Alcoholism Support Thread - Down the hatch

[Nique la mere de Macron]

What has got you down, friend?



Man I am so proud of you! I knew you had it in you!

Just the loneliness.

 

[Neighborhood Janny]

I can be overly serious or a bit too vigilant sober, but being drunk feels like I can relax and feel deep emotions.

I felt the same way. I found out that while I could feel deep emotions more easily and be relaxed, I continued chasing those emotions. Because I chased them, I continued to drink and it spiraled. What really helped me was reading and practicing self reflection. I didn't read anything in particular; most of the time it was just history anthologies, my favorite series', or a good biography. If I had something to sink my mental teeth into, I had the ability to experience those emotions with a sober mind. Sometimes I would look back on my life and think about the decisions I've made and how I can come to terms with those decisions. That is where self reflection took over and I would sometimes open up to someone I trust, particularly my wife and parents, what I was thinking about and why. So not only was I reflecting on myself, but I was opening up to be given criticism and praise.

It's hard, I know. I miss that feeling of drinking and every emotion feeling 1000x more potent. I miss how carefree I was when I drank. But I don't miss making an ass out of myself in public. I also don't miss getting so plastered that I don't remember anything and wake up with wet pants.

Total sobriety isn't for everyone. In fact, I think most people would benefit from taking time away from things in their life that are causing a controlling influence. And that isn't just drinking or drugs, it could be anything! Take yourself away and allow yourself to recenter. That is so hard to do in our current society, but it isn't impossible.

Just the loneliness.

I know that feel. Desolation. Feeling like you're sitting at the edge of the universe, looking into the black void, and seeing nothing. It takes all you've got to not push yourself forward and fall into the abyss. This is where you find out a lot of things about yourself that you never knew or acknowledged. You'll feel more lonely than before because of that, but you know something? If you take this new knowledge of yourself and utilize it to become better, you'll realize that loneliness goes away. Not immediately, but gradually. It takes a lot of work, but you'll get there. Don't give up.

 

[56 others]

It's the boredom for me

 

[dick brain]

I can be overly serious or a bit too vigilant sober, but being drunk feels like I can relax and feel deep emotions. Stupid, dumb, overly-dramatic emotions that get me in trouble, but I think I enjoy it relative to the extremely mild anhedonia I have sometimes.

I am once again going to plug Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker on the off chance that it helps, because it certainly helped me and I wish I'd found it sooner.

 

[MN3MONIA]

I quit a Job recently. Only lasted two days. My medication might need adjusting but, I find it hard not to feel like shit without intoxication. sober me is blunted and autistic. I have to force myself to laugh along with other people or participate in something. Everything feels so tiresome.

I was recently diagnosed with a 1 in a million disorder that causes my immune system to eat away at my brain. Caused me to go blind for 6 months. No lesions so far so im praying my disease doesn't relapse.

On top of that I'm coming to terms with the fact I'm probably bipolar. The medicine they gave me leaves me with no energy at all. I tried AA and I think it induced a manic spiral. Sometimes I feel like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

I feel far away from God right now, but used to have strong faith. Alas, I still have my mustard seed.


I recommend this televised play to you all. It will sober up even the biggest lush

 

[Your Girlfriend's Dad]

I am once again going to plug Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker on the off chance that it helps, because it certainly helped me and I wish I'd found it sooner.

I am so averse to anything involving PTSD given how fucking prevalent every borderline attention seeking loser on the planet co-opts it. That and, generally speaking, I'm not a big fan of labeling myself with any kind of excuse for being a hunk of shit.

 

[Neighborhood Janny]

I am so averse to anything involving PTSD given how fucking prevalent every borderline attention seeking loser on the planet co-opts it. That and, generally speaking, I'm not a big fan of labeling myself with any kind of excuse for being a hunk of shit.

I think everyone may have some form of PTSD from traumatic or otherwise unpleasant situations in their life. It just depends on how a person reacts and is affected by that trauma that can induce the "disorder" part. I don't even consider it a disorder because that implies a person has control over it, which most people with PTSD (combat veterans, police, firemen, EMTs) don't have.

The labeling aspect is hard to get over. I don't put labels on myself or others as a way of describing them, which is what I think you may be resistant towards. No one wants to be labeled as X and be known as X for their entire life. If you look at those labels as a method of understanding what affects you most, you'll be able to work on ways to overcome them.

 

[Your Girlfriend's Dad]

I think everyone may have some form of PTSD from traumatic or otherwise unpleasant situations in their life. It just depends on how a person reacts and is affected by that trauma that can induce the "disorder" part. I don't even consider it a disorder because that implies a person has control over it, which most people with PTSD (combat veterans, police, firemen, EMTs) don't have.

The labeling aspect is hard to get over. I don't put labels on myself or others as a way of describing them, which is what I think you may be resistant towards. No one wants to be labeled as X and be known as X for their entire life. If you look at those labels as a method of understanding what affects you most, you'll be able to work on ways to overcome them.

I think disorder implies dysfunction as a symptom more than it implies control over the collection of symptoms.

PTSD, genuine PTSD, in my mind is a learned pattern of behaviors as response to repeated situations or stimuli. Those behaviors are appropriate in the situations that they are developed, but inappropriate in most of society. Hyper-vigilance or over aggression are decent survival techniques in combat, but not on a date. I'm not a psychology expert, this is just my thoughts on it.

I don't believe I have PTSD, and if I did, I don't believe my drinking comes from that. It's entirely possible I'm too close to the situation to have a clear view, but regardless, it's not an avenue I feel I'll pursue any time soon.

 

[dick brain]

I am so averse to anything involving PTSD given how fucking prevalent every borderline attention seeking loser on the planet co-opts it. That and, generally speaking, I'm not a big fan of labeling myself with any kind of excuse for being a hunk of shit.

I resisted it for at least a decade because I knew combat vets and didn't want to equate my experience to theirs, and because I didn't want to be mistaken for an antiwork tumblr reddit twitter faggot, but that just set me back a decade. It's not about labeling yourself or excusing yourself, it's about figuring out precisely what's wrong with you so you can start to fix it.

Anyway I'm not a doctor or whatever, I just noticed you mentioned vigilance and needing alcohol to be able to relax and feel, which is exactly what I needed it for.

 

[Smokeski]

if you want the honest answer, it's the feeling. people get addicted to the feeling and crave the feeling. people don't usually drink because they enjoy the alcohol in itself. they do it because it makes them feel better.

the idea of addiction can be applied with virtually anything, i really liked being fucked up and didn't have a limit.

When I drink i chase the first 20 minutes all night. Not a good thing, so I stopped over a year ago.

 

[Your Girlfriend's Dad]

I resisted it for at least a decade because I knew combat vets and didn't want to equate my experience to theirs, and because I didn't want to be mistaken for an antiwork tumblr reddit twitter faggot, but that just set me back a decade. It's not about labeling yourself or excusing yourself, it's about figuring out precisely what's wrong with you so you can start to fix it.

Anyway I'm not a doctor or whatever, I just noticed you mentioned vigilance and needing alcohol to be able to relax and feel, which is exactly what I needed it for.

I genuinely appreciate the consideration. It's something I'll think on. I don't think they're entirely unrelated. I took a few years off EMS and the drinking followed me. Reducing stress didn't help. Actually, I drank a lot less with a full schedule and a driven mission on the ambulance than I ever did in Tech and Finance.

When I drink i chase the first 20 minutes all night. Not a good thing, so I stopped over a year ago.

Yeah I feel that. I maintain a buzz right up until I don't. Then it's game on. My twin brother is the same way. There's a real genetic component here. Probably an increased doapmine response to alcohol on top of the usual GABA response that sedates. It's just reward pathway over and over again.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

When I drink i chase the first 20 minutes all night. Not a good thing, so I stopped over a year ago.

It's like pre-gaming for a party. Technically the potential of the night is endless: "Love" (cause nobody finds their fucking wife drunk at a party), the late-night running around the city like in your teens, or saying something that totally changes your life around. Then 30 mins pass and you're just sat in the corner drinking, bored. I used to game and drink every friday with friends and I'd always wake up with new friends on Steam or what have you. Now, years later, I sit friday night thinking "I could've drank and woken up to something new", but I never do, cause of course I don't. None of the friends I made were remotely worthwhile but compared to being bored and going to bed at 9pm, it's better.

Or as of late: I hope I'll randomly ball up and play some games I'm too indifferent to normally, which also doesn't happen. It really just is boredom. On a workday I'm fine eating for the first time at 11:30am, but when I'm off work I'm bored to death and have lunch at 10. Likewise, if I had -anything- to do friday night, I'd do it. I've been at parties within the last 3 years and feel no urge to drink whatsoever. All the things that could go wrong isn't worth it, and the slight chance I could be the sober hero with a car getting someone drunk home is 50 times the nut any amount of alcohol would.

Likewise, also never happens. Did happen once, was pretty cool.

 

[Nique la mere de Macron]

For me it's this weird and toxic and bizarre combination of: (1) loneliness; (2) boredom; and (3) my apparent inability to cure my fucking boredom by, I don't know, cleaning my house that looks like a bulldozer hit it, or reading one of about 50 unread books from my stash, or doing a lot of needed home repairs or anything really.

Also the loneliness has NOT made me any more likely to stop isolating myself. I don't want to see my very few friends here (because none of them do anything but drink) and I don't want to see my BF (because he does NOT have a substance abuse problem but he makes me feel terrible all the time).

People keep telling me about this "pink cloud" of early sobriety. WHERE THE FUCK IS IT? Because I still feel like Charlie Brown moping around under a raincloud.

 

[Terfatron]

For me it's this weird and toxic and bizarre combination of: (1) loneliness; (2) boredom; and (3) my apparent inability to cure my fucking boredom by, I don't know, cleaning my house that looks like a bulldozer hit it, or reading one of about 50 unread books from my stash, or doing a lot of needed home repairs or anything really.

Also the loneliness has NOT made me any more likely to stop isolating myself. I don't want to see my very few friends here (because none of them do anything but drink) and I don't want to see my BF (because he does NOT have a substance abuse problem but he makes me feel terrible all the time).

People keep telling me about this "pink cloud" of early sobriety. WHERE THE FUCK IS IT? Because I still feel like Charlie Brown moping around under a raincloud.

Why is your dude a shitbag towards you?
Girl, I don't know the full story but if he makes you feel terrible (for the wrong reaaons) is he helping or making it worse?

Sometimes someone can make you feel 'terrible" in a good way, you see your errors and start progressing towards making the right choices.
If he makes you feel terrible because he's just a dick sit down and think about if he is worth it
Everything is very fragile when you try to find out who you are sober and there shouldn't be anyone threatening that sobriety

Take it one step at a time
Tomorrow you clean 10 minutes in the kitchen in the morning and again in the afternoon. listen to a pod you like.
Then you do it again.
The weather is pretty crispy, take a 15 minute walk.

The trick is to so it little by little, chip away at it, not giving yourself this herculean task of "cleaning the whole house" or "renovating the bathroom".
Ser ut little goals, not too small because you want some progress but still manageable

Then just to the thing and take pride in what you're accomplish for yourself.

 

[dick brain]

Reminder that alcohol is by some accounts more dopaminergic than sex, and it's going to take time for your body/brain to want to do literally anything else. It's perfectly fine to be useless for a while. You will eventually adapt and things like being productive will feel good again, as long as you abstain long enough to let it happen.

 

[DeutscheKatze]

Stop drinking, your pets won‘t understand why you didn‘t come home that day. They love you. Some humans in your life do too.

Put the money you piss n vomit out towards other goals. Keep your body healthy, you only got this one, this run.

you can do it!
and give yourself time

friends/partners will accept the decision if they are good for you

 

[Nique la mere de Macron]

Why is your dude a shitbag towards you?
Girl, I don't know the full story but if he makes you feel terrible (for the wrong reaaons) is he helping or making it worse?

Sometimes someone can make you feel 'terrible" in a good way, you see your errors and start progressing towards making the right choices.
If he makes you feel terrible because he's just a dick sit down and think about if he is worth it
Everything is very fragile when you try to find out who you are sober and there shouldn't be anyone threatening that sobriety

Take it one step at a time
Tomorrow you clean 10 minutes in the kitchen in the morning and again in the afternoon. listen to a pod you like.
Then you do it again.
The weather is pretty crispy, take a 15 minute walk.

The trick is to so it little by little, chip away at it, not giving yourself this herculean task of "cleaning the whole house" or "renovating the bathroom".
Ser ut little goals, not too small because you want some progress but still manageable

Then just to the thing and take pride in what you're accomplish for yourself.

Thank you, that is all very good advice. There's SO FUCKING MUCH to fix in my life (most of it, ironically, unrelated to alcohol), but I guess I just have to eat the elephant one bite at a time.

He doesn't make me feel terrible in a good way. It's more like a whole bunch of oh I love you I love you I love you, a whole bunch of NOT helping with little things where I really could use a hand (like the flat tire I've had for two weeks, helping me clear this vacant lot I own before the neighbors sue me, nothing he's REQUIRED to do obviously but like I said, I'm really overwhelmed, he is not, and I could use a hand), coupled with a cheerful "I'm sure you'll figure it out by yourself!" and then anger if I express anything other than cheerful gratitude for his "love" and best wishes. So every conversation turns into him being a victim because if I say I'm overwhelmed or depressed or struggling or whatever, that means that I'm calling him a bad person and that hurts his little feewings.

Clearly I'm expecting too much.

Also, he treats me like a criminal suspect in an interrogation room. Saves my texts so that he can throw them in my face if he finds a perceived inconsistency. He's very good at this, as he's a cop. I'm now very good at just shutting the fuck up and exercising my own personal right to remain silent, as I'm a lawyer. Ha ha.

So yes, like Dan Savage says, DTMFA, but I live in a country where I'm not fully fluent in the language, and the POSSIBILITY of help every now and then with official-type phone calls is pretty important because adding "becoming fluent" is one thing too many on the "to do" list right now. That is pretty much the only reason he's being kept around at the moment.

I like your idea about cleaning 10 minutes at a time. For those of us who work remotely, it's also a good way just to not let your ass grow into the work chair and get a nice little stretch in. And feel like less of an alcoholic loser.

 

[Terfatron]

@Nique la mere de Macron

Sounds like you got a little motivated. Hang on to that feeling.
Before you sleep and when you wake up in the morning visualize what you gonna do in the day.
It could be "Clean the pans and take a 10 minute walk" and then stick to it. It doesent have to happen first thing you wake up but you HAVE to do them.
And stick to the plan and what you set out for the day.

Again, little by little you start seeing progress.
It's like losing weight. If you change your diet, start going to the gym 5 days a week and and do a 180 cold turkey you will suffer from fatigue fast.
It's easier when you start by cutting out soda, then you take the snacks.

It's about long term change and sticking to positive life changes. If you say you're a lawyer I have to believe you and if you could make that happen you can make these things happen.

It sounds cheesy af but it's about showing up for yourself every day even when you don't want too

 

[dick brain]

It's like losing weight. If you change your diet, start going to the gym 5 days a week and and do a 180 cold turkey you will suffer from fatigue fast.
It's easier when you start by cutting out soda, then you take the snacks.

I know this is just intended to be a metaphor but I'm obligated to say you're better off going to the gym first because exercise is inherently rewarding and has a ton of physical and mental health benefits which do a lot more to keep the ball rolling than just existing at a caloric deficit.

 

[Wayfaring_$tranger]

For anyone going through withdrawals I'd recommend giving kratom a try, it helped quite a bit when I stopped drinking a few months ago.