Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

If I didn't know better, I'd say Lexus was a pooner name.

If I didn't know better, I'd say it sounded like a troon name, and looking at that photo of our gorl Lexus doesn't really help. That is one unfortunate looking woman.

 

[Turd Fergusson]

I find it hard to believe ALR's prospects on the u-haul lesbian market are that much worse now. Considering how insanely fast she got into every past relationship there's gotta be something else going on other than there being nobody depraved, desperate and dumb enough to get with her because that seems to be an infinite pool as we've seen.

I think it has to do with money. When Becky came into the picture, Amber was making a lot more money and was able to convince Becky to quit her job. Now, her income is a lot less, still good, but not good enough to sustain two people. Jade was working which irritated Amber as not being always available for a Target run. So, anyone interested in Amber would need to have a job, so would not be able to mooch on Amber, and also would need to be resident of Oklahoma City, or at least willing to move there. So, she is looking for a Oklahoma City-available lesbian with a good job, that would find a 515 pounds Amber attractive. Quite a small subset of individuals indeed.

 

[w4vy_gr4vy]

I think it has to do with money. When Becky came into the picture, Amber was making a lot more money and was able to convince Becky to quit her job. Now, her income is a lot less, still good, but not good enough to sustain two people. Jade was working which irritated Amber as not being always available for a Target run. So, anyone interested in Amber would need to have a job, so would not be able to mooch on Amber, and also would need to be resident of Oklahoma City, or at least willing to move there. So, she is looking for a Oklahoma City-available lesbian with a good job, that would find a 515 pounds Amber attractive. Quite a small subset of individuals indeed.

A good job that gives Wipey2 an infinite amount of free time to tend to Amber's every whim, unless they plan on job sharing with Momma Meth and doing the night shift while MM works the days...

 

[Major Pain]

Those two outside of a barn. The joke writes itself.

 

[Boolean Bitch]

I think it's a combination of multiple factors all working together that are keeping Amber single. Eliminate one, and Amber would immediately have another gorlfriend.

Physicality: Let's be real, there's a stereotype with 400+ pounders being lazy, dirty, smelly, selfish, gluttonous hogs. And that stereotype exists for good reason. That right there drastically reduces the dating pool.

Age: People put up with her bullshit early on because she was fresh out of the foster care system or early twenties and likely figured that she'd become a productive and decent person with their help. Now that she's past middle age (deathfat wise), and well into her 'grown-up' years, who would want to be mommy-lover to a smothering, controlling, petulent toddler who demands 24/7 attention and has to get her way 100% of the time? Isn't it fun to deal with a partner who's always randomly crying, and it's your job to read her mind to know what bullshit reason it is this time? And to deal with her episodes of rage when you can't figure it out or don't have the energy? And then for her to conveniently forget said incident of rage, and then gaslight you into thinking that you must have DREAMT the whole thing up because she doesn't remember it (in her memory that she describes as being full of holes)? If her personality was better and she didn't archive 10 years of video evidence of her being an absolute cunt to her partners, more people would be willing to take the chance.

Income & Lifestyle: Her income is significantly lower than it was in previous years, yet Amber is still as materialistic and stupid with money as she's ever been. Amber will push to become joint on her partner's account like she did with Destiny, Becky, and maybe Krystle (I think Jade was the only one to reject this), while keeping her own account just for her. Then she'll spend all of the money in the joint account because "what's hers is mine and what's mine is hers". Amber even insisted that she have control over the spending of Casey's birthday money. I don't think most stable individuals would be comfortable with the account being at 2 bucks when rent's due in a few days, meanwhile their partner's hoard of journals and lego continue to crowd them out of their own apartment. If she was somewhat less of a nightmare with money, or at least was making the same kind of money she was in 2019, I'm sure she'd quickly find a desperate broke bitch willing to date her.

Higher Standards: Jade was Amber's most successful partner overall. She was the least overweight (except for maybe Krystle), she had some education (CompTIA counts), and she had the highest resistence to Amber's gluttonous lifestyle. I believe that Amber sees herself as a much better catch and deserving of better than another unambitious and slow in the mind thumb-butler because if she snagged Jade, then she could snag another self-sufficient, non-deathfat partner who will pay her own way for the honour of being the live-in maid/caretaker/driver/ass-wiper. If Amber was looking for another useless thumb, she'd find one pretty quickly.

Methma: The situation isn't ideal, but Kristine will drive Amber around on weekends. She's the third wheel when Kristine goes on dates with her boyfriend, goes to bingo, casinos, shopping, etc. I'm sure that if there was an emergency, Kristine would drive Amber to the ER. Amber isn't going out as much as she'd like, but she's getting her needs met. There's no need to lower her selection standards. If Kristine suddenly skipped town and cut contact with Ambo, you'd better believe she'd find someone quick.

To calculate the current odds of Amber finding a partner:

• We take 3% of the population (bio females who are sexually attracted to other bio females).
• Then multiply that by maybe 10% who would tollerate a deathfat (I'm just making up numbers - don't come for me).
• Then multiply that by 10% who tollerate shitty personalities in their partners.
• Then multiply that by 1% who would want to date someone who will spend you into poverty no matter how much you go without and no matter how hard you work/try to save.
• Then multiply by 5% who are okay with being mommy to their partner.
• And THEN we take that resulting number and eliminate everyone who themselves are super morbidly obese, don't earn enough to support themselves, don't have a licence, don't have a car, and aren't completely willing to give up all of their friends, hobbies, and interests to cater to Ambo 24/7. Oh, and then you have to eliminate anyone in recovery, as they wouldn't be able to live Ambo's lifestyle. Not to mention eliminating everyone in active addiction, as Amber's not going to deal with someone like that...

... and we're left with Cynthia of Oklahoma City - but she's already locked in a relationship with a deathfat BPD nightmare of a gorlfriend, so Ambo's shit outta luck.

 

[Cornfed]

I know you mentioned multiplying 10% for shifty personality; however I feel this requires a further multiplying factor for the manufactured infantile person Hamber puts on.
I have put up with shifty personality traits because there are good qualities that can counterbalance. Adding shit like the use of pre teen language into the mix is beyond off putting.

 

[FarmVille]

Destiny loves ugly fat women.

For rural kentucky where the job opportunities are retail, chicken processing, or other low wage hell Amber had crazy money. Becky, eric, and ricky were grifters, which is why no one should ever give them sympathy for having lived with amber. If you want to free bleed on the dirty ass living room mattress in the house you pay for, have at it. (Particularly irks me that one of those fags was collecting disability payments for muh social anxiety while regularly going to the mall, pride, parties, restaurants, literally any place that was not a job.)

Even at the same income level she could not pay for a girlfriend in a place like lexington. Same for OKC.

Women don’t want to be with her because she’s too fat. Lesbians love their outdoor activities and she can’t do shit. Even with a great personality a person her size would have very low odds.

She could get with a degenerate feeder in five minutes. They don’t care about personality. They’ll fuck anyones folds. Problem is there are veryfew Destineys out there.

 

[lottalove]

Fancy sped duds for ALR’s true love:
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They also have a website set up for the occasion.

 

[DarkShark]

Fancy sped duds for ALR’s true love:
View attachment 5713461
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Well she certainly has a type…

 

[Even more 8008135]

They also have a website set up

I love that Destiny's last one is still live.

 

[Boolean Bitch]

I know you mentioned multiplying 10% for shifty personality; however I feel this requires a further multiplying factor for the manufactured infantile person Hamber puts on.
I have put up with shifty personality traits because there are good qualities that can counterbalance. Adding shit like the use of pre teen language into the mix is beyond off putting.

I actually said shitty not shifty (two Ts, no Fs). I meant 'shitty' as in verbally/emotionally/financially abusive, controlling, selfish, greedy, vindictive, and threatening selfharm/unstable emotions which change every 5 minutes or the second anyone says 'no' to her for any reason. There aren't really any 'good' personality traits which can counteract all of these traits - but there are damaged people who are drawn to people like this because "they're hurting... I CAN FIX THEM!". Though 10% might be too high of a number. And you're right, that infantile persona probably needs another 5%.

Let's apply the numbers! So let's get the estimated number of women in the USA who are between the ages of 20 and 39: 44.38 million
https://www.statista.com/statistics/241488/population-of-the-us-by-sex-and-age/I was estimating 6% of people on average being same-sex oriented (3% female and 3% male), so we multiply 44,380,000 by 0.03 = 1,331,400. Now, this number might be falsely high due to including males who identify as women and females who want to be men (and various other identities), but it's fine for now.

Then we multiply 1,331,400 x 0.10 (deathfat) and we get 133,140
Then we multiply 133,140 x 0.10 (deathfat AND toxic personality) and we get 13,314
Then we multiply 13,314 x 0.01 (all the above AND spend you into poverty) and we get 133
Then we multiply 133 x 0.05 (all the above AND be mommy to their partners) and we get 6.65 (rounded up to 7, as you can't date 65/100ths of a person unless you visit the graveyard with a shovel - sorry that was bad).

Then we have to exclude the previous partners who she doesn't want back/don't want Amber back: Casey, Krystle, Destiny, Becky, and Jade = 5. And we have to eliminate the enemies she's created in the lesbian community over the last 10 years: Rafe and Hannah = 2. So 2 + 5 = 7....

... Oh, Amber's actually exhausted her entire dating pool. Nevermind.

Yeah, maybe she needs to give dudes another chance. The feeder/fat fetish factor is far higher than it is with females and would greatly expand her dating pool.

Edit: I suck at percents and Seven's too busy to bail me out so apologies if I messed this up. However I wrote it, I think 0.06 is a bit too high, and 0.03 sounds more reasonable. But if it actually should be multiplied by 0.06 it means that there are 7 perfect gorls still out there for Ambo... somewhere in America's 50 states. Keep searching, Ambo!

 

[pippeyyy]

They also have a website set up for the occasion.

View attachment 5716048 View attachment 5716050
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These two dumbshits couldn't even write a wedding website. No detail about why they're getting married or connection they have. Just random sentences that have no feeling behind them. This wedding will totally work out.

 

[TardiX]

These two dumbshits couldn't even write a wedding website. No detail about why they're getting married or connection they have. Just random sentences that have no feeling behind them. This wedding will totally work out.

I learned more about Florida than their relationship.

Anyway, the porcine princess posted. I'm a dumbfuck who can't archive.

Spoiler: Link

https://youtu.be/5hmRvfJFtxY?feature=shared

(Haven't watched) Apparently she already had Valentine's day, and nobody will be able to tell this was filmed the same day as the last one with the same shirt and her three strands of hair tossed to the side because she took out her earreens.

 

[maybe a pigeon]

Now that she's past middle age (deathfat wise), and well into her 'grown-up' years, who would want to be mommy-lover to a smothering, controlling, petulent toddler who demands 24/7 attention and has to get her way 100% of the time?

Melania Trump?

 

[FarmVille]

We met as many people do our age, and of course it was tinder! We officially met for our first date and we went to cheddars for dinner to then sit in the parking lot and people watch most of the night. It was definitely a memorable first date for the both of us, and after that we became inseparable! We cant wait to share a special moment for us with all of you!

Makes sense amber thinks she’s a brilliant writer gorl if her comparisons are this and fellow strip mall for profit students

 

[Even more 8008135]

This wedding will totally work out.

I give the likelihood of this wedding actually happening the same odds as the previous one.

 

[Bibbity Bobbity]

There's a reason they all talked about Jade as if she was some kind of genius supermodel even tho she was obese herself with clearly a lot of baggage and present day problems.

Jade had something none of them did, or could dream of accomplishing: a college degree. (That is, if LinkedIn is to be believed.)

Imagine Amber or any of her barely sentient friends concentrating on ONE thing for four years. Having the ability to tolerate delayed gratification of any kind.

I don't even think it's so much about money for tuition or brain cells. They all seem to be wired for instant gratification, with no thought for anything beyond *right now*. Could be a by-product of growing up poor, with few stable role models.

 

[Ben Lurkin']

Income & Lifestyle: Her income is significantly lower than it was in previous years, yet Amber is still as materialistic and stupid with money as she's ever been. Amber will push to become joint on her partner's account like she did with Destiny, Becky, and maybe Krystle (I think Jade was the only one to reject this), while keeping her own account just for her. Then she'll spend all of the money in the joint account because "what's hers is mine and what's mine is hers".

This is one of the more malevolent "tricks" Hamber repeatedly played on her more slow-in-'da-minded gal pals.

"Destiny and Lexus"

Never change, American white trash.

I just want to know where I can buy the new 2024 Lexus Dodge Destiny Dooley...

 

[goodgrief]

Gorlie pop has a Valentine who bought her an expensive laygo set. This Valentine gworl is her best friend in the whooole world but they're also cRuSHiNg on each other. Y'all WISH you could be as socially intelligent as Grizzlynn. She has known her bestest friend ever.... since September. 5 months is normal people's 5 years. Bearlynn just has advanced social skills.

 

[Constellationzero]

These two dumbshits couldn't even write a wedding website. No detail about why they're getting married or connection they have. Just random sentences that have no feeling behind them. This wedding will totally work out.

Plus... Just go to the fucking courthouse, get the license and get married.
The website screams gibs.
These clowns want a WEDDING and not a MARRIAGE.