Twenty-two minutes. Twenty-two FUCKING MINUTES.
I hate it already. 2x speed it is.
surprising my girlfriend!! & lots of eating | what I ate today | episode 7 - July 5, 2022
No doubt more padding bullshit to extend the length to what her idiot viewers said they wanted: 20+ minutes of NOTHING. What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Opening: hair obviously unwashed for more than one day. Frizzy. Says she had to take off her Fitbit, because it was giving her"ang-zie-tee" because it saidher heart rate was 60, and stop trying to fucking lie, you cunt. You know who has a resting heart of 60 and who are not people in comas? Elite athletes, that's who,. Not fat 500+ pound behemoths with high blood pressure and other nedical conditions like diabeetus. Also claims she weighed in at 495.8, and did she chalk that up to "Fluctuations, amirite?" Of course not! She lost a pound: her, she did that.
What the fuck ever,
She's going to lay some cinnamon sugar on the simple sugars that are white flour bagels for breakfast, With Country Crock. And cinnamon sugar. In the fucking microwave.
TOAST. YOUR. GODDAMNED. BAGELS. YOU. HEATHEN.
Shows off her month worth of fucking pills, Great job, Ms "I Hate Taking Pills" and your meds that you're taking for conditions you don't have, bitch.
More Starbucks crap. All these places are going to be so sad when you fuck off and die, Hamber. That's really going o leave a hole in their books. They'll have drum up business from the O- and D-lines on the UK football teams to take up the slack.
Horrid haul. Some dress in a 4 because she "hates dresses that are long" on her. Yeah, we know, because you fucking wear dresses as shirts. Looks stupid and the color is ugly.
Yammers at Twonk in that stupid high pitched baby talk shit that dogs, who have sensitive ears, hate.
They split a family fucking size Stouffer's lasagna between the two of them. It's like buying groceries never even fucking happened.
Amazon shit they didn't need. Ice cube molds to make iceballs instead of cubes. So quirky. So bougie. A cheese board, because as Hamber says, they want to make a charcuterie board. Dare you to add Stilton, gruyere, and Roquefort cheese and maybe some head cheese and prosciutto and salumi to it,
That pitcher that fell off the wall ages ago remains just sitting onte back of the couch, propped against the wall. The "gf" opines that maybe they should just take down that wall, leave it empty. Well, if you're not going to be Mr Fixit, I guess maybe you should, since you're both lazy fuckers who apparently can't take about 40 seconds to hang back the one that fell.
Some kind of giant, furry panda-looking coat with a hood, complete with a fucking pouch. That Fat Ham bought for the "gf", who makes the appropriate noises that she loves it. WTF are you going to do, carry Twonk around in the damn thing? The pouch also comes off and turns into a bag. Amazingly enough, in this sense, a pouch in anatomical terms is in fact a bag, but I see why you'd rather call it a bag. While Detached Pouch is a great garage band name, it isn't exactly how someone as sophisticated as Hamber and the "gf" would ever say it. Fat Ham then floats the idea of getting one for herself in a dusty pink, or even a matching one. Is there a furry arc coming up ahead? hat would be fucking hilarious.
Hamber declares she has never had this kind of lasagna before and I don't believe that for an instant. Pronounces it "So good." Of course. It has a huge amount of fat and sodium. What wouldn't you like about that, Fatty?
Finished with that, Fat Ham moves on to terrorizing Rarity. Let the poor fucking cat be, goddamn. Then Hamber and the "gf" are throwing some kind of toy for Twonk. If Fat Ham hadn't opened her fat fucking piehole, it would have been a nice little interlude.
Hamber mocking Alex is Shook intro. Apparently, thinks it's cute. Newsflash, you drama-stirring, heading into complete irrelevancy, attention-seeking whore: not cute. Every single reaction channel has something far more interesting to say than you, because they at least are trying to make actual, original commentary on your waste of a life. Almost all of them are better at breaking down your shit than you'll ever be, and that's fucking pathetic as hell.
"If you hear the dryer, my apologies." Then TURN OFF THE FUCKING DRYER OR FILM WHEN IT'S DONE. JFC, It's like it's fucking brain surgery to do your one and ONLY job that requires virtually zero effort.
Goddammit. She's amazed that water, when put into a mold, will freeze in the shape of that mold when you stick it in the freezer and allow it to set. Fat Ham being Hamber, of course she cannot wait or that process to complete, so she pulls one out and pops it, only to find that indeed, some of them are not in fact frozen through. It's like trying to get a child born with a fifth of a brain to understand any goddamned thing at all, and even THOSE kids have some kind of primal understanding of cause and effect for some things.
Honey garlic chicken, rice, and broccoli for dinner. OTHER FOODS EXIST,
Claims she ate just over 2100 calories that day. Sure you did, just like you ate those calories you reported every other day of this bizarre, not a weight loss channel but let me count calories and weigh in and do steps and then tell you all about those. If you ate the calories you've reported, you would be down significant weight.
Once again reminds us that she has "ang-zie-tee" and naturally, of course, she knows "other people" who have "ang-zie-tee" and they're having some problems with it, too. No fucking shit. You know who probably has some real anxiety these days? People who don't live in little goddamned bubbles, pounding Starbucks chais and artificially flavored sugar, bagels, ramen noodles, and frozen, preservative and sodium laden food,that's who. People who have to work more than an hour or so a day. People who don't have all the fucking time in the goddamned universe to either learn something useful from the world or do something useful for the world. People who don't have the luxury of ordering a single fucking soda via UberEats.
THAT'S FUCKING WHO.
Useless fucking waste of space.
TL;DW/R: Big Ham pounds more untoasted bagels, like the uncivilized twat she is, has more Starbucks shit, eats frozen shit, eats more goddamned rice and broccoli with some chicken. More hideous crap from Torrid, more stupid, useless shit from Amazon, including a hoodie/coat thing for the "gf" that goes to her knees and looks like a fucking furry's panda costume. Fat Ham the physicist is amazed that water will freeze in the shape of a mold you put it in. Whines about her "ang-zie-tee" and tells us se put her fitbit aside because it was "freaking her out" by reporting her heart rate as 60bpm, which is utter bullshit. But what a great excuse for not being able to give a step count. Claims 2100-ish calories, so still lying. The End.