You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. - Henry Ford
rebranding my channel | lets meal prep & protein coffee recipe | vlog 1 - July 29, 2022
This should be the stuff of genius. I mean, really: our gorl, so creative, so self-aware. This latest rebranding from"lifestyle channel" to, based on the title, as I have not yet watched the video, prepper channel, should be chock full of great tips on how to prepare for the coming apocalypse, whatever form it takes. From saving food to safely bugging out to personal self defense, going forward, she's going to be teaching us ALL vital lessons in survival.Let's dig in, shall we?
"Hey guys!" It's back!
Oh, FFS. That retarded intro, her eyefucking herself with the devil horns on. "An Amberlynn Reid
Molment Moment". All the time in the world to think about branding, and this is what you came up with, Hamber?
Ah, well. I suppose my expectations were set way too high for what we've come to know of and about HamberLynn Greed. Let's get back to the shitshow.
Finally putting a date in the fucking video to let us know just how far behind real time she is. That only took many more years than it should have. Claims it's July 13. Who knows if that's true or not. She is a known liar, and all the days in the amberverse tend to be the same anyhow.
Opening a barkbox for the dog, and telling us just how much she has loved talkeen to the camera, even if half the stuff that comes out of her facehole sounds the ramblings of someone coming out of anesthesia from the dentist. Your dog doesn't need treats. She needs a fucking walk and maybe somewhere to run around a little. That goes for you, too, Fat Ham.
One thing I've been noticing about Fat Ham: every time she starts in about how she just lurves to vlog, she's looking anywhere but at the camera. That's a sign of insincerity.
"We are rebranding this channel." Who the fuck is "we"? "Talks about her lame life, hen says no, she's grateful for what she has. What yo have, Hamber, is a lame life. " No two lifes [sic] are the same." Good to se GrammarLtynn will be joining us as we start the cycle back at phase one!
"Every single vlogger I watch...their vlogs are just like mine." So you watch megafat people who never leave their homes and who order takeout every day, sometimes multiple times a day? Maybe you should branch out a little. Try watching vloggers who cook their own meals and engage in a consistent regimen of exercise.
Barkbox crap. JFC. "Shut. Up." Great, pull those stupid phrases up from the 90s.
She's "rebranding" into a "vlog channel". Ah, so, not rebranding at all. I knew it was a lie. Blah blah blah, like even a quarter of the shit she's rattling off will ever be seen, Ain't gonna be no "date nights" on this channel, Fat Ham. Says mook-bongs are what bring her the most money, but sad face, muh mentalz. Still not looking at the camera. Something is afoot in the amberverse. She is not only not sincere, she's really nervous about something. Or she's fucking high. Could be that.
Blah blah, we have things to discuss about her health, doctors, whatever. Though you weren't going to talk about your health on your channel any longer, Fatty. hat's what you told us for the 1027th time not terribly long ago. Now she's just rattling on and on about her fucking muh mentalz. She took a week off after the last video after taking ten fucking days off between segments and taking ten fucking days off between the first "series" and the most recent, failed "series". Just how much fucmking time do you need, Fat Ham, for your oh so onerous and stressful "job". When the YT shit hits the fan, you won't be able to get an actual job. What a fucking useless loser you are.
"Having to talk about myself all day long...is hard." You are your own favorite subject, NarcLynn. Don't pretend you don't love talking about yourself. Blah blah blah. Muh mentalz, muh mentalz, muh mentalz. Nobody gives a fucking shit, you mendacious attention whore.
You do NOT NEED bulletproof coffee, bitch. You don't even LIKE coffee. Wow, Hamber poured shit into a big cup and it fit! Red fucking letter day, to be sure. She's going to add "stivia" and we have already discussed this, you jello-headed idiot. STEE-vee-uh. Maybe you should rebrand as Remedial English 101. Stupid bitch.
"I'm just gonna add a little it." Proceeds to add half a tablespoon. Adds fake sugar-contained syrup. Vanilla. To go on top of coffee and the caramel flavored protein drink. And stevia. Why people feel the need to desecrate coffee is beyond me.
Why the fuck are we staring at your fucking fake tits for all this? Hamber, professional vlogger, y'all.
Next day, July 14. So all we got from the major rebranding announcement day was nasty coffee, a barkbox she didn't really go through, her little speechifying, and promises from her that she was going to talk about doctors/health/etc., all the while with her talking, but not looking at the camera. In other words: performative bullshit, same as always.
Trying to convince us that she does "a lot more work" having all these fucking videos behind real time. She calls it "ahead", because of course she does. You're not ahead, Fatso, you're behind real time. That is why everyone calls it being behind. Her inability to understand simple fucking concepts is remarkable.
Favorite time of the day:filling the coldest water bottle with ice and water. Did you not just spend ten fucking minutes yammering on, pretending that vlogging is your favorite thing? Why am I even asking this? We know she despises her audience, and hates that she has to film at all. The round ice molds are a "life changer".
JFC, she's telling us whose job is what with the fucking ice molds. No one gives a shit.
Blah blah, bitching about her memory card. Says the light is making her look "unwell". Damn, maybe you should invest in your fucking vlogging by getting a goddamned light. Maybe a ring light. Yo uknow. Like the one you threw in front of Goodwill. you suck at your "job".
Grocery haul. Cheeses. Chocolate covered strawberries, as if they're something brand new and not something that have been around forever, and what the fuck are you doing buying that shit anyway? Something else to hoard in the freezer. More dishes. For meal prepping, when she and her My Gorlfriend, Wifey, make extra food,. as if there is ever "extra food". They're glass, because plastic just "creeps me out" amd you know what? It would be easier and far fucking faserfor you to just make a fucking list of things thatDON'T creep you out, you fucking pansy. Apparently has no issue with shit that comes in plastic containers like....deli meat. Cheese in plastic roundsor bags. Frozen veg that comes in plastic bags. Takeout that comes in plastic containers. And so forth. Your attempts to be quirky or cute or different always fail, Fat Ham. There is nothing unique about you. You are not special. Claritin. Onions, more zucchini - another one we'll never see, asit turns to compost in the freeze. Sugary oatmeal, turkey pepperoni, Dunkin coffee. She was going to order pizza sauce and cheese because she was going to make her own little pizzas. Sure. And then order pizza delivery, "Not a pizza kind of gorl". Frozen corn on the cob. In plastic. Sugar ice bars. Apples.
"Meal prepping molment". You go nowhere. You do nothing. You have all the time in the world. Why the FUCK do you think you need to prep meals ahead? LOL. This is so they don't order takeout and I don't believe this shit for an instant. And why? Because in a rare moment of honesty, she said "I'm not gonna stop ordering takeout, it's just not gonna happen."No shit. We found that out in your "30 days of no takeout", yet another FAIL in the amberverse.
"Look how delish!" No. It looks fucking BEIGE. Your favorite kind of food.
She's "thinking" about reading A Little Life (Hanya Yanagihara) and she will stop reading by page 30, tops, and I doubt she'll make it to that point. Tries to give trigger warnings, and just STFU like you know what the fuck you're talking about. She's "thinking" about getting a Kindle. Why? You don't read books, you listen to them. WTF do you need a Kindle for? Sometimes she wants to read in the dark, and you can't read a book in the dark. They fucking make book lamps, WriterLynn, you fucking moron. They existed long before kindles. So you can read in the dark. JFC.
Clickbaiting her next video by saying there are health things she has to discuss with us. "I just don't have the muh mentalz capacity for it right now." You don't have the capacity for anything, you lazy, entitled, bitch. It's just one clickbaity thing after another.
Outro: mirror of the retarded intro.
TL;DW/R: Stupid fucking intro. Took five minutes to open a barkbox. The entire time, she was looking anywhere but the camera. Yammers at us about how she's rebrandiug intio a vlog channel, as if that hasn't been what she's doing for the past year. Mixes a protein shake and coffee together, throws in stevia, and fake vanilla syrup, as if she even likes coffee or needs a protein shake. Has groceries delivered. Meal "preps" by making all of four bowls of the same beige food, and this is somehow going to cause them not to order takeout. Is "thinking " about reading a very adult book, and she'll give that up right quick. Wants to tell us all about her health and doctors and muh mentalz, but - shocker - that will have to wait for the next video. Still fat. The end.
