While I'm working on the UrbanSPOOK thread should I call UrbanSPOOK's haters detractors?
May be the most official way to say it. Either way people will know what you are talking about.
Dedicated to
@Doctor of Autism, who warned us yet we didn't listen.
Fuck it, we ball. Is as good of a time as any to make fun of the DC Analog horror guy. I already made fun of the Batman part in particular and of a guy that made a video essay about it but we get to be meaner today.
To spoil this concept, is basically what would happen if Zack Snyder decided to adapt comics made by Scott Snyder and had no budget. The titular Batman of this story is one spiked visor away from being the Batman Who Laughs, every DC hero is a malignant or apathetic sociopath while the villains are even edgier. I want to remind people that this is supposed to be a good example of analog horror.
Every video so far is set up in the 60s, yet they use shitty video filters associated with VHS (the kind you expect from TikTok) a format that is a decade away in universe from existing and lists stuff as .MOV files, a format that doesn't show until the fucking nineties. Shit like this is what I meant when I wrote not understanding analogue media is kind of the point of analog horror.
Getting into actually making fun of the story, we start at The Bat Incident (1959), which is no longer canonical and I want to assume it isn't because it shows the creator has the writing prowess of a Year 4 student.
I'm not sure if left is supposed to be that Batman had been hidden from the sunlight, read underground in a very wonky way, or if he literally left the planet. Right was actually discussed here before. ESL or just illiteracy? You decide.
Second instalment, JimGordonAudioLoglive.mp4 (1960) *CORUPTED*, is basically the Bat Incident but dropping lore about how Supes and Flash are also bad now. The title makes no sense, has no relation to what happens in the video and the orthographic error isn't mine. GCPD Instructional Presentation 1 (1962) is just the cop video from the Mandela Catalogue.
Reminder, there are zoomers who say this is terrifying.
The Truth (1962) is just reiteration of Bruce Wayne being Batman, this time including an audio admission by Batsy who I assume uses a chain smoker Darth Vader voice filter to hide his identity in this universe.
Holy mother of ESL Batman!
So Names (1962) is when this truly became retarded. From this point (at least explicitly) our POV is Tim Drake, who treats VHS tapes like diaries and snuck into Wayne Manor to investigate. He knows he shouldn't be there, admits so, yet documents he was there. Genius.
So Bats is there and many members of the Bat Family too, except they cry blood or some other gay shit. They let Tim walk and then this happens.
Why? Why would they want to cover it up if the chiefs daughter is one of the missing? Why? For what reason Jim Gordon would want to hide Barbara is missing and presumably is in cahoots with Batsy. The police is telling people Bats is dead and crime comes back up.
Then Tim announces his plans to skip town.
Comedy gold.
Who the fuck makes these tapes? This one has effects that either someone has access to in the early 60's or someone bothered to edit into 60's tapes and it ends with this spoopy warning.
So the video right after this one is from the perspective of Jason Todd, despite the fact he was also a prisoner of Bats. He tells us his life story, that he is fatherless and his mum was a druggie so he had to resort to stealing "car parts and wheels" to provide for them. Something I haven't bitched about yet is how despite it being the 60's normal people can take photos of random stuff that just happens to be important for the story, y'know, like if you had a smartphone in modern day. I know that the DC Universe is slightly more advanced because of heroes sharing their patents but yeah, probably it was a teenager being too retarded to imagine a world where people can't conveniently take photos or communicate over long distances.
This right here is the convoluted writing of an inexperienced novice. Your character knows too much to know too little. Batsy pumps Robins with this shit while Catwoman watches. Before pumping Jason, Batsy STARTS MONOLOGUING about how Alfred died and that turned him for the worst. That's the reason Bats is the way he is in this universe. So Jason calls him out, Bats uses the fear toxin (which Jason also knows about for some reason), Jason escapes.
Blud, just tell me a DC intern was asked to make this while on lunch break and this is Warner's attempt at reaching a younger audience. The cops asked this teenager to draw and he gives them his portfolio.
ALTERNATE BATMAN
