- Joined
- Jan 25, 2022
Some minor adjustments.
Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.
- Thread starter PiggyPie
- Start date
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2020
don't forget about the prize hog LifeByJen, one day she's on her vlog shitting on the hospital that kept her alive then the obit popped up. Hey, she deserved that and worse imo
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2017
It did feel very cringeworthy, even lowkey insulting. Especially when he used that info and didn't even use the analogy correctly. Everyone loves to use our info but doesn't want to say it. It's the worst kept secret, like how mom's homemade cake that everyone loved was really by Betty Crocker (with one minor change by mom to make it "hers.").
I've said it before. She had to quit diets, or whatever, cus 2-5 pounds lost in a week is too much and dangerous! Yet, she puts on a pound a day.
Some of you know I like to put up the math.... A pound of fat is 3500 calories.
To gain a pound in 1 day, you would need to exceed your required calories by 3500. And that's at 100% efficiency, which no one is at.
She is bigger than a regular human. To maintain just 400 pounds of sedientary body weight she would need to eat 2550 calories. With NO activity if she only ate 2550 calories every day at her height she would eventually "settle" down to 400 pounds.
This is an under estimate. She is consuming 6,050 calories a day on average to average a 1 pound weight gain per day.
Give or take, a Chicken Burrito from chipotle is 800-1000 calories. She's eating the equivalent of 6-8 of them a day.
No lypodema. Its thermodynamics. You still need the calories to make the fat to go into the lypodema.
Calorie calculator
Calculate the number of calories you need a day to maintain your weight.www.mayoclinic.org
Amber's snacks are so caloric for so little food volume. Six "King Size" packs of Reese's, party packs of chips and Flaming Hot Cheetos in one sitting, a pint or more of Ben and Jerry's, etc. All of those are 1200+ calories, and she often eats at least two of those "snacks" at once.
Amber looks and acts just like one, too. Thank god she doesn't dress like one, at least. Maybe there is a God after all.
See above. And just think about her actual "meals." A 20 piece McNugget is 830 calories, large fry 500 calories... She may be a "dry gorl" and not eat sauce and washes it down with diet soda, but she chases that with Starbies frappes and cake pops afterward. 1300+ calories again! And again, and again... until she finally falls asleep in a diabetic coma at 5 am.
Cluster B lolcows love to think their animals are obsessed with them. I think it makes them think they're good people or loved when they're really making the pets miserable.
Her pointing at and touching things aren't much better. At least the pointing had a funny Photoshop thread at one point.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2022
For many addicts, death IS their rock bottom. And years of Amberlynn content has shown us that everytime we think she's hit rock bottom, this bitch comes back with a shovel and says "hold my Sprite Zero".
============
Lowlight Reel with Commentary. Today is Vlogmas Day 17, or December 16th in the Amberverse. There was SO MUCH bullshit filler. Absolute CUNTENT. We get to watch her show off her laundry bag, haul post-its and batteries, scrape fur off of the cat tree, fail at arts and crafts, burn some eggs and veggie patty, and complain about how hard it is to upload YouTube videos.
Jade screams "DAY 17" from another room in case Amber forgets again.
Yesterday Amber got back on track in the way that she knows best that feels right. It was a success. Moderated eating for the win! I mean, you can't go over your calorie limit if you don't set one.
She talks about her 'old patterns', as if all of this is in the past and not actual white knucking during her unwavering cycle of futility.
She's overwhelmed that with food addiction and an eating disorder, the reality is that every second of every day you have to try. Yes, that's why 12 Step Programs teach "One Day at a Time" (or one hour, or one MINUTE if you are really in the shit that deep). It might help you to stop spending hours every day on YouTube watching people eating and doing 'mook-bongs', just like an alcoholic probably shouldn't watch videos of people playing drinking games.
"It gets easier, I know it does". That's oversimplifying it a bit. First it's a period of time (which might be long) of detox - dopamine, sugar, etc). Then it's a long time of struggling to build new habits, and making them stick. Then it's keeping the new habits, despite life throwing curve balls at you. Then it's a lot of introspection on exactly why you did the things you did and why it's so important that you don't do those things anymore. Then the 'AHA' moment comes. THEN it starts to get easier - but you still must always be vigilant, because old patterns will ALWAYS return if you get lazy. Amber seems to be waiting for the magical scenario where the 'AHA' moment comes first, and everything else happens afterwards on autopilot.
Amber's present is a mini fridge. I'm guessing that she's been obsessively watching the TikToks of people filling these fridges with water and snacks for studying sessions - like when she was watching the 'cash stuffing' cash binder videos earlier this year. I guess it's too much effort for her to keep her multiple 'Coldest Water' bottles 'ready to rumble' with her in the office. Jade says the fridge fits 4 water bottles - though I'm sure this is actually for holding snacky-poos. Absolute landfill. Amber predicts the haydurs will come for her. Yes they will, as this is ridiculous - but we know that's your intention with these videos, Amber.
FOOD!! Amber's back to her scrambled eggs and veggie patty slop. It's dry as fuck and burned to the bottom of the pan. Cheflynn strikes again.
Amber talks about how difficult it is for her to upload her vlogs. She has to upload files *here* and THEN transfer them *there*, then EDIT, then export AGAIN, then UPLOAD, then she has to WATCH her shit and have a notebook file open to come up with titles. OMG, SO DIFFICULT! Half of these steps are just her waiting for the computer to move the 1s and 0s around. The title part is so much work though, as she has to create just the right amount of victimization and outrage. She spends way too long talking about this. Anyone who has ever had a job can see what absolute bullshit this segment is.
Creating a pom-pom Christmas Tree from a kit. The Crafting Queen is being outsmarted by two-sided tape. She had to do it 'her way', because she couldn't figure it out. Jade's tree looks normal; Amber's tree looks like Amber made it.
Amber's turning 32, but feels her mental age is 17. Subtract about a decade from that.
Chalkboard molments. Love notes back and forth. Don't forget to include your weight, Amber.
Hurpling through Target for 5 seconds, then HAUL TIME! Fake thumbnail bullshit. "You've got to spend money to make money": Board game, post-its, 'stunnen' earrings, batteries, Foodie Mini Brands. She unboxes the Mini Brands with obnoxiously over the top reactions. Is she fucking high? CUNTENT!
Wasabi runs to Jade, crying for help, because his new toy rolled under the couch and he wanted her to fix it for him. This is the highlight of the video.
Comment of the Day:
Zee says "Eat less, move more. Why has this taken almost a decade for you to figrue out?"
Amber says she's known this since she was 11 years old and put on her first diet, and that someone shouldn't be put on their first diet at 11 years old. Yeah, they also shouldn't weigh 290 lbs at 11 years old, either (as you claimed to have weighed).
Yesterday Amber got back on track in the way that she knows best that feels right. It was a success. Moderated eating for the win! I mean, you can't go over your calorie limit if you don't set one.
She talks about her 'old patterns', as if all of this is in the past and not actual white knucking during her unwavering cycle of futility.
She's overwhelmed that with food addiction and an eating disorder, the reality is that every second of every day you have to try. Yes, that's why 12 Step Programs teach "One Day at a Time" (or one hour, or one MINUTE if you are really in the shit that deep). It might help you to stop spending hours every day on YouTube watching people eating and doing 'mook-bongs', just like an alcoholic probably shouldn't watch videos of people playing drinking games.
"It gets easier, I know it does". That's oversimplifying it a bit. First it's a period of time (which might be long) of detox - dopamine, sugar, etc). Then it's a long time of struggling to build new habits, and making them stick. Then it's keeping the new habits, despite life throwing curve balls at you. Then it's a lot of introspection on exactly why you did the things you did and why it's so important that you don't do those things anymore. Then the 'AHA' moment comes. THEN it starts to get easier - but you still must always be vigilant, because old patterns will ALWAYS return if you get lazy. Amber seems to be waiting for the magical scenario where the 'AHA' moment comes first, and everything else happens afterwards on autopilot.
Amber's present is a mini fridge. I'm guessing that she's been obsessively watching the TikToks of people filling these fridges with water and snacks for studying sessions - like when she was watching the 'cash stuffing' cash binder videos earlier this year. I guess it's too much effort for her to keep her multiple 'Coldest Water' bottles 'ready to rumble' with her in the office. Jade says the fridge fits 4 water bottles - though I'm sure this is actually for holding snacky-poos. Absolute landfill. Amber predicts the haydurs will come for her. Yes they will, as this is ridiculous - but we know that's your intention with these videos, Amber.
FOOD!! Amber's back to her scrambled eggs and veggie patty slop. It's dry as fuck and burned to the bottom of the pan. Cheflynn strikes again.
Amber talks about how difficult it is for her to upload her vlogs. She has to upload files *here* and THEN transfer them *there*, then EDIT, then export AGAIN, then UPLOAD, then she has to WATCH her shit and have a notebook file open to come up with titles. OMG, SO DIFFICULT! Half of these steps are just her waiting for the computer to move the 1s and 0s around. The title part is so much work though, as she has to create just the right amount of victimization and outrage. She spends way too long talking about this. Anyone who has ever had a job can see what absolute bullshit this segment is.
Creating a pom-pom Christmas Tree from a kit. The Crafting Queen is being outsmarted by two-sided tape. She had to do it 'her way', because she couldn't figure it out. Jade's tree looks normal; Amber's tree looks like Amber made it.
Amber's turning 32, but feels her mental age is 17. Subtract about a decade from that.
Chalkboard molments. Love notes back and forth. Don't forget to include your weight, Amber.
Hurpling through Target for 5 seconds, then HAUL TIME! Fake thumbnail bullshit. "You've got to spend money to make money": Board game, post-its, 'stunnen' earrings, batteries, Foodie Mini Brands. She unboxes the Mini Brands with obnoxiously over the top reactions. Is she fucking high? CUNTENT!
Wasabi runs to Jade, crying for help, because his new toy rolled under the couch and he wanted her to fix it for him. This is the highlight of the video.
Comment of the Day:
Zee says "Eat less, move more. Why has this taken almost a decade for you to figrue out?"
Amber says she's known this since she was 11 years old and put on her first diet, and that someone shouldn't be put on their first diet at 11 years old. Yeah, they also shouldn't weigh 290 lbs at 11 years old, either (as you claimed to have weighed).
TL;DR: So much filler and dragging out explanations to pad out the video. Amber got a mini fridge that can hold 4 bottles of water. Amber's Youtube job is SO MUCH WORK. Lots of stupid other shit that doesn't matter.
Some screenshots from the shitshow. The middle is my favourite, but they're all special.
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
We are more than half a month in this crap and it allows for some interesting metrics.
So far Amber has 681,000 views on all her vlogmas stuff released. It's really interesting because it allows me to compare data from last year as these videos were released to allow us to look at Amber's true audience size.
If you minus clickbait titles like the lipoedema vids Amber's true audience is at around 35 - 40k. Compared to the previous year at let's say the same date we get this;
As you can see there is a drop off of about 10 - 15k but clickbait is so ingrained in the function of her channel. If we cut it in the middle and suggest 60k was her average we can extrapolate that she has lost nearly 35% of her audience.
Another interesting factor is if you apply videos after November 15th, the suspected pay cut-off is the 15th of each month, her views total up to 553k. Adding this together comes up to about 1.2 million views and about 100,000 after her legacy views.
Revenue wise it's about $5000 a month at a $3 CPM and added about 1.2k for ads etc due to December. $5000 a month is nothing to Amber as she confesses to ordering takeout currently multiple times a day even meaning she is saving none of this.
So if we follow this to the future applying the 2020s numbers we get this
She went from about 90k - 100k views a video to 60k in a year which is 40%. So we get this;
2020 - 2021: A loss of 40% of the audience.
2021 - 2022: A loss of 35% of the audience
I am locking it in that in 2023 we will see a 30% audience meaning her views will go down to 28,000 on average for a video. This would mean her monthly for 15 uploads is about 420,000, at her current CPM is $1260 a month.
At the end of the day, Amber's channel is in full diminishing returns mode. Nothing she can do can counteract this effect. The only way to fight diminishing returns is to address the root cause and this is why all cows cannot fight it. It requires self-awareness and ownership of the fault.
I do think Amber looks at Kiwifarms as does Jade actually because of how they take down channels and Reddit. I predict that after Christmas Jade will go as she produces less content in January, I do think we will get her to just stop losing weight as she knows it brings in money.
So far Amber has 681,000 views on all her vlogmas stuff released. It's really interesting because it allows me to compare data from last year as these videos were released to allow us to look at Amber's true audience size.
If you minus clickbait titles like the lipoedema vids Amber's true audience is at around 35 - 40k. Compared to the previous year at let's say the same date we get this;
As you can see there is a drop off of about 10 - 15k but clickbait is so ingrained in the function of her channel. If we cut it in the middle and suggest 60k was her average we can extrapolate that she has lost nearly 35% of her audience.
Another interesting factor is if you apply videos after November 15th, the suspected pay cut-off is the 15th of each month, her views total up to 553k. Adding this together comes up to about 1.2 million views and about 100,000 after her legacy views.
Revenue wise it's about $5000 a month at a $3 CPM and added about 1.2k for ads etc due to December. $5000 a month is nothing to Amber as she confesses to ordering takeout currently multiple times a day even meaning she is saving none of this.
So if we follow this to the future applying the 2020s numbers we get this
She went from about 90k - 100k views a video to 60k in a year which is 40%. So we get this;
2020 - 2021: A loss of 40% of the audience.
2021 - 2022: A loss of 35% of the audience
I am locking it in that in 2023 we will see a 30% audience meaning her views will go down to 28,000 on average for a video. This would mean her monthly for 15 uploads is about 420,000, at her current CPM is $1260 a month.
At the end of the day, Amber's channel is in full diminishing returns mode. Nothing she can do can counteract this effect. The only way to fight diminishing returns is to address the root cause and this is why all cows cannot fight it. It requires self-awareness and ownership of the fault.
I do think Amber looks at Kiwifarms as does Jade actually because of how they take down channels and Reddit. I predict that after Christmas Jade will go as she produces less content in January, I do think we will get her to just stop losing weight as she knows it brings in money.
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2018
Maybe she can keep her insulin in that fridge when she realizes being 500 pounds in your thirties has consequences. Hope it's big (yes big) enough.
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2022
You feel the ground rumble underneath your feet, and you look around curiously to see what's happening.
Maybe it's a semi truck? An earthquake? No, it can't be.
From a distance, you spot a blurry, black object swaying back and forth like a pendulum.
As it gets closer, you cannot take your gaze off of the object, and it slowly moves closer.
The doors swing open, and a stiff wind blows into the store.
You take in a slow, deep breath, but immediately regret it. Your lungs fill with the stench of death, cheap perfume, and ... orange chicken?
As you focus on what's moving towards you, you quickly realize that it's an aging obese woman.
She struggles to hold onto her shopping cart for dear life.
In horror, you cannot turn your head away, but keep walking forward to escape the creature.
You stare into the Amberverse, and the Amberverse stares back at you.
Maybe it's a semi truck? An earthquake? No, it can't be.
From a distance, you spot a blurry, black object swaying back and forth like a pendulum.
As it gets closer, you cannot take your gaze off of the object, and it slowly moves closer.
The doors swing open, and a stiff wind blows into the store.
You take in a slow, deep breath, but immediately regret it. Your lungs fill with the stench of death, cheap perfume, and ... orange chicken?
As you focus on what's moving towards you, you quickly realize that it's an aging obese woman.
She struggles to hold onto her shopping cart for dear life.
In horror, you cannot turn your head away, but keep walking forward to escape the creature.
You stare into the Amberverse, and the Amberverse stares back at you.
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
Who is that? apologies image quality. Is this a wild sighting?
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2022
I should have clarified. This is from the most recent vlogmas and Amber walked into Target and got stared at by an onlooker.
dfranki723
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 6, 2019
Wonder how long it took for that poor bloke to get a whiff of HygieneLynn.
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2013
She is not taking weight loss seriously and quits all her diets within days, so why doesn’t she just go back to doing muk bangs for views. Bitch you’re binging every day anyway, fukken film it for money.
Turd Fergusson
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2019
So, Amber was using a mobility chair in stores since she was 400 pounds with Destiny, and now she can easily push a trolley at 521 pounds while her mobility is decreasing. It is a miracle. I think these clips are just for show. Amber is using a mobility chair while Jade is pushing a trolley. When Amber needs video clips, she switches with Jade for the few seconds needed. These stores are huge and I doubt that Amber could walk there for that long. Amber seems to be showing only stores that have mobility chairs.
This mini fridge is never going to have anything resembling water in it. There is no "office", and Amber and Jade are not sleeping in the same room. Amber is in the guest bedroom. The fridge is going in Amber's bedroom so that she does not have to go to the kitchen at 2:00 am while binging and awake Jade.
I am waiting for Amber to tell us that she is down 1 pound to 520 pounds but say instead that she is down 52 pounds from her highest weight.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2020
I lIeK CoLd WaTeR IsN't ThAt So WeiRd?????!!??? 
Truly the quorkiest of quorky gorls. Truly.
Truly the quorkiest of quorky gorls. Truly.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit. - Vince Lombardi
Exhibit A: Hamber. - Me
The honeymoon is well and truly over for Hamber, isn't it? Been over for awhile, really, based on her return to her true unwashed, un-made up, greasy, poop bun ways. My opinion? Hamber's hopes and dreams were dashed when MG,W showed up on the doorstep last year: not an athlete's build, not immediately bowing and scraping before Her Majesty, DaintyPrincessLynn. I figure Ham - in her usual, narcissistic way - thought she could just work on MG,W until she finally realized where she stood in this particular food chain. In some respects, she did: the same person who was allegedly these things:
able to love someone past their looks, and thus loves Hamber in all her fatty, narcissistic self
provided a level of support (and luff!) never felt before
cooking healthier meals
going to help Hamber "move more", whatever that idiotic phrase is supposed to mean
has disappeared into someone who happily eats takeout with Hamber, doesn't bother trying to push her to exercise or at least walk because it's useless, is gaining weight just like all the other "girlfriensd", gets a minifridge for the "office" so Hamber doesn't have to walk the marathon-like distance distance from the office to the kitchen, and doesn't cook on a regular basis. Points for getting Saint Twinkie thinner, and dealing with her nails, though.
It took me three days to catch up, and I guess I could have just skipped forward to the present without missing a beat, because I can see quite clearly that's what Hamber and MG,W did. But I did, because I find it highly entertaining. From failing no takeout for 30 days in one day to keto for five to WW again, once again deciding she has to eat every single point in the allotment. It's like an old movie you rewatch: you know exactly what's going to happen, you can even quote lines from it, and it's comfortable.
I see we've now added lipedema to the List of Woes. You know, it has nothing to do with weight! Skinny people get lipedema, too! And concerning that...
1. She blames the typical low carb, high fat/protein diet for aggravating her gallbladder.
2. Blames her gallbladder issues on the high fat, preventing her from going keto/low carb, so clearly she can do nothing at all to find a balance.
3. Blames the lipedema for her inability to exercise, which would help it.
4. Blames exercise and really, moving of any sort for worsening the lipedema, which itself is more prevalent in fatbodies and made worse by getting even fatter.
No. Hamber is, as ever, just looking for excuses. Seems to me all that fried, greasy, fatty, fast/takeout food she shovels down, in the same quantities that would feed an entire herd of wildebeast, doesn't seem to bother her gallbladder at all. How weird.
Meanwhile, MartyrLynn is also "suffering" from a blizzard of other things from the List of Woes, like bipolar (she is not), depression (nope), OCD/OCPD/however she's terming it now (nope), BED (nope), sleep apnea (certainly), TRY-pop-phobia (not with all those dotted dresses as shirts she buys that are shooo kyuuuute). Continue to feed that victim complex, Hamber. You wouldn't want to accidentally take responsibility in any way for anything. Or, just get down to basics and go change your name to Ima Victim. That way, when you introduce yourself, you can just say "Ima Victim" and they'll understand exactly why they suddenly need to go refill their drink even though their cup is full.
Weight loss surgery. Is it time for that dance again already? How the time just flies. In the current episode of Hamber's Quixotic Journeeeeey, she appears to think she can just ask for an appointment "in January" and they'll just tell her to come on in, any time! They can totally move at her schedule! Except no, Ham, you're not special, and it will be months away. She also doesn't appear to grasp that getting WLS, even if she actually wanted to and wasn't doing some more performative "I'm tryeeeen.", is a process that without some miracle of personality change will take years. Despite her previous claim at the Gaycare that she had the money and was ready to just write a check (lie), this time, she'll have to save up for it, because she doesn't have the funds, so that's what she's doing. If by "saving" she meant doing exactly the same things as she always done - just as she does with her performative dieting - spending money like every year is 2018 (a year I point to as her acme). It isn't hard to see, except to her, apparently, that her fun-filled, lazy days cruise is rapidly becoming the Poseidon Adventure. Come the new year, I can't wait for the excuses to pile up about how she can't get WLS. Which is fine. We all know she doesn't want it, because she doesn't want to comply with the restricted eating. Watching her try to rationalize it, though, is hilarious - and we all need sources of amusement these days.
Insurance: my guess was that the Dipsy Duo were trying to get Hamber added to MG,W's work plan, and that's what was denied. Once again, not special: go through the exchange like everyone else. Time is running out, as the enrollment period ends on January 15. Odds on her lifting a finger to do the minimal work to do so? I'm going with 10-1 against.
MG,W: Getting fat with Hamber, like the rest. Or should that be Getting Fat with Hamber, the latest new mookbong/no exercise channel? I see we have yet another name for her they think is clever but isn't. Bambi wasn't a 500+ pound deer. On the upside, every time I hear Hamber say the name, I instead hear faileeeen. An absolute tribute to what they both do in their own ways.
Words: They're adopting each other's crutch words. They're "obsessed" with everything. "This slaps" is the alternative "shooooo gooood". There are a variety of words she should lose from her vocabulary, in addition to "suffering" above: slaps, obsessed, babe (or any variety of it), molment, situation, bomb, anything ending in -ing. In fact, how about I just throw a copy of the OED at her to save some time, and she can stop using all of the words.
Hey there, Hamber! Didja miss me?
Exhibit A: Hamber. - Me
The honeymoon is well and truly over for Hamber, isn't it? Been over for awhile, really, based on her return to her true unwashed, un-made up, greasy, poop bun ways. My opinion? Hamber's hopes and dreams were dashed when MG,W showed up on the doorstep last year: not an athlete's build, not immediately bowing and scraping before Her Majesty, DaintyPrincessLynn. I figure Ham - in her usual, narcissistic way - thought she could just work on MG,W until she finally realized where she stood in this particular food chain. In some respects, she did: the same person who was allegedly these things:
able to love someone past their looks, and thus loves Hamber in all her fatty, narcissistic self
provided a level of support (and luff!) never felt before
cooking healthier meals
going to help Hamber "move more", whatever that idiotic phrase is supposed to mean
has disappeared into someone who happily eats takeout with Hamber, doesn't bother trying to push her to exercise or at least walk because it's useless, is gaining weight just like all the other "girlfriensd", gets a minifridge for the "office" so Hamber doesn't have to walk the marathon-like distance distance from the office to the kitchen, and doesn't cook on a regular basis. Points for getting Saint Twinkie thinner, and dealing with her nails, though.
It took me three days to catch up, and I guess I could have just skipped forward to the present without missing a beat, because I can see quite clearly that's what Hamber and MG,W did. But I did, because I find it highly entertaining. From failing no takeout for 30 days in one day to keto for five to WW again, once again deciding she has to eat every single point in the allotment. It's like an old movie you rewatch: you know exactly what's going to happen, you can even quote lines from it, and it's comfortable.
I see we've now added lipedema to the List of Woes. You know, it has nothing to do with weight! Skinny people get lipedema, too! And concerning that...
1. She blames the typical low carb, high fat/protein diet for aggravating her gallbladder.
2. Blames her gallbladder issues on the high fat, preventing her from going keto/low carb, so clearly she can do nothing at all to find a balance.
3. Blames the lipedema for her inability to exercise, which would help it.
4. Blames exercise and really, moving of any sort for worsening the lipedema, which itself is more prevalent in fatbodies and made worse by getting even fatter.
No. Hamber is, as ever, just looking for excuses. Seems to me all that fried, greasy, fatty, fast/takeout food she shovels down, in the same quantities that would feed an entire herd of wildebeast, doesn't seem to bother her gallbladder at all. How weird.
Meanwhile, MartyrLynn is also "suffering" from a blizzard of other things from the List of Woes, like bipolar (she is not), depression (nope), OCD/OCPD/however she's terming it now (nope), BED (nope), sleep apnea (certainly), TRY-pop-phobia (not with all those dotted dresses as shirts she buys that are shooo kyuuuute). Continue to feed that victim complex, Hamber. You wouldn't want to accidentally take responsibility in any way for anything. Or, just get down to basics and go change your name to Ima Victim. That way, when you introduce yourself, you can just say "Ima Victim" and they'll understand exactly why they suddenly need to go refill their drink even though their cup is full.
Weight loss surgery. Is it time for that dance again already? How the time just flies. In the current episode of Hamber's Quixotic Journeeeeey, she appears to think she can just ask for an appointment "in January" and they'll just tell her to come on in, any time! They can totally move at her schedule! Except no, Ham, you're not special, and it will be months away. She also doesn't appear to grasp that getting WLS, even if she actually wanted to and wasn't doing some more performative "I'm tryeeeen.", is a process that without some miracle of personality change will take years. Despite her previous claim at the Gaycare that she had the money and was ready to just write a check (lie), this time, she'll have to save up for it, because she doesn't have the funds, so that's what she's doing. If by "saving" she meant doing exactly the same things as she always done - just as she does with her performative dieting - spending money like every year is 2018 (a year I point to as her acme). It isn't hard to see, except to her, apparently, that her fun-filled, lazy days cruise is rapidly becoming the Poseidon Adventure. Come the new year, I can't wait for the excuses to pile up about how she can't get WLS. Which is fine. We all know she doesn't want it, because she doesn't want to comply with the restricted eating. Watching her try to rationalize it, though, is hilarious - and we all need sources of amusement these days.
Insurance: my guess was that the Dipsy Duo were trying to get Hamber added to MG,W's work plan, and that's what was denied. Once again, not special: go through the exchange like everyone else. Time is running out, as the enrollment period ends on January 15. Odds on her lifting a finger to do the minimal work to do so? I'm going with 10-1 against.
MG,W: Getting fat with Hamber, like the rest. Or should that be Getting Fat with Hamber, the latest new mookbong/no exercise channel? I see we have yet another name for her they think is clever but isn't. Bambi wasn't a 500+ pound deer. On the upside, every time I hear Hamber say the name, I instead hear faileeeen. An absolute tribute to what they both do in their own ways.
Words: They're adopting each other's crutch words. They're "obsessed" with everything. "This slaps" is the alternative "shooooo gooood". There are a variety of words she should lose from her vocabulary, in addition to "suffering" above: slaps, obsessed, babe (or any variety of it), molment, situation, bomb, anything ending in -ing. In fact, how about I just throw a copy of the OED at her to save some time, and she can stop using all of the words.
Hey there, Hamber! Didja miss me?
_justlurking
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2020
Hol'up. Lemme put this Uber Eats order in.
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
Looks like some kid wondering how Dead Rising Darlene is even a real person and not just a shitty vidya boss.
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2021
Probably -- MG, W, Jade Francis of New York, currently hiding in Lexington, Kentucky -- threw in the towel for good after Hamber's "Falleen-Down, Dangleen-Ankle Arc."
The stage was set when Ham sneakily split off from MG,W during their walk this "fall," Ham then supposedly (while alone and without witnesses) faceplanted after tripping on a microdot-sized grass divot, was rushed to the ER, found too huge for any possible mobility aid, took to being bed-bound for weeks, required 24/7 MG,W nursing and real Wipey doo-duties, orders of bed-side DoorDashed comfort food...
...and, next thing you know, BigAl's snacked her way right back up to over 500 elbeeze.
"See, what happens when I'm forced to exercise, Buh-beh! Do you want me to chance falleen-down again, Faline?"
Hamber always wears down any competition that dares to get between her fork and her pie-hole.
Jade "MG,W Faline" vs. Amber "Falleen-Down"
Faline Forfeits
Bamber: Game, Set, Snax.
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the weeknd warrior
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2022
Filters working triple-chin time. She's so broken that her fix is breaking herself more.come to target with me, christmas tree competition, & fridge for the office || vlogmas day 17
Archive so you don't have to give this bint clicks.
View attachment 4098792
There's one metric that doesn't make sense to me and that's her subscriber count where it goes up by 1k over time with no losses since the last unsub event. Who are all of these people just subbing and not watching, especially as her true viewership continues to decline?
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2022
I understand everything you are explaining here, including the projected view count in 2023, but I'm confused about where the $3 CPM came from. Is this a well-known standard for drama and train-wreck channels? I mean, I know Amber's content is shit, and it's understandable that she wouldn't get as high of a CPM many other YouTubers. And I don't know how much her word is to be trusted, but Karina Kaboom keeps insisting that she's making more than this, as Karina (a smaller channel in the drama/trainwreck category) insists that her own CPM is higher than this. Karina's numbers suggest a CPM around the $8 mark.
I'm also confused because of the whole 'Wipey pays for half of everything' nonsense from Amber. Amber lies, and has really been trying to stick it to Becky by going on about how much Jade financially supporsts her - and it has the same vibe as the "Becky bought my engagement rings" nonsense. From the stuff about Jade that's been discovered, it doesn't seem like she'd be rolling in the dough from her lucrative entry level IT job (and 'teaching' evening classes via video conference for her school - that Amber implied she was doing when they first met).
I mean, even IF you were some degenerate feeder fuck, aren't there greener pastures? I mean, who would want to deal with Amber's emotional instability, toxic behaviour, control issues, and inability to even care for herself at the level that a child could, and then have to financially support the
? Amber's $3000 wouldn't even cover her own food bill, let alone her psychologist, psychiatrist, precriptions, shopping, rent, utilities, car insurance, car payments, and fuel. And then to put additional money aside for Amber's WLS (which will never happen, but it's still money being put aside that she's can't spend right now). I can't see Jade being so flush with cash that she'd be willing (or able) to pay for all of this and live in the dirt and clutter, just to watch Amber's lipedema waddle around. Maybe I'm underestimating the power of degeneracy, but I don't know.That fridge is physically incapable of holding anywhere near the quantities required for Amber's new and improved dainty binges. I suspect that fridge will be part of the
the weeknd warrior
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2022
This is the one thing I think Karina is trolling Amber over. Amber gets hate-watched and Karina gets actual supporters for her 90 minute takes on 20 minute videos, I don't see how haydurs are not running adblockers to make sure that they're not giving Amber any money while Karina's the opposite. If anything, she's equating her views to Amber's views but she gets twice the adsense opportunities as Amber does.