Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

[My Cat Is Racist]

Did she ever use olives at any point? I can see her just dumping the whole brine in there.

Almost definitely.

I know she dumped in a jar of artichokes and maybe a jar of mushrooms plus all of the brine/marinade. Dumping in some olives plus all the brine is pretty much on brand for Fat Amber.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

I have been pointed in the direction of the inspiration behind Ambers 'scrap=book'

View attachment 2897968

Using a gluestick and pasting the shit in (then smoothing it properly) is just too much work.

Almost definitely.

I know she dumped in a jar of artichokes and maybe a jar of mushrooms plus all of the brine/marinade. Dumping in some olives plus all the brine is pretty much on brand for Fat Amber.

I remember her doing this when making one of her horrific slopbowls. I'm pretty sure there were a ton of comments about that particular step in her "recipe" (that she wanted everyone to follow) steps.

Edit: putting olives into a hot soup (also ketchup, cauliflower "pearls", AKA the stuff they scrape off the packaging line, sriracha, etc.). (Cued)

 

[purplemacar0n]

Using a gluestick and pasting the shit in (then smoothing it properly) is just too much work.



I remember her doing this when making one of her horrific slopbowls. I'm pretty sure there were a ton of comments about that particular step in her "recipe" (that she wanted everyone to follow) steps.

Edit: putting olives into a hot soup (also ketchup, cauliflower "pearls", AKA the stuff they scrape off the packaging line, sriracha, etc.). (Cued)

To be fair, I think Amber has improved slightly on how she cooks now than in 2016. Not by much. I think the only reason why she got better was because she realized dumping a bunch of stuff together and calling it a soup wasn't cooking. Now she just eats packaged and processed foods.

 

[Mr. Ghoul]

Using a gluestick and pasting the shit in (then smoothing it properly) is just too much work.



I remember her doing this when making one of her horrific slopbowls. I'm pretty sure there were a ton of comments about that particular step in her "recipe" (that she wanted everyone to follow) steps.

Edit: putting olives into a hot soup (also ketchup, cauliflower "pearls", AKA the stuff they scrape off the packaging line, sriracha, etc.). (Cued)

Jesus Christ the way she boils the ever living fuck out of everything is infuriating. Doesn't matter what you put in there if you're going to boil it for an hour it's all going to turn to mush anyway. I'm convinced she's permanently burned some of the nerve endings away in her mouth because just like our gorl says she likes it "piping hot", aka she can't wait 10 minutes to let her slop cool down past molten lava levels before wolfing it down.

 

[Turd Fergusson]

Jesus Christ the way she boils the ever living fuck out of everything is infuriating. Doesn't matter what you put in there if you're going to boil it for an hour it's all going to turn to mush anyway. I'm convinced she's permanently burned some of the nerve endings away in her mouth because just like our gorl says she likes it "piping hot", aka she can't wait 10 minutes to let her slop cool down past molten lava levels before wolfing it down.

I am not sure how often she did these ghastly dishes. I suspect she did these just for show, and most of her meals are takeaways. Besides having no taste, she is incredibly lazy. I think that now all the cooking is done by Jade.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

To be fair, I think Amber has improved slightly on how she cooks now than in 2016. Not by much. I think the only reason why she got better was because she realized dumping a bunch of stuff together and calling it a soup wasn't cooking. Now she just eats packaged and processed foods.

I'll go with "not improved at all". She still makes (or did more often when they were living with the boys) those disgusting concoctions like:

Taco soup - during one session, she added mushrooms
"Chili" - this has not improved at all
Salmon - onto which she put a shitload of garlic powder, pepper, and about half a container of onion powder. Then sprayed it with Pam.

And a very special - and mighty tasty, if it were done correctly - orzo with pesto, shrimp, and feta. Except it's an entire jar of pesto, and rubbery, overly seasoned shrimp (garlic powder, onion powder, dry minced onion) because she set that on to cook first, instead of waiting until the pasta was ready to cook it.

Cued here:

Archive here:
Grossness

Another reason I think she doesn't really like food: the mounds of "seasoneeeens" she insists on putting all over everything. Not everything needs to taste only of onion and garlic, or - the only alternate in the Amberverse - hot sauce of some kind.

 

[DontEatThat]

I feel Amber just cooks this shit in an attempt to show people that she can cook and isnt reliant on takeout or frozen meals. However she has fucked up tastebuds and results in her over seasoning, but I also suspect that deep inside if she does fuck up a dish so she can justify getting takeout.

 

[I am vomit]

Almost definitely.

I know she dumped in a jar of artichokes and maybe a jar of mushrooms plus all of the brine/marinade. Dumping in some olives plus all the brine is pretty much on brand for Fat Amber.

I'm not saying this because she's fat, but because of the pure sodium content from that. How the FUCK is she still alive?

 

[purplemacar0n]

I'm not saying this because she's fat, but because of the pure sodium content from that. How the FUCK is she still alive?

The salt really messed her sodium intake but the one thing saving her from complete death is the way she thinks anything that anything that is any sort of nutritional value can be coated in unhealthy stuff.

 

[hotcheetospuffs]

Using a gluestick and pasting the shit in (then smoothing it properly) is just too much work.



I remember her doing this when making one of her horrific slopbowls. I'm pretty sure there were a ton of comments about that particular step in her "recipe" (that she wanted everyone to follow) steps.

Edit: putting olives into a hot soup (also ketchup, cauliflower "pearls", AKA the stuff they scrape off the packaging line, sriracha, etc.). (Cued)

Wow, the cauliflower pearls were three days past their use-by date and she still used them! Today's Amber would've made a big hullabaloo over tossing them out.

 

[purplemacar0n]

Wow, the cauliflower pearls were three past their use-by date and she still used them! Today's Amber would've made a big hullabaloo over tossing them out.

Exactly. Her attachment issues to food she'll never eat and don't need will is the reason she still has issues in her life.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

This is just as traumatizing as it was the first time around: the "healthy" veg soup with atichokes. You have been warned. At least she didn't actually add the brine from the artichoke hearts.

Wherein Big Al boils veg to death in chicken broth, with: an Italian seasoning mix and basil and parsley; garlic powder and minced garlic; tons of black pepper and sriacha; a can of Rotel tomatoes with habaneros and ketchup; sliced fresh carrots and carrots in a frozen veg mix; two starchy potatoes and starchy veg from that same frozen mix and a starchy bag of frozen corn; random can of green beans, a jar of drained artichoke hearts, aminos, and lentils right out of the bag (no precook, no soaking).

A truly disgusting clash of seasonings and a terrible mixture of veg. She boiled it all to begin, then lowered the heat and cooked it for 40 minutes. Hey, you fat fuck, if you precooked the beans or just got a can like you had that other stuff, you wouldn't have to cook it that long and your nasty soup wouldn't be total mush. Not to mention you wasted that low sodium broth by salt bombing the pot with aminos, canned beans, canned tomatoes, jarred artichoke hearts, ketchup, sriacha, and Season All, which itself has a whopping 350mg per serving of a quarter teaspoon (and you added a shitload off it). Meanwhile, Density appears to be eating a PB&J,and who can blame her for skipping whatever monstrosity that was.

 

[Sarah Connor]

This is just as traumatizing as it was the first time around: the "healthy" veg soup with atichokes. You have been warned. At least she didn't actually add the brine from the artichoke hearts.

Where the fuck did she learn this recipe from? It's like she immediately thought "i'm going to cook every single veggie i like together in a big stew with HEAPS of garlic and onion powder on top of it and that's going to be my daily serving of veggies yessir!"
Is this the slop they force fed her in foster care? Is this what mama meth would make while she was nodding off? did casey only have canned vegetables in her house and once a week they'd make a huge pot of boiled canned vegetables and live off that until Friday? Because I sure as hell don't see Martha Stewart pulling shit like this.

 

[purplemacar0n]

Where the fuck did she learn this recipe from? It's like she immediately thought "i'm going to cook every single veggie i like together in a big stew with HEAPS of garlic and onion powder on top of it and that's going to be my daily serving of veggies yessir!"
Is this the slop they force fed her in foster care? Is this what mama meth would make while she was nodding off? did casey only have canned vegetables in her house and once a week they'd make a huge pot of boiled canned vegetables and live off that until Friday? Because I sure as hell don't see Martha Stewart pulling shit like this.

She doesn't learn her recipes, that requires basic reading and measurement skills. She just says that so people don't realize how horrible her cooking skills are, she can just blame it on the "recipe".

 

[Kitsunehime]

seems like Hamber is cooking like the most People that just moved out of their Parents Home...she can t really cook by herself, so she make s a Soup where she tosses everything inside what ever she finds...and hope that it s somehow tasty at the End XD
It give s me the shivers that she buys reduced Sodium Broth but adds tons of other oversugard/salted Things to the Mix like the Katchup<---take the pure Tomato-pürree, it doesn t contain Sugar at all and got the same intense Tomato taste...(at least here in Germany O.o)
BTW is it just me or does it looks like Wifey doesn t take care so much of Ambers Food anymore? not only that the Manatee gained back a lot of the lost Pounds...but also...no Videos anymore with "freshly made" Food...

 

[Botched Tit Job]

...and hope that it s somehow tasty at the End XD
...

Tomato-pürree, it doesn t contain Sugar at all and got the same intense Tomato taste...(at least here in Germany O.o)

I haven't seen someone unironically use XD and O.o since 2009 and I love you

 

[Xenomorph]

Dana did something smart for once by being the one to initiate the breakup with Dustbucket.
View attachment 2897330

Jade is the shittest manager ever. Even if she uploaded a video of a layg massage or polyamory with Destiny (take notes), any reaction channel could just reupload it. No one wants to give Amber views anymore.

She says that shit everytime.

Dana's shrived ovaries are crying out to make more bridge trolls it was only a matter of time she craved diq.

 

[Mr. Ghoul]

She doesn't learn her recipes, that requires basic reading and measurement skills. She just says that so people don't realize how horrible her cooking skills are, she can just blame it on the "recipe".

Cooking can be done either by recipes or by taste. Hamber fails at both simultaneously. She says she has "recipes" while pretending to cook by intuition and taste but she's too lazy for recipes and has the intuition of a rock. Even Kay puts more effort into her cooking than Amber.

 

[dollastoho]

You wish bitch!

 

[Owlflaps]

You wish bitch!
View attachment 2900918

The only thing this bitch polishes is the last plate of orange chicken from the local Cheesecake Factory.