Alexandra Rodriguez / Alexandra Irene Thomas / Learning to be Fearless - pathological liar, fake BoPo advocate, professional dropout, apex consumer, great big fatty, now a mother

[DefCon Dumb]

As much as I hate to admit it, my first baby brought me to my knees. I thought I was ready. How hard could it be to look after a tiny human who only needed to be kept, fed, clean, warm and dry? I was soundly humbled before the baby was a week old.

She strikes me as someone who always wants to portray her life as fun, exciting and even glamorous. She’s going to be sore, her hormone balance undergoing a very quick, major shift and very sleep deprived.

She’ll be lucky if she gets out of her bathrobe, never mind get timely showers. Sleep? Even if Yar takes a block of time to let her sleep, unless she had good ear plugs, her baby crying WILL wake her up.

While hiring a nanny may be an option for her, your country has labor shortages just as we do and finding someone may be a problem, never mind finding someone reliable and trustworthy.

I’ll be honest, the only reason I want her to figure it out and make it work quickly is because there’s going to be a completely innocent, tiny human involved,

And later, I don’t know if she’s thinking of daycare but in most of Canada, the wait lists are breathtakingly long… up to 3 years in some areas and a lot of families are being forced to have one parent quit their job to look after their small children.

It’s beginning to have an interesting effect on our demographics.

 

[I call shenanigans]

As much as I hate to admit it, my first baby brought me to my knees.

Mine did as well and when I had my first, the hospital where I delivered had compulsory first parent classes, and I was Advanced degree at the time, while Fat Alex is homeschooled by a narcissist mother.

She’ll be lucky if she gets out of her bathrobe, never mind get timely showers.

I still remember the first parenting class they showed video interviews with first time parents. The one thing I remember from that class was a mum that said at 3 months, her husband told her to go and buy new clothes because he was sick of seeing her in her in her old dressing gown…so she went out and purchased a new dressing gown. My first was a colicky nightmare, so I don’t wish that on either mother or baby. As for daily showers, she doesn’t do that now so likely won’t care.

I don’t, and will not follow Priscilla P, but I did look at reddit yesterday. Not only has Fat Alex 100% copied Kelly’s nursery layout, she also traded her baby shower outfit to the same dress Kelly wore. She also wore the same hot pink v-neck dress that Kelly wore on her baby moon. At least Kelly went to Bora Bora and not Martha’s Vineyard. Fat Al needs to find a new influencer because we all know where her influence has come from.

ETA: Even the pregnancy announcement photos are too similar to be coincidental. Plus the mirror over the changing station, and the book station. I’m left wondering if Kelly is the latest “friend” that is having her baby imminently. Fat Alex even used the same wording with Bruno when saying do you want to show your Baby brothers nursery that Kelly said.

ETA 2: spelling

 

[beanbag in a hurry]

DAY IN MY LIFE: s'mores protein balls, new baby find, failed craft time *lol*​

 

[Lidl Drip]

DAY IN MY LIFE: s'mores protein balls, new baby find, failed craft time *lol*​

Watching her try to laminate those ultrasound pictures was very frustrating, like watching a toddler. She has zero ability to predict the outcomes of an action, if you stick two sticky things together they will... stick to each other who could have seen that coming? Not Alex.

Yar finally installed the car seat, he said it was easy because there were stickers with colorful instructions (no shit, they have to make those foolproof to install so even nogs can do it). Imagine Alex trying to do that though, lol.

 

[FarmerKhourtney]

A colicky baby can reorganize your brain and wreck your sleep forever. This ho ain’t ready

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Potato archive for the curious:

 

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

Watching her try to laminate those ultrasound pictures was very frustrating, like watching a toddler. She has zero ability to predict the outcomes of an action, if you stick two sticky things together they will... stick to each other who could have seen that coming? Not Alex.

I don't know what I was expecting after reading this comment, but holy shit you were not wrong. It was like watching an intellectually disabled monkey assemble a linear accelerator. Not even a mildly delayed ape, but a legitimately mentally retarded monkey.

Yar finally installed the car seat, he said it was easy because there were stickers with colorful instructions (no shit, they have to make those foolproof to install so even nogs can do it). Imagine Alex trying to do that though, lol.

I hope to God he's not as stupid as his wife is, but I just don't have a good feeling.

 

[Miltank]

Why does she keep peanut butter in the fridge?

 

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

Why does she keep peanut butter in the fridge?

I think it's natural peanut butter, which must be refrigerated to prevent spoilage.

 

[Miltank]

I think it's natural peanut butter, which must be refrigerated to prevent spoilage.

I actually didn't know this, good to know

 

[I call shenanigans]

Watching her try to laminate those ultrasound pictures was very frustrating, like watching a toddler.

And she watched a video on how to do it. Reminded me of her incompetence trying to pump up that pool tanning thing which we never saw again.

Why does she keep peanut butter in the fridge?

TikTok probably told her to

I think it's natural peanut butter, which must be refrigerated to prevent spoilage.

Nah, it was just your bog standard Whole Foods 365. Not going to fault her for that though. In summer mine goes in the fridge as well.

When I saw that mobile I was surprised she didn’t buy one on an arm that hangs from the cot end, revolves and plays music. What she got reminded me more of a sun-catcher than a mobile. Cute idea with the dog, but doubt it will last long once the kid can reach the dog. Did she ever say where the expensive dog (like Bruno) lamp disappeared. It’s definitely disappeared from the nursery. I wonder if that was an Amazon return as well after she’d linked it.

 

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

Nah, it was just your bog standard Whole Foods 365. Not going to fault her for that though. In summer mine goes in the fridge as well.

Nope, sorry. It still doesn't have any preservatives and will go rancid faster if stored at room temperature. The product label actually indicates that it should be refrigerated after opening.

 

[Ethyllithium Boybortion]

She’s legit retarded.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

When I saw that mobile I was surprised she didn’t buy one on an arm that hangs from the cot end, revolves and plays music. What she got reminded me more of a sun-catcher than a mobile. Cute idea with the dog, but doubt it will last long once the kid can reach the dog.

Spoiler: PLing retardation

So the mobile she got actually reminds me of what I did for my own goblin (and goblin STILL HAS IT hanging in the goblin den, because it was made by the mother of goblins and therefore is something precious apparently). Namely because it's not an auto-spinning music playing thing.

Except my goblin's wasn't store bought (entirely - what was bought was cheap, because we were on a single paycheck and times were pretty damned tough). I bought a packet of butterfly 'paint this shit' suncatchers, thick rainbow ribbon and a wire wreath base from Walmart before going on fucking shift and sitting on the forward end of the submarine I was stationed on (training sub, so permanently moored and therefore cooking brat in oven didn't risk deployability or anything). I painted during dead hours between log sets and admin. Then I strung it all together using thread from my uniform sewing kit, the aforementioned rainbow ribbon, and lockwire 'acquired' from the boat. I also managed to scrounge up a couple of high quality bearings when we did motor maintenance on one of our safety pumps to add to the mobile so it spins very, very fluidly with a gentle tug at the butterflies. It hung above the goblin cage until said goblin outgrew it, then goblin asked if it could be hung in the goblin den to be appreciated once I told the little monster where it all came from and that it was hand-made vice bought assembled from a store. (Goblin has expressed wanting to use it for future spawn and maybe just adding more ribbon)

Baby Fearless might love the pupper because Bruno, but what other attachment is there to it? It sure as shit wasn't crafted with love by his parents. It was an impulse buy because DOGGO! and 'CAN MAKE IT LOOK LIKE OUR DOGGO!!'

I dunno, man. Been drinking and shit and this just popped to my brain because... tasty verdejo for no particular reason.

Didn't bother reading spoiler: It's not a terrible mobile, but she could've added some personal touches, and it is SO FUCKING SAD being nothing but white and beige. Poor kid could be born color blind and not realize it until elementary school.

Edit: typos coz drinking

 

[beanbag in a hurry]

'CAN MAKE IT LOOK LIKE OUR DOGGO!!'

Didn't even get the tail right.

 

[The Judean People's Front]

Not even a mildly delayed ape, but a legitimately mentally retarded monkey.

Holy shit, I thought surely you must be exaggerating - and if anything, after watching that, I feel you're not giving retarded sapiens their due.

She is the embodiment of why toasters have warnings to not use in the shower. And this is after a YouTube tutorial!

No wonder her entire existence is shopping and talking to a camera. Smoke would come out of her ears if she tried a skill-based hobby.

 

[RainbowStarlight]

She’s legit retarded.
View attachment 6297987

I'm complete shocked she didn't test it with some completely different photo/ magazine cut out or something before risking destroying such a sentimental photo. But then...I shouldn't be so shocked.

 

[everybody in Portugal]

Actual retardation. She looks like she probably has to put conscious effort into remembering to breathe.

 

[Bibbity Bobbity]

Dumbass and vapid, surface oriented people have babies every day. Mostly the kids and parents survive. Lessons are learned.

The train wreck to come is that Alex here has a job as an ~influencer~. Meaning she has to:

Always look kyuuuuute: the better to sell clothes and makeup​

​

Keep baby kyuuuute and cooperative: the better to sell baby products​

​

Keep the house spotless!!​

​

Make all this look effortless, to convince her subscribers that these products are the reason why her life is so awesome and better than yours​

All without a maternity leave! Do they have another source of income? Besides Yar's part time army stuff? I don't think so.

Anyways, pop the popcorn.

 

[Smokingpoop]

Alex's gestures of affection include buying Yar expensive gifts-- and, one time, a shirt with five photos of her face on it (the shirt has never been seen again).

Does anyone have the pictures or video of this? I feel like it would be really funny lmao