4/6/2016 Forgetting how much everyone there hates him, Phil autistically plans to return to Portland

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Ableist, classist shithole. . .didn't he also describe Portland in those terms?

 

[JU 199]

"After all, Kiwi Farms keeps gyms, military surplus and self defense businesses in business for me always because of their transmisogyny crossing into the threat of IRL violence."

That sentence doesn't even feature basic syntax, let alone common sense.

 

[Dr. Mario]

I don't understand. How does Kiwi Farms keeps gyms, military surplus and self defense businesses in business for him?

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

I don't understand. How does Kiwi Farms keeps gyms, military surplus and self defense businesses in business for him?

What he means is we basically guarantee he'll keep giving those places business. The dude is immensely paranoid of Kiwi wetwork teams, so he claims to frequent businesses which will help him defend himself.

Which is hilarious because we all know Taters has never stepped foot in a gym. And he should be more concerned about gangsters, police officers, street crooks, and other homeless people, all of whom are groups who'd take umbrage to his shitty antagonizing behavior. Despite his fears, no Kiwi is going to read this thread and decide to hunt the guy down like some kind of autistic tranny Blade Runner.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

I don't understand. How does Kiwi Farms keeps gyms, military surplus and self defense businesses in business for him?

What he means is we basically guarantee he'll keep giving those places business. The dude is immensely paranoid of Kiwi wetwork teams, so he claims to frequent businesses which will help him defend himself.

Which is hilarious because we all know Taters has never stepped foot in a gym. And he should be more concerned about gangsters, police officers, street crooks, and other homeless people, all of whom are groups who'd take umbrage to his shitty antagonizing behavior. Despite his fears, no Kiwi is going to read this thread and decide to hunt the guy down like some kind of autistic tranny Blade Runner.

I interpreted it as Kiwis keep gyms, military surpluses, etc. in business because he thinks we're all jingoistic jockstrap dudebros.

 

[CWCissey]

I interpreted it as Kiwis keep gyms, military surpluses, etc. in business because he thinks we're all jingoistic jockstrap dudebros.

I read it as Kiwis are all normal citizens who go out and work jobs that they may or may not like, earn money, and frequent such businesses as a means of keeping the economy rolling.

 

[HickoryDickory]

Read: I will actively reject stable housing if they aren't willing to pay for my crotch gouge surgery.


Phil is reminding me here of someone I knew many years ago who was the biggest shit-talker I had ever met. He was also a massive coward, so anytime things get a little dicey, he'd duck out and then later invent some story about how much of a badass he is to impress only the people who weren't there. I used to think that people like him and Phil would some day say just the wrong thing to just the wrong person and end up with a knife in the spleen, but sometimes you have to accept that the biggest cowards manage to squeak by (with a cheeky "Yeah you better keep walking" here or there) until they eventually just die alone, and their ashes are thrown into an unmarked pit.

Except you don't go to the gym, you've only purchased maybe one jacket from a military surplus, and you've never taken a self defense course. In reality, our tax dollars go towards cheese, shitty tattoos, cheese, bus fare, cheese, your phone bill, and cheese.

For the same reason he never mentions communist, Spanish-speaking Cuba: it's not on his autistic sphere of awareness.

The sad thing is, there are tons of places in Reno and Las Vegas he could bunker down an be homeless in, and Las Vegas has a depressingly large homeless population (*whisper, whisper* and the underground 'city' some of them live in). He could easily continue his deviant, homeless-by-choice lifestyle in Vegas, and there are a massive fuckton of adult shops he can get his bondage gear from, and shady tattoo shops he can frequent. Hell, he'd probably have an easier time purchasing a firearm in the local gun show loopholes than in California/Oregon, assuming he can actually afford one.

If he ever does go to Nevada, I can imagine the horrible things the sun would do to his skin. Not to mention all of the Spanish-speaking brown people.

ADF becoming a C.H.U.D. is a terrifying thought.

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

I interpreted it as Kiwis keep gyms, military surpluses, etc. in business because he thinks we're all jingoistic jockstrap dudebros.

Nah, he probably thinks we have some sort of secret Kiwi Kompound where we handle all that stuff. Maybe he's so delusional he thinks occasionally buying mall ninja weaponry and shitty surplus jackets is enough to give a huge boost to business at those places.

 

[Ray Streip]

Is it just me, or were these last two status updates from Phil more gibberish-y than normal?? He's starting to write like CWC.

It's the HIV eating slowly eating his braaaaaaains.

 

[The Dude]

An there is the relocation, he only does this when he's really worn his welcome thin in a place so I wonder who he's pissed off this time.

He may be moving again to avoid getting in trouble for lying about getting his balls clipped, using the name of a real doctor in his lie, and for using someone's medical records for bolstering his lie. Or maybe his local trans community called bullshit on his lie and he's butthurt.

Either way guys, I hope you brought your waders, because the bullshit is getting deep!

Also, all that posturing. Phil sure thinks he's a badass, doesn't he? Too bad he's the only one who thinks that. I love his threat about Oregon having lax weapons laws. They may be lax in comparison to Kalifornia, Illinois, and New York, but they're pretty draconian compared to most of the US. In fact Oregon and Washington are trying really hard to get on the same level as Commifornia. He still needs a permanent residence to be able to buy a gun there, unless he buys one in a private face-to-face sale (no one is going to sell Phil a gun that way) or somehow buys one illegally (again, ain't happenin'). But Phil will still thump his chest and posture because in his head he's a deadly, dangerous badass Spetsnaz assassin.

 

[Ruin]

What he means is we basically guarantee he'll keep giving those places business. The dude is immensely paranoid of Kiwi wetwork teams, so he claims to frequent businesses which will help him defend himself.

Which is hilarious because we all know Taters has never stepped foot in a gym. And he should be more concerned about gangsters, police officers, street crooks, and other homeless people, all of whom are groups who'd take umbrage to his shitty antagonizing behavior. Despite his fears, no Kiwi is going to read this thread and decide to hunt the guy down like some kind of autistic tranny Blade Runner.

Cholos might roll him for kicks but the main reason young homeless are targeted is because they have something of value, phones, Ipods ect. Phil has a bag filled with old bondage gear and maps.

 

[Peace and Harmony]

Yemen has pretty lax gun control laws too, he should go there.

 

[Billy_Sama]

There goes all that work in Portland getting rid of Phil lingering stench.

 

[The Great Chandler]

Philly here is going on a suicide mission to Portland, because why not?

 

[Professor Iris]

Talk about unwaranted self-importance.

Also, he's comparing getting Social Security and lopping off his private parts to fighting a war, just....wow.

 

[Xarpho]

Could a Jordan/Phil reunion be in the cards??

 

[Girlfriend-free Boy]

I hope his arrival in Portland will be preceded by the area being evacuated en masse, followed by a hazmat team being dispatched to restrain and contain this squeaking biohazard.

 

[Psycho]

I hope his arrival Portland will be preceded by the area being evacuated en masse, followed by a hazmat team being dispatched to restrain and contain this squeaking biohazard.

Don't worry. We already have a specially trained, Kiwi surveillance team, monitoring all buses in and out of Portland. All they need to do is alert the sniper when he's coming to town.

 

[Dain Bramage]

He sure wants to travel a lot for a guy who allegedly had his balls lopped off a few weeks ago, AND had a large Potattoo done on his head.

 

[Milktheturtle]

"I fucked up:The life and journey of Filthy homeless Phill"