think she doesnt want it but does want it. Its an easy out, but shes really scared about 1. Dying on the table. I think she knows theres a good chance shes not gonna wake up and she cant handle that. 2. Shes not gonna get the ass pats and rooms of people giving her a giant round of applause for losing it the good old fashioned hard way. She wants praise more than she wants to be thin so she settles on a fat fetishist weirdo.
I think it's as simple as she has the mindset of every other addict in active addiction: They enjoy the benefits of their DoC, but want to avoid the horrible consequences it's causing them. They get caught in these thought loops where they think that they are this unique and special individual, and can find that "sweet spot" so they don't have to stop using (doesn't that sound a lot like Amber's "Queen of Moderation" syndrome?) Amber enjoys her horrific eating for distraction and to affect her mood (and having everyone constantly think/worry about her and give her attention like a little child), but doesn't like the consequences it causes (constant pain, frequent cellulitis, complete helplessness when she can't find someone to tend to her, etc). She's been spending her entire YouTube career in that addictive mindset, thinking that with the *right diet* she can cheat and trick her body into weight loss while continuing to use as much as she wants. And either her addict/"lizard" brain, or her shocking subpar intellect combined with her massive ego, is preventing her from realizing that this is basic cause and effect: She *CAN'T* endulge the way she wants without getting the results she's been getting. Oh, but don't worry; she's told us multiple times that she won't ever give up trying!
It's just that she also has such a disturbingly lacking sense of self that she mindlessly absorbs her partner's thoughts as her own. So now that this new one wants Amber to be a gluttonous pig, she's convinced Amber to see this as this is a "Lifestyle" that needs to be accepted and embraced rather than changed because it's destructive. Although I'm sure she's currently enjoying this, I don't believe that she mindfully selected a feeder just so she could embrace this; she chose Slommus because NO ONE ELSE WANTED HER.
I had my lovely Borg Queen quickly fire up a modified transwarp conduit for me so I could take little peek at alternate timelines for Amber: In the timeline where Erica leaves Brittney to go live with Amber, she's currently back to her early Jade era Fall 2021 shenanigans. She's pretending to get her shit together and vlogging while being relatively clean, no ozempic because she's slowly losing a bit of weight on her own and doing the damn thing, showing herself leaving the apartment now and then, etc. The only difference is that she's vlogging about "prioritizing PROTEEEENS" while sprinking in random cross fit lingo instead of doing that stupid coffee bullshit she was playing at.... Well, at least for a few months until Amber's certain Erica's good and stuck - then she parks she shelf on the couch with a poop-bun and constant doordash. (Yes, I'm being silly right now, but deep down you KNOW I'm speaking the truth here).
I want this bitch to get some tough love for the first time in her fat life. I want to see how much of a binge eating disorder she actually asked. Will she suck down a 5 pound bag of flour raw? Or maybe breakdown and eat a wax melt?
I can help you with this one. The answer to all of those is NO. Two examples in her vlogs prove this:
- Back in 2018-ish, Ambo had this Gigantic glass cookie jar that she was storing all of her protein bars in. We saw it on the counter for months. One day she decided to sort through them (for filler content) and found that all but 2 were expired. Those things are pretty sweet tasting and so easy to polish off (other than being kinda dry)... but they weren't as tasty as her Reeee-seees cups and Ben and Jerry's ice cream with full-fat MELK, so they sat there uneaten. I know what you're thinking "that doesn't count; she had other things to eat". Well....
- In early 2020, Becky was too zonked out to drive and Amber was subsisting on Hello Fresh/Freshly (I get those two products mixed up; she ate the one where it's a premade TV dinner in a plastic tray that you just heat up). There was a dollar store just down the street from the gaycare that she could have easily waddled to in order to get mountains of giant frozen eggrolls, chips, ramen, instant rice, cookies, candy and chocolate (all of her favourites). She could have had 5 times the amount of those TV dinners delivered to her so she could binge to her (enlarged) heart's delight. She could have gone digging through Eric and Rickie's food. These are all things a binger would do... but instead she sat there miserable while her weight fell to the 480s or 490s within like, TWO MONTHS. By spring Becky was able to drive again and coincidentally Amber's weight rocketed back up (and her weight was steadily increasing BEFORE her cancer dx, so it wasn't her cancer causing her weight loss).