Alcoholism Support Thread - Down the hatch

[dick brain]

The AA groups in my area suck. It's all crusty old fucks with 20 years and people with DUIs there to get a signature. When I did NA, I would hang out with the group on weekends and do healthy group activities but AA was very cliquey.

Give this a look

https://meetings.smartrecovery.org

Groups are hit or miss but it's a different ethos from AA, less culty.

 

[HairyBadger]

What are the factors that cause you to drink (when you're actively trying not to)?

Addiction and boredom.

 

[HairyBadger]

Boredom is the biggest problem.

 

[Neighborhood Janny]

Today was hard, really hard. I was supposed to be in Cleveland tonight to see Mastodon and Lamb of God, but had to turn back about halfway. I started getting urges and a sinking feeling in my stomach that I was about to go into a situation that would make me relapse. I called my wife, told her what was going on, and headed home. Now I feel like shit mentally because I was looking forward to having some fun.

I don't know what came over me. I was having a great day, was really productive at work, didn't have any doubt at all. But then it just collapsed.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Used to play TF2 and get drunk with friends.

I still have the friday urge, assuming "something game related will magically happen". I can go to bed 8am any day of the week and dont feel at all like Im wasting my time or whatever, but friday. Oh buddy

 

[OrionBalls]

Today was hard, really hard. I was supposed to be in Cleveland tonight to see Mastodon and Lamb of God, but had to turn back about halfway. I started getting urges and a sinking feeling in my stomach that I was about to go into a situation that would make me relapse. I called my wife, told her what was going on, and headed home. Now I feel like shit mentally because I was looking forward to having some fun.

I don't know what came over me. I was having a great day, was really productive at work, didn't have any doubt at all. But then it just collapsed.

At least you know your limitations. I'm sorry you had to miss the concerts, but I'm grateful you're still sober. I didn't go to a concert for my first year and a half. The link between drinking and live music was too strong in my mind, and I wasn't, as they say "spiritually fit" enough to be tempting my own addiction. It will get better. Just the fact that you didn't go means it is a little better. So, don't beat yourself up

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

Another 24 hours down. That's all you can really ask for.

To those just starting out and struggling: it gets better the longer you go. If you're struggling, reach out to another alcoholic before you pick up a drink. You don't have to suffer.

The AA groups in my area suck. It's all crusty old fucks with 20 years and people with DUIs there to get a signature. When I did NA, I would hang out with the group on weekends and do healthy group activities but AA was very cliquey.

The crusty fucks with 20 years are the ones that can help you. Some AA groups are shitty - I went to a bunch of different ones and found them uncomfortable, filled with assholes who were angry they weren't drinking, or downright cultish. There was one room I went to where, I shit you not, I thought I was going to get stabbed. The room was that tense, like a fart would set off a powderkeg.

It's all a matter of finding a room that you vibe and feel comfortable with. If you live in a small town, that can be kind of a bitch, but all you need for an AA meeting is two alcoholics, a place to meet, and a pot of coffee.

 

[thejackal2]

Boredom is the biggest problem.

Yea, I've said it in this thread as well. It's replacing the warm embrace with something else. I'm not even really a degenerate drunk and I get it. I don't wake up and drink but man as soon as work day is over I am into it. What else is there? You work, then you get rewarded. Like right now I've taken a few days off the sauce (a small miracle) and I am MANIC AF after having a few low ABV beers and I am just ready to hit the corner store for a six pack of something strong and really get turned up. It's calling me. I'm just going to go to bed and fuck off but man that calling is strong. If I wasn't tired and firmly into middle age I would def make that walk. I guess that's a good thing.

@Hey Johnny Bravo yea. When I was younger, much younger now, 10 years ago I met a crusty guy as you described that was like that. He was still angry, but he channeled it into something else other than drinking and I respected him for that. I think that his wisdom was good and that is that just qutting isn't anything special. Yea it's celebrated in the community, but it doesn't mean shit really unless you build on it. A lot of drunks just trade out drinking for being a rageaholic.

Quitting is great, but figuring out the issues that led to the substance abuse is a lifelong journey.

 

[eggy_bunts]

Give this a look

https://meetings.smartrecovery.org

Groups are hit or miss but it's a different ethos from AA, less culty.

There's nothing culty about 12 Step, and any alternative, has way worse success rates.
Even if you got back to the days of the Oxford Group, which was started by Christians and was explicitly to help people live a life surrendered to Jesus Christ and certain moral resolutions, it was never a group you belonged to or a membership you could carry, it was an open platform for people from all walks of life, even when these groups were explicitly religious and had nothing to do with substance abuse.

You should go with the thing that gives you the best chance, who cares if it has Protestant origins.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Yea, I've said it in this thread as well. It's replacing the warm embrace with something else. I'm not even really a degenerate drunk and I get it. I don't wake up and drink but man as soon as work day is over I am into it. What else is there? You work, then you get rewarded. Like right now I've taken a few days off the sauce (a small miracle) and I am MANIC AF after having a few low ABV beers and I am just ready to hit the corner store for a six pack of something strong and really get turned up. It's calling me. I'm just going to go to bed and fuck off but man that calling is strong. If I wasn't tired and firmly into middle age I would def make that walk. I guess that's a good thing.

I've got 1-2 days off a week on average, so when I finally get off, I rarely have the schedule to lay in bed hungover, meaning when I finally do got that classic ass saturday-sunday off, I get such an urge to "splurge" on it. Big ass fucking booze friday evening, lay in bed til 3pm, get out and be like "Damn it's only saturday, I didn't really lose out on anything getting drunk", forgetting I usually get up 5-6AM even on my days off on top of the mental turmoil of knowing I failed.

I don't drink like a nutter but if I drink, I wanna get drunk. If I feel I hit the apex and won't ever get truly drunk, I get mad. I never get mad at -anything-, but in that one scenario it feels like I both failed myself but also failed at getting drunk. Something used to happen friday night when I got drunk, and now I didn't get drunk so now nothing will happen (not that it did the last many years either). It's truly a lose-lose situation yet I just keep entertaining it. I don't wanna be a boring sober tard who skip a beer on new year's eve, but seemingly alcoholism runs in the family so it'd be cool to just.. quit.

I keep getting the feeling of "Ah shit I did something bad, didn't I" despite not being drunk going on months. It fucking sucks, but once I get into that mindset of "Hmm.. booze?", I 4/5 times get drunk. If I don't even think about drinking, no issues. Straight to bed.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

Another 24 hours down.

Quitting is great, but figuring out the issues that led to the substance abuse is a lifelong journey.

This is the Alcoholics Anonymous program. It's antiquated for sure, but that's the point: figuring out what made you drink and behave like a maniac in the first place.

For me, I already had plenty of hobbies to replace alcohol, and I spent a lifetime in therapy. I already knew what my problems were, but I drank instead of dealing with them in any way. Another thing I learned is that, with some issues, you will never get closure and you will never make certain feelings go away - you have to learn to live with these issues/feelings and accept them.

"Acceptance" and "surrender" aren't just cheesy Hallmark terms.

I've got 1-2 days off a week on average, so when I finally get off, I rarely have the schedule to lay in bed hungover, meaning when I finally do got that classic ass saturday-sunday off, I get such an urge to "splurge" on it. Big ass fucking booze friday evening, lay in bed til 3pm, get out and be like "Damn it's only saturday, I didn't really lose out on anything getting drunk", forgetting I usually get up 5-6AM even on my days off on top of the mental turmoil of knowing I failed.

I'm glad you brought this up. Some alcoholics think like this until they discover cocaine. They also do not realize that the longer you drink, the more you're going to need to get that "just right" level of drunk, the sloppier you'll be (more mornings where you wake up wondering what you did), and the worse your hangovers will get.

If a person thinks they probably drink too much, they probably do. You don't miss anything by not drinking and it's better to quit while you're ahead. Some people might look at you funny, but you're the one choosing not to actively poison yourself.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I've never thrown up from alcohol, then suddenly one day, not having hit a real blackout drunk prior, I threw up 2-3 times the next day. At that point I realized it had gone too far, but of course then I didn't the next two times and I felt it was okay to drink again. I watched a video by some youtuber who did a ton of drinking vids and challenges, real briton geeza type shit. "Oh nah my doc said i was perfectly average". At my most frequent i drink every second friday and if I skip one friday, Ill have to wait two weeks.

Honestly I dont need to chase any "new high". Ive gotten drunk from the same bottle for years. If i dont drink vodka or alike, it's literal labor. Sit there with two beer cans and go "man this is gonna take ages to actually get drunk". It truly just is the high of actually being drunk that appeals to me. The culture surrounding it, nah. I'd sooner get up at 3AM to pick up a drunk friend in my car than anything to do with alcohol myself, ever. Including meeting the love of my life and piping her down, cause I know it won't happen. Newsflash: You wont meet the mother of your children drunk in a club.

 

[thejackal2]

I'm glad you brought this up. Some alcoholics think like this until they discover cocaine. They also do not realize that the longer you drink, the more you're going to need to get that "just right" level of drunk, the sloppier you'll be (more mornings where you wake up wondering what you did), and the worse your hangovers will get.

If a person thinks they probably drink too much, they probably do. You don't miss anything by not drinking and it's better to quit while you're ahead. Some people might look at you funny, but you're the one choosing not to actively poison yourself.

Yea, it's amazing what a two week break does for your tolerance, even for someone like myself that has been drinking around 40 drinks a week for a decade. Last summer I managed like 18/21 or something and the three days I did drink wasn't much. When I got back on the daily sauce I was drinking like 3-4 a night and getting into that zone you mentioned.

Of course that didn't last too long.

Didn't go back to the store last night, just finished the sixer of 5% lagers and fell asleep, hardly even really gave me a buzz and wasn't even worth it. Had some shitty dreams about an ex from HS of all things. In a bad mood at work today but already made the money I need so I can just chill pretty much. I usually quit weed and booze together as well and haven't smoked in a few days. That always puts me on edge. Great for my waistline tho, crazy what little appetite I have without the munchies. Sometimes have to force myself to eat something.

edit: god I feel like absolute shit this morning. The only thing I really enjoy about the first few days off weed and booze is the sleep, once I get to sleep that is. First night maybe some mild night sweats but by the 2nd night and so on just fine. Hard to fall asleep but the sleep quality is so much better. Dreaming deep is the best part. The dreams are usually pleasant, or at the worst not that disturbing, whereas when I fall asleep with THC and booze in my brain the dreams don't start until late morning and I'm often jolted away too early by something. I guess there is some sort of science behind this as the brain is like zapping itself after being subdued from the substances to start sleep.

I wish I was on vacation. This shit is so much easier to deal with when you don't have to be on point. I am my own boss and I am entirely reliant on my own org ability everyday to make money and on a good day I'm talking to 20 different people of all backgrounds and taking their money, it's not bad, but it is stressful and requires a lot of emotional labor.

 

[DeutscheKatze]

300 days sober today…
exhausted, still feeling lost with a lot of things

id rather had worked out the last 2 weeks, but things didnt allow it rn

maybe next vacation again

reality is often unpleasant, for some its very nice
for some not

reasons why we might rather flee from it all
but we cant, and shouldnt

 

[sorrycharlie]

I hit 500 days a couple of days ago. No meetings or anything, just lots of walking, reading, and other, better things to fill my time. Pretty much every aspect of my life has improved since I quit. Alcohol is so unappealing now.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

Another sober day and life is good.

 

[Nique la mere de Macron]

I joined AA three days ago and I'm just so sad.

 

[dick brain]

500 days.

 

[Neighborhood Janny]

I joined AA three days ago and I'm just so sad.

What has got you down, friend?

500 days.

Man I am so proud of you! I knew you had it in you!

 

[Your Girlfriend's Dad]

I've been an alcoholic for a long time. It was a habit I enjoyed for a long time. Then it became a coping method for stress after work in EMS. Now it's just something I fall into.

I can go weeks or months without drinking. I almost never get too drunk when I drink socially. But when I'm by myself, I will drink until I'm completely blacked out for almost days at a time.

I've never been one for AA, and definitely not for therapy (nothing against good CBT, I just find most therapists are feelgood quacks that reinforce shitty behavior) but abstinence seems to work for me.

When I was a few years younger it didn't affect me so much physically. Now it's caused me to put on some weight. My blood pressure is miserable. My cholesterol and triglycerides are crap. It'll eventually kill me if I don't get a handle on this part of my life.

I have a hard time enjoying things when I'm sober. I think the longer I abstain that tends to get better, and so I think the heavy drinking is actually causing a good deal of that lack of enjoyment. I can be overly serious or a bit too vigilant sober, but being drunk feels like I can relax and feel deep emotions. Stupid, dumb, overly-dramatic emotions that get me in trouble, but I think I enjoy it relative to the extremely mild anhedonia I have sometimes.

I'm not currently in a period of sobriety, but I'm going to have to soon. My drinking has been escalating a lot recently.

Feels good to get that off my chest. Thanks guys.