda suck to see it the next day.
 
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