“Animorphs” Movie in the Works - Can’t be any worse than the Nickelodeon show

horrorfan89 said:
How many graves is Hollywood gonna dig up for material? They've pretty much exhumed the whole cemetery at this point. The only ones left untouched are Jaws, Back to the future, and Citizen Kane.


and oh god i just gave them ideas didn't I?!
Click to expand...
I’d take a BttF sequel if it was this.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Peepeepoopoo Witch, frozenrunner and Oats12345
A Widdle Woach said:
I wouldn’t say Tobias was gay for Jake, it was just that Jake was the only one who was even remotely kind to him so Tobias hung around like a lost puppy.
Tobias had a super shitty home life, no one even realized he’d gone ‘missing’ after being stuck as a hawk and the saving the world stuff ramped up.
Click to expand...
Come on now, I didn't just pull that out of my ass.
There is a significantly larger than nothing portion of the Animorphs fanbase (mostly yaoi fangirls) who even still to this day 'ship it' between Tobias and Jake, even if nothing but the first few books even hint at it..

I am happily not a part of them, but you'd have to be a fool to think that 'current day' Hollywood wouldn't lean into a bisexual love triangle between Jake, Rachel, and Tobias, (and yeah I know Jake and Rachel are cousins, doesn't matter to them) if for no other reason just to queer it up a bit...

You simply can not make the only white male of the group "the leader" in the current year. I think I saw somebody say Jake is Jewish... I don't remember that, but it's been a while... Maybe my memory is just shit...

Also of note. Jake had jungle fever for most of the series, with a chick who was functionally retarded, even though she was usually treated by the books like she was fucking Jesus or something. Maybe that's enough to make him ok in the progressive stack. Fuck if I know.
 
  • Late
  • Lunacy
Reactions: Peepeepoopoo Witch and frozenrunner
UnKillShredDur said:
You simply can not make the only white male of the group "the leader" in the current year. I think I saw somebody say Jake is Jewish... I don't remember that, but it's been a while... Maybe my memory is just shit...
Click to expand...
(((Jake Berenson)))
They'd have to play up that detail.

If not, then they're gonna make Cassie the leader, Jake her simp, Marco gay for Ax, Rachel an antifa and Tobias completely uncool and explicitly a VIRGIN whose crush on Rachel is played as "entitled manbaby nerd has to be punished for being a thirsty virgin white male nerd" and gets turned into a hawk as an eternal metaphorical punishment for wanting pussy.

David is the obligatory Elliot Rodger stand-in who creeps on Cassie, and part of his start of darkness involves getting cucked by Jake.
 
  • Thunk-Provoking
  • Horrifying
Reactions: Peepeepoopoo Witch and UnKillFill
Pinochet Was Right said:
(((Jake Berenson)))
Click to expand...
NGL, I don't remember any of the Animorph's last names at all. Even if I did, I wouldn't have known that 'Berenson' was an inherently Jewish surname. (I've literally never met anyone named Berenson) Google seems to agree with you though, so I won't press the point, but I still don't really think it changes what I said...

Regardless, don't most lefties these days... and I would definitely call both Applegate and Grant 'lefties'... consider Jews to be white anyway?

Cassie will be portrayed as literal Jesus. I suspect they won't actually change any of her many retarded takes from the books, but they'll still probably pretend like she was right all along, just like the did.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Peepeepoopoo Witch
Pinochet Was Right said:
David is the obligatory Elliot Rodger stand-in who creeps on Cassie, and part of his start of darkness involves getting cucked by Jake.
Click to expand...
I mean, David was already that anyway, just with Rachel. As I recall, he snuck into her house as a bug to watch her shower, “killled” Tobias just to show how much more “alpha” he was over her, tried to take command, tried to “outman” Jake, treated Marco and Ax like dumb henchmen, was super skeevy and actually sexist towards Cassie and Rachel(not tumblr sexist), and treated Tobias as less than human because “Rachel’s clearly into me and not some weak ass bird”.

David was already a piece of shit, they wouldn’t actually have to change anything about him.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Peepeepoopoo Witch
Implying they wouldn’t just turn David into the woobie because he had a shit home life.
he’d probably have a stupid forced redemption arc and the team would forgive him. God forbid we have actual villains and genuinely bad people in current year media.

The real question is how they would handle the alterna-morphs. That shit was fucked up even back in the 90’s. There’s no way they would actually show that, plus it would ‘ruin’ Jake as the golden boy leader of the group.
 
The part about Animorphs that really fucked me up as a kid was that every attempt to lighten the load on the characters was met with an almost overly cruel denial of assistance.

Android ally that's immune to assimilation because robot? Nah, the violence they have to cause traumatizes them and their implied extended life spans makes that a torturous existence for them.

An additional member of the team? A metaphorical, turned literal rat for frustratingly "human" reasons.

Add a member of the Good Guy alien race to your team? Basically the equivalent to a young child with very little experience or knowledge fighting the enemy that an experienced soldier from the same race would have easily had. But hey, you got to keep this one.

It was so exhausting that literally every time it seemed like the Animorphs could get ahead there was some equivalent to a vindictive fanfic writer magic-ing more bullshit victories for the enemy to have just to rub more salt in the wound. Time travel, ancient alien tech, assimilation of more dangers entities, etc. Nothing the 'morphs ever did was enough and I couldn't stomach the repeat failures anymore after Rachel died.

I don't remember how much of the series I enjoyed, but I had to tap out at some point. Dark and gritty is nice, especially for a series like this that had a lot of potential and proudly didn't shy away from some hard-hitting concepts. But man.

It hurt. Reading this stuff as a kid really fucking hurt.
 
  • Feels
  • Like
Reactions: Peepeepoopoo Witch, FAQnews Correspondent, Zero Day Defense and 2 others
SteelPlatedHeart said:
I mean, David was already that anyway, just with Rachel. As I recall, he snuck into her house as a bug to watch her shower, “killled” Tobias just to show how much more “alpha” he was over her, tried to take command, tried to “outman” Jake, treated Marco and Ax like dumb henchmen, was super skeevy and actually sexist towards Cassie and Rachel(not tumblr sexist), and treated Tobias as less than human because “Rachel’s clearly into me and not some weak ass bird”.

David was already a piece of shit, they wouldn’t actually have to change anything about him.
Click to expand...
It's not enough. He needs to attempt "mansplaining", be a conspiracy theorist and also rape Cassie.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Peepeepoopoo Witch
Captain Marvelous said:
Never read the books as a kid. Mind explaining?
Click to expand...
Cassie was a black kid and very opposed to fighting. Her parents were Veterinarians and low key kinda hippie-ish.
Cassie generally favored a grey wolf as her battle form and mostly stuck to biting and holding the enemy down rather than out right killing them or maiming them. She was very much a believer in ‘Can’t we just talk it out and get along’ over trying to eradicate the entire Yeerk race.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Peepeepoopoo Witch
Captain Marvelous said:
Never read the books as a kid. Mind explaining?
Click to expand...
Cassie had pretty much nothing but bad takes throughout the entirety of the series (They weren't usually presented as bad takes by the book, but they were). She was also a massive hypocrite, and was rarely if ever called out for it.

Also of note, she was the only main character who got a happy ending.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: Peepeepoopoo Witch
The others' last names were never revealed.

Cassie got to the point she was further driven away from Jake when she learned he flushed a Yeerk pool into space.

I'd just love to see the last books adapted to anything that moves.
 
Pinochet Was Right said:
The others' last names were never revealed.

Cassie got to the point she was further driven away from Jake when she learned he flushed a Yeerk pool into space.

I'd just love to see the last books adapted to anything that moves.
Click to expand...
I’m gonna nerd out a bit and I apologize.

It wasn’t that he flushed the Yeeks, that happened in the last book. It was a combination of massively blowing up the Yerk pool under the school using a bullet train crammed work explosives and Cassie letting Jake’s Yerk controlled brother escape with the morphing cube, letting their enemies be able to morph animals to fight them as well.

Jake was gonna kill his brother to stop them from gaining that power and Cassie attacked Jake to hold him off. All this eventually led to Rachel dying from going on a suicide mission to kill the brother anyway.
 
  • Like
  • Informative
Reactions: Peepeepoopoo Witch, Zero Day Defense, X-Shaped Weeaboo and 2 others
An Account said:
My only experience with this series is seeing the freaky covers at my elementary school’s book fairs. I had a massive phobia of aliens as a kid so seeing that blue skinned, slug-eyed fetish centaur with the fucked up face was like staring at my worst nightmare made manifest. Uugh.
Click to expand...
Ax basically turns into a combination of a pothead with a severe case of the munchies and the Cookie Monster around food, and they beat that dead horse as much as they could throughout the books. That was far more obnoxious than his appearance
 
An Account said:
My only experience with this series is seeing the freaky covers at my elementary school’s book fairs. I had a massive phobia of aliens as a kid so seeing that blue skinned, slug-eyed fetish centaur with the fucked up face was like staring at my worst nightmare made manifest. Uugh.
Click to expand...
The only book I remember reading is one where Rachel (I think?) morphs into a starfish, gets cut in half, and morphs back into two copies of herself, kind of like that episode of the original Star Trek.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Peepeepoopoo Witch
One thing I know wouldn’t fly in the movie would be the ending to the cow-centered book. It was ghost written by one of those “Murat is murder” vegan types and basically ended with the group decideonf to become vegans after morphing cows and getting trapped in a slaughterhouse. Applegate essentially said “fuck that shit” and changed the ending to where it plays out almost the same, but Marco gets a burger anyway, the others admonish him for it, but then he puts on a show about how good it is while the others watch and they eventually cave and go order their own burgers.
 
  • Winner
  • Like
Reactions: Lizard Machine Bugs, Peepeepoopoo Witch and UnKillFill
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back