"Hey guise!"
Hey there, Hamber. Point for this: short, no chipmunk music like the terrible intros she's tried on.
"SO" she tells us, she's been doing one item per vlog and I'm just going to stop you there, CreatorLynn, because I know you're about to say something stupid to excuse your sudden change of heart to just do the whole bag of cloth instead of admitting you don't have any other content to film. We know it's the latter; it's why we got a whole week and a half of anklegate and yet another toddler tantrum-y "I'm done", complete with constipated thumbnail pic.
This is what happens to artists and creators, you know. Real artists and creators, which you are not. They have a hit of some kind - they get great press on a giant mural they painted, their song was a #1 hit, their debut novel was a smash. The inevitable question comes: what next? And they don't know. Or, they're at the tail of their career - they sell smaller paintings, their songs maybe crack the top 50 once in awhile, but mostly hang out at the bottom of the top 100, their books slide into the midlist, steady sellers, but no blockbusters.
In both cases, what to do? I'll tell you what happens: they take that big bag of ideas and rejects, and they shake every one of them out, searching for anything that is viable, cannibalizing a piece here, a piece there, cobbling together a frankensteinish Thing they can say they're working on - and sometimes they actually do, but mostly, it's to keep people (patrons, fans, agents) off their back while they try to coast on their past successes, which rarely works. The best artists - painters, writers, sculptors, musicians, etc. - understand that ideas aren't just shit you throw in a big bag like clothes, hoping when you pull them out again, they're not too smelly or too wrinkly because you have no way to wash them and you didn't pack an iron. Ideas are always floating around. You just have to have the creator's mind and be willing to look at them.
Now, what, one may ask, does this have to do with Hamber? Everything. Se's about to go through this giant bag of giant clothes, probably do some kind of stupid brag about how she's lost so much weight, OMG!, and try to convince anyone she's the sex kitten she thinks herself to be. It won't work, because this is not content. There is no new idea here. There hasn't been a single new idea in the Hamberverse since she shot that first video, intending to document a weight loss that never materialized. Am I right? Let's see!
First excuse right out of the box (bag?): blame it on the viewers. "It was like Xmas for me! (yay!) But I have gotten some complaints (boo!)" and people wanted the Horrid tryons to be their own separate video. I don't care one way or the other. It will all be wrongly sized, ill-fitting, shitty "fashion".
She has "months and months" worth of Horrid. WTF, Hamber? It isn't a fucking subscription service. You don't HAVE to buy new clothes every fucking months. Who the fuck does this except people who are shit at handling their money? No wonder you can't afford WLS, even if you were to get approved.
Oh. My. God. I just realized something. It looks like Fat Ham finally washed her NASTY, GREASY FUCKING HAIR. I'm surprised a trumpet fanfare didn't play.
Size 6 shirt. Looks like it's supposed to be a baseball-type 3/4 sleeve. With lace sleeves. WHY? Black and white. Dullsville. Stupid. Ugly.
"OK, it smells like vinegar. Sometimes new clothes smell like vinegar..." Sounds like Torrid needs to rotate their stock.
Another shirt. Why does this seem to be dragging? Ah. Forgot to put her at 1.75 speed. Ah, better.
Says she feels like she has to mention the shirts are a size 6 for people "out there who are shaped like me". Just how many 500+ pound women with shelf asses do you think exist, actually, Hamber? No matter how many there are, I hope like hell they're not taking fashion advice from you. Or any other kind of advice.
Moving on. Betsy Johnson crap. Who thought these designs were any good? Or did they know stupid fasionista wannabes like Hamber would snap them up and just saw dollar signs?
Another shirt. LOL. Finally acknowledges for real that she wears dresses as shirts. And, my next ding ding ding:"With the weight loss, I find myself going more towards shirts." Well, congrats, Fatty.
Mentions wearing cardigans, "Because a, insecurities, b, somes just looks better, some just look, I didn't get much sleep last night..." Tell someone who gives a shit. You'll never fix your sleep problem until you admit you need a CPAP. Until then, STFU, NO ONE CARES.
JFC, unfolds what could just be fabric on a roll in front of the screen. Reminds me of her older videos where she would have the camera so in on her fat fucking face that she would say "Look at this dress!" and then hold it up at the camera, resulting in no one being able to tell what the hell it was beyond a ton of fabric.
Another Betsy Johnson. "Never say sorry for being real" it says, in a comic book quote cloud, coming out of a pair of lipsticked lips. You're never real, so not seeing what your attraction is to this, Hamber.
"Here we have a size four," she says, as she once again blanks the camera by just unfolding a giant fucking tent in front of it. "Wait, I'm so confused, oe woeoewoewoewoew." I don't know why she just can't say "ooooooh" like a normal fucking person. I guess she's just showing what a QuIrKy gorl she is. Get on with it, Fatty. I don't have time for your brain to try to process something. Fucking shirts. To wear as undershirts. With longer sleeves. To wear them under tank tops. JFC. What's the fucking point of wearing the goddamned tank, then? Thinks it will be "super kyute" because of course, this is the only fucking superlative and descriptor WriterLynn fucking knows. Says she thought it would be smaller - how the fuck did you think that when their entire business model is selling to fatties? - she wanted it to be "super" (of course) tight. Great, so you can just pluck at it constantly. Way to think that one through, Hamber.
Wants it to be "super" tight. Good luck getting that on and off. Also got a white one - why just buy one when you can buy two somethings you won't wear and won't return?
Another ugly as fuck shirt with a drop breastline and a bow in the middle. How...juvenile. Says she got this in "mwav" because it's one of her favorite colors and it "makes my boobies look good." Listen here, Fatty. Ain't nothing in this world that makes your sad little titties look good. But hey, keep it up, SexyLynn. Someone might get it in their head to report your shit for inappropriate content.
"I forgot that I got this." Another sign you're buying too much shit and need to stop. "I got this because my boobs are really small for my, um, stature." I think you mean your tits are small compared to the enormity of the fat rest of you. A size four black bra that would, if it were an actual size four and not a 4X and not being worn by YOU, with your 2X boobs and 6X body, would look good on someone. It's a "fake leather moment." IT IS NOT A FUCKING MOMENT YOU ILLITERATE HICK.
Another nondescript, ugly as fuck barf color, dress, size four. Holds it up in front of the camera as if that allows us to see it. "Dark olive hunter green." Way to k ow what the fuck you're buying, dumbass. "I love the wannabe buh-ens." You sound so stupid when eliding ts, Fat Ham. Stupider, I guess would be more appropriate.
Another ugly fucking shirt. Do they have ANYTHING that looks good? Or does she just magically gravitate, with her planet sized fat body and terrible fashion sense, to the ugliest, dumbest shit they sell? It's some Pepto-Bismol colored satiny thing, and I cannot for the life of me understand why she thought it would look good on her. Oh, and now she's saying she doesn't think it will look good on her. Too bad you never bother to return anything, dumbass. You flush your money down the toilet by not expending the tiniest of energy to return something and thus get money back to BUY OTHER SHITTY CLOTHES. Has that never fucking occurred to you?
"Not gonna lie (here comes a lie) Horrid has sent me things that I have not ordered." Sure they have. Like they're the Panera of the fatty clothes universe. Fuck off, LiarLynn.
There will have to be a second video, she says, because she's just SO tired. I hear doing nothing all fucking day and night really does leave you just exhausted.
Size 6 tank top, with Betty and Wilma from the Flintstones on the front. Cackles as if this is the funniest thing ever. No. You know what would have made it funny? If it were Fred and Barney on the front and you'd gotten it when Becky was still there. THAT would have been some funny shit.
"Y'all, stop judging me."
No, you fat, stupid bitch, I will not.
The circus parade is up, and it's elephants all the way down, folks. Our descriptor of choice? "Super kyute", naturally.
Oh hey, you know what? Looks like those upper arms are "reinflating", Hamber. Do your weigh in at a doctor's office, on their scale, with them doing the tare. That, I'll believe.
Plucks at every single fucking thing she's wearing, repeats the shit about her boobs - keep it up, Hamber, and I"ll be the one reporting your bullshit, I swear to fuck I will.
Claims again that Horrid sent her something she didn't order, and yeah, no, LiarLynn, not believing that. Says we can "really see her weight loss here" in this ugly shit dress, No, Hamber. No, we cannot. All I see is a massive redistribution because you have abused your body for the past two decades. And because you failed to take your estrogen, because you refuse to lose weight, because you refuse to change your diet, and because you are not young any more, all your shit is sliding south.
And thankfully, that's it. Says she hopes we enjoyed it - we did not - and she will definitely see us in the next one. Well duh, you idiot, it's your fucking channel. Although I wouldn't mind if you turned it over to the animals and kept your fat fucking mouth shut.
TL;DW/R: Hamber foists some of her hoard of unpacked purchases from Omar the Tentmaker's place Horrid Torrid on us. It's all as ugly and ill-fitting as it usually is, but today we get the hilarity of Hamber pretending that Horrid sent her something she didn't order! In the alternate reality that they did, it's perfect for her because it's ugly as shit, just like all the other crap she buys. The End.