Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

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Are you looking forward to seeing Jade's face on camera?

  • Yes

    Votes: 550 15.6%
  • No

    Votes: 349 9.9%
  • I don't care

    Votes: 2,620 74.5%

  • Total voters
    3,519
According to Reddit she's single, they are getting in a relationship in no time.
So, the new girlfriend candidate lives and works in Milwaukee. Since she seems to have a life outside her flat, unlike Amber, I would imagine that it makes sense for Amber to move from OKC to Milwaukee. Both singles, in search of a mate, this is Kismet. I am done with OKC arc, Milwaukee arc here we go.
 
So, the new girlfriend candidate lives and works in Milwaukee. Since she seems to have a life outside her flat, unlike Amber, I would imagine that it makes sense for Amber to move from OKC to Milwaukee. Both singles, in search of a mate, this is Kismet. I am done with OKC arc, Milwaukee arc here we go.
Making Hambutt's Dreams Come True

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight
Schlamiel! Schlimazel! Destiny Incorporated
Hambutt's gonna do it!

Give hurr any fas fud - she'll take it
Sit an any toilet - she'll break it
Amber's gonna make hur (lezbean) dreams come true...
Doin' it hurr way

Insta's not gonna turn its back now
Hurplin' ahead, this lolcow
Amber's gonna make hur dreams come true...
Doin' it hurr way

There is nothing Hambutt won't try

Never heard the words "Lose weight now!"
This time there's no stopping hurr
Hambutt's gonna do it

On your mark, get set and go now
Fatfishing another lez and she just knows now
Amber's gonna make hur dream come true

Hambut'll do it hur way - yes hurrrrr way
Make all hur dreams come true
And she'll do it hur way - yes hurrrrrrr way
Make all hur dreams come true
For meth mom and yoooooooooooouuuuuu!

source: https://www.lyricsondemand.com/tvthemes/laverneandshirleylyrics.html
 
The weigh-ins are finished. Fait accompli. At first, she forgot until mid-day. Then she just forgot. Then she said “fuck it.” The depression dragon showed up and as her weight rose, so did her resolve. But don’t worry; she was still able to go shopping and buy a melk stuffie and pet-toxic room fragrances. And a calendar for Meth Mama.
If you’re the betting type, take sooner rather than longer for when she’s gonna expire. Not due to morbid obesity, not due to a UTI for lack of a wiping partner, not even due to alcoholism. She’s eating unwashed peppers from Mexico. A parasite is going claim her life. Slowly eat her intestines and then gouge her fat away. She’ll be thin and a zombie. Here we go.
 
Damnit Amber for flaking out, denying us the opportunity to shitpost. I need to sneed!

In a spoiler as it does go off-topic for a while (but is relevant to Amber's nonsense):
I caught myself wondering what made Amber ghost (yes, it's been a slow day for me). I'm wondering if her whole walking a mile (over the course of several hours, hitting the 'pause' button on her tracker to keep her time under 1 hour) and burning 478 calories is what caused her binge afterwards that she admitted to (and presumably another 7 days of binging). Or maybe lactic acid build up or a strain has completely imobilized her. All of her fitness talk made me think of a particular sports team...

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:gunt: :gunt: FUTAGOYAMA STABLE!! :gunt: :gunt:
This is their personal channel where you can see their day-to-day lives:
This is a playlist for their most recent tournament (if you're curious):

Now, I'll try to contain my snark and 'fatphobia' here, because dedicating yourself to sumo is a hard and gruelling life. There is a major religious/spiritual aspect to this (like shaolin) and massive weight gain is a necessary hardship of sumo. #allbodiesarevalid #bigisbeautiful ....

... #shintoforthewintoh (Sorry, I couldn't help it :P )

And yes, sumo can be a little silly...
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... or brutally bone-crushing...
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... but it can also be graceful :biggrin:
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Anyway, there is a reason why I'm dumping all of this shit on Amber's page. These gentlemen are SOME OF THE MOST ATHLETIC MORBIDLY OBESE INDIVIDUALS ON THE PLANET. Under all that cushioning they are actually quite muscular. They do hundreds and hundreds of bodyweight squats, pushups, that stompy thing, hopping around while squatting, shoving/lifting each other, etc. They lift more weight doing these exercises than most do in a session at the gym.

Despite this training, it seems like simply EXISTING is a struggle for them. They only wash their hair about once a week or so (whenever it gets too itchy to tolerate), due to how exhausing the whole process is. Koga (far left in the team photo; I call him 'Captain Eyebrows' for obvious reasons) shaved his entire crown bald under the top-knot because of this. They usually keep putting this wax/oil stuff in to try and hold it in place. They struggle to comb/style their own hair and have to do it for each other. On their channel, the stable master talks to the cameras about their struggle to maintain their weight, and he and Okami (she's the house manager) have to keep checking in on them to make sure they're eating enough. I think it was Nabatame (usually averages 130-133kg, and who fought to get up to 137kg for the most recent tournament) who mentioned that he tends to lose 22lbs during a tournament (where matches are like, 1 minute long and they only do maybe 1 or 2 matches per day).

And they seem to constantly be plagued by stiff muscles that further limits their ability to do everyday things.
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Here's "Mikey" (YouTube often mistranslates his name as Michael) massaging "Waka's" glutes (I've abreviated their names because I keep forgetting their full names). Um, on second thought, maybe we should give these two some privacy...

Their dorms are a mess. They struggle to do simple tasks like clean up their clothing, fold their sleeping mat, or take out their trash. In the background, you'll often see someone get up to do something, walk a few steps, and change their mind and lay down on the floor again because they're just too tired. They lean on the counter to cook or wash dishes. Their hobbies are eating a lot at local restaurants, getting McDonalds delivered, playing videogames, scrolling on their phones, and going to karioke (oh, and they can walk a mile in less than 1 hour). The rest of their downtime is spent sleeping - they'll sleep sitting or EVEN WHILE STANDING. And that's if you'd even call it sleeping. They can't sleep on their back. They can't sleep on their stomachs as their head ends up over 2 feet off of their sleeping mat and they can't get enough pillows to bridge the gap. Soma (really pale dude with the neckbeard facial hair) is already on a CPAP at 20 years old or so (and based on all the snoring, it's only a matter of time before other teammates are put on them, too).

So let's talk about their weights. Roga, the hairy dude in the centre of the team photo who's wearing the white loincloth-thingy, is their most senior fighter. He is a sumo superstar, and weighs in at an intimidating 150kg (330lbs, or about 23.5st). He might be the largest fighter in their stable (at the very least, there are many in the stable LIGHTER than him). To put this in perspective, He's about 200LBS LIGHTER than the weight that Amber is CLAIMING to be.

So, yes Amber, not every deathfat is exactly like those on M600PL... but they're all pretty close. If actual professional athletes who are younger than you and have much higher body weight percentages being muscle (AND WHO WEIGH 200 POUNDS LESS THAN YOU) struggle to function day-to-day, do you really expect us to believe that you function more or less like an average individual? If these dudes struggle to keep themselves over 130kg every time they exercise (despite eating meals like 10 BOWLS OF RAMEN), WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK ARE YOU EATING, AMBER?!

TL;DR: Amber's a fatty-fat who is just like all the other fatty-fats.
 
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I'd give anything to go back to the days of daily vlogs, grandma fake silk tops with tassel fringe, cheesecake factory and barn livin' with Dusty :c
I kinda like the days of greasy shit buns, Imma eat all SIX "fun size" Reeses, Cheesecake Factory, Eric & Ricky, and even NoNeck.
 
Oh SHITBALLS!! Her new video didn't come up for me when I searched before my shitpost.

!!! VLOG ALERT !!!
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5C_rShj7lw
Invidious: https://yewtu.be/watch?v=u5C_rShj7lw

Plot Summary with Commentary, so short that it doesn't need a spoiler! When we last left our Witless Wonder, Amber was gaslighting her audience (and Becky) about the narcissistic abuse she inflicted on the neckless Eeyore, then gave her free will by saying that 'Beck' can tell "what she THINKS is her truth" regarding their failed relationshit. What's going on now? Looks like performative cryeeen (without tears) for the camera. Take us in!

I don't want to admit this, best snack recipe ever, & Walmart haul! | vlog

This vlog covers January 16th through to January 21th in the Amberverse. Multiple ceiling-shot weigh-ins eventually resulting in 513.8lbs (pannus on the towel rack). Amber continues to obsess over fractions of a pound which are nothing more than scale variance or the amount of waste currently sitting in her intestines (while saying very little about the 6lb gain other than 'muh depression'). Amber puts her laundry basket on top of her rolling suitcase because she's too lazy to carry it and calls it a lifehack. Amber's dryer got fixed. LAYGOEZ rose kit update. Amber bought more 'Diamond Painting' kits (because they are cheaper - though they are not as fun as Laygoez). Full week of frowny-faces on the calendar, which Amber blames on her "mental health". Amber feels like a failure at life, but shrugs that off and decides that she just has to ride this depression wave (aka ignore it), instead of fixing what makes her a failure at life. Methmam stayed overnight to babysit Amber because she was depressed. Amber's not sure if she'll continue daily weigh-ins and blames it on SEASONAL depression. JUMPCUT!! Two minutes have passed and she's all better now!! Bullshit trash haul including a squishmellow strawberry melk. Amber mixes ranch powder and sour cream and eats it with bell peppers for degen clicks. Amber's relieved that Pluto has finally left Capricorn. REJOICE!

AMBER (pretends that she) HAS JUST REALIZED THAT WHEN HER MENTAL HEALTH IS BAD, SO IS HER EATING! Like OMG YOU GUIZE!!! (Just ignore the other 20 times that she's had this revelation). Amber is afraid to admit that she's "depressed", because of the "stigma" attached... but oddly isn't concerned about the stigma around ripping into entire rotisserie chickens with your bare hands. Nor is she concerned of the stigma of weighing more than a sumo wrestler after a documented 10 year weight loss journey. Also, the demons in Amber have escaped and started haunting her new apartment, making all the lights burn out in there just like in her old apartment (and Amber's too fat to replace them), so I hope her camera has a night-vision mode.
 
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I'd give anything to go back to the days of daily vlogs, grandma fake silk tops with tassel fringe, cheesecake factory and barn livin' with Dusty :c
We don’t know how good we had it when Amber would film Becky as they sat on dingy pillow mountain, and decided on which Walmart 5 dollar bin dvd to watch.

Anyways today’s vlog was actually kind of funny. Shes been snowed in all week with nothing to film/ordering fast food constantly. She decided to pull the “I’m depressed” card to distract and get sympathy from viewers that she A) has a pointless meaningless YouTube channel and B) that she’s fucking up. Miraculously the depression disappeared after 5 days! Most likely because her mom came to take her somewhere pointless and she got to buy junk she doesn’t need. Her viewers who have been here for years can easily read through this shit.

Reminds me of the livestream era when people reamed her ass for cancelling lives for no reason, so she came on crying about her anx-iet and how hard YouTube is for a hour.
 
Shes been snowed in all week with nothing to film/ordering fast food constantly. She decided to pull the “I’m depressed” card
Right. I actually feel worse for the delivery driver. Having to go to work when it’s snowing, but they don’t get to at least stay in a warm office for 8 hours, oh no. They get to stay in their car and freeze their collective tits or balls off while delivering Taco Bell three times a day to the same address occupied by a 500+ pound land whale who is too goddamn stupid to buy enough groceries for an arctic blast. Now that’s what I call depressing.
 
What depression Amber? You’ve been fannying about on the tiktok and the gram* and ignoring your Youtube as it’s ‘work’ For ‘depression’ read ‘lazy’.

*apologies I have neither so cannot link but Karina Kaboom says it so it must be true. 🐸 We knew it regardless. Lazy mare.
 
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So, the new girlfriend candidate lives and works in Milwaukee. Since she seems to have a life outside her flat, unlike Amber, I would imagine that it makes sense for Amber to move from OKC to Milwaukee. Both singles, in search of a mate, this is Kismet. I am done with OKC arc, Milwaukee arc here we go.
Whos going to drive her and her increasing hoard of shit over there though?

Right. I actually feel worse for the delivery driver. Having to go to work when it’s snowing, but they don’t get to at least stay in a warm office for 8 hours, oh no. They get to stay in their car and freeze their collective tits or balls off while delivering Taco Bell three times a day to the same address occupied by a 500+ pound land whale who is too goddamn stupid to buy enough groceries for an arctic blast. Now that’s what I call depressing.
I bet she doent even tip during a snow storm.
Anyways today’s vlog was actually kind of funny. Shes been snowed in all week with nothing to film/ordering fast food constantly. She decided to pull the “I’m depressed” card to distract and get sympathy from viewers that she A) has a pointless meaningless YouTube channel and B) that she’s fucking up. Miraculously the depression disappeared after 5 days! Most likely because her mom came to take her somewhere pointless and she got to buy junk she doesn’t need. Her viewers who have been here for years can easily read through this shit.
Shes always had someone else to blame her shit behavior on, and now shes alone and gaining weight and having off track days that will turn into off track weeks. Of course shes going to blame earthquakes, and snow storms, and depression and anxiety. Its all just happening to amber, shes never in control of anything.... im waiting for her to either stay inside during the spring and summer and have her supporters wonder why shes not outside and she has to make something up, or crawl up her families ass and become codependent but not film anything because she cant be alone for five seconds once shes found people she can be comfortable around but those people dont want her filming them. Shes desperate for new content but her family wont let her exploit them. Poor amber.
 
Whatever the messy fuck is happening on her counter while she babbles on about squishmuhllows is an insane way to feed her cats. Bitch can't bend, but hey, at least Twinkie can't reach it.
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What a mess, wouldn't be surprised if some of that kibble gets mistakenly hoovered up into her maw when she starts bingeen and frantically shoving random food items down her throat. Or maybe she just likes it close by when she makes some world famous soup and needs some extra flavor. 🤔
 
I expect nothing less from her with that cat bowl lol. Her and Becky did that for years at the old house, and all I can think about is stale probably 2 week old kibble just sat out. Cats generally need a 1/4 cup and since they aren’t overweight they probably are not even eating that much off the massive pile so it’s just waste. She 100% has that bowl like that because she won’t remember to feed them otherwise
 
What depression Amber? You’ve been fannying about on the tiktok and the gram* and ignoring your Youtube as it’s ‘work’ For ‘depression’ read ‘lazy’.

*apologies I have neither so cannot link but Karina Kaboom says it so it must be true. 🐸 We knew it regardless. Lazy mare.
She's only saying she's depressed so no one cOmEs AfTeR hEr for gaineen. Stupid bitch said she's aFrIaId tO sAy sHeS dEpReSsEd bcuz "stigma", yet with every other made up diagnosis she's flaunting it around like some prize so she doesn't have to take accountability. People are pretty good about depression & telling people to get help. She knows that people LYING about illnesses they don't have don't get good attention. Stupid worthless fat bitch.
 
Amber is depressed because in order to lose weight, she needs to eat less, and Amber does not want to eat less. She was on Ozempic and was losing weight but it interfered with her eating, so she quit. There is absolutely no point for her to try any diet if she does not resolve her issue with eating. Chantal is the same. I would also be depressed if I spent my days cooped up in a flat. However, it is Amber own doing.
 
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