Best of This is How You Don't Play's - What is the best TIHYDPs?

[Tear Grants]

Another great one.

Shows even more of his *bugged thinking mechanics*, blindness (there was a fan service pic on half of the screen and he completely missed it + he has info he's looking for right in the middle of the screen and he spends next minute bitching and looking for it), crying about game not explaining stuff (if you haven't played Disgaea, NPCs in your base have an option to explain every single service they offer).

Also he tried to rush through the game, which is not a good idea since it focuses a lot on grinding. This made him pour some salt later on but unfortunately he ragequit the game after chapter 5, before the harder maps would appear.

And the DSP tries it parts when Killia is eating are gold, good comedy in this one, made it a lot better.

 

[fartsnstuf]

Someone here already mentioned FIFA, but I think it's worth noting that his sports game coverage in general is absolute gold. Something about him is unable to comprehend that sometimes in team games a loss in inevitable.

This one's a personal favorite of mine just due to the raw anger he's able to output at a sports game. If you're impatient, I think everyone following Phil should at least watch the controller smash at 1:14:30

one of my all tine favorites, so much raw asshurt coming through to the TV and his camcorder, i love it

 

[Ubska]

Supremacy MMA was probably my favourite

 

[Sheryl Nome]

Another underrated TIHYDP that doesn't get mentioned that often:

I'm so glad this one was posted in this thread, its one of the most fascinating examples I've ever seen of Phil being absolutely bullheaded and retarded outside of the Black Mesa playthrough

But the most incredible moment in DSP for me would be his bossfight with Sundowner in revengeance, usually considered almost a joke boss by everyone else.

But Phil? Phil faces it as a Sisyphean task.

the rest of the playthrough is entertaining too, but holy shit this is an incredible 30 minutes of retardation

 

[Wurstbrot]

Just found the legendary TIHYDP of how Phil fucks up making Cup Noodles (btw, I love Cup Noodles. Best instant noodles I know).

tl;dw in order with some commentary because Phil is full of shit. I can't believe how someone is incapable of making Cup Noodles and can't get over the fact that the shrimp-noodles have no real shrimps in them.

Spoiler: Only Read If You Have Nothing Better To Do

- Video is half an hour long. For a product that is ready in about 5-10 minutes.
- Has a bad voice today so he wants some soup. Therefore Cup Noodles.
- Cup Noodles have a giant ad-space in FFXV and there is even a quest about Cup Noodles.
- They cost about 1000 gil which equals around $10. And it looks like in the game.
- In game it's "gourmet food".
- The "hilarious thing is" that it says Chicken-FLAVOR because it has no real chicken in it, but shrimp doesn't say so, so there should be shrimps in them
- Repeats that it costs 1000 gil, so about $10. But this "gourmet food" doesn't even cost $5. Not even $3. Lower. $1 each! ... wrong. 39 Cents, each!
- Puts this price into perspective with stuff you can't buy with 39 Cents, for some reason
- So it's popular with students who have no money
- BIG DISGUSTING SNORT

[5 minute mark]

- Gives opinions about the ingredients on the back. Example: "Chicken has a higher sodium percentage" (I also know a chicken with high sodium percentages).

- Fact-checked if chicken-noodles really have just chicken-flavor (but hasn't checked the shrimps if they contain real shrimps).
- Frees the noodle package from it's "cardboard container" and reads the instructions (he doesn't skip the tutorial, guys!)
(in short: Boiling water until it reaches the line, close the top as good as possible, wait, eat)

[7 minute mark]

- Doesn't bother to put down his camera so he needs to do everything with 1 hand.
- Claims he will use his coffee maker to insert boiling water. But he can't really control the amount, so first he fills a coffee mug with this hot water.
- Finally puts down his cam to remove the plastic.
- Is incapable of opening it with 2 hands so he removes it with a knife (still no editing).
- Wants to show us something but didn't clarify. So he just fingers on the cup for a while (I think he opens it).
- Holds camera in the Cup Noodles and makes fun of how "tasty it looks like" (yes you monkey, it's a not finished meal! They don't eat dry Cup Noodles in FFXV or real life).
- You can see a spoon on his left. Which is hopefully not for the noodles.
- Smells on the shrimp-noodles because smelling ingedients was always important for Phil ("Smells like sea food").
- Compares the size of the Cup Noodles with a "standard 16 ounce glass" - For whatever reason. Estimates how much bigger the noodles will be when they are ready - For whatever reason.
- Repeats the instructions from his head.
- Starts to open the chicken-noodles to show how it looks from the inside too.

[10 minute mark, still nothing happened]

- "You can't see the shrimps in the shrimp-noodles. They're not visible". Still opens the chicken-noodles, snorts and coughs.
- Compares the Cup Noodles by saying just ONE SENTENCE LATER: "The shrimps are brownish".
- Then says 1 sentence later he sees seasoning and carrots but no shrimps.
I think what he meant was: The inside of the shrimp-box is mostly brownish. Not the shrimps itself.
- In the chicken-box it's very yellow, okay? And the chicken smells like chicken.
- FINALLY prepares the water *SNOOORT* by "simulating making coffee".
- Can't for the love of fuck stabilize his camera. Always swings for- and backward like a gorilla in a big tire.
- Still no editing. Watching hot water flowing is so entertaining!
- In 12:12 he finally puts in some boiling hot water. With one hand. In a not stabilized light cup. Okay then!
- Pours everything next to it on his table because "this mug sucks"
- Pours in the water faster so it actually goes in. But it wasn't enough water so he has to make more...
Just a quick note: He could have prepared that hot water in advance. Or do some editing.
- He only made a mess because there was no other cup, the other ones are in the wash right now. See for yourself:

- Starts to dry his countertop without editing (reminder: this video is about making Cup Noodles)
- Repeats the process of "simulating coffee" and waits for the water
- Meanwhile he claims how the noodles absorbed the water and he can already smell the flavor (Science is impressed by this. Really?!)
- Still dries his countertop
- This time he puts the noodle cup on a "drying mat" which absorbs liquids, okay?
- Finally managed to fill the cup with water to the filling line (reached the 14:10 mark) but still made a little mess
- wow "Wooow, you see what happened? The noodles floated to the top"
- Brings the chicken-cup and ... oh no he needs to repeat to process of "simulating coffee". Pours in the rest of the hot water and then back to the coffee machine
- Mixes the noodles with the water with a big spoon - For some reason, even so this is absolutely unnecessary. They have enough space in between so water can reach every single noodle. He basically cuts some of the noodles which is its only effect.

[15 minute mark]

- The water is brown now and he can't see a single shrimp. Seriously he can't see any shrimp. Not a single shrimp in there. At all.
- Still stirs in the cup which hadn't have enough time to absorb the water so it's still a block of noodles but Phil doesn't stop! And he still sees not a single shrimp. By lifting the noodles out of the water he really doesn't help the process.
- He still doesn't fold down the top even so the instructions say so.
- Cup Noodles are full of crap because the advertisement says "With delicious giant juicy shrimp"

It was hard to read in the video because of his logo (I couldn't find the wording). So I searched for the exact same cardboard on Google. And nowhere is says "With Delicious Giant Juicy Shrimp". Nowhere. I have no idea why he thinks he read that.
PS: "Not a single shrimp"

- Finally lets the noodles soak in the water, but left the spoon in there and still hasn't folded down the top
- Fills the chicken-cup with water. Still made a mess. "It takes a standard-cup and a half". What the shit is a standard cup?!
- Starts to stir the shrimp-noodles again! STOP IT! JUST LET THEM BE! Nowhere in the instructions it says: Stir the noodles for an hour so you ruin them forever.
- There is still not a single shrimp in these noodles
- Maybe he finds some of them if he starts eating (because it's magic food?)
- Starts to stir the still full block of chicken-noodles instead of let them soften on their own.
- Jokes about what part of the chicken they made into flavor powder: Probably parts for the trash.
- Double Snort
- Is amazed by the amount of noodles in this tiny cup. They should have put more ingredients in there to be part of it. Like vegetables.
- Still ruins the noodles by stiring.
- Finally lets the poor chicken alone ..... And starts to stir the shrimps again, for "the final stir"!!!
- The shrimps look much better now *SNOOOOOOOOORT*
- Jokes about how it doesn't look like in FFXV and on the package itself. False advertising, guys and gals!
- Runs of to grap a napkin. Still no editing, btw.

[20 minute mark]

- Well, at least he managed to let them "sit" (with stiring) for 6 minutes and tries the shrimp-noodles.
- Takes a sip of the soup without the noodles *Disgustingly Loud Sip*
- Tastes like seasoned water. He's not even kidding you. It tastes like seasoned water and not like shrimp at all. Then takes another disgusting sip. Btw there is not even a small amount of shrimp, there are no shrimps.
(Just a reminder: He can't let go of the fact that the box doesn't say "Shrimp Flavored")
- Finally eats the noodles...
WITH A SPOON. The italian man eats noodles with only a spoon.
Bugged noodle mechanics! It's hard to eat them with a spoon!
He might need a fork! He can't eat them without a fork! No editing!
- Explains how he eats noodles with a fork like it's some kind of tutorial and a brand new revelation that you can lift long noodles better if you twirl the fork, which is something a spoon can't. Woooooow.
- DEVOUR. DEVOUR.
- Now that he has the fork he can go better through the noodles and can confirm that there is not a single shrimp. They totally lied. Completely false advertising (it never said "With Delicious Giant Juicy Shrimp", as a reminder from me)
- Takes his second fork of noodles and devours it like the pig he is
- There are good news and bad news. The GOOD news: It's not horrible. It's not "upsetting his stomach". Tastes pretty good. Tastes more like chemicals but this is what you should expect (is this still "good news"?).
- But the GOOD news is (what? More good news?) that it's helping his throat a lot *clears his throat* because it's warm.
Meanwhile: His camera movement makes me sea sick. He can't stand still.

[24 minute mark]

- Went to the chicken-noodles which have added ingredients NOT LIKE THESE PESKY SHRIMP NOODLES and the "flavor" is advertised!
- DEVOUR. DEVOUR.
- The chicken is way more salty than the shrimp
- So the data on the back are bullshit because they should only have a sodium difference of 1%. Phil's sense of taste is way more accurate than what the industry says, I guess?
- BUT is also has more flavor (on this point I can agree, the shrimp-noodles aren't as good as the chickens. In my opinion).
- Tastes the corn with the spoon and a disgusting sip
- Mmmmh. Mmmmh. Here is the thing: BLA.
tl;dr: Corn is good and adds great to the noodles.
- Final disgusting sounded taste of the noodles
- Shrimp-noodles are a one-trick-pony
- The chicken-noodles have only chicken flavor BUT it's also just advertised as that. And shrimp should have real shrimps. Blatant false advertisement!
- Noodles still don't look like in FFXV. "Now we know the true". These are the bottom of the barrel. Lowest, cheapest way to eat and unhealthy. But as a quick meal this is the way to do it *SNORT*
- His shrimp-noodles have still no shrimps in them
- His chicken had corn which made it better.

Shrimp Cup Noodles verdict: 1.5 / 5
It's not disgusting but he also don't want to eat a giant bowl of it (they come in the always same amount, Phil. You don't need to pretend this possibility could occur). Not bad tasting BUT it doesn't taste like shrimp and ~~~THERE IS NO SHRIMP IN IT~~~. It only gets a 1.5 because it's cheap.

Chicken Cup Noodle verdict: 2 / 5 (excuse me, what?)
Tastes better than the shrimp. No false advertising. It has corn. But is less healthy for you because it has more sodium in it (1%). If both noodles would cost $2 he would give them 0 points.

OKAY, let me jump in even more. I don't know how much they cost today in the USA (video is from 2016) but in Germany they cost 1,19 € (around 1,465 US-Dollar) which is quite costly for simple instant noodles. And they are still the best instant noodles I could find and I buy them again from time to time. Zero points my ass, mate.

- They're not terrible products. They're just bad products
- It's not okay to eat a false advertised product with missing ingredients just because you are poor. There is no need to taste the other flavors because you've seen the "both established products" (Since when are they the core products?).

- He don't recommend it unless you have no money or if you like Phil *SNORT* *CLEARS THROAT* *PUMPS THE SNOT* whos voice is really killing you and the throat is swollen, it's suitable for the throat
(what is this for a reason to buy food which is in fact unhealthy?! He should just buy honey BUT honey costs a little bit more money. The money-honey)

Month-Late-Edit: Fixed a lot of typos and grammar I missed.

 

[Haunter]

This is how you DON'T play Mario Kart 8 by BigShowRoolz
https://youtu.be/gbMyLxwBRQw

Given it's length, this isn't going to be for everyone. But it's the undisturbed unfolding of the video that wholly encapsulates Phil's personality: his abilities with video games, his reasoning, his folding at the slightest adversity.

Phil begins with the easiest set of tracks, 50cc. He's doing great. He's laughing. He's singing stupid songs. He's up against the perfect competition. Rivals that give the sign of pulling ahead, only for DSP to overcome the odds and triumphantly claim his 50cc victory. He loves Mario Kart 8.

Later, his friend John Rambo comes over to play co-op 100cc, the intermediate difficulty. Suddenly, Phil's character is glitched. The game is cheating against him. None of these things are happening to John on the other side of the screen. At medium difficulty the specter of challenge emerges, sending Phil into confused rage.

The next day. DSP is alone and again faces Mario Kart 8, this time at 150cc, the highest difficulty. In a perfect display of Phil's characteristic of applying others' contributions to himself, he explains to the camera, "Me and John beat 100cc". Phil has erased his previous stumbling and struts into 150cc believing he's earned what he has and deserves to be where he is.

Again, this TIHYDP is 2 hours long. But it's here at DSP's clueless dive into 150cc that everything comes together. At the easiest level he was singing. And now at the hardest, where he shouldn't be at all, it is nothing but floundering, stupefied rage.

 

[Endir]

TIHYDP of his latest San Andreas Playthrough.

 

[FallGout]

Mr. Gasmask makes some good ones.

 

[DiabeticSP]

TIHYDP of his latest San Andreas Playthrough.

I never realized just how unsettled GTA is entirely without music. I've literally never seen gameplay with the soundtrack muted like this.

 

[TheImportantFart]

The Arkham Knight TIHYDP was the first one I watched all the way through and it's still one of my favourites. The part which made me laugh hardest is when he's trying to take out one of the watchtowers and tries a go in all guns blazing approach, then fucks it up almost immediately by swooping down right into the path of one of the searchlights.

 

[Takayuki Yagami]

Since I’ve branched out from just Tekken as far as fighting games go, the Dragon Ball FighterZ TIHYDPs have been rather sanity rending for me. He’s supposed to be an old SF2/MvC vet, right? How does he not seem to get that you can’t crouch block an overhead? At least I had the excuse of coming from a game that has blocking work the exact opposite way from almost everything else in the genre.

 

[BrunoMattei]

Since I’ve branched out from just Tekken as far as fighting games go, the Dragon Ball FighterZ TIHYDPs have been rather sanity rending for me. He’s supposed to be an old SF2/MvC vet, right? How does he not seem to get that you can’t crouch block an overhead? At least I had the excuse of coming from a game that has blocking work the exact opposite way from almost everything else in the genre.

Not only that but he mained Wolverine/Hulk in MvC 1 and was fully aware of the bullshit Wolverine was capable of. For those who don't know, Wolverine was a rushdown monster in that game and could easily touch of death you.

He also used Magneto, Cable and someone else in Marvel 2 and Magneto is also a rushdown 50/50 reset monster. Not to mention that if Cable had enough meter he could easily end you with his beam and continously do beam super until your character dies.

I keep saying it but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he had early stages of Alzheimers. It's like he's forgotten everything. Stroke victims have better memory cohesion (or whatever the term is).

 

[Adamska]

I mostly just remember hearing Phil scream he's not doing anything, lying about audio desynch all the while to dismiss button mashing, as the game cheerily states the guy he's facing countered him in a button mash. I love when the game just states what he's lying about doing, it's probably one of the bigger reasons he cried like a baby and quit so early on.

 

[Done]

The Arkham Knight TIHYDP was the first one I watched all the way through and it's still one of my favourites. The part which made me laugh hardest is when he's trying to take out one of the watchtowers and tries a go in all guns blazing approach, then fucks it up almost immediately by swooping down right into the path of one of the searchlights.

I gave you a winner just because I imagined him failing a game I finished more than 3 times, but upon watching it, he actually exceeded my wildest imaginations. I am literally losing my sides as I type this because he fails at all the tutorials so far!

 

[Gorgar]

Personally, I found his Danganronpa 2 playthrough and both of his Left 4 Dead playthroughs absolutely hilarious.
Persona 3 FES was only good just for the ending of his playthrough, the rest is okay.
I would pay good money for him to play WarioWare Shake It.

 

[Takayuki Yagami]

Personally, I found his Danganronpa 2 playthrough and both of his Left 4 Dead playthroughs absolutely hilarious.
Persona 3 FES was only good just for the ending of his playthrough, the rest is okay.
I would pay good money for him to play WarioWare Shake It.

In regards to Left 4 Dead, I would love to see him try Vermintide 2. The sheer amount of times he’d blow himself up with the 2nd Dwarf character or any of the wizard subclasses would be magical.

 

[BrunoMattei]

 

[Preferred Penne]

I'm watching the TIHYDP of MLB '14: The Show and it's baffling how little he knows about baseball. He swings too early on everything, chases pitches that are at least a foot outside the strike zone, complains when he doesn't hit a home run or when a solid hit is caught ("This is the minors doood, you shouldn't be able to catch that shit, ack ack ack"), and thinks his .345 batting average is "horrible" and he's in a slump whenever he doesn't hit a home run in every game. Also, he's playing on Beginner, naturally.

 

[CausticMinory]

I must show shock that Phil the antithesis of patience, and hard work, thought it was a good idea to play a grind heavy game like Disgaea 5. Did he just see boobs and think "ACK ACK ACK it's got boobs and it's funny, good times for all"

 

[EddyB43]

I must show shock that Phil the antithesis of patience, and hard work, thought it was a good idea to play a grind heavy game like Disgaea 5. Did he just see boobs and think "ACK ACK ACK it's got boobs and it's funny, good times for all"

DSP did actually finish Disgaea 4, with a lot of off-camera grinding in his 2011 heyday. It still took him 146 videos and roughly 28 hours filmed, although the playlist does have the review as the final video.

I do remember for Disgaea 5 DSP was insistent he would finish the game, pointing out he was prepared to grind off-camera despite this being late 2015 & well into the 'I need to spend time with my girlfriend Leanna' era of Movie Night. He said he could just use his Vita to do remote play from the PS4 while he's downstairs on the couch. In the end despite these assurances it just disappeared in the 2015 'Hardcore Gaming Season' and eventually he even traded in his physical copy, I think when he went to get Star Fox Zero in April 2016.