- Joined
- Apr 18, 2020
I know the answer is "because consoom lol" but why is this fat retard spending a fortune on dresses that she never goes anywhere to actually wear when she's still trying to pretend she's saving money for surgery?
Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.
- Thread starter PiggyPie
- Start date
PixieDoodle
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2021
Amberlynn is so desperate to show that Faline is into her. She could have deleted this clip but purposely left it in. 
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2019
Because Little Amber likes to play dress-up and she has no intention of getting surgery.
TheCakeIsALie
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2016
It’s the same place as where the Slaton sisters went for their wls, and Chris.
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2021
Shes investing in a future that will never happen. Her buying dresses and other things is her investing in a moment in time that she will go out. She will wear it and oh how cute she will look when the time comes. Its like shopping for curtains before you own a home.
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2021
Georgetown Bariatrics is where Chris has his WLS. While it looks like Tammy may have had a WLS given the clear weightloss in her wedding photos, she's in a care facility in Ohio, so TLC may have found another deathfat capable bariatric surgeon closer to that facility. Amy's WLS was done by Dr Charles Proctor at Beltline Bariatics in Atlanta .
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2016
I'm sure I am wrong about this, because no one is ever right but Amber, and lord knows I am not a human calculator like she is, buuuuut, if those tickets cost $1/each, then she didn't win $89, she won $13?
Is the $89 in high roller ghetto winnings after her $76 initial investment?
My Cat Is Racist
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 21, 2017
Fat Amber says she should be able to show her body in thumbnails without being shamed for it.
I know she's not that bright but she knows what she's doing with those thumbnails. She wants to bring in extra views using a view of her gigantic, horrifying body without anyone leaving mean comments about how disgusting she looks.
That's not how it works Amber. It's not fat phobic. It's a natural human response to something that looks anything but normal. It's why people rubberneck when they go past crashes on a freeway. We're intrigued by horrifying looking things, like you.
I know she's not that bright but she knows what she's doing with those thumbnails. She wants to bring in extra views using a view of her gigantic, horrifying body without anyone leaving mean comments about how disgusting she looks.
That's not how it works Amber. It's not fat phobic. It's a natural human response to something that looks anything but normal. It's why people rubberneck when they go past crashes on a freeway. We're intrigued by horrifying looking things, like you.
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2019
The problem Amber's going to have with getting more eyes on her Fat Girl Doing Stuff Show is that she is not the only fatty on the internet, TV or in real life, and she's getting old. Not cute.
There are deathfats everywhere now. It would be like a circus advertising that people could pay a fee to see the same five people they see on their way to work every day.
Time to retire, Fat Amber. You saved up for retirement, didn't you?
lol
There are deathfats everywhere now. It would be like a circus advertising that people could pay a fee to see the same five people they see on their way to work every day.
Time to retire, Fat Amber. You saved up for retirement, didn't you?
lol
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2022
Fortunately for me my neurosurgeon is supposed to be one of the best in Texas so hopefully I’ll remember my kids after the butchery
Ahhhhhh……..just…….fuck you very much for that entirely unnecessary description of her…fluids!!!! And I say this with all the love and passion I have for this site…. fuck you VERY much and a merry fucking Christmas to you and anybody unfortunate enough to endure your lovecraftian verbiage. Love you sick fucks.
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2022
I apologize. Your confusion is my fault. I should have included the following picture with my comment yesterday: (it won't embed; please see attached) I think she's calling it an $89 win because she's saying that Jade bought them (so she got them for free, and won $89).
The tickets are $2. I'm not a human calculator either, but if a live in partner (who shares the bills with me) spent $152 for 76 x $2 tickets, and I scratched them and got $89, I would consider that a $63 loss. But then, I didn't take Introduction to Mathematics at Mackie Brown, so my mathematical abilities could not compare to our dainty gorl.
[Edit: the pic is a thumbnail from 'Eric's Corner' on YouTube - not muppet Eric, some other Eric from Kentucky who is way too into scratch tickets]
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- Joined
- May 31, 2020
Amberlynn continually provides evidence for why I call Torrid "Forever Size 21".
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2022
lipedema is getting worse, gf gives me a makeover, & shopping/haul!!! 
vlogmas day 11
Lowlight Reel with Commentary. Today was Vlogmas Day 11, or December 10th in the Amberverse.
Amber's couch is still a mess from her 'Torrid Haul' from the day before. Included in the mess is a whole series of DESICCANT PACKETS LEFT ON THE FLOOR FOR HER PETS TO EAT. Fortunately, unlike their owner who is stupid enough to eat Vicks VapoRub, the cats and dog were smart enough to not try and eat things that aren't edible. I know that she says and does shit purely for the viewer outrage, but putting her pets at risk of being poisoned is probably shit that she should edit out of her vlogs.
Amber did a "My girlfriend does my makeup for me segment". I was personally hoping Jade would draw a Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo on Amber's face with cheap dollar store eyeliner so it would stain, but Jade didn't have the balls to do that. Jade and Amber have used so much white glittery eyeshadow stuff all over Amber's face (and chest), that she looks like a morbidly obese vampire from the Twilight series. Overall, the makeup job looks kinda rough, but for the first time ever, AMBER HAS EYEBROWS!
Amber's present is a Lite-Brite. The backstory is that Jade is regifting something sent to her from a family member. Amber says that Jade will have to teach her how to use it.
JADE HAS OFFICIALLY BECOME THE NEW BECKY. She went out and picked up Amber's precription, bought her a stack of scratch tickets with the $89 (I'm assuming 44, but she doesn't specify), and bought her cheese fries and a soda from Shake Shack while Amber stayed home.
Hurpling through BigLots to buy more crap. Then Burlington because it was closed the other day. Comes home to Haul the crap - it's all just trash.
We have to watch Amber tidy the living room. She doesn't actually finish tidying it. Gross inuendo. Gross PDA.
Yet another horrifying Lovecraftian PlayDoh Demon.
Amber's lipedema is getting worse. It's from all of the car sitting - but it's not going to stop her from living her life. [You mean your life of sitting and eating while watching YouTube? No, I suppose it wouldn't] Amber totally does things that she doesn't vlog!
Amber is still wasting money DoorDashing sodas. She gets a snack of ice cream from the freezer (ice cream that she's replaced since she last threw away all of her ice cream in order to save her life).
Weight Loss Surgery Update: Amber got an email saying they received her patient packet, and it will take weeks to months to review it.
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- Joined
- Mar 9, 2022
I'm trying so hard to come up with an autistic psychoanalysis of her video but at this point, I can't think of anything that hasn't already been stated before. Same shit different day.
I will say though, Wipey seems to have some sort of struggle fetish. It is not uncommon for the feeder to derive pleasure from seeing their morbidly obese partner struggle with common tasks. This pairs well with Amber's infantilized and emotionally stunted mindset. The chimp really hit jackpot!
Wipey really doesn't have a personality of her own and it seems like she is your average run-of-the-mill black dyke (or "stud" as they like to be known) with a splash of Reddit influence if you understand what I mean. She is offensively bland.
Necky and Dusty knew and embraced the fact that they were boring hillbilly retards but Wipey tries too hard to present this mysterious chic-domme persona and ends up looking like a stupid faggot in the process.
"Both of these boxes are 40 points". Amber doing mental gymnastics to justify eating two entire boxes of frozen ice cream snacks when a sudden binge molment erupts. Always interesting to see her vocalize how her addict mind works.
"The ball is now in the [weight-loss clinics] court for weeks and months". You still gotta lose weight during that time you fat bitch.
Fun cozy winter fact: The largest cave in Kentucky is still not as big as Hamber's barren womb!
I will say though, Wipey seems to have some sort of struggle fetish. It is not uncommon for the feeder to derive pleasure from seeing their morbidly obese partner struggle with common tasks. This pairs well with Amber's infantilized and emotionally stunted mindset. The chimp really hit jackpot!
Wipey really doesn't have a personality of her own and it seems like she is your average run-of-the-mill black dyke (or "stud" as they like to be known) with a splash of Reddit influence if you understand what I mean. She is offensively bland.
Necky and Dusty knew and embraced the fact that they were boring hillbilly retards but Wipey tries too hard to present this mysterious chic-domme persona and ends up looking like a stupid faggot in the process.
"Both of these boxes are 40 points". Amber doing mental gymnastics to justify eating two entire boxes of frozen ice cream snacks when a sudden binge molment erupts. Always interesting to see her vocalize how her addict mind works.
"The ball is now in the [weight-loss clinics] court for weeks and months". You still gotta lose weight during that time you fat bitch.
Fun cozy winter fact: The largest cave in Kentucky is still not as big as Hamber's barren womb!
My Cat Is Racist
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 21, 2017
This stood out to me because a few vlogs ago she was harping on about when would be a good time for her to see the weight loss doctor and that January would be best.
Gorl, you don't get to pick the time. They're a specialist clinic. They find a time that suits them then you work around that. There's probably a massive waiting list for appointments, even for those with insurance.
It's always nice to see the reality of everyday life creep into Fat Amber's bubble. Back of the line, bitch.
If only she could just duck into her local ER and get it done.....
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2014
just die already jesus christ her life sucks.
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2021
How did you miss her revelation while folding the blanket (or whatever it was), that she "comes quickly". And yes she was meaning what it sounded like. That was vomit inducing and almost broke me.
She really has zero idea how the real world works.
It sounded more like Jade purchased babyLynne one of her own after she likely whined after Jane's family sent her her childhood set and Amber wanted one to.
Still won't stop her pretending that she's spending 16 hours travelling to and from (plus the appointment duration) to her "famous" bariatric surgeon.
So much for her thinking she was enough of a celebrity with no cash to pay for her surgery they would get her appointment in January. Never mind, she's marked her calender to start harassing the clinic from Feb 10 when their two months is up for contacting her back. The reality is that they may well contact her in 2 months to make an appointment, but that appointment might still be another couple of months later. Guess Amber doesn't realise that surgeons not only have long waitlists, especially "famous" surgeons and the rare ones that will deal with patients of deathfat proportions, will take holidays, and because WLS is totally elective rather than emergency, are often not available over holiday periods because hospitals close non-essential operating rooms so staff can go on holidays and they can get maintenance done on their equipment.
She really has zero idea how the real world works.
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
*ring* BRING OUT’CHER BOOOOZE!
Ahem. Onward.
0:00 ‘Hey Guise!’ Hey, AL. ‘Welcome to Vlogmas Day 11.’ Fuck your intro. Still. Forever.
0:20 Starts with the fact that her favorite number apparently is ‘1’ (because she’s number one, ya know. Narcnarcnarc) and today’s Day 11 so she’s hoping this’ll be a good vlog. It’ll be shit just like every other vlog she’s ever done in her entire career on YouTube. We all know this, though.
Today’s poison is Fireball yet again, because I didn’t polish off the bottle.
0:33 Reaching for content. Has the camera set up and it’s dark as shit because of no lighting, but of course that couldn’t be edited out because fuck you. Turns on every light to give everything a sickly yellow hue and says ‘let there be light.’ You’ve got your biblical stories mixed up, AL. God said ‘Let there be light.’ The whale that swallowed Job said ‘Hrrrrrrn.’
0:44 Starts pointing out the mess in her fucking sty. Waddles slowly past the couch, pointing out that all of yesterday’s Torrid is laying there. The desiccant packs are indeed on the floor, but AL can’t bend over that far so they’re safe from being mistaken for food and consumed. Still no color on the cardboard children’s box house - I suspect it will stay this way. AL is opening blinds now and yammering about how the cats are enjoying the expansion of territory by going in it. ‘I think they like it!’ she dumbly proclaims. And then she ponders if they should paint it.
That might actually be comical, but it’s more effort than CRANES or markers, so I don’t see that happening.
1:11 AL waddles around some more, camera under his rolls of chins as always. States that F/JFoNY:MGF,W will be doing her makeup. AL turns the camera to show ‘all of her makeup’ which is a large fake LV bag thing and four eyeshadow pallets sitting with her laptop. Does the laptop count as makeup? I mean, it could be smashed into her face repeatedly to give her rosy cheeks and some color to her nose for contour or something.
1:29 Oh, now she’s zooming in and picking up those desiccant packets, proving me wrong - she can indeed mush enough lard out of her way to be able to reach the floor. Color me surprised. She states she thankfully has smart kitty cats and ‘doggo’ who wouldn’t eat that shit. And she about blasted my eyeballs with vertigo, because Dumbass MacFuckFace just picked up her camera and flipped it all over the damned place so she could resume waddling while giving us the under-chin view we all hate.
1:43 And because it wouldn’t be an AL video without her fat meat mittens manhandling shit, she’s decided that F/JFoNY:MGF,W is too incompetent to grab shit out of her fake LV makeup bag and has to yoink it all out of there and lay it out for her. AL continues to color F/JFoNY:MGF,W as a fucking dumbass by stating that she’s informed F/JFoNY:MGF,W that she’s not allowed to question what any of the shit is used for. Then she tells us that last night, she used her last sheet of makeup remover. And she doesn’t know what the sheet is called. Just call it a baby butt wipe, AL.
2:25 She shows us the table she put her makeup on - and it’s literally just sitting there like a heap of garbage. No organization, not even laid out straight. If I were OCD, I’d be twitching even more than I already am because holy shit, this is making me grimace in veritable pain. It is just as organized as it was in the stupid bag. Why didn’t she just take her bag and turn it upside-down? It’d have the same effect as her manhandling everything and flopping it around with her sausage fingers.
2:33 Oh, NOW she actually has it almost straightened out. Kind of. Almost. She said she did that so it’s more cohesive and stuff doesn’t fall off the table and F/JFoNY:MGF,W isn’t overwhelmed, because she’s a fucking dumbass in addition to being FAT.
2:40 On the couch, has to wiggle her shirt around her tiny fat bags and then puts some Christmas pillows up behind her. Spare me the singing, AL, I’m not pre-gamed enough for your shit. She once again tells F/JFoNY:MGF,W that she ain’t gonna tell her a damned thing, and here we go. There’s a bunch of stupid chatter going on while F/JFoNY:MGF,W does AL’s makeup. ‘You look so good today.’ ‘Thank you, Mami.’ And I want to scoop my brains out of my ears with a spork. AL is just spouting stupid shit, and then wheezes out that she needs to go back to sleep. She says it’s like a little massage, then does the tween shit of stating her actions with ‘falls asleep.’ I don’t care. F/JFoNY:MGF,W brushed shit on AL’s face. AL asks F/JFoNY:MGF,W if she’s done makeup, and F/JFoNY:MGF,W says nope, never, not on me, not on anyone else. AL giggles and says ‘so I’m popping your makeup cherry.’ And I empty my glass.
5:10 Lord, it’s still going. F/JFoNY:MGF,W goops some fucking eyeliner on her lids. F/JFoNY:MGF,W says she’s nervous, to which AL squawks out ‘don’t be nerves!’ And I want to punch her in the throat. Continuing on, F/JFoNY:MGF,W continues to smear shit everywhere on AL’s buttery moon face. It’s only a marginally worse wing than AL does on herself. AL is horrified by the atrocity on her face. AL proclaims that she’s not going in public like this.
6:20 You know, I can’t fault F/JFoNY:MGF,W. Because the fat folds make it hard for her to get a decent angle and get a wing to be a line, because the stick keeps touching fat folds and smearing black everywhere. Looks like ass, but unless you have a decade of experience smearing eyeliner on a fat face, I suspect it’s pretty tough.
7:30 ‘She looks beautiful’ AL says in reply to the start of the eyeshadow. It’s not good. AL praises F/JFoNY:MGF,W for knowing where each object goes. I mean, it’s not fucking rocket science.
8:20 There’s so much fucking shade going on here from AL, being a cunty wench as she says things are ‘gorgeous’ and her looks say ‘this is asshole on my face.’
9:00 F/JFoNY:MGF,W uses eyeshadow to put eyebrows on AL. It works considerably better than whatever the fuck it is AL does to her face.
11:05 Now smearing blush along where her cheekbones should be. F/JFoNY:MGF,W then starts looking for bronzer to contour, then decides ‘the hell with this’ and goes for glitter instead.
11:44 So yeah, the left side of AL’s face is darker than the right side of her face. That’s comedic. Almost. If this was anyone other than AL. And there was something resembling a decent comedic delivery.
12:10 So AL shows us the glitter-shit that’s being smeared on her face by F/JFoNY:MGF,W right now, then because she has a ton of it on her finger she decides to smear it all over her chest and groan out ‘Oh, I love it all over my chesticles, it’s so pretty.’
Another glass emptied.
Fuck you to the moon, AL.
12:17 ‘Are you putting it on my nosies?’ No, F/JFoNY:MGF,W is putting it on your pork snout. If you have to infantilize everything, call it a ‘snoutiez.’
12:26 Putting lipstick on a pig. Of course, AL tries to talk during that shit and makes it fuck up.
12:55 Now AL is merging about her setting primer and how you can apparently use that shit before, during or after makeup application. I have no fucking clue, nor do I care.
13:19 ‘You did great, baby.’ Yeah, you look only mildly clownish. In fact, you look like most of the 12-13 year old girls that wander away from the local middle school at close of business. The ones that don’t listen to their parental units to be subtle with their makeup and decide that ‘$2 hooker’ is the look to shoot for.
13:25 AL mentions that they forgot mascara. F/JFoNY:MGF,W says alright, we’re doing that. Because she intended to do it, but forgot all about that when she was smearing glitter everywhere. $2 hooker is going more for ‘1 McDonalds nuggie and a quarter’ hooker. Especially as AL duck-lips at the camera while eyefucking herself.
13:43 F/JFoNY:MGF,W makes an off-comment about how mascara isn’t better than sex, regardless of its name. Then she goes to apply, and AL predictably backs the fuck away like she was about to thrust the wand into her eyeball. I can see AL fucking up the mascara by blinking or jerking or just being herself while F/JFoNY:MGF,W attempts to apply this shit.
14:04 F/JFoNY:MGF,W manages to get one eye done with only mild flailing from AL. AL’s voice drips with cuntiness as she states that it looks legit.
14:17 Final look:
Pardon me, I think I’m going to take that nuggie and quarter and toss ‘em both down a fucking sewer grate. Nope.
AL goes ‘woooooow!’IRT F/JFoNY:MGF,W’s proclamation that she’s never done makeup before. AL questions her:
*Favorite part?
~Foundation
*Least favorite?
~Eyeliner (says it’s hard to put on someone else, and she can’t imagine putting it on herself)
*What would you do differently?
~Everything (lol)
And they threaten to do this shit again. Though F/JFoNY:MGF,W says she’s going to get a mannequin and practice before attacking fatty’s face again. Sorry, Jade, but it won’t help much - a mannequin won’t talk through the entire process nor have fat folds that squeeze into being and then roll out of existence as tiny movements occur under the skin.
15:05 So despite AL going ‘woooow’ and being all positive and shit, she says ‘I’m going to wash this off’ and proclaims that she won’t keep it on if she’s going to go in public.
15:11 Gift time. AL rattles it around and looks absolutely confused. She says she doesn’t normally ‘jingle jangle’ her gifts. Laaaaaahs. F/JFoNY:MGF,W states that this was part of her childhood. AL le gasps and squeals that it is, indeed, a Lite-Brite ‘baebeeey’ and I wanna smack her and watch her fat jiggle around her skull every time she says that.
15:45 Now AL is telling us the back story behind the Lite-Brite. Apparently a family member of F/JFoNY:MGF,W sent her the Lite-Brite randomly. So F/JFoNY:MGF,W regifted it to AL. AL says she did it once or twice when she was younger, clarifying ‘I’m talking toddler IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT YOU CHEAP WHORE. Then she says that F/JFoNY:MGF,W will have to teach her how to do it, because AL is too fucking retarded to figure it out on her own.
Just for linformational purposes:
16:25 ‘I forgot what I looked like until I looked in the viewfinder.’ AL is simpering about her makeup. F/JFoNY:MGF,W offscreen says ‘are you trying to say you look rough?’ AL says ‘I’m not saying I look rough baebeeey, you just used the word.’ Aka: AL hates it.
16:30 ‘So I have gorlfriend goals. She literally went and got me makeup remover. She picked up my medicine from the pharmacy. She took my scratchoffs because I made 89 and got me more’ And F/JFoNY:MGF,W is Becky 2.0 as @Boolean Bitch pointed out. And I was fucking positive she’d blow the $89 on more scratchoffs, because why lose only $60+ when you can lose it all?
Oh, and she got her fries (with cheese) and a Diet Coke from Chick Shack. Or something like that. I dunno. It’s not a franchise we have in this particular region.
17:05 I’ll tell ya, for someone who was sing-singing praise at her gorlfriend for her work on her face, she is so damned desperate to take her makeup off. Yeesh. Tell us you hate every aspect of it without saying you hate every aspect of it, CuntLynn. F/JFoNY:MGF,W tells her to tell us the rating she gave her, and AL says she gave her a 4 out of 10. So almost mid-line. Except in the world of AL, if it’s not 8.5+ it’s absolute shit. AL tries to soothe the ego-bruising by saying that she doesn’t feel at her best, but F/JFoNY:MGF,W did good and she wants F/JFoNY:MGF,W to do it again. CuntLynn is trying to cover the cunt with honey and it’s simply not working.
17:25 Oh what the fuck. AL’s making mooney-eyes and waggling some shit around off the top of the screen because she has no sense of framing when it comes to filming, asking if F/JFoNY:MGF,W wants to be the one. Ugh. What the fuck are we in for…? OH. It’s removing the makeup. F/JFoNY:MGF,W’s hand comes in and smears that wipe all over the blubber-plains to remove her hard work. I am pondering what I am doing with myself. Then I remember that I am drinking, and all is fine with the world for now.
17:42 AL bids each product ‘goodbye’ calling it by name. ‘Goodbye, blush. Goodbye, foundation.’ And I am strongly reminded of the littler German girl in Schindler’s List screaming ‘Goodbye, Jews. Goodbye, Jews.’ Same tonal quality and everything.
Who knew that AL is a Nazi?
18:07 And AL mentions that she wants to do F/JFoNY:MGF,W’s makeup. This will happen off-camera if it happens at all, because F/JFoNY:MGF,W won’t let AL put her face on camera much to her consternation.
At least they kept the face-sucking quite off-camera, but the ‘I love you baebeeey’ shit still made it into the Final Cut of the video.
18:18 AL waddles to the closet to get her tacky Barbie sweater to finish up more Christmas shopping. AL blathers that she doesn’t normally show every time she goes out because she hasn’t done daily vlogs in years. Literally years. Except didn’t she try this shit last year? And the 100 days of filming? So fuck off with your fake narrative, AL.
19:05 Going to Big Lots. AL says she hasn’t been there in years. In the perfume aisle, and is fascinated by the scratch and sniff stickers on a perfume box. Then they find a Santa head cookie jar - AL thinks it’s kyuuuute, F/JFoNY:MGF,W thinks it’s creepy.
19:45 Back at Burlington. AL reminds us that they tried to go there before and they were closed, because she thinks we have memories like hers. We can’t say goldfish because they’ve been scientifically proven to recall instructions and situations for 6 months, whereas AL can hardly remember what she did 3 weeks ago. AL is so happy to go shopping, stating that there’s a lot of shops and lights and ‘the vibe is vibing.’ Meanwhile we get to see her piggy trotters purple down the asphalt before we’re shoved under her chin once more.
20:09 Jump cut back home, no filming inside of Burlington apparently. She says she does have a haul IT’S NOT A MOLMENT YOU IGNORANT FAILED CONTRACEPTIVE DEVICE situaFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOUUUU (oh look, there’s Twinkie. Looks like she’s on top of the counter. The fuck would you put your damned chihuahua on a damned counter for, when she could hurt herself trying to get down, you shitmonger?!). Oh wait, the dog’s probably being held by F/JFoNY:MGF,W and shoved towards AL, because she paws at AL’s arm and chest trying to get traction under her paws. There’s zero excitement and tons of terror in that animal as, while AL squeals ‘What’re you doin’?!’ and kisses her head, Twinkie is just trying desperately to get purchase and looking like she really, /really/ wants to be on the fucking floor right now.
20:18 Big Lots shit first. Cotton swabs, a Christmas outfit for Twonk (says ‘raised by elves’), the perfume (Blush by Kenneth Cole) that has the scratch and sniff stickers, a glass Santa’s Milk decoration, a desk calendar of ‘Would You Rather?’ because AL wanted one after getting a desk calendar for F/JFoNY:MGF,W (she reads an example off the back - would you rather bathe in dishwater or wash dishes in bath water? AL says she’d rather wash her dishes in bath water. Would you rather have your diary or text messages read by someone else? AL says it depends on the someone else - F/JFoNY:MGF,W can take her phone. Would you rather have a dog with a cat personality or a cat with a dog personality? AL says the cat. Would you rather be able to teleport or read minds? AL says teleport. So then she wouldn’t have to worry about squeezing into a plane seat to go to Bora Bora. Plus why would she care about what anyone else could possibly be thinking?)
21:44 Burlington. F/JFoNY:MGF,W got a red ball cap. Of course, AL says it’s super kyuuuut. F/JFoNY:MGF,W Also got some tacky as hell Adidas high-top shoes. They’re white with dark green and the Adidas logo in a lime green on the sides. AL got another fucking Christmas pillow because she doesn’t have a mountain of them yet, apparently. AL also got white pillows with Christmas Trees on them.
22:33 Of course, we need more filler, so she goes to set her pillows on her couch. Because they’re shoooo kyuuuuute. And Ugh, she’s obsessed. But she decides she needs to clean up, so she moves shit around. Takes the box the cardboard gingerbread house for tots came in out of camera range. Takes some blue plastic ring thing off to go ‘with the exercise equipment’ which she says they have. She says ‘be shocked’ and I am, because I would’ve thought it would’ve made its way to Goodwill by now. Then she moves the stool she put her camera on for the makeup bullshit. She’s shuffling more shit around. F/JFoNY:MGF,W off camera says she’s going to need a shoe rack because AL keeps giving her shoes. The lamebrain pair goes to fold a blanket - F/JFoNY:MGF,W says AL is going too fast for her because they’re trying to do this as a team, and AL proclaims she’s fast at everything, except weightloss, movement or anything that requires intellectual prowess.
‘Oh, I do come fast.’ If we didn’t know that AL is pretty much a perma-virgin whose idea of sex comes from her own fiction story with the lesbian cruise and ship with a different ER for every ailment, I’d be disgusted.
23:57 I am torn between wanting to yeet both of these fuckers to the moon or begging Elon for a one-way ticket for myself. ‘C’merezeee!’ Neither one of you are 4. Shaddup.
AL doesn’t bother moving her Torrid clothes, though, because fuck it.
24:11 Fucking PlayDoh advent calendar. Purple Doh and a Santa hat. So with her new shit, this batch of sadness results:
….
….
….
There are no words.
24:43 Now it’s time for the cat advent calendar. It’s a black velvet mouse. AL baby-talks Rarity, who doesn’t look impressed. AL says Wasabi has a spot, but it’s in the bedroom and AL only goes in there when she’s asleep. AL once again throws the toy at the cat and misses. Poor Rarity looks exceptionally confused and torn between getting out of the cat tree to investigate or lay back down and ignore her ignoramus of a human.
25:42 AL says her legs hurt, so she’s not getting the toy for Rarity. She says when you do a lot of movement, car sitting, anything that makes your legs swell, your legs hurt and feel like dead weight when you have lipodema. Apparently this happened today. Or it could just be FAT, AL. She says it’s not going to stop her from living her life. Wah wah wah.
26:55 Fucking hell, she’s threatening to do a Vlogmas video doing her daily shit (aka: shit she doesn’t normally vlog that she apparently does on a day to day basis). What, like take a shit? No.
27:37 Oh, she’s back to whining about her legs. Says she’s too lazy/in too much pain to get the toy. She professes that she firmly believes that daily you should play with your pets.
It’s more often than that, shitburger, but that’s a good place to start. At least you’re mildly better than Polis’s Campbell.
28:00 Nope, she’s full of shit. She’s getting up to play with her cat. She shoves the mouse into Rarity’s face, which instantly irradiates her interest in it. Rarity only regains interest when AL puts it on the platform below her little basket bed and steps back to let her paw at it on her own. Once Rarity flings it onto the floor, she nestles back into her basket, staring at AL with eyes that scream ‘pick it up again, bitch.’ But we just jump-cut to the Christmas tree, so you know it’s still on the floor where it landed.
28:38 AL’s meat mitten hogs the camera frame to point out two new gifts under the tree.
Apparently they’re both for AL from F/JFoNY:MGF,W.
28:47 AL once more points out that her chalkboard is a day behind because she’s lazy as fuck and can’t be assed to put any effort into her job.
28:50 AL says that there’s a conspiracy going on that she’s pre-recording Vlogmas, but says she’s too lazy to do that. She’s shocked she’s doing it daily. The conspiracy is there because you’ve pre-recorded shit before and denied it fervently until your fucking with the timeline was caught by you putting your videos up out of order. I recall the ‘nail polish watch’ to see how much had chipped away and whether or not something was in-timeline or recorded earlier.
29:17 Oh, she’s saying she’s having so much fun with Vlogmas. At least someone is. I’m just sipping my whiskey low-key hating her guts for her infantile yammering. Just to grind it into place, she proclaims she’s about to have a ’shnackie shnack.’ You’re not cute, AL. Or kyuuuuuute. Or any variant therein.
29:45 Pours Diet Pepsi into her Chick Fil A cup because it still has ice in it. Looks through the fridge, then into the freezer she goes, emerging with Yasso ice cream pop things. It’s apparently frozen greek yogurt. She reads off that they’re 50 calories each, then digs in her floppy cleavage to retrieve her phone and look up how many Weight Watchers points they are. For the whole box, it’s 20 points (and 310 calories for the whole box).
30:31 Oh, now she’s going on that she’s read comments asking how many calories are there per point in the WW scheme she’s following. AL says that’s not how WW works. Which is correct. As I recall, the WW point system is supposedly based off of macros more than it is off of calories, which is how I debunked the use of the ‘0 point foods’ by showing how you could feasibly eat only 15 points in a day and still consume over 2300 calories, which is far more than most people on WW should be aiming for. And why CICO is infinitely more tenable than WW.
30:51 Oh, AL’s going on about this shit. She’s got no ability to explain how the WW point system works or what it’s based on. She then just lamely waves off her explanation to show us the Yasso snacks, and says they’re ‘these kyuuute little circle IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT YOU MUSH-BRAINED FUNGUS.
31:11 An update on her WLS shit. She says she got an email on Friday from the weight loss clinic place. The email was not ‘when do you want to schedule your appointment?’ NOPE. It was ‘we got your registration packet. This process takes week/months.’ AL whines about it. Her magic bullet has slid through her sausage fingers lol
32:20 Of course, she’s asking her audience if she should call the clinic if she doesn’t get a reply after 2 months. And doing it retardedly. ‘Should I give a riaaang riaaaang?’ What, with your phone anxiety, AL? Or are you over that one?
32:34 Comment of the day shit. Video had 706 comments. I want to rip her tongue out because she’s clicking it like mad and it’s annoying.
Anyway, comment by Rosa Lee: Thank you for sharing the cake with us. That looked like so much fun. Definitely inspires me to look to see if there’s something like this in Ottawa where I’m from.
AL had to go back through her video to see what the fuck the commenter was talking about. Because likely this person utilized talk-to-text which is terrible at figuring out what anyone is saying. AL realized that the comment was about the cave. She goes on that it was phenomenally, spectacularly, amazingly like so much fun. Gah. Shaddup. ‘We were like cheesin’. It was so much fun.’ SHADDUP.
I have never been so pleased to have her smack her fat lips at me to terminate a video.
Ahem. Onward.
0:00 ‘Hey Guise!’ Hey, AL. ‘Welcome to Vlogmas Day 11.’ Fuck your intro. Still. Forever.
0:20 Starts with the fact that her favorite number apparently is ‘1’ (because she’s number one, ya know. Narcnarcnarc) and today’s Day 11 so she’s hoping this’ll be a good vlog. It’ll be shit just like every other vlog she’s ever done in her entire career on YouTube. We all know this, though.
Today’s poison is Fireball yet again, because I didn’t polish off the bottle.
0:33 Reaching for content. Has the camera set up and it’s dark as shit because of no lighting, but of course that couldn’t be edited out because fuck you. Turns on every light to give everything a sickly yellow hue and says ‘let there be light.’ You’ve got your biblical stories mixed up, AL. God said ‘Let there be light.’ The whale that swallowed Job said ‘Hrrrrrrn.’
0:44 Starts pointing out the mess in her fucking sty. Waddles slowly past the couch, pointing out that all of yesterday’s Torrid is laying there. The desiccant packs are indeed on the floor, but AL can’t bend over that far so they’re safe from being mistaken for food and consumed. Still no color on the cardboard children’s box house - I suspect it will stay this way. AL is opening blinds now and yammering about how the cats are enjoying the expansion of territory by going in it. ‘I think they like it!’ she dumbly proclaims. And then she ponders if they should paint it.
That might actually be comical, but it’s more effort than CRANES or markers, so I don’t see that happening.
1:11 AL waddles around some more, camera under his rolls of chins as always. States that F/JFoNY:MGF,W will be doing her makeup. AL turns the camera to show ‘all of her makeup’ which is a large fake LV bag thing and four eyeshadow pallets sitting with her laptop. Does the laptop count as makeup? I mean, it could be smashed into her face repeatedly to give her rosy cheeks and some color to her nose for contour or something.
1:29 Oh, now she’s zooming in and picking up those desiccant packets, proving me wrong - she can indeed mush enough lard out of her way to be able to reach the floor. Color me surprised. She states she thankfully has smart kitty cats and ‘doggo’ who wouldn’t eat that shit. And she about blasted my eyeballs with vertigo, because Dumbass MacFuckFace just picked up her camera and flipped it all over the damned place so she could resume waddling while giving us the under-chin view we all hate.
1:43 And because it wouldn’t be an AL video without her fat meat mittens manhandling shit, she’s decided that F/JFoNY:MGF,W is too incompetent to grab shit out of her fake LV makeup bag and has to yoink it all out of there and lay it out for her. AL continues to color F/JFoNY:MGF,W as a fucking dumbass by stating that she’s informed F/JFoNY:MGF,W that she’s not allowed to question what any of the shit is used for. Then she tells us that last night, she used her last sheet of makeup remover. And she doesn’t know what the sheet is called. Just call it a baby butt wipe, AL.
2:25 She shows us the table she put her makeup on - and it’s literally just sitting there like a heap of garbage. No organization, not even laid out straight. If I were OCD, I’d be twitching even more than I already am because holy shit, this is making me grimace in veritable pain. It is just as organized as it was in the stupid bag. Why didn’t she just take her bag and turn it upside-down? It’d have the same effect as her manhandling everything and flopping it around with her sausage fingers.
2:33 Oh, NOW she actually has it almost straightened out. Kind of. Almost. She said she did that so it’s more cohesive and stuff doesn’t fall off the table and F/JFoNY:MGF,W isn’t overwhelmed, because she’s a fucking dumbass in addition to being FAT.
2:40 On the couch, has to wiggle her shirt around her tiny fat bags and then puts some Christmas pillows up behind her. Spare me the singing, AL, I’m not pre-gamed enough for your shit. She once again tells F/JFoNY:MGF,W that she ain’t gonna tell her a damned thing, and here we go. There’s a bunch of stupid chatter going on while F/JFoNY:MGF,W does AL’s makeup. ‘You look so good today.’ ‘Thank you, Mami.’ And I want to scoop my brains out of my ears with a spork. AL is just spouting stupid shit, and then wheezes out that she needs to go back to sleep. She says it’s like a little massage, then does the tween shit of stating her actions with ‘falls asleep.’ I don’t care. F/JFoNY:MGF,W brushed shit on AL’s face. AL asks F/JFoNY:MGF,W if she’s done makeup, and F/JFoNY:MGF,W says nope, never, not on me, not on anyone else. AL giggles and says ‘so I’m popping your makeup cherry.’ And I empty my glass.
5:10 Lord, it’s still going. F/JFoNY:MGF,W goops some fucking eyeliner on her lids. F/JFoNY:MGF,W says she’s nervous, to which AL squawks out ‘don’t be nerves!’ And I want to punch her in the throat. Continuing on, F/JFoNY:MGF,W continues to smear shit everywhere on AL’s buttery moon face. It’s only a marginally worse wing than AL does on herself. AL is horrified by the atrocity on her face. AL proclaims that she’s not going in public like this.
6:20 You know, I can’t fault F/JFoNY:MGF,W. Because the fat folds make it hard for her to get a decent angle and get a wing to be a line, because the stick keeps touching fat folds and smearing black everywhere. Looks like ass, but unless you have a decade of experience smearing eyeliner on a fat face, I suspect it’s pretty tough.
7:30 ‘She looks beautiful’ AL says in reply to the start of the eyeshadow. It’s not good. AL praises F/JFoNY:MGF,W for knowing where each object goes. I mean, it’s not fucking rocket science.
8:20 There’s so much fucking shade going on here from AL, being a cunty wench as she says things are ‘gorgeous’ and her looks say ‘this is asshole on my face.’
9:00 F/JFoNY:MGF,W uses eyeshadow to put eyebrows on AL. It works considerably better than whatever the fuck it is AL does to her face.
11:05 Now smearing blush along where her cheekbones should be. F/JFoNY:MGF,W then starts looking for bronzer to contour, then decides ‘the hell with this’ and goes for glitter instead.
11:44 So yeah, the left side of AL’s face is darker than the right side of her face. That’s comedic. Almost. If this was anyone other than AL. And there was something resembling a decent comedic delivery.
12:10 So AL shows us the glitter-shit that’s being smeared on her face by F/JFoNY:MGF,W right now, then because she has a ton of it on her finger she decides to smear it all over her chest and groan out ‘Oh, I love it all over my chesticles, it’s so pretty.’
Another glass emptied.
Fuck you to the moon, AL.
12:17 ‘Are you putting it on my nosies?’ No, F/JFoNY:MGF,W is putting it on your pork snout. If you have to infantilize everything, call it a ‘snoutiez.’
12:26 Putting lipstick on a pig. Of course, AL tries to talk during that shit and makes it fuck up.
12:55 Now AL is merging about her setting primer and how you can apparently use that shit before, during or after makeup application. I have no fucking clue, nor do I care.
13:19 ‘You did great, baby.’ Yeah, you look only mildly clownish. In fact, you look like most of the 12-13 year old girls that wander away from the local middle school at close of business. The ones that don’t listen to their parental units to be subtle with their makeup and decide that ‘$2 hooker’ is the look to shoot for.
13:25 AL mentions that they forgot mascara. F/JFoNY:MGF,W says alright, we’re doing that. Because she intended to do it, but forgot all about that when she was smearing glitter everywhere. $2 hooker is going more for ‘1 McDonalds nuggie and a quarter’ hooker. Especially as AL duck-lips at the camera while eyefucking herself.
13:43 F/JFoNY:MGF,W makes an off-comment about how mascara isn’t better than sex, regardless of its name. Then she goes to apply, and AL predictably backs the fuck away like she was about to thrust the wand into her eyeball. I can see AL fucking up the mascara by blinking or jerking or just being herself while F/JFoNY:MGF,W attempts to apply this shit.
14:04 F/JFoNY:MGF,W manages to get one eye done with only mild flailing from AL. AL’s voice drips with cuntiness as she states that it looks legit.
14:17 Final look:
Pardon me, I think I’m going to take that nuggie and quarter and toss ‘em both down a fucking sewer grate. Nope.
AL goes ‘woooooow!’IRT F/JFoNY:MGF,W’s proclamation that she’s never done makeup before. AL questions her:
*Favorite part?
~Foundation
*Least favorite?
~Eyeliner (says it’s hard to put on someone else, and she can’t imagine putting it on herself)
*What would you do differently?
~Everything (lol)
And they threaten to do this shit again. Though F/JFoNY:MGF,W says she’s going to get a mannequin and practice before attacking fatty’s face again. Sorry, Jade, but it won’t help much - a mannequin won’t talk through the entire process nor have fat folds that squeeze into being and then roll out of existence as tiny movements occur under the skin.
15:05 So despite AL going ‘woooow’ and being all positive and shit, she says ‘I’m going to wash this off’ and proclaims that she won’t keep it on if she’s going to go in public.
15:11 Gift time. AL rattles it around and looks absolutely confused. She says she doesn’t normally ‘jingle jangle’ her gifts. Laaaaaahs. F/JFoNY:MGF,W states that this was part of her childhood. AL le gasps and squeals that it is, indeed, a Lite-Brite ‘baebeeey’ and I wanna smack her and watch her fat jiggle around her skull every time she says that.
15:45 Now AL is telling us the back story behind the Lite-Brite. Apparently a family member of F/JFoNY:MGF,W sent her the Lite-Brite randomly. So F/JFoNY:MGF,W regifted it to AL. AL says she did it once or twice when she was younger, clarifying ‘I’m talking toddler IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT YOU CHEAP WHORE. Then she says that F/JFoNY:MGF,W will have to teach her how to do it, because AL is too fucking retarded to figure it out on her own.
Just for linformational purposes:
16:25 ‘I forgot what I looked like until I looked in the viewfinder.’ AL is simpering about her makeup. F/JFoNY:MGF,W offscreen says ‘are you trying to say you look rough?’ AL says ‘I’m not saying I look rough baebeeey, you just used the word.’ Aka: AL hates it.
16:30 ‘So I have gorlfriend goals. She literally went and got me makeup remover. She picked up my medicine from the pharmacy. She took my scratchoffs because I made 89 and got me more’ And F/JFoNY:MGF,W is Becky 2.0 as @Boolean Bitch pointed out. And I was fucking positive she’d blow the $89 on more scratchoffs, because why lose only $60+ when you can lose it all?
Oh, and she got her fries (with cheese) and a Diet Coke from Chick Shack. Or something like that. I dunno. It’s not a franchise we have in this particular region.
17:05 I’ll tell ya, for someone who was sing-singing praise at her gorlfriend for her work on her face, she is so damned desperate to take her makeup off. Yeesh. Tell us you hate every aspect of it without saying you hate every aspect of it, CuntLynn. F/JFoNY:MGF,W tells her to tell us the rating she gave her, and AL says she gave her a 4 out of 10. So almost mid-line. Except in the world of AL, if it’s not 8.5+ it’s absolute shit. AL tries to soothe the ego-bruising by saying that she doesn’t feel at her best, but F/JFoNY:MGF,W did good and she wants F/JFoNY:MGF,W to do it again. CuntLynn is trying to cover the cunt with honey and it’s simply not working.
17:25 Oh what the fuck. AL’s making mooney-eyes and waggling some shit around off the top of the screen because she has no sense of framing when it comes to filming, asking if F/JFoNY:MGF,W wants to be the one. Ugh. What the fuck are we in for…? OH. It’s removing the makeup. F/JFoNY:MGF,W’s hand comes in and smears that wipe all over the blubber-plains to remove her hard work. I am pondering what I am doing with myself. Then I remember that I am drinking, and all is fine with the world for now.
17:42 AL bids each product ‘goodbye’ calling it by name. ‘Goodbye, blush. Goodbye, foundation.’ And I am strongly reminded of the littler German girl in Schindler’s List screaming ‘Goodbye, Jews. Goodbye, Jews.’ Same tonal quality and everything.
Who knew that AL is a Nazi?
18:07 And AL mentions that she wants to do F/JFoNY:MGF,W’s makeup. This will happen off-camera if it happens at all, because F/JFoNY:MGF,W won’t let AL put her face on camera much to her consternation.
At least they kept the face-sucking quite off-camera, but the ‘I love you baebeeey’ shit still made it into the Final Cut of the video.
18:18 AL waddles to the closet to get her tacky Barbie sweater to finish up more Christmas shopping. AL blathers that she doesn’t normally show every time she goes out because she hasn’t done daily vlogs in years. Literally years. Except didn’t she try this shit last year? And the 100 days of filming? So fuck off with your fake narrative, AL.
19:05 Going to Big Lots. AL says she hasn’t been there in years. In the perfume aisle, and is fascinated by the scratch and sniff stickers on a perfume box. Then they find a Santa head cookie jar - AL thinks it’s kyuuuute, F/JFoNY:MGF,W thinks it’s creepy.
19:45 Back at Burlington. AL reminds us that they tried to go there before and they were closed, because she thinks we have memories like hers. We can’t say goldfish because they’ve been scientifically proven to recall instructions and situations for 6 months, whereas AL can hardly remember what she did 3 weeks ago. AL is so happy to go shopping, stating that there’s a lot of shops and lights and ‘the vibe is vibing.’ Meanwhile we get to see her piggy trotters purple down the asphalt before we’re shoved under her chin once more.
20:09 Jump cut back home, no filming inside of Burlington apparently. She says she does have a haul IT’S NOT A MOLMENT YOU IGNORANT FAILED CONTRACEPTIVE DEVICE situaFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOUUUU (oh look, there’s Twinkie. Looks like she’s on top of the counter. The fuck would you put your damned chihuahua on a damned counter for, when she could hurt herself trying to get down, you shitmonger?!). Oh wait, the dog’s probably being held by F/JFoNY:MGF,W and shoved towards AL, because she paws at AL’s arm and chest trying to get traction under her paws. There’s zero excitement and tons of terror in that animal as, while AL squeals ‘What’re you doin’?!’ and kisses her head, Twinkie is just trying desperately to get purchase and looking like she really, /really/ wants to be on the fucking floor right now.
20:18 Big Lots shit first. Cotton swabs, a Christmas outfit for Twonk (says ‘raised by elves’), the perfume (Blush by Kenneth Cole) that has the scratch and sniff stickers, a glass Santa’s Milk decoration, a desk calendar of ‘Would You Rather?’ because AL wanted one after getting a desk calendar for F/JFoNY:MGF,W (she reads an example off the back - would you rather bathe in dishwater or wash dishes in bath water? AL says she’d rather wash her dishes in bath water. Would you rather have your diary or text messages read by someone else? AL says it depends on the someone else - F/JFoNY:MGF,W can take her phone. Would you rather have a dog with a cat personality or a cat with a dog personality? AL says the cat. Would you rather be able to teleport or read minds? AL says teleport. So then she wouldn’t have to worry about squeezing into a plane seat to go to Bora Bora. Plus why would she care about what anyone else could possibly be thinking?)
21:44 Burlington. F/JFoNY:MGF,W got a red ball cap. Of course, AL says it’s super kyuuuut. F/JFoNY:MGF,W Also got some tacky as hell Adidas high-top shoes. They’re white with dark green and the Adidas logo in a lime green on the sides. AL got another fucking Christmas pillow because she doesn’t have a mountain of them yet, apparently. AL also got white pillows with Christmas Trees on them.
22:33 Of course, we need more filler, so she goes to set her pillows on her couch. Because they’re shoooo kyuuuuute. And Ugh, she’s obsessed. But she decides she needs to clean up, so she moves shit around. Takes the box the cardboard gingerbread house for tots came in out of camera range. Takes some blue plastic ring thing off to go ‘with the exercise equipment’ which she says they have. She says ‘be shocked’ and I am, because I would’ve thought it would’ve made its way to Goodwill by now. Then she moves the stool she put her camera on for the makeup bullshit. She’s shuffling more shit around. F/JFoNY:MGF,W off camera says she’s going to need a shoe rack because AL keeps giving her shoes. The lamebrain pair goes to fold a blanket - F/JFoNY:MGF,W says AL is going too fast for her because they’re trying to do this as a team, and AL proclaims she’s fast at everything, except weightloss, movement or anything that requires intellectual prowess.
‘Oh, I do come fast.’ If we didn’t know that AL is pretty much a perma-virgin whose idea of sex comes from her own fiction story with the lesbian cruise and ship with a different ER for every ailment, I’d be disgusted.
23:57 I am torn between wanting to yeet both of these fuckers to the moon or begging Elon for a one-way ticket for myself. ‘C’merezeee!’ Neither one of you are 4. Shaddup.
AL doesn’t bother moving her Torrid clothes, though, because fuck it.
24:11 Fucking PlayDoh advent calendar. Purple Doh and a Santa hat. So with her new shit, this batch of sadness results:
….
….
….
There are no words.
24:43 Now it’s time for the cat advent calendar. It’s a black velvet mouse. AL baby-talks Rarity, who doesn’t look impressed. AL says Wasabi has a spot, but it’s in the bedroom and AL only goes in there when she’s asleep. AL once again throws the toy at the cat and misses. Poor Rarity looks exceptionally confused and torn between getting out of the cat tree to investigate or lay back down and ignore her ignoramus of a human.
25:42 AL says her legs hurt, so she’s not getting the toy for Rarity. She says when you do a lot of movement, car sitting, anything that makes your legs swell, your legs hurt and feel like dead weight when you have lipodema. Apparently this happened today. Or it could just be FAT, AL. She says it’s not going to stop her from living her life. Wah wah wah.
26:55 Fucking hell, she’s threatening to do a Vlogmas video doing her daily shit (aka: shit she doesn’t normally vlog that she apparently does on a day to day basis). What, like take a shit? No.
27:37 Oh, she’s back to whining about her legs. Says she’s too lazy/in too much pain to get the toy. She professes that she firmly believes that daily you should play with your pets.
It’s more often than that, shitburger, but that’s a good place to start. At least you’re mildly better than Polis’s Campbell.
28:00 Nope, she’s full of shit. She’s getting up to play with her cat. She shoves the mouse into Rarity’s face, which instantly irradiates her interest in it. Rarity only regains interest when AL puts it on the platform below her little basket bed and steps back to let her paw at it on her own. Once Rarity flings it onto the floor, she nestles back into her basket, staring at AL with eyes that scream ‘pick it up again, bitch.’ But we just jump-cut to the Christmas tree, so you know it’s still on the floor where it landed.
28:38 AL’s meat mitten hogs the camera frame to point out two new gifts under the tree.
Apparently they’re both for AL from F/JFoNY:MGF,W.
28:47 AL once more points out that her chalkboard is a day behind because she’s lazy as fuck and can’t be assed to put any effort into her job.
28:50 AL says that there’s a conspiracy going on that she’s pre-recording Vlogmas, but says she’s too lazy to do that. She’s shocked she’s doing it daily. The conspiracy is there because you’ve pre-recorded shit before and denied it fervently until your fucking with the timeline was caught by you putting your videos up out of order. I recall the ‘nail polish watch’ to see how much had chipped away and whether or not something was in-timeline or recorded earlier.
29:17 Oh, she’s saying she’s having so much fun with Vlogmas. At least someone is. I’m just sipping my whiskey low-key hating her guts for her infantile yammering. Just to grind it into place, she proclaims she’s about to have a ’shnackie shnack.’ You’re not cute, AL. Or kyuuuuuute. Or any variant therein.
29:45 Pours Diet Pepsi into her Chick Fil A cup because it still has ice in it. Looks through the fridge, then into the freezer she goes, emerging with Yasso ice cream pop things. It’s apparently frozen greek yogurt. She reads off that they’re 50 calories each, then digs in her floppy cleavage to retrieve her phone and look up how many Weight Watchers points they are. For the whole box, it’s 20 points (and 310 calories for the whole box).
30:31 Oh, now she’s going on that she’s read comments asking how many calories are there per point in the WW scheme she’s following. AL says that’s not how WW works. Which is correct. As I recall, the WW point system is supposedly based off of macros more than it is off of calories, which is how I debunked the use of the ‘0 point foods’ by showing how you could feasibly eat only 15 points in a day and still consume over 2300 calories, which is far more than most people on WW should be aiming for. And why CICO is infinitely more tenable than WW.
30:51 Oh, AL’s going on about this shit. She’s got no ability to explain how the WW point system works or what it’s based on. She then just lamely waves off her explanation to show us the Yasso snacks, and says they’re ‘these kyuuute little circle IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT YOU MUSH-BRAINED FUNGUS.
31:11 An update on her WLS shit. She says she got an email on Friday from the weight loss clinic place. The email was not ‘when do you want to schedule your appointment?’ NOPE. It was ‘we got your registration packet. This process takes week/months.’ AL whines about it. Her magic bullet has slid through her sausage fingers lol
32:20 Of course, she’s asking her audience if she should call the clinic if she doesn’t get a reply after 2 months. And doing it retardedly. ‘Should I give a riaaang riaaaang?’ What, with your phone anxiety, AL? Or are you over that one?
32:34 Comment of the day shit. Video had 706 comments. I want to rip her tongue out because she’s clicking it like mad and it’s annoying.
Anyway, comment by Rosa Lee: Thank you for sharing the cake with us. That looked like so much fun. Definitely inspires me to look to see if there’s something like this in Ottawa where I’m from.
AL had to go back through her video to see what the fuck the commenter was talking about. Because likely this person utilized talk-to-text which is terrible at figuring out what anyone is saying. AL realized that the comment was about the cave. She goes on that it was phenomenally, spectacularly, amazingly like so much fun. Gah. Shaddup. ‘We were like cheesin’. It was so much fun.’ SHADDUP.
I have never been so pleased to have her smack her fat lips at me to terminate a video.
TL;DW/R: AL has F/JFoNY:MGF,W smear makeup on her face - she makes AL look like a cheap hooker. And I mean less than $2 would purchase that bitch. AL praises her but then is an absolute cunt about how awful it looks. AL gets regifted a Lite-Brite. They go to Big Lots and Burlington to get more decor shit and tacky high-tops for F/JFoNY:MGF,W. AL makes another shitty deer out of PlayDoh and throws a mouse toy from the advent calendar at Rarity because fuck direct interaction with your pet. AL tries to explain how the Weight Watchers point system works and that it isn’t directly tied to caloric content, but fails miserably. She’s heard only that the weightloss clinic has received her registration packet and will be processing it. Comment is someone saying the cave looked cool, but it was typo’d as cake so that got AL’s saliva flowing and confused her brain.
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2021
@Diet Coke 4 Life... I would have given you a much higher rating had I had one to give. 
I could NOT make it through this vlog....it was way too much for me and I'm extremely impressed you survived the experience and actually managed to recap it without either becoming comatose from the alcohol needed, or necking yourself before it was over.
I could NOT make it through this vlog....it was way too much for me and I'm extremely impressed you survived the experience and actually managed to recap it without either becoming comatose from the alcohol needed, or necking yourself before it was over.
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2014
I'm sorry, two liter bottles of soda wasn't enough for her?